I look up from my desk, my hand tapping away at the wood as my ears pick up the disturbance ahead of my eyes. The frown on my face quickly falls apart into a glare as I take in the sight. Two figures, one largely unknown to me and one I... One I... A left-behind figure.
Nin.
He's currently on a nearby rooftop with some girl- woman, her power such a potent, vibrant, free-flowing sapphire glow. He's with someone. Someone far better than me in all the ways that matter. I aban- No. I did what any aelenvari is expected to do. I left behind the Gilded-Bark for him, I can leave him behind, too. This is normal. This is the standard I was raised with...
So... "Why does it bother me so much?"
I left him to be with someone stronger, Seigunfrei is so much more stronger than Nin ever will be. His control over his external-magic is masterful for his age, and his internal-magic is immense! As what anyone can expect of a true wind-person, a member of Exceptional House as they call it up here. I found someone else, and he did, too...
Her glow is so much more intense than mine, reflecting what Seigunfrei is for him. Even greater than his, actually, so much greater than him, myself and Einervaene. And I can't figure out why it bothers me. I was already lucky enough to have Nin as my love, however short a period it was... And now I'm even luckier and... And he is, too. I left him, and he replaced me as I replaced him.
I have given up on Nin, as he has given up on me, if he ever cared at all. He's not strong enough, nowhere near strong enough in a place like this. As such, another has caught my eye, and Seigunfrei has proven himself far superior. Not just in power, but affection, too! Unlike Nin, he actually is responsive to my love. He kisses me, holds me, and nurtures me while Nin just... Tolerated me, kept me at arm's length so much.
Seigunfrei has just as a whole shown himself to be better suited for being a future father! I mean, it's obvious, too. He's gorgeous. Potent. Respected and loved by his peers. He brings social power as well as physical power and... And...
Our son would be strong, a healthy boy that lacks the impurities my blood might have given him alone and... And the father would be human. Not an osibindah... A monster. A freak. He'd be human...
A human who has not been before the gods and goddesses high above us and earned the respect of a Valkinvar-
"NINNO! NO! LIKE THIS!" joyously cries out that sapphire-aura'd woman as her magic fills the air, blinding me as much as it helps me see. I snap my eyes away, the sudden loudness of her voice only briefly bringing my eyes back to their general direction. But it's only sand on a foundation that needs bricks to keep my attention. Not that it matters anyway. The pair have disappeared, gone off. They're not my problem at all.
A growl far too gentle for my feelings rumbles out of me, and I snap my curtains shut. Blinding me to the outside world and their distance, increasingly ember-like glows. I rise to my points, crossing my arms with a sharp huff. A blink overtakes me, and I relax from my posture as I recognise the emotions to it... Protective. I'm being protective over...
I storm out of my room, not going down the main flight of stairs or towards one of the lesser ones. I go straight for the room that Nin had left through earlier with that woman. The ruckus they had made was nothing but loud and- The roof thunders as Nin's disgusting, parasite feet land on it, barely dulled by the construction of the building itself.
A sneer comes to my face and I try to go elsewhere, but I'm not quick enough about it. The room lights up with the power of that woman with the sapphire-aura. My tail reacts aggressively as I feel a sudden hand going near it, and the woman dances on past me. She directs a wave my way as I get caught trying to follow her momentum, and she's gone before I can quite find my pointed-footing.
Heavier footsteps come on in and I tense up harshly, the chitters already making the obvious even clearer...
"Hello, Rose... How have you been?" Nin asks me with a surprisingly soft and nervous voice, and my chest tightens up. After everything I did, he still manages to- I don't look his way, and I don't scoff at his pathetic state either... I just hide my frown, my features and all of it, keeping my back towards him while clutching my tail and fiddling with it. A nervous habit I've not done since I was very young and... I finally find the courage to speak.
"I've been fine, I am just going somewhere." I tell him, forcing my mind to become full of thoughts relating to and regarding Seigunfrei. I should just go to him and spend the night with him at his dorm building on Exceptional House's grounds. Hopefully, that will reaffirm my thoughts, being so close to the one who now holds my heart...? Get them both, mind and soul, to focus solely on the one who is better and not on the weakling behind me.
"W-Where are you going?" he then asks, moving closer slightly, and it only annoys me, making my grip tighten painfully on my sensitive appendage. I slip my tail out of my grip and take a half-step forward and away from him. From Nin. Away from Nin.
Why does he care? He isn't my love. He has no right to know. Yes... He has no right!
"It simply doesn't concern you." I sternly state, almost barking the words as I begin to walk away.
"If you don't want me coming along, that is fine... But I just asked you where you were going, Rose... You've been distant lately..." he lets out so very, very sweet and quiet... Calling me Rose... So close to calling me 'Rose-sweerui' like he should be doing- A slight whimper to his voice as he likely thinks of the old me. The me he knows so well, even when it frustrated him.
The me he came to when he came back from the Orbital-Halo, changed and reborn because the Equilibrium granted him that right. Nin... My love... He impressed the God of gods... While dead and was rewarded with freedom from death. He was thinking of the me who comforted him in the valleys of this land, the valleys of south-western Jherikra. The one who curled up beside him in the hidden groves up in the mountains as we travelled here.
He's thinking of the old me, the one who helped soothe his fears and calm his heart and...
A sharp breath enters me, a harsh gulp bloating my throat as my eyes sting and I spit my words, "And I have been distant for a good reason, osibindah."
I hurry off as quickly as I can, not daring to wipe my eyes until I have the quiet of the hallway surrounding me. The sudden flare-up of anger comes and goes as I find myself so very confused. These tears I almost clawed away from my face have no right to be here! Or... Or do they?
He's an osibindah, after all. I'm just scared... Being scared of an osibindah is the right thing to do, the normal and the smart thing to do. Especially an osibindah of power and... And character like him. An osibindah who has saved my life on so many occasions in such a short period of time and has done so much more than anyone else for my sake.
He fed me the cooking of a goddess... He's protected me since I left my flower and my life as an ivy-mother behind... He's done so much for me and... We climbed this mountain together. Saw Jhroungijherammujhernosumonaterikra together for the first time on a view he alone climbed. We're both here on this mountain because he climbed an impossible mountain to get us here.
He's nothing more than an osibindah, yes... Nothing more. An osibindah who has been willing to get shot at, repeatedly. He nearly died to make sure my most important stuff could be retrieved from Suhurlodst.
Stuff that is now securely stored away in my room...
"Dammit!" I flash through my true-voice as my grip finds something to tighten and whiten over.
There is no reason for me to be thinking of him, at all. He is weak! I've no reason to care! None at all...!
"S-So why won't he get out of my head...!?" I whimper to myself as I sob in the peace and quiet of where I am. I wipe my eyes clean and stare at my palms as the water travelling along mutes and dulls the flow of my magic in my vision.
My hands become fists, and one ripples, overflowing with spellpower, and I slam it against the wall beside me. Not a scratch, dent, or anything of the sort... Just a dull throb of pain as I whip my hand clear of the initial trauma. The swelling and the darkening of the bruise already happening so very quickly.
Of course... Of course.
"I'm not strong enough to do so. My magic isn't potent enough to affect items so pure in magic as a wind-person-made building." I murmur to myself, putting my thoughts on something else. Something neutral, something true and firm.
Items like these were rarities, luxuries in my life as an ivy-mother to my Ahnelges flower. We aelenvari rarely went up into the cities of the wind-people as is. Let alone as a flower. The only ones who commonly went and go to them are those who leave and set out on their own if we... If we leave them.
And I left mine for him, for Nin... I can see all of this so much now because... Because I left to be with him.
The tears come back again, and I don't try to get rid of them this time.