I heard footsteps pacing back and forth around me as I slowly gained consciousness. I could hear more than one set. I could hear humming and someone sipping something from a glass. I could hear crickets not far from where I was sitting? I could also hear heavy breathing and distant howls like the one in the arena. I rolled my head for it was throbbing sitting on my shoulders. I could tell faintly I was in some kinda chair that wasn't entirely uncomfortable. My magic completely dormant unable to aid me until I could gain full consciousness.
"So she is awakening," I heard a distinct Japanese accent in a man's soft voice. I heard a giggle from what I thought was a little girl. All the different sounds made me very confused as to where I was. I tried opening my eyes, but they failed me at first before allowing me to blink continuously for a few minutes as a bright white light blinded my vision. It seemed like forever before my eyes slowly allowed me to look around the room and come into focus.
I saw a short Japanese man wearing a business suit in a dark blue tone with black shoes. He looked like a monk stuck in a suit. He was sitting at the edge of a dark red oak table that had a small child sipping from a teacup. This little girl was gorgeous. Seated next to the child was a dark-skinned woman who was still humming. The little girl continued drinking her tea and I noticed she played with a couple of dolls as she sat there. I also saw the two suited men standing in front of the metal door to the room we were in. As I looked around the room was completely concrete with no windows and only bright lights hanging down from the ceiling. The floor was stained red all over with only a few indicators to allow me to see concrete.
I came to realize they had placed something around my mouth keeping me from being able to speak. I felt my hands were tied to the chair I was sitting on as well as my feet to the bottom of it. I was fully restrained and had no way to break out of the chains holding me there. The tingle of magic tickled my skin as I felt it linger through the entire room infused with everything inside it. It was also holding myself restrained. My magic awakening as I breathed. I could feel a force field that was slowly coming into focus. The magic holding it around me to keep what's inside in and what's outside out. I could see an identical force field around the oak table. I could feel the magic coming from the dark skinned woman.
"Now then, why did you show us you have been keeping this gorgeous talent hidden for so long?" Asked the Japanese man in the blue suit who moved so he was standing directly in front of me. He pulled up two fingers and did a quick flick with them. As he did so the substance covering my mouth vanished into thin air. I didn't say a word for I wasn't sure what exactly was happening here. Would they kill me? Would they take my magic? Would they do both? Would they force me to become one of them? Why was there a child in here? So many questions started swirling about in my mind before the man cleared his throat bringing my attention back to him.
"Oh, so you have no idea what's going on here? Well then let me get informational with you sweet pea. I am Daku. I am the estates head of security you see. If you have found yourself with me then I might let you live if you give me good enough reason to. Now, I want you to know that the estate has been following you for some time. My Master has asked me to find what everything I can about you willingly and unwillingly." Daku continued with a bright smile. I could feel someone trying to reach into my mind and my memories. I followed the trail to the child in the room. I decided to scare her instead of allowing her to get caught in one of my mind traps. "BOO!" I screamed into her head and she screamed. I stayed sitting in her head waiting to see what will happen next.
"What's wrong Lillian?" Asked the Dark Skinned woman. The little girl began crying.
"She's in my head. Get me outta here," the little girl sobbed. One of the guards came and cradled her out the door. I let her mind go as soon as she left this room. Here's where I test my powers, I thought to myself.
"What did you do to my daughter?" Snarled Daku. I smirked.
"I simply scared her by allowing her to see me infiltrate her mind by saying boo. I then waited to see what she would do from there. I wasn't going to harm her," I told him the truth for I saw him visibly relax. The woman on completely on edge.
"How did she get through my fields?" Asked the woman dropping both of them realizing they are pointless. Standing next to Daku now. The tattoo starts to burn slightly again. Must be getting watched again. I felt the eyes. Daku slaps me across the face suddenly without any indication it would happen. I shriek startled by the sudden action. Rage starts to boil my blood on the inside of my body. I try to keep it calm, but I snap my head back and glare at them both. Something in my eyes terrified the woman for she ran out screaming. Daku standing against the wall paralyzed.
"You should not have touched me. I want answers." I snarled with a low wolven growl. I as I stand up from the chair the restraints from the magic fall off me like water on a leaf. I could feel my magic taking over my instincts and judgement. At the same moments you could hear commotion outside the metal door. It bursts open to reveal Vladimir panting.
"STOP!! I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING! STOP," Vladimir screamed with heavy breaths. Daku's attention turned to him. My attention heightened to everything around me. I watch as the dark skinned woman walked in behind him and a three lady running up beside them both also panting.
"Vlad, why?" Came Daku's question still pinned to the wall. I dropped him and crossed my arms. Staring directly at Vladimir to explain. I saw Lillian peaking from behind the dark skinned woman. A familiar entity waves at me catching my curiosity.
"Lillith?" Came my soft whisper. The little girl's scared demeanor suddenly changed to a cocky arms crossed one. Her eyes went from a light brown to a bright green. She steps out towards me.
"Took your ass long enough. Do you remember this place yet?" Lillith's voice had an icy over tone to the sweet child's voice from before. Hers was more aged and defined then the little girl's voice from before that was bouncy and light.
"What are you talking about?" I asked starting to have memories wrapped around Lillith coming into focus. The little girl grabbed Vladimir's hand and put it out to me as she had done once before to me in my memories. She nodded and I stepped forward willing my nails to sharpen and elongate. I cut his wrist very slightly so a few drops of blood are upon my nail. I lick them off and suddenly memories plague my mind. So many memories.
"Blaze, focus. You can watch them as you please whenever. Do you remember now?" Came Lillith's voice pulling me back into the moment before me. Knowledge hitting me in the face like a rocket. Everyone's memories coming in.
"How do you know Lillith?" Came the dark skinned woman's voice watching my every move her name Vivian coming to me quickly.
"Lillith has been a spiritual entity that I simply thought was in my head. Turns out she is alive and connected to your daughter. She's helped me with understanding my abilities. If it wasn't for her all of you would be dead already." I stated plainly. The little girl suddenly reverts back to her bouncy self. And goes skipping down the hall away from us. Vivian quickly follows her.
"I don't understand what is going on here? She isn't just connected to my daughter. Lillith is her unborn sister. She died in the womb. We rarely see the switches between Lillian and Lillith. You can see her? What does this mean?" Daku asks.
"Do you remember the girl we use to play with as kids until my parents died?" Vladimir asks looking from Daku back to me over and over again.
"Yes, but oh my gods. I am so sorry for all the confusion. But that doesn't explain anything with my daughter," Daku quickly realizes everything. He seems to still be slightly confused.
"How old is Lillian?" I ask looking directly at Daku.
"She's seven, I don't understand the relevance of my daughter's age." I stop Daku from continuing to speak shaking my head and raising my hand.
"Lillith has been visiting me for six years. I've watched her grow into the adolescent pre-teen she is today. She's helped me learn and understand so many things I wouldnt have without her. When the seals were broken on me that's when her spiritual body become closer to mine. She's connected to me in some way and I'm not entirely sure how just yet. She started showing me and helping me through the memories I didn't understand. The new found abilities I have that was hidden. The transformation and the blood lust. She even taught me how to control all of it. I owe Lillith a lot. She is a true inspiration for me," I spoke quietly as I remembered a lot of those memories.
"Lexi, do you remember playing in the garden with both of us as kids?" Vladimir asks softly. Completely changing the subject suddenly. Daku seemed satisfied with the answers and also a little confused, but his face looked as though he decided to leave it be for now.
The memory suddenly plaguing me of us as kids. We were in a gorgeous garden with trees lining walkways and bushes with flowers everywhere of all kinds of different colors. How it smelled of cherry just faintly on the slight breeze that brought blossoms swinging around us. We were running around playing tag. My Grandmother, Vladimir's Dad, and Daku's Dad were seated at a table sipping tea watching us play down the way about forty feet. Daku was it and we were running when Daku suddenly screamed a horrific scream. It was blood curdling and we stopped running frozen in our spot watching as Daku's body morphed and his skin melted off of him revealing fur underneath. I was fascinated with what I was seeing before me. He howled like a wolf with those beady black eyes full of rage and murder. I could smell the blood lust Daku had within him. I could smell the fear dripping of Vladimir and myself. I was still more curious then anyhting which froze me to my spot completely vulnerable to the beast before me. Vladimir quickly tried to jump infront of me, but was slashed across his face and chest as Daku swung his claws as he drove forward pushing us back. Vladimir held firm in his spot trying to protect me. Wavering only slightly from the panic and sear fear within him as he continued to try to block Daku from me. Daku got angry for his body language changed as his instincts took over completely. Fear riddled my body and my very own instincts took over knowing Daku was going to kill Vladimir if I did not do something and fast. A small childs voice whispering "You can protect him." Over and over again reverberated in my head. I grabbed Vladimir at the collar of his shirt and the base of his jeans along his spine. I strained as I picked him up and threw him four feet away into a bush that rendered him unconscious from hitting his head pretty hard on the ground as he slumped over the bush. Daku drove for me once again and knocked me to the ground snapping and bitting at my face. His claws digging into my shoulders causing extreme pain as they pierced the bone under my flesh. I held Daku at bay from getting to my face. I had to think of something fast or he would eat me alive. I used my legs to wrap around his wolf like form at the waist and pulled as hard as I could until he was under me. His head hit the ground hard as I pushed it back. You could hear a crack as his skull split slightly. Immediately he went limp. His paws still hanging from my shoulder bones and my hands holding his head. You could see blood trailing from his skull starting to pool at the base. By that time the adults finally made it over. Vladimir's Dad grabbing him out of the bushes and checking him all over. He pulled a dagger out of thin air and cut his wrist allowing blood to fall into all of Vladimir's wounds. I watched as each wound healed without a scar before my very eyes. My Grandmother and Daku Dad helping me lean away from Daku so they could pull his claws out of my bones one by one. I whimpered each time. They helped me off Daku and his Dad picks him up in his wolf form. He carries him off somewhere into the castle. Grandmother pulls a knife from her pocket and stops before cutting her wrist. My wounds already almost healed on their own without a scar.
I was pulled quickly from the memory. I looked at Daku and Vladimir whom also remembered the same event.
"I remember, but what in the world is going on here?" I ask sitting down in the chair as my head begins to hurt badly once again. The more I gain memories the more my head hurts for a time before finally giving up and allowing me to remember more. I start trying to control my breathing to allow me to focus and get my head to sustain itself without hurting anymore than it already was.
"Daku is head of security here at the estate. We are the children of the high court due to take over when our parents die. The high court is all over the world. The town you live in is one of the oldest villages in the world and is home to eighty percent of our werewolves community. We find them hiding amongst humans or amongst older wolves who have sought retirement here in the town to populate it. Following me so far?" Vladimir spoke quickly. The lady behind Vladimir I recognize as his sister, Claudia. Daku goes to leave, but I stop him by magic. He stands quietly with us waiting patiently.
"Yes," I speak next to a whisper having to hold my head from the headache within as I listen.
"The festival is a week-long to get all the of age wolves we can before going back to our country with them. We train them and teach them how to control themselves before allowing them to either go adventure the world beyond your town or go home. Most go home and then go on adventures which are okay too. This festival also shows us anyone else that is trying to hide as well," Vladimir finished very quickly.
"So you aren't killing anyone? You are just making the change happen faster for those who already have it within them?" I asked curious about more details, but still very cautious.
"Yes. Except some of them have a bad reaction and those that do are stuck in that form never to return to human form again. Those we teach and train to be warriors for the war outside. Like the one, you saw in the area. They feed on it and love it for their primal instincts have taken over. They are more beast than human at that point. Their humanity slowly wavering." Vladimir explains and he follows my eyes to Daku.
"Where does the rest of this fit into the puzzle," I asked softly trying to keep memories from over taking my mind.
"The guards are under Daku's command. They stay here year-round until it's time for the next festival and to keep up appearances. Daku is still a close friend to me. Vivian is also a part of the council except this estate is her home and she has welcomed us all into it," Vladimir explains then stops trying to read how much more to proceed with currently.
"I think you should take Alexis for a walk of fresh air. If either of you need me or anything just call a servant and they will fetch me at once," Daku finished then headed away from the room in the direction his daughter went. That left me alone with Vladimir and his sister Claudia whom was standing silently at the door. Her memory vaguely piercing my mind. She didn't hang around with us as kids very often and not for long periods of time. She was always with Vladimir's mother.
"How much does she remember?" Came Claudia's soft feminine voice.
"Some, but not everything. It comes and goes." Vladimir explained looking directly at his sister as she walked up to me. Standing in from of me she seemed to sense something I did not. She pulled a small dagger from her pocket and cut her finger before bringing blood to the surface. She gestured it towards me. I felt inside of me a wanting and need for the blood. My vampiric side craving it. I reached out with my finger pressing my finger to hers getting the blood on my finger as hers closed back up. I licked her blood off my finger and memories whooshing threw my head quickly of all kinds of things. I closed my eyes willing the memories to be still. Holding my head in my hands.
I felt Vladimir's hands help me to my feet and start leading me away to an unknown location. I could feel Claudia's presence completely gone. I was unable to open my eyes for a while until I heard a door open and the breeze from outside come whooshing in around us. I felt us step outside and the night air feeling fresh and crisp on this late night. I was finally able to open my eyes and look around. We were on a balcony over looking the garden below us and able to see the daunting forest surrounding it on the other side. The fresh air calming my pain and allowing free thinking finally.
"I want you to understand that I've been trying to help you get your memories back. I have missed you Lexi. Your seals are eroding daily. I can feel your more powerful than before. How many seals are left? Are you able to tell? What questions do you still have?" Vladimir asked me sitting down at the table on the balcony we were at. A servant came up with a tea cart and snacks placing them on the table before disappearing once again from our view. Everything was so much. All the new information was overwhelming me. I sat down at the table staring off at the sky drawing images in the stars above.
"It was werid the way it happened soon after the garden incident. Your grandmother knew things we as kid didn't. I remember one day you were just gone. Your Grandma would come visit and handle business affairs, but you were never with her after that. She wouldn't speak about you neither. She stopped coming around at one point. Only letters for business purposes. Never a word about you. When my parents got sick they summoned her. Mother had asked Daku's family to take us in and care for us. We were unsure she was gonna show up. She did though. My parents gave us a choice. Claudia decided to study overseas where Daku would be and I decided to live with your grandma. I had hoped to see you again, but she had other plans. My so call aunt was actually a guard that would bring me back and forth to here for lessons. She put me in a separate school from you. She intercepted my letters for a long time. My theory is because of your memory due to those seals and any reminder of the old days would start to erode them. Your parents don't know anything, but your grandma knows more than she will say. She was very strict in her rules when I was around other kids. One random day your granny asked me to start keeping an eye on you from a distance. I did that with zero hesitation. Then she asked me to look after you and keep you safe when things start and I would know what she was talking about when the time arose." Vladimir concluded still trying to get me to speak. I sighed and looked at Vladimir in his eyes.
"My seals are eroding constantly. I'm understanding more and more daily. What I don't understand is slowly coming together the more I get my memories back. Claudia's memories are also answering a lot of the questions I have and Lillith is also shifting through things helping me compartmentalize all this information. I am trying to not be upset, but why has my memories been sealed? Why did my Grandmother do this? Bats, I miss you too. The more I remember the more your in all my memories. I just don't understand how all these things fit together. Including this tattoo on my arm. You have no idea what it's like learning you are actually a completely different person. These memories and abilities seem so foreign to me, but yet so familiar all at once. Why was Ace brought here?" I concluded trying to keep my emotions together. Trying not to have a mental breakdown because of all of this.
"I'm sorry this is happening to you. I have no idea how to help you. I just want to be here for you and help you through it all. Lexi, you are my world and I want to do whatever I can to help you. I dont have all the answers, but I am trying with what I do know. Your tattoo was the cause of the elders finding out about you and beginning the release of your seals. The rose was a connection to someone else. The bats is a direct link to me. I wanted to be the only one with your locator pin and looking glass. I didnt know if anyone would try to use you to get to your grandma. I was not going to let that happen. Ace is a protector infused with mystic abilities set to keep you safe at all times. That's why she was brought here," Vladimir responds looking me in my eyes. His severity of his words giving me heart felt reassurance. Knowing I am not alone in this is truly helpful as I sort things out. I reach out and take Vladimir's hand into my own. The touch sending shivers down my spine and goosebumps across my flesh. The electricity between us as our hands touch becoming warm. It was soothing for me. A familiar reaction to his touch sending me a calming aura as I try to stay calm. Why does he effect me in the ways he does?
"Who gave her to me?" I asked.
"I did for the times I can't be around you to protect you. She can speak to you given the open ability to do so. I don't know much about her or her kind, but I do know that once given a lifelong task they create a strong bond with the person to whom protection is granted that can never be broken. That's all I know," Vladimir uttered trying to convince me he didn't know anything else. The electricity between us allowing me to read his every emotion. He was telling me the truth.
"Does the staff in my assigned room know any of this?" I asked him quietly.
"To my knowledge, Daku was sent a letter from your grandmother asking specifically for them to be your assigned staff. I don't know how much they know and don't know, but I do know I designed your room and put it next to mine in this building," Vladimir said with a smirk. He was trying to make light out of the situation which was nice.
"Does our rooms have a secret door into each other?" I asked understanding he made a way to always keep me safe.
"Yes, but it is hidden and I can show it to you in case you ever want to use it, but the room you are currently in now wasn't your permanent room I had built. Would you like to see your actual room? I can also have Ash moved with your staff if you like it?" Vladimir asked searching my eyes to see if I wanted anything.
"Show me," I said as I let go of his hand. I stood up and awaited his escort. He smiles a toothy grin before getting up. He extends his elbow out to me which I take. He brings us to the doors to disappear from the balcony from which we sat.
The beautiful architecture of this castle was my favorite thing about the place. We walked directly to the elevator. He pulls out a black key identical to my own. He uses it to unlock the doors and we enter the elevator. He uses his key as the guard had once before except it shown a huge assortment of buttons ive never seen before. He pressed the golden bat button and the elevator began to move. Much to my surprise it moved sideways before connecting to a new track then asending. We were on a completely different side of the castle now. All I could see is the night time forest out of the elevator windows.
When the elevator doors opened the inside of this massive hallway was infront of us. So many corridors leading off to other things. The dark red oak hardwood floors everywhere. The ceiling an off white. The walls are littered with paintings of all kinds of people from different eras. The furniture that was in the halls looked like something out of an old Victorian castle. We came up to a huge window that dead ended the hallway. You could either go right or left here. I looked out over the forest and a huge lake sat on the other side of it. We went to the right and ran directly into huge black double doors.
"Will you use your key to unlock it? I would like to make sure it works," Vladimir spoke with a smile. I did as instructed pushing the doors open to reveal a huge room the size of a pool. Two huge chandeliers lite the room. A huge fireplace was along the left wall with carvings of wolves and bats. A huge sofa bed was directly in front of it with two rocking chairs on either side. A big picture window sat next to it a little ways down with a bench and books scattered around it. There was a lot of open space in there but a single table with chairs. It was very simple but pretty. Straight ahead was a set of black doors with golden swirls on it. To the right was a set of purple doors with black swirls on it. To the right of that was a door that said kitchen on it.
"The black doors lead into my chambers. The purple is yours and the kitchen is ours to share. This commons area is also ours to share. If we have guests it will be in here. Ash is welcome anywhere you allow her. You have more freedom now then before," Vladimir concluded as he shut the doors. I walked over to the purple doors as he sat down at the couch staring into the fire.
"Is this the only way our rooms connect?" I ask and he immediately turns with a laugh.
"This is the official one. The unofficial is connected through the library. I keep that one secret however," he says with a smirk. I laugh and go into the purple doors. I'm met with a similar commons area as before but much smaller. The door to my left says library. The door to my right says staff. The doors in front of me have my name written in golden cursive "Alexis Blaze Velvadeen". I walk into those black doors with my name upon them.
I am inside a gorgeous room. A four poster bed with red oak sat in the middle of the room. The sheets a gorgeous purple with random stuff animals all over it. Two bedside red oak nightstands. One held a lamp and the other was clear. On the left side of the room were three doors each with their own label. One was my bathroom and the other my closet leaving the final one being the library. On the right side of the room was sliding glass doors that lead out to a balcony. Next to that opened into a barn style door with a huge play area for Ash. I was excited to see all the new things for her. I noticed the barn door also had a doggy door in it. On the other side of that sat a desk and chair with a table lamp. The room was styled in the old Victorian way but with morden gothic asthetics.
I left the room and made my way back into the commons area where Vladimir was sipping tea in front of the fire. I sat down in the rocking chair staring into the flames.
"Thank you. I would like Ash and the staff reassigned to here please." I spoke quietly allowing my thoughts to race.
"I have already requested their immediate attendance here in your permanent room. The staff rooms are on the other side of the kitchen. Their way into more of the castle leads off from their space to never bother you," Vladimir explained. I was astonished. The rooms all had a doggy door built into it so Ash could move about freely.
"I find you outdid yourself with all of this Bats. I do like it. I appreciatethe ability to have my own space and shared spaces. With everything going on in my head i think this is perfect." I state matter-of-factly.
"I hope you eventually remember helping design all of this. These rooms were built off the blueprints you drew as kids. I just tweeked them slightly and made a few modernized adjustments. I love that you like it." Vladimir finished and poured me some tea. I took it with a smile and sipped the hot beverage. Vladimir pulls a phone out of his pocket and hands it to me.
"What is this for?" I asked him confused.
"I got you a phone so we can stay in touch. My number is programmed into it as well as Daku and the others. Your staff phone numbers are also on here and your family. I want you to feel welcome here and know we aren't keeping you against your will. I want to try and get more answers for you. If you have questions and think someone can help, i want you to have access to be able to get those answers." Vladimir speaks quickly. Ash comes bouncing into the room with my staff. They quickly disappear to the kitchen. Ash immediately jumps into my lap and gets comfy. I pet her as we sit in silence for some time. A few minutes later my staff come into the room and stand awkwardly.
"May we speak with Alexis alone?" Asked the butler and Vladimir nods. He gets up and walks into his room quickly leaving me with the staff. They sit down on the large couch and look at me with unease.
"Now that you know everything I assume you know your Grandmother specifically asked for us to be your staff. Do you know why?" Hilda asked quietly.
"No, I don't," I answered her. I was watching all of them closely. For I was unsure what was happening here.
"I was born and raised here and I took over my family legacy. I met my husband and we have a beautiful daughter. She specifically asked for us because we know everything that goes on in this castle and we also protect those we see we may need to. Your granny knew having us assigned to you that no harm would ever befall you under our care. We are highly respected and we are also over the other staff. We don't get assigned people anymore because of that, but once I learned who you were and that letter came, I knew no one else could take care of you. You can trust us to keep any secrets and help in any way we can. My daughter is learning our ways." Hilda explained quickly. I could tell the girl was curious of so many things. I saw her staring into the fire to keep from asking questions.
"Wouldn't you guys be the head staff of the ones who own the castle? Did you guys take care of my grandmother? Do you know who was assigned to me as a child?" I asked her waiting for the memories to begin plaguing me of my questions.
"Pumpkin can you go get ready for bed please?" Asked Hilda and the girl nodded. She quickly disappeared into the kitchen leaving Brain and Hilda alone with me.
"Daku has the staff that has taken care of him since he was a baby. The same staff that has taken care of his parents and those before. We are a part of that, but I have obligations to you over them. They all know this. Vladimir has the staff that has taken care of him since he was a baby too. We try to keep those familiar faces with those who trust them at all times. We grow strong bonds and attachments easily to those we serve. It's always been this way. When you were here as a child you had your grandmother's staff. I was a part of that staff. Most of them are dead now. I am the only one who remains," Hilda explained as I yawned from all the information of the day. My head hurting and Lillith singing as she plays with different memories.
"You must be tired, I will set the fire in your bedroom so you may sleep soundly," Hilda's husband spoke then disappeared quickly.
"Brain doesn't know a lot of the information you are asking for. My daughter is young. However, she knows a lot about Ash and her kind from studying books. If you need answers please ask and I told both of them to answer you truthfully and with whatever information they can. We can talk more tomorrow. They aren't going to ask you to participate in the festival anymore so you are free to do as you please. Take advantage of this time to learn and get your memories sorted. Your granny warned me this might happen one day. I just dont know the full extent to any of it. If i can help in anyway please do not hesitate to ask. I know you do not trust us yet, but I assure you that we will do what we can to earn your trust," Hilda informed me. She stood and placed her hand out to me. I read quickly she wanted me to take her blood. I made my nails grow and took a few drops from her wrist. More memories plagued my mind that were not my own. I smiled at Hilda as she walked away. Ash jumps up and heads to our bedroom. I guess I should try and get some rest. I got up slowly and followed her into my room. The fire and warmth from it keep the room cozy. It felt wonderful to my aching body. Ash jumped up on my bed and got comfy as I changed into pajamas and slide into the soft sheets. As soon as my head touched the pillow I fell asleep as the memories of those from earlier began playing in my mind to teach me what I didn't know.