"What the hell was that?" I screamed at the White Rabbit.
After my question, she stepped forward and morphed into an exact copy of me, except with my original white hair.
"I just wanted you to see that your chosen path isn't the only one."
I glared at her in response and yelled,
"I got murdered in one of those timelines!"
She giggled.
"That was because of your folly, not mine. Everyone has a choice, but your options are infinitely wider. Also, I would not let you die, even if you choose that timeline, I'd simply send you to someplace safer before any true harm came. You're even free to retry; you may do better next time," she explained.
A chair appeared in the room ahead of me, to which she strolled over and sat down.
"There's no way... I could go on with these memories." I answered, feeling defeated.
It's going to be hard interacting with RJ, knowing he could kill me if he wished... even if he was unsuccessful, the attempt was real.
And Valin... I felt things so intensely for him that I couldn't think of anyone else.
In fact, the thought of hurting him terrified me so much that any feelings I had for Zai went away...
I never would have thought that was possible.
"Oh... you're feeling indecisive... Are you surprised?"
I bit my lip,
"In two lives you chose the same person yet... the third life stops you from going back to them?"
I wish she would stop rubbing it in...
Even now, my heart races for a person I never even considered falling for.
She has me questioning myself.
Why did I ask Valin to be my friend in the first place?
Why did I insist our friendship remain after I moved?
Why wasn't I disgusted when he admitted to having impure thoughts about me?
I only felt surprised and awkward, but even then, I wanted to forgive him.
Why am I affected by his expressions, no matter what he says?
Why was I so adamant about him not being with Lisa? Was I always interested in him?
Am I that weak-minded?
"I should return to the natural path I was in... with Zai, but I don't want to remember... any other world but that one," I answered after some deliberation...
I'm erasing an entire life... and with it, the child we created.
With Valin, the feelings developed naturally, but Milli had to have interfered heavily to keep Zai away from me.
Under normal circumstances, I never would've gotten together with Valin... no matter how much I love him right now.
I didn't even realize I'd started imagining a future until it already existed.
With Zai... no matter how deeply I loved him, I had never pictured children.
I can barely imagine growing old together.
My eyes were always red when I looked at Zai... I wonder what color they'd be if I powered up and looked at Valin.
"So foolish," she answered with a laugh, "Zai is not your natural path, sweetheart, you are only in this time because I brought you here, and teleported you near a place where you could achieve your happiest ending. Your natural path would be getting raped by Qon to completion, living in shame, refusing to report it, and becoming trapped in a cycle of abuse. He'll push you along the path to fame but that would also be the chain tethering you to him. That life seemed too miserable for my master so I altered it."
Hearing that made me tremble in fear and weep for the me that would've had to endure such a reality.
"How awful!" I mumbled while rubbing my eyes dry.
"What you should be saying is thank you, I spared you from any memories of that life. He would have made you burn all your bridges, and not many believe corruption exists in Infaniya... Plus, Qon was quite beloved, who would take your word over his?" she elaborated, so I sniffled and looked up at her and said,
"Thank you... I'm sorry... I should have... said that to you before."
She sighed.
"I shall forgive you, once and no more," she said playfully.
Then she grinned.
She looked exactly like me, yet carried herself with a maturity I couldn't imagine ever possessing.
"I will do you a favor... I will erase the timeline where your life is at risk from your memories... but I will allow you to remember your life with Valin for seven more days. If you don't summon me within that time, then I will accept that you are sure of Zai and I won't interfere anymore... unless you need me, of course."
"Summon you... How... would I even do that?" I asked shakily,
"You'll figure it out... let's just hope there's no need for that," she replied.
----------------------------------------------
I jolted upwards and gasped awake.
Zai sat up with me and petted my back, asking
"Snowe, are you alright?" His voice sounded muffled, like we were underwater.
"I'm fine." I lied.
Zai began stroking my back. Then he hugged me against him and said,
"It was just a dream... if talking about it will make you feel better, I'm here to listen. If you'd rather not, I'm still here," He said comfortingly, and I could feel myself beginning to relax.
"... If for some reason... I was with someone else when we met. What would you do?" I inquired.
He squeezed me tighter and thought hard about my question.
After a long silence, he finally answered,
"I would win you over..."
"What if ... it was your brother?" I elaborated, and then Zai pushed me away and squinted hard at my face.
"Did you dream about Rai or something?" I shook my head.
"Well... my brothers and I have a ... special relationship... but... you're the only person in the world that my heart responds to... I might be able to live happily without romance... but that was only possible if I didn't know you," he admitted.
So... if I were with Valin, he'd do everything he could to steal me away...
"I understand..."
"No, you don't... all of my siblings have fallen in love or at least been attracted to someone before. Not me. You're much more precious to me than any of them could imagine... It would be the most annoying thing in the world seeing you with someone else... It makes me angry just imagining it. I don't know what I'd do," he said the last bit quietly.
"I... had a nightmare that you and I never dated... So I ended up with someone else, and you were very upset," I muttered.
Zai sighed and kissed my cheek.
"It sounds... really accurate. Did you pity me?" he asked...
I honestly can't remember. I think seeing him at the door annoyed me more than anything else.
"I'm just glad it was only a dream," I replied while lying down, turned towards him as he lay down with me.
Zai's fingers slid along my waist, and his face nuzzled into my neck, but my stomach felt tied in knots, so I moved away and said, "I'm still really tired... I'm sorry."
He frowned and asked,
"Is that a no?"
I nodded, then he sighed again.
"Fine... I'm just going to take a shower... I'll be back," he mumbled, getting up from the bed. I fell asleep before he returned.
The next morning, I had a text from Valin that read:
"Hey, make yourself useful. Come with me to get coffee." I snorted a bit, imagining his voice, then I replied,
"Changed your mind on hanging out, fast."
He didn't respond for several minutes, which made me anxious...
Zai came into the room and said,
"Why are you staring at your phone like that?"
I dropped it and sat up, saying,
"Oh? No reason... Valin wants to meet us for coffee again."
"Did he say something weird again? You looked pretty upset," he noted.
I pondered on his question for only a second before shaking my head and replying,
"No, not today..."
"Are you going?" Zai asked then.
"Yeah... I gotta get dressed first. Are you coming too?"
He raised his eyebrows and stared at me, then laughed,
"Sounds annoying, so I'll just wait for you to get back... but text me as soon as you arrive and let me know if he says something you don't like," Zai replied.
Knowing Zai wasn't coming made me feel nervous all of a sudden...
"I will... you must trust Valin a lot..." I noted... because he has never acted weird about Valin being friends with me.
For someone as possessive and calculating as Zai, it seems odd.
"I do... Valin wouldn't try anything... well, not with family. You're his sister, now."
I thought about what he said as I got dressed, and as soon as I was outside, Valin texted me back saying,
"I just don't feel like going alone today."
I felt myself smiling at my phone, and I had to slap myself to snap out of it.
We met at the same cafe as last time.
Valin was wearing a hoodie that matched his hair, with a black tank top underneath, and he was waiting for me at the door with his hands shoved into his pockets.
"What took you so long? Did you walk?" he teased with a grin.
I flicked his forehead and Valin pretended to be hurt, then I playfully replied,
"You should just be glad I showed up!"
He laughed at my reply and then held the door open for me.
"Is Zai not coming this time?" he asked.
"Oh... he said he trusts you to not try anything... even though you might say some things," I teased, but Valin had a serious and thoughtful look on his face.
He placed his fist against his chin and looked ahead quietly.
"Oh," he replied, staring into space, deep in thought.
After a long moment, he finally approached the register.
My heart panicked.
It was the same girl who had took our order before!
What if she was still holding a grudge because of how Valin spoke to her last time?
"Hey, Nina... I have a mobile order."
Valin spoke normally, which caught me off guard, and began pulling out his phone.
"O-Oh... welcome back, Valin..." she replied, looking down, and brushing her hair back behind her ear with her fingers.
Her cheeks were bright pink; she was obviously smitten!
She put in his order and added,
"Don't forget to contact me later... I get off at six."
He put his phone down and smiled at her.
"Sure."
Then he walked away to the bar area to wait for his drink.
"What was that?" I whispered,
"What was what?" he asked while playing Sudoku on his phone,
"That girl... I thought she would hate you... What the freak happened?"
"Oh... You seemed embarrassed last time you came with me. I figured it was because of how I talked to her, so I came on my own to apologize."
I was shocked, and my heart melted because I had no idea he could be so considerate,
"It went really well, and we f**ked." My mouth dropped.
"What?! How... did it lead to that?"
He shrugged. At that moment, his drink was ready, and he reached to grab it, so I whispered,
"Let's sit down and talk... I want to hear all about it."
Valin looked around, and his nose wrinkled,
"But... there's people in here," he argued, bobbing his leg in an agitated manner.
He looked as though merely saying the word "people" made him want to gag.
So I pulled him over to a slightly isolated table in the corner.... he still seemed displeased, but there was no verbal complaint.
"Okay... I need context," I stated.
I stared into his eyes so he could see how serious I am, to which Valin grinned and leaned in towards me.
My heart betrayed me with a flutter I didn't want.
"I didn't know you were so intrusive... Fine... You want the long story or the short one?"
With these memories... the long version would probably hurt me...
"Short, please," I answered.
"Alright... so as I said, I came to apologize.
I didn't want to be here long alone, so I didn't order anything.
I just called her to the side.
She didn't accept my apology at first... apparently, she can hold a grudge, and she's pretty petty, so I promised to make it up to her by buying her a meal from any place she wanted after she got off.
She hesitated at first, but then she looked at me really hard and asked if she could really choose any place, and I said yeah. She told me when she'd be off, so I came to pick her up.
The place she chose had a dress code, so instead of taking her home, I took her shopping, then we ate.
She ordered a lot.
I paid.
I drove her home.
I intended to leave, but she begged me to come in..."
He didn't say anything else, so I whispered,
"Is that the end?"
Valin poked my forehead and said,
"That's the short version..."
...
So after that... he slept with her... I thought Valin was bad with women, but I guess when he actually tries, he doesn't have any issues.
"So... why did you flirt with Lisa if you have a girlfriend?"
My voice sounded more bitter than I intended; hopefully, he thinks it's because I'm upset for my friend.
"I don't have a girlfriend," he corrected.
I gasped and looked around to make sure no one was nearby or listening before I whispered,
"But you had sex with her."
Valin's eyes lit up momentarily, then he looked at me with a fondness that matched the Valin from my memories.
He patted my head and said,
"You are really naive, Snowe..."
His tone was cold, though, even bordering on irritated.
He then leaned back in his seat and quietly finished off his drink.
I glanced at the cashier girl who was stealing glances in our direction. Her admiration is so obvious... he probably gave her the best night of her life... I'm sure he did.
Maybe because we didn't end up together, this version of Valin is very different than mine.