Where the Yellow Blooms is the Space Between Safe

Wei-Wei: I came to Bangkok to disappear. Quietly. Somewhere no one knew about my past; somewhere I didn’t have to order coffee with a complimentary (judgmental) concerned look. The plan was simple: art school, new friends (maybe – I am still deciding if I can handle it), and healing. Lots and lots of healing. Quietly and peacefully, I might add. Here is what was NOT the plan: accidentally wander into the wrong audition and end up cast opposite the most intimidating (but handsome) man I have ever seen. That part was entirely Pim’s fault (AKA my awesome, now less awesome, cousin), which she denies. The incredibly intimidating, though gorgeous, man’s name is Prinya. He stared at me during the audition, which I did not sign up for, like I was a problem he hadn’t budgeted for. Which, I will grant him, he didn’t. Not even I did, and I budget very well. He brought me tea on the first day of filming and left it on the table like it was the most normal thing on earth. I thought about that for three days longer than I should have. I fell in love with him somewhere between tea and sunflowers. How did I, the most love-oblivious person to basically ever exist, figure this out? I painted him. Many times (like 17 times). And my brother told me I was in love with him. Then someone started watching me. Carefully and deliberately. And I did what I’ve always done when things feel too big – I went quiet. I pulled back and retreated into my quiet space where no one could hurt me. The night my new world broke apart, I was alone on my studio floor, managing the broken shards with some willpower and a hot glue gun. I thought alone was my only option. But then Prinya’s shadow reflected in those shards, and I realised: he never left. He never stopped leaving. Prinya: I was not looking for anything. He wandered into the wrong audition, visibly terrified and confused, and delivered a love confession I am still thinking about. I cast him. I told myself it was professional. He is the softest person I have ever met, but underneath the softness, there is a backbone of steel that never bends. I didn’t know what to do with that, but I was intrigued. I shut down for three years after Raveen left on a flight to Korea, leaving behind the words, "sometimes love just isn’t enough." I vowed never to fall again. Only martyrs fall in love. Yet, I left him tea. I told myself I didn’t know why. He tried to disappear. He tried to pull away, but I won’t let him. He set my heart beating again and brought colour back into my life. When he breaks, I’ll be there to catch him.