Reincarnation isn't something new to me, today will mark my 99th reincarnation.
The warm breeze air felt so huge, the earthy ground too. I felt like swinging back and forth and suddenly the wind pushed me so hard that I opened my eyes.
Adjusting my eyes made me confused for a second.
"Why's everything so big."
I realize as soon as I open my eyes wide.
"Kyaaaaaahhh!!!!"
"M-my.... Disgusting."
No words can utter my fear right now. I'm seeing the legs of an insect in 3D made me vomit.
This is the first time out of my 99th life I've been a bug nor I have any interest in. This feeling is so weird.
"Sigh."
I checked myself on a nearby water puddle and found out that I'm a Lady Bug.
"Oh!! Such a cutie—..."
NOT!
Should I just start a new life and reincarnate.
"As if I could do that."
Before I even started reincarnating I was one of the God's Angels. His only rules were to never look or fall outside of the clouds. I clearly had no intentions when I was playing among the Angels but I was suddenly pushed. I felt the edge of the clouds disappearing and that's where I was able to find the vast earth, it's beautiful scenery. For that I was banished to become a human being. My wings broke and gradually my first form made my powers of freedom gone, the taste of humanity's existence left a bitter taste on my tongue. I had a hard time struggling to survive for days as a human being every minute counts.
The pain from even the slightest hurts but gradually as months goes by I was able to recover pretty quickly. To survive is to have knowledge of the world and for that I'll be able to take advantage to live. During those years on my first reincarnation I've felt fear, depression, agony or what they call the 7 deadly sins. In my 2nd life, I became ignorant and selfish since in this life I was a rich brat but as days went by never ending questions even though I've felt freedom itself being human with emotions is the most painful thing to ever experience, having feelings, emotions, and a physical body. Taking care of yourself everyday, battling every second whether the world will hurt you or yourself. This world has too many rules, too much, too little or do nothing at all. These rules made me mad, they're too fragile, I died and died. In my 5th life I attempt to kill myself but most of my attempts were an utterly fail as if God was guiding me and telling me that I can't end my battle this early cause my punishment hasn't been lifted. During those days I was able to recover and look on the bright side.
During my 6th life I was able to get a hang of it. Be ignorant, always know what's right, be normal, and never let anyone know you're different or in short don't think you're any different from others, I was able to live in my 60s and died from natural causes. On my 7th I became a child of a Religious family, I didn't know this was even a thing.
Even though I am the closest to know God is real, I cursed at him at the end of my life, from a mere mistake that wasn't my fault. People who believe in God, thinking he's the a savior. I asked God even though they said never question God's choices.
"Why God why!"
My feelings overflowed in anger. I tried to commit suicide infront of his image yet another fail someone came in the right time. God is always beside me to find me a path.
"I don't need saving Oh Lord, I rather see thousands of sorrows in my death than feeling it myself."
I did bad deeds and they placed me in the mental hospital, I've lost myself and gone insane, In my 7th life I died at the age of 24 due to too many unspoken truths inside that hospital.
"8th life, 9... 10... 11... ."
I gave up and acted normal, that's the only choice I have. What makes me unique is that I could remember my past struggles and learning that the world is just a repeating process. I learned that I get to reincarnate on different worlds or the time lapse is different. My knowledge from other worlds nor the past is mostly not usable in reality. Each world has lives in different rules, some are supernatural, some are too intelligent, chaotic, unique, weird, dumb, poor, war, peaceful, and in most cases scary. They all have one thing in common and it's to survive.
Knowing how big the world is made me feel so little, the time were sky or space exist and not feeling any gravitational pull is the worst, the feeling not being able to see anything, not being able to hear anything, not being able to feel anything. As if all senses were gone makes you linger to feel them again. On my 15th life I died not having any senses, i'm not sure if i'm in a comatose state and not knowing anything, felt better peaceful but at the same time painful.
On my 32th reincarnation I'm a boy and I tried love, I thought it was love, feeling warmth but I got hurt greatly, I don't know how it felt, was I used? or was I just confused for lacking accountability and emotional intelligence. I don't blame her and for that I stopped trying love. Too much of a chore, too much of a responsibility. I think i'm not ready.
Most reincarnation became normal, I can't understand how long it takes for me to remember all of my past cause I get to recall them once I reached my teens and then collapse of realization and repeat.
My 45th reincarnation not knowing that I can fall inlove am currently a girl who fell inlove with this thoughful boy. He was my everything and so does he, the only person who believed that I reincarnated for a long time. We died in the most beautiful way.
"May we meet again in our next life." My very first time to feel pain and unfairness, Love is so fragile.
I don't know if God made me feel this pain yet short after I died along after. For every reincarnation I hope the find him yet the world is too big. I said to myself I'll find him at the end of every world yet none. That's when the anger to God grew further.
my 60th life finally powers, I finally have powers yet there's always a limit. I worked my self to death but on my 61th life I can control my powers still even though it's a different world makes me think the wonders of these powers might be connected to all of my reincarnations. That I'm still living in the same universe but not the same world.
To be continued...—