Dust
One to choose, other to betray
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I couldn't see you. Couldn't even see the pain. All I could see was dust.
When the luck can no longer hurt the rigid soul, we call ourselves strong. But on a battlefield, a sword is God until it shatters.
Nobody knows the past. Nobody believes in me. I-I am sorry.
The story turns at a point where only one road is left. No choice ahead. Only getting the destiny is no longer enough who want to keep passing the barriers. The soul knows the truth. The soul believes the truth. Maybe today the firm grip will loosen to let the sword fall. And the warm wind on the field will crush brutally. Maybe the knees will be stuck with the soil. And the sunshine will no longer be familiar.
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There's no going back...
Still knows the value of the line. What he said he meant!
Jamie did not answer the question. He was only holding his jaw down and staring at the table. Let the hazelnut coffee turn cold...
'Are you coming, or not?'
He knows he has to face it. Although he was fully sure, he was praying no.
He is not a nerd. Just does things for the sake of friendship. He can not name it- sacrifice. He somewhat wants to finish it too.
'Yeah.' He answered in a low voice. He is confused and the thing is punishing him from inside. He asked God Why do we have to rely on one thing. And yet he was ready to give up the thing. Why did the thing itself choose him? He is just done!
The other mind is hoping to see one single star in this lonely night. Feeling the cold wind. Closed the eyes. And all of a sudden, some cruel truth hits upon. What do you want? He heard laughter.
He sees the flashback of the hand letting him go. And the empty chair was left alone. The foods were still fresh. Just the mind could not escape with you. Where did you go? Didn't you come to save it?
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'No, he didn't give me any answer or say anything. He was sitting like a statue. Probably thinking how a man like me- whatever I wasn't seeing any possibilities in his movements. All I could see was some- was some fear. And the fear covered the real feeling he was trying to hide all the time. At least it was me there observing each of his silences just for a stupid friend. I must wait until he breaks the delay.'
"You're just a coward! Bullshit. I-I used to think I could live with you forever. I don't even need a partner, Jamie. But you just cut me with the knife. You've-you've destroyed my life, Jamie, destroyed my life." Some tears appear. And I never wanted to be the reason. The reason to hurt my best friend. What can he do? He is the bridge between two detached paths. How can he sacrifice himself? Will it be worth it?
What was the story?
'Philippe, actually I Bethel and I had a crush on him. Bethel once told me when we were in college. And I just let it go, thinking it's all stupid feelings. But when Jhye was moving to Australia, he came to me- and confessed. He told me a lot of things, forcing me to believe what he really feels about me. I did not say anything. I-I should have rejected him straight but I didn't. And I thi-think I should. Because Bethel told me that I betrayed our bond ship just for one person. And you can see a lot of things are punishing now. How am I supposed to believe what's right? And there are a lot of things troubling me. I can not take it anymore. I just closed my eyes and chose to let it go. So that they both can be happy. But your friend never listens to mine. He is so stubborn...'
The eyes couldn't get the time to meet once. The beats may usher someone around. Yet the mind bears a lot more than dust on a battlefield.
You know you're doing too much. Thinking unnecessary. It's never your decision.
I know I do. All of a sudden, I thought what I did was wrong. From not rejecting to the last meet, all the things step by step, are wrong. How can you force someone to stay? Things are vanishing and coming back like phases of the moon. I am just not used to it.
I have a hundred grudges for myself in my heart. And at the same time same amount of pain. I can not balance it. And there he knows the horses have already been standing in a row. One signal and there's not a single dust left.
I have seen pain in his eyes. And I was so heartbroken that I had to choose either one of them. And it will hurt in both ways. But-but I have to do what's right. What's valid.
And how can someone win a battle by accepting the defeat?
A warrior never talks in the field. He does all the sorcery with the weapon. He just hears the sound of steel around him and makes himself ready instantly.
But the battle is my own. Let the opponent win. I can no longer rely on that.
He can not see the empty hand. He could not take the guilt.
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'Jhye.'
Maybe one word can soothe a trillion tons of anxiety whereas a passage with fake words might come suitably yet too far to touch the pain.
Jhye calmly hears the call. He is unsure for the next minutes.
After a pause,
'I don't know what should say. I shouldn't have taken the step to hurt you. You know I haven't come up with excuses. And-' 'Jamie,' Jhye holds his hand, 'I know what you've been through all the single time. And I have SEEN those in my eyes. I had a plan. Which was so simple. And it's all dismissed you know for whom. I JUST DO NOT WANT TO GIVE HIM ANY FURTHER WAYS-' Jhye suddenly changes the tone, ' -To hurt you. And you never hurt me, Jamie. Just don't say it. It was never your fault.' Jhye could see some tears appear. He extends his hand and wipes it instantly. And yeah he knows the signal. He knows when he's ready.
Breaking a heart is more cruel than breaking bones. And in their war, they were breaking both. Jhye can clearly remember the day when he packed all his luggage and came to this city. I only prayed one thing- I believe in destiny. And the love I do. I never keep this apart. I prayed- I want to see you again. And here where we met, on the battlefield!
Jamie did not fight back. He knows the opponent is his precious one. He could hear all the screams around, all the steel clenching. He was only standing there.
What was I supposed to do?
I only had one confusion. and it had eaten me up every time I wanted to change my mindset. He knows something might down for him. But he chose to stay.
Stay- in the middle of the field. He does not know who's winning here. He just paused after seeing Jhye.
'Jhye.'
'I am sorry.'
Jhye got up and hugged him. He knows he needs it. And this time I know I'd been defeated. I still know I chose the right. Jamie couldn't stop the tears. Still, all the sound was hammering his head. He saw Bethel. And you might win the battle. I might be staying here forever.
Jamie hugged him back. He lets the sword fall from his hand. Which was already shattered. He left it on the dust. The dust- what was once his curse!
....