Later...
Alright, so I fell asleep again and couldn't continue the story. Let me pick up where I left off. Chris used Cry. Mother appeared. As she approached, she scooped me up and began inspecting me all over. I can't be a bride anymore—just kidding. She's probably checking to see if I dirtied my clothes. While she's doing that, I glare at the jug sitting on the drawer. This is all its fault.
After her thorough inspection, she sat down on the chair by the drawer, opened her blouse, and started breastfeeding me. I just stared at her, unsure how to react. Before I knew it, I was suckling contentedly. Ugh, I'll lock these memories away and throw away the key so I never have to relive these moments. Moving on...
Being a keeper was both good and bad for me. On one hand, I had nothing to do but wait for the opposing striker to come near the goal. On the other hand, it took them way too long, and I'd often end up lying on my back, taking a nap. It would've helped if they'd let me be captain, but did they listen? No! They just stuck me as the keeper every single time.
I get that I'm a good keeper, but would it kill them to let me play as a striker or defender once in a while? If I ever get back to Earth, I'm going to beat the crap out of them for telling me what I can or can't do.
Anyway, back to the present. Now that I'm here, I wonder what I should really do. Aside from meditating, crying, eating, sleeping, and soiling myself, what else is there? Probably nothing. So, I meditated. And meditated. And meditated some more, trying to clear my mind.
Well, it didn't work. Those yoga instructors and Buddhist monks lied to me, and I can't even go beat them up. Sigh. Look at what they've done—they've made me lose so much happiness. The more you sigh, the more happiness you lose. At least, that's how I remember the saying. If it's not accurate, deal with it.
The ongoing question in my mind since I arrived here is: How did I get here, and what kind of world is this? Is it an alternate version of Earth, or a completely different world with similar or dissimilar settings? Yes, I'll call them settings because this is my story, and I don't want to hear a word about technicalities.
For those wondering, I finally finished drinking milk and let go of my mother's breast as she closed her blouse and made herself decent. Is that the right way to phrase it? Meh, I've got a lifetime to figure it out. This time, I'm serious—last time, I just said it to distract myself from the fact that I was being breastfed.
As I'm pondering this, my mother starts talking to me. I have no idea what she's saying—it's all Shakespearean Dutch to me. For all you OCD maniacs out there, it's an expression, so get over it. Also, sorry, Chris—I forgot I'm an OCD maniac too. Moving on, if you can't understand sayings or expressions,, get a teacher because I'm not here to explain them. Ahem. I hope the publishers here don't ban this kind of thing, or I'll have to rewrite my life story.
Now that I think about it, I don't know anyone's name. Being a baby is hard. Whoever said it's easy must've suffered a serious head injury. Anyway, I'm floating now—well, being carried out of my room. My heart's racing, and I hope we reach outside soon because I can't handle this excitement.
Finally, we're outside, and my mother says something again. It's like she's saying, "Son, everything the light touches is ours—so it's yours too." Wow, my very own world. I'm so happy I feel like crying. Wait... I am crying. What the heck happened while I was in la-la land? Let's see...
Accursed jug, you did it again! Damn you and your potter family. I'll make sure they don't see the light of day again—or, more accurately, I'll make sure they're in pieces. Wait, how do I threaten a jug? It's already pottery, and its family is in pieces. Hmm, I'll sleep on it, and maybe the answer will come to me. I just hope it arrives at the right address.
Yes, I know the actual meaning of the saying, but this version works better as comic relief. So, that's that.
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Mother used Rocking. Critical Hit.
Chris used Yawn. zzz.
I guess I should probably go to sleep and think about this world again later.
Chris hurt himself. It's super effective.
Chris fell asleep... zzz.
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