I wish I could've said I kept my cool. Though I don't think punching him in the face as soon as I saw him is considered as keeping my cool.
As soon as I heard him pull up I went to the entrance of the forest, waiting until he got in. Standing in nice pair of ripped jeans and a perfect fit black shirt, military boots, he removed his helmet as he got off his bike and turned the engine off. Then he held it on his side, he stood completely still as if waiting to see what I'll do. Very calmly like a predator watching for his prey. Patiently. Passionately.
He was...
Taller, he had at least a foot over me now.
Darker, the night's shadow didn't hold a candle to his deathly stare.
Bigger, muscles in places I didn't know could get muscular, now if anything were to happen I wasn't winning a fight anytime soon... Or maybe I could with a little help.
Somehow he looked exactly like I remembered him but nothing like the Tim I knew at the same time.
Well, I guess I never knew him in the first place, I only saw what he wanted me to see.
The Tim I thought I knew, would have never hurted me the way he did. That bastard is so smug it is truly disgusting.
I'm not sorry I slapped him across the face the first time, nor the second or the third. What I'm sorry about tho is how weak was the on-the-way-fourth slap.
He caught both my wrists tight as his gaze drew a path from my hateful eyes, down my anger flushed cheeks to end up on my lips as his eyes lingered there a little longer than necessary. Then he whispered _still not removing his eyes off of me_
" Mi rovina, I can't have you hurt yourself on our reunion night, or ever to be honest. We can finish this at home let's go and ..."
I bit him, specificly the spot between his shoulder and neck. It's was there and I wanted to hurt him. The way I see it, it's totally justified and reasonable.
I dug my teeth harder and deeper hopping I can at least take a piece of flesh with me when he yankes me off him. However the hand that sat on the back of my neck was ....soothing me?
I was drawing blood from this demon and he was petting me as if I was hugging him. I pushed away as I spat the metallic taste off my poor tongue. When I was done whipping my mouth I looked up to see his face, the asshole was blushing a pink flush on his cheeks and a ...nosebleed?
A FUCKING NOSEBLEED!!
" Sweetheart ~" he sing-song.
What the hell is this interaction? why is he like that? Why is acting as if we're lovers who had been seprated and just now meeting again? Does he thinks this is a joke? He thinks this is funny? Well if so, I'll just give him more stuff to laugh at... Like his face when I'm done with it.
I came prepared, I'm not the girl I used to be. I remember how hard it was for me to even slap him on our first meeting. So I put effort into the self defense classes I took in the psyche yard. Obviously he was stronger than before. So I got a little help, I brought a knife, and I intend to use it, possibly stabbing, hoping it kills him...
When did I become such ... An enraged being, I actually want to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt anyone before, no matter how angry I was at them.
Not my nurse when I was under house arrest
Not the girls at school who spread the rumors
Not my dysfunctional family growing up
Not the men Tim sent and took him with them
Not the doctors at the psyche house
Not one person who wronged me before did I ever want to ...
I used to coop with my anger by stuffing it down. I made excuses for the assholes in my life to justify their doings.
That there had to be a reason. Maybe it's been a bad day or it's just happened to be a bad time, nothing too personal.
Even if the things they said is still carved deep inside me, resurfacing every now and then, reminding me of the dozens of insecurities I have, reminding me of the reasons I'll never be the person who deserved to live instead of her....
But then comes this guy. I tried and tried multiple times to look for some kind of reasons to this behavior.
Why would he become friends with me and manipulate me into thinking he was the only 'friend' I needed? Why would he want me to fully depend on him? Did he have to ruin what little of a relationship I had with my so called family? Did he have to ruin my entire reputation in the town? I was suffering because the mad bastards at the yard, because of this bastard's master plan to get me. Did he have to isolate me so much that no one will talk to me nor touch me in this village without thinking thoroughly before hand?...
And on and on until there's no end to it, I stopped questioning it, not because I didn't want to know but because I was exhausted.
I didn't ask for this, I don't deserve to be treated like this_ He turned me into an outcast ...._as long as I'm concerned the only one I hurt my entire life was me, myself and I. By letting people walk all over me from the moment I opened my eyes to see the world. I guess I've always looked for the best in people hoping they do the same and not pick at my flaws. I was pathetic. And he took advantage of that.
Don't get it twisted, I'm not opening the bottled up anger within me towards society to help justify my desire to put him in absolute agony so he would suffer. Yeah no, it's because the things this guy had done to me over the last few years_ crossing boundaries that I didn't realize were crossed since I was naive and young_has created a new bottle, ten times bigger, a million times heavier . So when we got to the top, the bottle just spilled over knocking the little bottle that it broke and released this horrible version of me.
Upset, regretful, angry, vengeance starved.
I don't like that I want to hurt someone or cause them unbearable pain, even if it was him. I hate it which angers me more worsening the situation.
I've decided the moment I grabbed the knife from the hotel's restaurant, that one of us wouldn't be breathing by the end of this 'reunion', maybe both of us if it goes as I planned.