I do wish he cooked more meat, but I shouldn't complain, because everything was so good!
And I didn't expect the meal, so I feel truly blessed.
"Snowe..." It always feels like time stops whenever he says my name. "I need you to realize I'll always come back to you, and if I'm upset, I will talk to you about it because I want this to work. I'm completely committed to you."
He was looking at me in the dimly lit kitchen, then he placed his hand on mine and whispered,
"Do you believe me?"
"I believe you... I'm sorry I panicked earlier. I guess I'm confused because... No one has ever loved me before, not even my family, so... it's hard for me to believe you won't just abandon me," I muttered with a nervous laugh.
"I mean, they'd say they loved me sometimes but were quick to abandon me or ignore me, so it's hard for me to expect differently from you," I continued.
He then squeezed my hand, and I felt my eyes start to well up with tears.
"Why me? I don't think I deserve to be treated so well by you, and it scares me because I don't know why you love me or what I did to make you love me. So how do I keep you!?" I admitted.
I'm surprised I'm being so transparent; thoughts I had forced to the back of my mind were now spilling out of my mouth.
"A-and how do I know, someone else can't just steal you away when I'm not special in the first place?!" I questioned.
Zai rested his forehead against mine.
"In this situation, you don't need to apologize to me... I'm not upset, I'm just worried about you. I don't want to make you cry again... I don't want to take a walk and come home to you crying."
Zai stroked my cheek.
"I enjoy seeing your tears during one of our activities," he added softly.
I snorted a little from trying not to laugh.
"You perv, is that all that's ever on your mind?" I said, mainly as a joke.
"I assure you, I'm thinking about a lot of things. At all times. Truthfully, it feels like I never stop thinking. Except when I'm inside you or making you smile; you are my oasis," he whispered.
His words overwhelmed me with a mixture of emotions.
Zai's expression looked pained for a second.
"I'm not sure how to explain why I feel the way I do about you..." he muttered so seriously that I was taken aback. "Before I met you... Everything lacked color. I don't know how else to explain it. I was just going through the motions of life, and I took on some work that... I'm ashamed to talk to you about it. I thought it would bring excitement to my life, but even that was dull."
"What kind of work?" I inquired.
"... Anything that paid a lot of money." His jaw tightened for a moment, then he said, "That's not the point right now, we're getting off track." How dare he say that when he's the king of conversational tangents!
"I felt something when I first saw you. That's rare for me," he confessed.
My pulse quickened.
"I felt something when I saw you too..." I admitted.
"It's not the same thing... when I saw you, I wanted to see what your face looked like distorted by pain. Maybe it was pure instinct based on our DNA. But there were no warm, loving feelings at that moment."
That caught me by surprise. I stared at him, unable to tell whether I should be frightened or heartbroken.
"But, seconds later, when I commented on your outfit, you ran away, embarrassed. The very instant I actually saw your expression change, my feelings changed with it. Your reaction was so pure and innocent that it surprised me, and I wanted to know you. You intrigued me..."
The tip of his nose brushed against mine, but I swallowed hard so I could stay focused on his story,
"I promised Rai I wouldn't hurt you, so I didn't, but the more time I spent with you, my interest in you grew. Which was also odd, because I usually lose interest in people almost instantly."
"You... wanted to attack me?" I asked shakily.
I couldn't move past that detail. I never picked up on that. Zai always felt warm and safe. Maybe something was wrong with my instincts.
"I realize now that I never felt attracted to anyone before. You uncovered a part of me I didn't know existed. You intrigue me and frustrate me. I didn't understand my feelings at first. No one else can do that, only you... So you are special to me... I would never risk losing you by indulging in those primal instincts."
"What do you mean?" I asked the man I'm now married to.
His eyes flickered slightly in the dark, and he cleared his throat before saying,
"I mean that you flipped a switch in me, Snowe. To put it simply... if I could, I'd spend every day doing nothing except f**king you." I raised my eyebrows and felt my face getting hot, "I'd never been overcome with lust before...But I love you now, so that's not possible because... I want to make you happy. You have dreams I wish to support and needs I can't ignore... plus you're much more fragile than I am and your stamina is limited. So I have to go easy on you..."
"I..." I paused, trying to find the words. "Thank you for taking care of me. I can tell you how I feel about you, now, if you want."
He scoffed and smirked smugly.
"I already know how you feel about me," he said cockily.
He's so darn arrogant sometimes!
"Then... can you tell me more about how life was in Afaria? I never cared enough to learn before, and I feel like I don't really," I muttered.
Zai sat upright and moved his stool closer to mine.
"Are you saying you're interested in me, too?"
"There are just things that I didn't know! Like you... Actually have families and a culture... I know it looks different than I thought it would, but now I want to know how you were raised before you went into the Glass Palace." Zai put his arm over my shoulder and groped me, "Hey?!"
"Shush, I'm trying to focus."
I glared at him.
Does he need to squeeze my boob to focus?!
He continued by saying,
"I grew up in a... poor area. My mother and father did love each other, but there were days we went without food. It didn't bother me much, but they would both cry and apologize on the days they couldn't feed me...
and I didn't tell them that I wasn't hungry because I liked that they were trying so hard to take care of me.
They were both of the lower class; the only thing special about them was that my mother was a local beauty.
I did odd jobs, cleaning, stealing, and selling things that I had stolen to help them out. Stealing was normal in my area, and so was murder.
Prioritizing yourself was too... No one outside my family cared what happened to me. So I didn't worry about them either."
Zai's eyes slowly lowered to my cleavage as he spoke.
Is he getting distracted already?!
Then he took a deep breath, before slipping his hand inside my shirt, and under my bra.
"H-hey?!" I exclaimed, startled.
He continued as if nothing had happened by saying,
"Then one day, when someone tried to stop me from taking something of theirs, I realized that I was incredibly strong. The person was older than me, but I was able to take them down with little effort, so I started entering fighting tournaments. The money was much easier.
My town thrived on gambling, and blood sports were the most popular thing to bet on.
By betting on myself and winning, I was able to take home more in one night than I had in months.
My parents became happy. At first, they felt bad that I was taking care of them, but the stability of our finances brought them comfort. When I became locally famous, they nicknamed me Little Titan and threw parties, with lots of fried food, music, and dancing in the streets...
My fame was the reason I was found, though... the thing that brought stability to my household also destroyed it.
People saw the marks on my arm and reported me to the king, for money... and you know what happened after that."
"You've killed people?" I asked, after hearing his story.
"I'm an Afarion. Of course I've killed people... as soon as we can stand on our own, we are forced into a death match with others our own age because we can't afford to let feelings like pity or sympathy stop us in this war..."
That is dark... I've never had to do something like that. That must have affected him deeply for him to register something like that as normal.
"How many people?" I added.
Zai stopped touching my breast and exhaled sadly,
"I'm not a psychopath, Snowe... I haven't kept count," he answered with a sigh.
My heart began pounding unsteadily. Zai stared at me curiously for a while, then said,
"That's a new look... are you afraid of me, now?"
I turned to him.
"I just can't imagine what you went through or how you were feeling. My life was so much different than yours.
My house was small, but we were given food every day and were sent to school... It doesn't sound like you even got an education.
We have strict laws against theft, gambling, and murder.
We had fights but only in permitted zones, with absolutely no killing, so... I'm trying to process how... You went through all that, and you were just a child," I muttered, my voice cracking as I held back my tears.
"Yeah... until I was five, that was my life. I liked it. Your life sounds super mundane... no offense."
Now I feel stupid for feeling sorry for him.
"I've never killed anyone before," I mumbled.
Zai chuckled at my revelation.
"I already knew that. You're an Infaniyan... and a weak one, there's no way they'd send someone like you into war, or waste resources training you. I know all about your kind.
But more importantly, Snowe... how do you feel?
Do you feel like you know me better? And... Is that a good thing, or do you regret being with me?"
"I feel like... you're a confusing enigma... but I... still wish I knew you sooner, I wish we grew up together, that would have given me time to understand you," I said this while glancing over at him, and I was stunned to see he was even closer than he had been moments ago.
"I'm glad I met you here... If the king ever saw you... it would..."
His brow furrowed, and he cut off his own sentence and kissed me hungrily whilst holding me in a tight embrace.
"Z-Zai... we're in the kitchen," I noted, then he lifted me up by my thighs. I slung my arms around his shoulders.
He carried me over and laid me down on the living room couch. He was too impatient to go upstairs, so we made love there that night.
I must have pushed him too hard with talking about the past.
So I'll help him relax for now.
When I awoke the next day, Zai had brought me to our bed, but he wasn't there.
I got up to search for him.
When I entered the living room, I noticed he had washed the cushions and even cleaned up his brother's food, empty boxes, and clothes.
"Snowe! Where are my shoes?!" Valin yelled to me as I sleepily walked in.
"I don't know?" I replied, confused and too tired to really focus or think.
"I put them away, you'll have to figure out where," Zai announced, and Valin turned to him.
"What?! What about my jacket?!" he whined.
"Learn to pick up your own stuff, and you won't need to worry about where I put things... good luck finding it," he replied with cold indifference.
Then he approached me with his arms extended for a hug.
I smirked as I wrapped my arms around him.
Zai lifted me and spun me around, causing me to giggle and shake off some of my tiredness.
"You're so annoying!" Valin shouted.
"What?" Zai asked, then shot him a look I couldn't see from the angle I was standing, but it must have been terrifying because Valin turned pale and said,
"Nothing! I'll look for my stuff now."