Loki had been ready for some time. His ceremonial robes had been fitted perfectly, every fold sitting exactly where it was supposed to, the new ring resting proudly upon his finger. The three warriors had kept him occupied for most of the morning, filling the time with their usual noise and teasing until Loki finally found an excuse to escape them. He had wanted to see Eirlys. More than that, he wanted to be the first to see her in her wedding gown. He had imagined the moment several times, though he would never have admitted it. He wanted to see her expression when she saw him dressed for the ceremony, wanted to hear what she thought of his robes, perhaps even make some clever remark about how fortunate she was to be marrying him. But there was another reason he needed to speak with her. The kiss.
Three days had passed, and neither of them had properly addressed what had happened. Loki had spent those days pretending it did not bother him, pretending he could simply wait until she was ready to speak, he knew better. So he walked towards her chambers, rehearsing several possible ways of beginning the conversation. He never got the chance. As he approached the doors, he heard voices from inside. One belonged to Eirlys and the other belonged to Thor, Loki stopped. He should have turned around. Instead, he remained where he was.
Then Thor's words reached him. "Break this marriage off, Eirlys."
Loki went completely still as he listened as his brother asked her to choose him, promising to make her his queen. For a moment, Loki almost laughed. The absurdity of it was so perfect that it could have been one of his own schemes. Of course, Thor had come for her. And perhaps that was all it would take. Loki stared at the closed doors everyone chose Thor eventually. It had been that way for as long as he could remember. Thor was the son people trusted, the prince people followed, the man whose presence filled a room without him even trying. When given a choice between Thor and Loki, there was rarely any real choice at all.
Even when Loki tried to be clever enough, useful enough, impressive enough, there was always something about Thor that made people gravitate towards him. And now Thor was offering Eirlys a crown, a kingdom, a future, and Loki could not compete with that. Not when all he had was himself. His fingers curled slightly at his sides. He thought of Eirlys's kindness, the new ring she had given him, the way she had smiled when he showed her his ceremonial robes. He remembered the warmth in her eyes and the strange feeling that, perhaps for once, someone was looking at him without comparing him to his brother. He had allowed himself to believe that meant something. Perhaps it did or perhaps it did not.
His gaze lowered to the ring on his finger, he should leave. He should give her the freedom to choose without his presence influencing her. Yet his feet remained firmly planted. Because there was something different about Eirlys. For once, the answer did not seem obvious. She had not immediately chosen Thor or rejected Loki either. And that uncertainty frightened him more than a definite rejection ever could.
Because if she chose Thor, Loki would have his answer. But if she did not, then for the first time in his life, Loki would have to believe that someone had actually looked at both brothers and chosen him without being forced to. He took a slow breath. Then he remained outside the doors, listening to the silence that followed Thor's offer, waiting for Eirlys's answer.
Thor's offer left Eirlys more confused than anything he had said before. She had spent the past three days trying to understand his silence, trying to convince herself that whatever had happened between them could be pushed aside before the wedding. She had told herself that her uneasiness was nothing more than the ordinary fear of a bride standing on the edge of a life-changing moment. Yet now Thor was standing before her, asking her to abandon the marriage and choose him, and suddenly every doubt she had tried to bury had risen to the surface at once.
"Thor, you cannot ask me this now," she finally managed, her voice quieter than she intended.
"I know," he replied, and there was no anger in him this time. "But if I said nothing, I would regret it for the rest of my life."
Eirlys looked away from him. Her eyes fell upon the reflection in the mirror, upon the woman dressed in the gown that had been chosen with care by two families who had spent weeks preparing for this very day. The golden-red fabric, the jewels from Vanaheim, the ornaments Frigga had given her, all suddenly seemed impossibly heavy. Then Loki's face came to her mind, not the Loki everyone else knew. But the Loki who had stood on her balcony, proudly showing her the ceremonial robes he had chosen. The Loki who had looked almost boyishly pleased when she praised them. The Loki who had stared at the new ring she gave him as though such a simple gesture meant far more than it should have. She remembered how genuinely happy he had looked, without the usual clever smile or hidden intention behind his eyes.
And then she remembered the kiss. He had misunderstood the moment, but she knew he had not meant to hurt her. She had seen the confusion on his face immediately afterward. For three days, she had avoided him, leaving him without an explanation when he had deserved one. How could she now stand before him and tell him that she had changed her mind because his brother had finally decided to claim her?
The thought made her chest ache. Yet there was Thor. The man she had known for years. The man whose presence had always been familiar, whose friendship had gradually become something she could no longer easily name. He had told her that he loved her, and despite everything, some part of her had wanted to hear those words long before he had finally spoken them. That was what made this so cruel. If she had felt nothing for Thor, the answer would have been simple. If she had truly loved Loki without question, perhaps it would have been simple too. But she stood between two possibilities, neither of which she understood well enough to choose without hurting someone.
And there was more than just the two of them. Eirlys thought about her family, her younger brother, her parents. Frigga and Odin, the royal court and the guests who had travelled from Vanaheim and Asgard. The preparations that had filled the palace for days. The food, the decorations, the ceremonial arrangements, the vows that had already been prepared. If she refused now, everyone would know. It would not simply be a cancelled wedding. It would be a humiliation for both families, a public rejection of Loki before the entire kingdom and an insult to the alliance that the marriage represented. People would talk about it for years. They would wonder what had happened, who had betrayed whom, and why Eirlys had allowed everything to reach the very morning of the ceremony before destroying it.
She closed her eyes briefly. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.
Thor's expression softened, but he did not move closer. "I am not asking you to answer because I want to force you," he said. "I am asking because I cannot watch you marry him without knowing whether there was ever a chance for us."
Eirlys opened her eyes again, there it was, the answer she was expected to give. But there was no easy answer inside her. Her hand instinctively moved towards the ring on her finger, and for a moment she imagined Loki waiting somewhere beyond those doors, perhaps still believing that she would walk towards him when the ceremony began. The thought broke something inside her. She had never imagined that her wedding day would become a choice between two brothers. Now that choice was standing directly in front of her. And Eirlys had no idea which heart she was about to break.
Outside the doors, Loki had finally decided that he had heard enough. Whatever answer Eirlys gave Thor, he did not want to stand there and listen to it. He had already humiliated himself enough by lingering outside like a frightened boy waiting to discover whether someone would choose him. His first instinct was to turn around, walk back to the hall and pretend he had never come looking for her. If Eirlys chose Thor, then perhaps it was better that Loki heard it from everyone else later rather than from her own lips. He had barely turned when Eirlys spoke.
"I have already hurt Loki without trying, Thor." Her voice carried clearly through the doors. "He is the one caught between our crossfire, and it isn't fair to him."
Loki remained perfectly still, his hand falling slowly away from the door. Something about the way she said his name made him stay.
Eirlys took a breath before continuing. "You need to think about him too. He's still… well, not a child, obviously, but he is still a whole lot younger than us. He shouldn't have to pay for something that exists between you and me."
There was a pause.
"Eirlys," Thor said quietly, "I never wanted to hurt him."
"But you will if I accept this."
The words struck Loki harder than he expected. Inside the room, Eirlys looked at Thor with an expression that was no longer confused. The fear was still there, the uncertainty, the ache of everything that had happened between them, but something else had settled over it.
"I know what I feel for you matters," she said. "I would be lying if I said it didn't. But that doesn't mean I can simply throw everything away because you finally decided to tell me what you wanted."
Thor lowered his gaze. Eirlys looked towards the mirror, seeing herself dressed as a bride, and for the first time the gown did not feel like a burden. It felt like a decision.
"I cannot become your queen by making someone else feel like he was only ever the second choice," she continued. "Especially when that someone has done nothing to deserve it."
Outside the door, Loki felt something tighten painfully in his chest. He had spent years believing that if people were ever given the opportunity to choose between him and Thor, they would choose Thor without hesitation. He had accepted it as an unpleasant truth of his life. Thor was stronger, warmer, easier to love. Loki had learned to compensate for everything he lacked with intelligence, manipulation and carefully constructed confidence. Yet Eirlys had looked at him and seen something else. She had seen his hurt, and somehow, that had been enough.
Eirlys turned towards Thor again. "I don't want a crown badly enough to hurt the people who love me."
The words settled heavily between them. Thor's face fell, but he understood. Eirlys had made her choice. Not because Loki had won some competition, or Thor's feelings meant nothing, or not even because she had suddenly discovered that she could explain every emotion inside her heart. She chose Loki because when everything became complicated, when a crown, love and the expectations of two kingdoms were placed before her, the thought that hurt her most was the image of Loki standing alone, believing once again that he had been passed over for his brother. That was the moment Eirlys understood herself. She did not want to be anyone's queen if becoming one required her to destroy someone who trusted her. And outside the doors, Loki finally lowered his head, overwhelmed by the realization that for once, someone had chosen him without being asked to.