Anastasia POV:
I've barely slept in the last few days. For hours I tried to connect with Beatrice, but she has given me nothing so far. Each time, the pit in my stomach grew, and the seeds of frustration and doubt bloomed evermore.
I want those thoughts to cease. I want to go back to being the ignorant girl. But how can I honestly do so without acknowledging all the suffering that has happened? Pain that I have experienced.
Disease ravaged my mother's once elegant face. Her warm hands, which used to hold me gently after a hard day of training, shook with a fragility not even seen in the elderly. A woman who was still so young, so strong and with so much love to give the world, reduced to a state some would argue worse than death.
I had thought that there had never been a worse injustice. But as I've learned of the larger world from Bishop Sebastian and the horrors beyond my small one, my mother was one of the fortunate ones.
Mother may have died young, but she at least got the chance to experience the beauties of life. She got to know and feel warmth despite all the terrible cold.
Now I know there are many who will never know the meaning of warmth. Will never know a mother's embrace nor a kiss goodnight like I did.
All life would give them was agony.
I have to do something. But what? I'm only a child. Just thinking about how many people need help-and how easily I could make things worse-is overwhelming.
Bishop Sebastian says that the cult has a way to end that suffering. While I am, of course, skeptical, I have not seen reason to suspect ill intent. In fact, all the people I've seen are quite happy. Children can find joy in bleakness, though that may be due to naivete. But the adults too had genuine smiles on their faces. I could sense no deceit or ulterior motives behind them. It was like a small glimpse of paradise.
I know there is going to be something that will reveal the cult's true intent. But what if there isn't? What if they really are looking for a way to save people? What if they really can do it? If they don't and they are missing a piece, what if that piece is me?
"Maybe then my father…" I began to think, but quickly discarded the thought. I gave up that childish dream a long time ago.
But there was still one undeniable fact. They are against the existence of the Aeon's I serve.
"The same ones who sit and watch as billions suffer."
Another pang of guilt riddles me as the thought lingered. Could I really in good faith take part in the cult's destruction? All they are is misguided. Maybe showing them the error of their ideals can make them turn back to faith.
Well, all those questions will be answered tonight when Bishop Sebastian takes me to their gathering. It is rare that I feel nervous about anything, but with the lives of many across the world on the line, the shaking in my breath just can't stop.
Sitting in my bed, I closed my eyes, trying one more time to connect with Beatrice. Alas, disappointment became my companion once more. I remember the first time I connected with Beatrice. So many tales of the Aeon's I had heard before that. But that was the first time I had felt divinity.
I can't even remember the feeling itself, but I remember the comfort it brought me. I just need to feel that again.
But until then, I'll have to make do with what I have.
Taking a deep sigh, I got out of bed. When I entered the kitchen, Asuka was already trying to prepare breakfast.
"Those do not go together," I say, startling the girl.
"By the Aeons, Ana. You scared me. I'm just preparing breakfast."
She's giving herself too much credit. One look in the kitchen and I thought she was trying to repaint the walls with jam.
"I've already told you, do not call me Ana. And how did you make this mess, anyway? Most people couldn't if they tried."
She scratched the back of her head nervously, but then her expression shifted as if noticing something on my shirt. Her brows narrowed and her lips pinched slightly.
"Are you alright?"
I tense slightly. Despite how she acts, her aptitude for anima is second to none.
"Father was right. She is a genius among geniuses in that aspect."
My fists clenched at the thought.
"It's nothing. Just nerves before the gathering is all."
She can sense I'm lying. But she won't push. That's the one thing I like about the Trinity.
Helping her clean up her mess, I prepared the breakfast she had in mind.
"A peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"
All that mess for a snack.
I quickly prepare four, two for each. I couldn't help but feel a bit of pride in those sandwiches. Even more so when she took a bite and looked like I had bestowed some kind of blessing on her.
"What are you smirking at?"
The question was so sudden that I almost dropped my perfect sandwich.
"Smirking? Whatever are you talking about?"
"You were just smirking at me. I saw you," she said, pointing a finger at me.
"I did no such thing. Kopika must have hit you too hard yesterday. You're seeing this."
Before she could respond, I inhaled my two sandwiches and left without saying another word.
~
"Let's open our holy books to chapter 6, verse 25…"
The closer I watch Bishop Sebastian, the more I believe I had mis-characterized him. He is oddly close with the other children in the Aeonara class, but I sensed no ill intent in his actions. It was the same when he talked about the cult. It's as though he genuinely thinks all that he's doing is for the greater good. Knowing that, it was hard to hate the man.
But it is strange. All the other students in the class have been through struggle at some point. Yet, I am the only child he has actively tried to recruit. I wonder what exactly made him pick me out.
"He… sees something special in me?"
An uncomfortable feeling burned my cheeks, and I rubbed them to make it go away.
"Sophia? Are you alright?"
Hearing the Bishop's calming voice, the intensity only worsened, and words to respond fled my mind. I snapped my head in his direction, and by the Aeons, I don't remember him being so good to look at. For how long I stared, I do not know. All I knew was that when I got my focus, the entire class had turned to me, waiting for an answer.
"Oh… um… it's… uh…"
Without saying another word, I leapt out of my chair and left the room.
"What the hell was that, Anastasia!? How are you losing your composure like this?"
I made my way to the ladies' room and didn't come out until I had fully calmed down. After all, I was going to meet up with him again later, and I would not let that happen again.
At some point, a few of my classmates came to check on me. They said that the bishop got worried and asked them to check on me. Heat once again found my cheeks, and I couldn't meet my classmates' eyes. One of them chuckled, and I peeked, only to realize they were all holding in their laughter.
"Hey! What are you all laughing at?"
I couldn't hide the embarrassment in my voice.
"NOTHING," they all said in unison and, while giggling, walked out.
I splashed water on my face again before also walking out. Of course, the bishop was there. Everything in me stiffened when he turned to face me. He was clearly worried. When was the last time anyone worried about me?
"Sophia. When you ran off, I wasn't sure what to do. Are you ill? Maybe you ate something bad…"
As he kept asking questions, I could feel my face relax and my breath hitch. A sudden warmth erupted from my heart. It reminded me of something that happened a long time ago.
An image flashed in my mind. A young deity elegantly sat on the bank of a lake, dipping her feet in and out of it as if confused by the sensation. Slowly, she turned, a soft smile on her lips.
"Finally. We meet."
Never had I ever heard a voice so angelic, a face of such beauty, nor felt so much comfort. Tears welled in my eyes. No words describing her would ever do justice.
I tried to speak when suddenly she frowned.
"That's too bad. Your heart disgusts me. I'll leave you a small gift. Now begone from my sight."
A godlike power surged through me, but she disappeared, and for five years has remained silent.
But I no longer need her. The comfort I seek is standing right in front of me.