In between the big-ass tour I had with MTB after finally earning my freedom from the bar, and the shocking decision to accept Mom's offer to come to Okinawa, I hadn't had much sleep.
The tour started at fucking Matsumoto High. On the day of the school festival, after a whole day of Suzuki and Yamashita ordering me around for the maid café, I walked into the principal's office with Tetsu.
Cash on the table.
We made a simple deal: they'd clear a slot for my set, and the school would sign a contract not to disclose my identity.
Worth it for the looks on their faces. Especially Suzuki's.
After that came the real thing. First national tour. Nagano to Kyoto to Tokyo. Bigger crowds. More noise.
More people wanting a piece of Forsaken.
By the end of it, I was a zombie running on energy drinks and, discreetly, a line of coke each time I could slip into a toilet.
So when Mom asked me to come to Okinawa with her and Kaede, I almost said no out of habit.
Instead I said yes.
Still not sure why.
Now I was in a hotel room in Naha at 6:30 a.m.
Kaede was still asleep on the other bed, mouth slightly open. I grabbed clothes, took the key, and slipped out without waking her.
I went to the bathroom to change, then boarded the elevator to the ground floor.
Soon enough, the early sky greeted me. Still purple, a few stars hanging on. I lit a cigarette and let the first drag settle in my chest.
My mind drifted, uninvited.
I was supposed to meet Yamashita at the shrine today.
Funny how that worked out. Out of all the places we could've ended up for New Year's, our families somehow landed in the same city.
Strange coincidence.
But honestly? I didn't mind.
It was a good distraction from everything else.
From Kurumi leaving me on seen for hours before finally sending some dry-ass reply.
From Inazuki, where we weren't talking anymore, but somehow still kept watching each other's stories like neither of us knew how to let go properly.
She was in Osaka now, doing whatever modeling gig she could find.
I'm not dumb. I would've distanced myself too if I was her.
And yet, if she's trying to preserve her career so hard, why is she still watching my stories?
It made no sense.
And Suzuki?
I didn't really know what was going on with her anymore. We weren't talking much lately. I barely knew what was happening in her life.
Maybe that was for the best.
Sometimes I just wanted a break from all this bullshit.
No drama. No expectations.
Just one day where I could fucking breathe.
And that one day I'm going to spend with the one person who should've had the most reason to stay away.
I know how she feels about me. I can't answer her feelings.
Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
I took one last drag from my cigarette, crushed it against the ground, and headed back inside.
Gum. Perfume.
Hopefully enough to kill the smell.
I slipped back into the room without making a sound.
I got back into bed, but there was no chance I was actually sleeping. So I just lay there with my eyes closed, music playing quietly through my headphones, pretending for the next 15 minutes.
Then Kaede woke up.
"Good morning, Onii-chan," she mumbled, her voice still heavy with sleep.
I flinched.
How the fuck did she know I was awake?
I sat up, still wearing the clothes I'd gone outside in. Kaede rubbed her eyes and looked over at me.
"Good morning, Kaede," I replied flatly.
She blinked a few times.
Then her eyes dropped to my clothes.
"...Why are you still dressed?"
Of course.
"Went for a walk earlier," I said. "I needed to clear my head."
Kaede stared at me.
...
Yeah.
She didn't buy that for a second.
But instead of questioning me, she glanced down at herself.
Then back at me.
Then at the door.
"...Onii-chan," she said slowly, pointing at herself. "I'm still in my pajamas, you know?"
She pointed toward the door.
"And I'd kinda like to change, so... out."
I couldn't help but laugh.
I dragged my lazy ass off the bed and walked past her, stopping just long enough to ruffle her hair.
"I keep forgetting you're all grown up now, little lady."
Kaede's face immediately went bright red.
"O-Onii-chan!"
She shoved my hand away, then pointed at the door again, this time with considerably more urgency.
"Get out!"
"Yeah, yeah."
I stepped outside, still grinning.
Behind me, I heard her mutter something that sounded suspiciously like,
"Seriously... such an annoying brother..."
And then I was back in the living room.
I dropped onto the sofa and started scrolling through my phone, mostly just to keep myself from getting bored.
I don't know whatever the fuck possessed me to do it, but eventually I opened LINE.
She was online.
My fingers curled into fists.
Hard enough that my nails dug into my palms.
I opened our DM.
My eyes immediately went to the little seen mark.
Still there.
I stared at our messages for a while.
Then I started deleting them.
One by one.
I wasn't even sure why.
Maybe I just didn't want them sitting there anymore.
Maybe I wanted to pretend I didn't care.
Whatever.
A notification suddenly appeared.
Kurumi: Hey.
Why are you deleting your messages? 😶
...Of course she noticed.
Before I could even decide whether to answer, I heard a door open behind me.
Mom stepped out of her room, still looking half-asleep.
"Good morning, Takumi..."
Her voice trailed off.
Her eyes settled on me properly.
She paused.
"Are you okay?" she asked, her expression changing. "You look... kind of pale."
I looked back down at my phone.
"I'm fine."
Yeah.
I probably didn't look fine.
Whatever.
I decided the best thing I could do was ignore the message.
I had the upper hand now. Might as well let her have a taste of her own medicine.
Petty?
Yeah.
Did I care?
Not really.
I slipped my phone into my pocket and finally looked Mom properly in the eye.
"Good morning, Mom. You look good this morning," I said flatly.
I didn't even believe myself.
But whatever. Anything went.
Mom blinked.
She stared at me for a second, clearly trying to figure out what the fuck did just happen.
"Oh... um, thank you, Takumi," she said, sounding genuinely stunned.
...Yeah.
Smooth.
"I'm just going to make some breakfast," she said, giving me a small, almost apologetic smile. "Is Kaede awake yet?"
"She's changing in the room."
"Oh, good. So you're both up already." She glanced toward the door before giving a soft little nod. "I'll get started, then. You two must be hungry."
Honestly, talking to her like this was weird.
I couldn't remember a single time when talking to Mom hadn't felt like talking to the Ice Queen herself.
Before all of this, anyway.
I didn't say anything.
No point digging up graves.
Not yet.
Before long, Kaede came out of the room as Mom finished warming up the osechi, the sweet and savory smell already filling the room.
"Morning, Mom!" Kaede called, still sounding a little sleepy.
"Good morning, Kaede. Come sit down. Breakfast will be ready in a minute," Mom said, giving her a small smile.
"Yes, ma'am~"
Kaede gave her an exaggerated little salute before dropping into the seat beside me.
Then she stuck her tongue out at me.
I stared at her.
"Really?"
She grinned.
"What?"
Without warning, I pulled her closer and planted a quick kiss on the top of her head.
Kaede froze.
Then she immediately started squirming, lightly smacking my shoulder.
"O-Onii-chan! That was so sudden!" she protested, her face turning pink.
I laughed and ruffled her hair.
"What? You survived."
"That's not the point!"
She tried fixing her hair, glaring at me while I just grinned.
Then, without warning, she reached up and cupped my cheek, giving it a light squeeze.
"You're such a meanie!" she declared, puffing out her cheeks as she pulled her hand back and crossed her arms.
I blinked.
That felt… nice.
"…Did you seriously just do that?"
"Yep."
She turned her head away, looking far too pleased with herself.
I stared at her for a second.
Then I laughed.
"You're such a brat."
"Hehe. Serves you right."
I couldn't help smiling.
Yeah...
I missed this.
Then Kaede went to help Mom finish setting the table, and before long, three bowls of osechi were sitting in front of us.
"Itadakimasu," the three of us said almost in unison before digging in.
The taste of Mom's osechi brought back memories.
Quieter New Years.
Just the three of us.
Back before everything went to shit.
I don't know what kind of face I was making, but Mom was watching me with concern.
"…Do you not like it, Takumi?" she asked quietly, almost as if she was afraid of what my answer might be.
"Nah. It's not that."
I took another bite.
"Actually, it's really good. Just…"
I paused, staring down at the food.
"Guess I'm feeling nostalgic. Tastes like better days."
Mom's expression softened, and for a moment, she just looked down at her own bowl.
"I see…" she murmured, a faint smile touching her lips. "I'm glad it still tastes the same, then."
She paused, her chopsticks hovering over the osechi.
"Maybe we can have more days like those again."
Kaede, of course, couldn't resist jumping into the conversation like the little gremlin she was.
"Mom, Onii-chan's, like, an international star now," she said with a giggle. "He's eaten Korean food with Daeun in Seoul and everything! There are literally pictures of it all over their Instagram!"
"Yeah, I loved Korean BBQ. The flavor was fucking amazing. Ten out of ten."
That seemed to save me.
I started telling them about Seoul—the food, the streets, the crowds, the weird little things I'd noticed while I was there. Kaede listened with shiny eyes, interrupting every few minutes with another question, while Mom seemed genuinely interested, occasionally asking about the places I'd visited.
Eventually, the conversation moved on.
Mom started talking about how exhausting her job had been lately. Kaede complained about school, her classmates, and some teacher she apparently hated with the passion of a thousand suns.
I mostly listened.
It was probably the most we'd talked in years.
And somehow, it didn't feel forced.
By the time we finished breakfast and headed toward the shrine, both Mom and Kaede had changed into yukata.
Mom's was simple and elegant—a pale cream fabric with subtle blue patterns running through it, tied together with a muted obi. Nothing flashy. Just very... Mom.
Kaede's was the complete opposite.
Her yukata was a brighter pink with little white and yellow flowers scattered across it, the obi tied in a neat bow behind her. She'd spent way too much time fixing her hair to match it, too.
She caught me looking.
"What?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing."
"You were staring."
"Wasn't."
"Were too."
I turned toward her with a groan.
"Fine. You look good in that yukata."
Kaede blinked, clearly not expecting me to actually admit it.
Then that smug little grin slowly spread across her face.
"Thanks, Onii-chan~," she purred, looking way too pleased with herself.
She gave me another once-over.
"You look pretty good in that kimono too."
I glanced down at myself.
It wasn't anything fancy. A dark charcoal kimono with a subtle pattern, paired with a simple black haori. I'd picked it because it was comfortable, understated, and, most importantly, didn't make me look like I was trying too hard.
"Yeah. It's basically the traditional Japanese equivalent of wearing black and calling it a day."
Kaede giggled.
"Of course you'd pick something boring."
"And yet you said I look good."
"I said pretty good."
"Whatever, brat."
She stuck her tongue out at me before walking ahead.
Naha was already alive despite the early hour. Warm sunlight spilled between the buildings, carrying the smell of incense, grilled food, and the faint saltiness of the nearby sea. The streets around the shrine were crowded with families dressed in their New Year's best, children dragging their parents along while vendors called out from small stalls.
As we approached the shrine grounds, the noise gradually softened beneath the red torii gates. The stone path was lined with lanterns, and the air carried that strange mixture of smoke, incense, and ocean breeze.
It felt peaceful.
Almost too peaceful.
Then I spotted a familiar face ahead.
Yamashita Rika.
She was standing beside her parents, dressed in a light-colored yukata of her own. The moment she noticed me, her expression brightened and she gave me a small, polite wave.
"Good morning, Shiba-kun," she greeted warmly. "I'm glad you made it. I hope you and your family had a pleasant morning."
"Morning, Yamashita."
I gave her a lazy wave back.
"Yeah. Had a pretty good breakfast."
Her smile grew slightly.
"I'm glad to hear that."
Meanwhile, Mom had already noticed Mrs. Yamashita.
"Oh, Hana-san," she said warmly, stepping forward.
"Good morning," Mrs. Yamashita replied with a gentle smile. "It's lovely to see you again."
The two of them exchanged a polite bow before immediately falling into conversation, as if they'd known each other for years rather than having met yesterday.
Kaede leaned toward me.
"They really do like each other, huh?"
"Looks like it."
I glanced between the two families.
Funny.
A few months ago, I would've never imagined starting the New Year like this.
And yet here I was.
The adults drifted a few steps ahead, already deep in conversation. Kaede trailed after them for a bit before getting distracted by a stall selling charms, which left Yamashita and me walking side by side along the stone path.
"So," I said, shoving my hands into the sleeves of the haori, "read anything good lately, Prez?"
She glanced at me, a little surprised I'd asked, then smiled.
"I finished a novel last week. It was about a woman who keeps writing letters she'll never send. It was… quiet. A bit sad. But I liked it." She tilted her head slightly. "What about you? Do you still read when you're on tour?"
"Sometimes. Mostly on trains. Keeps me from staring at the same four walls of a hotel room."
"That sounds lonely."
I shrugged. "Beats overthinking."
We walked a little further. The line for the main hall was moving slowly. Kids ran past us with ema plaques in their hands. The smell of incense hung in the air.
"How was the rest of the festival?" I asked. "After I left."
"We stayed for a couple more performances," she said. "You know, I was shocked... when we finally went back to the classroom… and everything was already cleaned."
"Yeah," I admitted. "I thought it's the least I could do after sneaking out like that. Suzuki was so shocked her brain did a 404 error."
I don't think I was that funny, but Yamashita laughed anyway.
After our laughter died down, she hesitated, then added quietly, "I… really liked your set."
I looked at her.
She kept her eyes on the path.
"I know you said you were just doing it for the school," she continued, "but it still meant something. At least to me. And thank you… for cleaning up. You really didn't have to."
I didn't really know what to say to that, so I just nodded.
When we reached the offering hall, we both tossed our coins in, bowed twice, clapped twice, and made our wishes in silence. I didn't pray for anything big. Just enough clarity to not completely screw the next year up. Beside me, Yamashita had her eyes closed, expression calm and focused.
Afterward we stepped aside to let the next people through.
"What did you wish for?" I asked before I could stop myself.
She opened her eyes and gave a small, almost mischievous smile.
"If I tell you, it won't come true."
"Fair."
Kaede eventually found us again, dragging Mom and Mrs. Yamashita with her. The two mothers decided we should all get something to eat before the crowds got worse. We ended up at a small place near the shrine that served soba and simple set meals. Nothing fancy, but the food was hot and the seats were open.
Conversation stayed light. Kaede talked too much. Mom and Mrs. Yamashita exchanged recipes and travel complaints. Yamashita and I mostly listened, occasionally trading a few quiet comments about the food or the noise outside.
At one point she asked, "Are you writing anything new?"
"Bits and pieces. Nothing finished."
"I'd like to hear it. When you're ready."
I glanced at her. She wasn't pushing. Just offering.
"…Yeah. Maybe."
By the time we finished eating, the sun was higher and the streets were properly packed. We stepped back outside, the two families lingering near the entrance.
"Thank you for today, Shiba-kun," Yamashita said, bowing slightly. "I'm really glad we could meet like this."
"Yeah. Me too."
She hesitated, then added, softer, "I hope the new year is kinder to you."
I looked at her for a second.
"You too, Yamashita."
We exchanged one last small wave before her family headed in the opposite direction. Kaede immediately started talking again, already planning what she wanted to do next. Mom walked beside me, quieter than usual, but not in the cold way she used to be.
I glanced back once.
Yamashita was already disappearing into the crowd with her parents.
I turned forward again and kept walking.
For now, that was enough.