I honestly didn't know what kind of a reaction that I was expecting from him as I poured my heart out last night when we reached my brother's home, but it still stung pretty badly. I could feel his burning resentment when he started at me as I had my back turned to him, and he shouted at me as if I was a mere maid and not the wife that he spent so many years hunting down and moulding to his taste. Everything that I wore down to my shoes, accessories and even cosmetics were all in his taste. My perfume and ribbons here his favourite, including most of the meals that I made for us. I loved my husband dearly and I was grateful for everything that he had done for me, but I was also loosing myself in him too much and I knew that when my child made it's way into the world that I needed to stop indulging him so much. I never had any interest in becoming a noblewoman, but if I needed to become one to become the main wife so I could keep my children in my life then I would do it. If I displeased hm even more and pushed him to demote me as a concubine, then I would have my children taken away from me at will and raised by god only knows who, and I would never let that happen, not after it took me so long to get pregnant in the first place. But as for giving up my freedom, what sort of like would I be living? Confined to the walls of a yangban that I didn't ask for and living with my husband who no longer trusted me? I knew deep inside that he did understand why I did it all and he was probably afraid that I would wander off and leave him at some point but I still loved him far too much to ever let that happen. He needed to trust me, more than he ever has in his life so that we could have a stable ad even wonderful future together. He couldn't treat me like this, I would not let him do it. I needed to remind him of how much we loved each other and after everything that we had been through, that we can restart our lives as good parents to our children and upstanding people in the community that abandoned my father when he needed their support the most. I would help to regain his standing in the palace, the place that ii dreaded the most, even if it killed me and together, we would leave a legacy that made The Royal Family rely on my family the most, that was the way I was going to take my revenge for my father.
After crying my eyes out into my half=sleep nephew's chest, I took a walk around my father's village rather than tending to my husband for the first time ever. I didn't want to hear more imposed rules on me, so I took a look around to see what my brother had accomplished and what yet needed to be finished. My sister=in=law should be taking on some roles to help my brother out, but she didn't trust anyone else to help raise her children apart from Hwa=Wol who was always busy herself. They had a good network of support between each other whereas I was always in the city to support my husband and help him deal with the never ending issues that came with his ambitions. There children here ran free of worry whilst their parents worked together to create a more durable environment for them all. The women were all working to cook together at the same time for their husband, sons and brothers whilst they all worked to make new buildings for schools, communal kitchens and even market stalls so that the people can start generating money and wealth. This village worked as one body with my brother being in charge of all of the funds whilst he recruited more talented people as tutors for various things, such as training for the men. How I longed to stay here and take up my share of the responsibilities as Seo Geom's daughter, but I was now a Nam, at least until my an got us out of that man and into a different home where I had to act like all of the noblewoman that I mentally and physically had no connection with. My husband was right, I was not some young girl anymore who could climb over trees and could boldly walk into brothels and take down every single woman in my sight. As I was getting revenge for my father, I had also become a reckless person with a reckless past that can backfire on my own children at anytime, especially as I had warned my own husband against doing the same thing. No, now was the time that I had to really mature and become more reserved in my dealings. I needed to protect my children at all costs and nobody could do it better apart from myself; I needed to educate them exactly how I was educated and I needed to train them how my father trained my brother. I needed to give them the same books, the same visual learning when it came to reading people and I needed to also navigate them around my husband's ambition so that they do not get pulled into it so much as I have had to.
I made my way back to my husband as soon as I came to this realisation and pretty much threw myself at him when I saw him trying to dress himself. He seemed rather surprised at first, but as soon as he started pushing me away for the first time, there was some sort of drive in myself to hold onto him even more. I buried my face into his weak spot which was his neck whilst I slowly undressed us both and I pushed him back into bed with our blanket barely covering us both.
"Are you trying to get into my skin or something?" "Yes I am." "Why?" "Because you are my husband and you are not allowed to deny me, not anymore." "When did I ever deny you anything before?" "You denied me yourself when you left the war camp secretly to help transport me through the brothels yourself. You already knew what I had in mind and you helped me, but you also punished me by denying yourself to me. I lived in hell in those brothels, not because of the environment I was in, but it was because you were absent in my life. And that was the lesson that you wanted me to learn, isn't that right?" "Do you hate me for it?" "No I do not, not anymore." "Do you truly understand the message behind it all? How much I have indulged you so far?" "Husband, I can no longer live without you, so please do not distance yourself from me now no matter what happens in the future." "And what exactly does my future hold? You tell me?' "You will prove your innocence and finally prove yourself to the entire kingdom…and at the peak of your popularity, you will walk away from it all." "Is that so?" "You will leave a legacy for our children on your side that way; you can get involved here and there but you have to pull yourself away from the big matters. Each and every time that you do this, you will build up more support for yourself, and it will be genuine. No corruption, no scheming, no bribes, no money laundering, I mean it husband." "Then how will I carry on with my days?" "You will come back here to help my brother build up the village until there is nothing left to do. And when you are done here and before the people forget you, you will set up some charities here under your name to help the people when the palace cannot." "What are you holding back from me wife?" "For our family to be successful, you have ti promise me one thing, to live up to my father's wishes." "What is it? I will do anything for him." "If we ever have daughters, we must never abuse them, abandon them or neglect them. My father always believed in women's right and you must do the same. You must not always pine for a son and you must not be disappointed on the off=chance that I do not give you one at all, because you know I cannot choose it's sex just because I am the one who is pregnant. You will love and honour your daughter as my father did to me, and you will educate her the same in every single aspect as you would a son. Can you promise me this?" "Asking me to do that in an age where daughters are commonly disregarded will make it difficult for her, but I shall do my very best. And what if on the off chance we have twins? Or even triplets? You know that they are considered ill omens under Confucius laws." "Nobody of my father's bloodline will ever be disposed of, you also have to promise me this." "I shall make everything work wife, as long as you surrender to me and trust me emphatically." "I shall be the wife and mother that you need me to be, but our survival also depends on my skills which I gained from having so much freedom. Do not take it away from me; reduce it if you have to but do not take it away from me." "I shall see about that." "Promise me husband." "What will you do if I will not?" "Then I will make my way over to your home now and sort out everything on my own head on." "You wouldn't dare, not without me." "Is that so wife? Are you already praying for your maternity isolation so soon?" "You can do what you want to me as your wife, but I am also the mother of your children and I have the right to fight for their inner peace before they are even born. All of these rotten people in our lives, I promise you that our children will not know of them, not now and not ever."
We spent the rest of the day in bed for the first and last time, endlessly discussing the endless possibilities that they would have due to our hardships, and how they would live their lives as the descendants of their grandparents. My husband even promised me that he would never bring up his childhood trauma in front of them and that he would try to not be anything like what his father was. For them, he would not endlessly pull them into his obsessions, but that was not the case for me. I would forever be his partner in both life and death and his problems were my problems to solve. I would need to help him uphold his status and respect in the eyes of the public and I would be the care giver of his children. Happiness in itself is only real when it is shared and to be fully seen by somebody and then be loved anyhow, this was the human offering that ordered on miracles. And as for my child, I prayed and a deity above must have finally heard my prayers. Myself and my husband finally had a chance to start over from the injustice that we had started our lives on, and now all that we needed to do was to take down everyone else before my child came. This meant that I had to forgo my subtlety and go as far as I needed to for the very last time before I had to live the rest of my life as some sort of stuffed and strict noblewoman and maybe even a socialite for my husband's sake. "Why are you looking at me like that wife?" "Because my heart is beating for you and only you; what else am I supposed to look at when I have you?" "I like that answer." "I like you more."