Chapter 12
Himiko felt a bit vindicated. She was right when she said her instincts wouldn't be much affected by the change. Honestly, she just felt happy she could finally indulge in them. Her parents weren't much for physical affection. Maybe when she was little, before her Quirk came in, they would hold her and let her cuddle them, but she doubted that. They didn't hug each other much. Not that she thought they didn't love each other…seeing how they felt for one another made it very clear how differently they felt about their only child, but she guessed they just weren't physically affectionate people.
Which growing up sucked, because she was. Maybe it was the cat in her, maybe it was just inherent to who she was, but she always felt this burning need to be close to people. Unfortunately, her version of 'close' was apparently too much and not ladylike enough, so she never was allowed to indulge. Another part of her she had to chain down, her desires howling for release from the crypts she'd bound them in for her own safety, a constant aching pressure in the back of her mind.
But now? Not only were Izuku and Ochako quite willing to indulge her touchiness, even before the transformation, but apparently the change made Ochako into as much of a cuddle fiend as she was. Izuku was too, but for some reason they seemed more hesitant about how they held people. They weren't a fan of Himiko just latching onto their arms randomly, and so she avoided doing so, but they were more than willing to let her curl up in their arms and go to sleep in the warm sunlight that would stream in from the common room windows.
Which was how half of the trio spent the last two weeks, napping in the light. Not something either Izuku or Ochako was apparently used to, but the instincts did make them want to curl up in the warmth more often, which led to sleepiness. Honestly, Himiko felt like they could use it…they both looked so exhausted half the time. Sure, she knew she had eyebags, but she had like, a dozen health problems thanks to her Quirk suppression (according to Recovery Girl), and it made sense why.
Which…she was very, very slowly coming around to the idea that maybe, just maybe, she didn't deserve what her parents did to her. Izuku and Ochako backed her up, but…of course they did. They were bound now, thanks to her Quirk (curse), and they were her best friends who made her feel so warm and loved inside, of course they were on her side.
No, it was the others. It was hard for her to believe Inko, Miu, and Katashi, for the same reason she had trouble believing Izuku and Ochako. She was bound to their children now, and they were just kind and sweet people who wouldn't say a mean thing to anyone!
But the fact All Might, the number one hero, seemed genuinely angry at what her parents did that clued her into the fact maybe it wasn't okay. He tried to play off his feelings, but she'd learned how to recognize anger longago, to keep herself safe, and she could see it every time he mentioned a word about her parents. How she could see even the stoic Aizawa seem perturbed by the idea of her having to suppress her urges, and how he was insistentshe not do so while on campus.
It was how Vlad King had sat down with her one day and offered her a lovely meal Lunch Rush had prepared made out of blood based foods how did she not know these existed?! And a hero with a blood Quirk, why didn't she know about him before?
Not a single pro at the school seemed to care about her eccentricities, even as she found herself letting loose more and more often. When she one day admitted how afraid she was of the public, her concerns about how they'd see her, Midnight had pulled her aside the next day to talk softly to her about public perception and how she should not be afraid to be herself, no matter what they said.
All these strangers, these people who she started to learn were far more human than she'd ever thought they were, all of them supporting her and saying she was okay as she was…that was what made her start to believe.
Not that Izuku and Ochako didn't help. Once the ball was rolling, once she felt free to actually express herself more often, they…didn't stop her. If anything, they indulged her more. Maybe too much, she worried, because it didn't matter how affectionate she was, how clingy she acted, how often she'd ambush one of them for an impromptu cuddling session, they never complained.
And the worst part was, she knew they were being genuine! The whole 'emotion sharing' thing was really handy for that. Now that they knew it was happening, the trio had started (at Izuku's insistence), experimenting with it and it told her a lot. Probably more than Ochako or Izuku wished it did.
The first thing she learned is that, of the three of them, apparently she was an open book to the other two. Every time she started to feel bad, or disgusting, or guilty, they knew. Opening herself up to be herself apparently meant she started wearing her heart on her sleeve (and within the Quirk connection too), and it was now very obvious.
The second thing she learned was that Izuku hatedthemself. And she hated that. They kept it hidden well, oh boy did they, but once in a while it slipped across the connection and she could feel it, a feeling she was oh so familiar with. That's how she recognized it as well as she did…because she knew exactly what they felt like. That feeling of hating oneself, of pure, choking self-loathing that broke you down and forced you into a cage of your own making in your mind, she knew that feeling very well. And Izuku kept feeling that all the time.
She wanted to confront them about it. She planned to. Once she actually knew how or what to even say. How did she speak up when she couldn't manage her own feelings of inferiority, of shame, of guilt for how her Quirk had changed all three of them against their will? How could she help them when she couldn't help herself?
But that was only part of her worry. Ochako might be worse, because she didn't know why Ochako felt the way she felt, or what the feeling actually was, but it was bad. She was in pain, a lot of pain, pain that she refused to speak about or even seem to acknowledge, even to herself. Which she worried about. And the fact that she felt so cold compared to Izuku, which said a lot because Izuku said Himiko was cold to the touch too. (Izuku was the opposite, like a furnace compared to the two girls, and Himiko was very very very grateful for that fact).
Ochako's pain was worse every time they all sat down to eat, and Himiko had started paying more and more attention, and she did not like what she was seeing. Ochako…didn't eat a lot. At all. Himiko wasn't stupid. Especially with the stuff she saw back at school. She hung out with the 'popular' crowd after all, all those girls who had to be prim and proper and were gossipy bitches behind people's backs. But they were obsessed with their images, and one or two of them had been on extreme diets to stay thin…and she used the word diet very loosely.
Ochako was reminding her of them, and that could not stand. She had to say or do something, she just…wasn't sure what, yet. She wasn't sure she felt comfortable enough bringing it up to one of the teachers, or even their mentor, but…she needed to do something. About both of them. Because Himiko's version of self-destruction was killing her slowly, and it felt like the way the other two's version of self-destruction was killing them much, much faster…and she could not afford to lose them. Maybe it was time for her to take action…be a hero, like the ones who never came to save her.
Izuku knew they shouldn't. Half the time Himiko would waltz into their room without warning or knocking, which had led to some awkward moments where Izuku was about to change their clothes…yet they couldn't find it within them to really be upset about it, not with how much more freeHimiko seemed to be. She'd become clingy, but for some reason it didn't bother Izuku. They…kinda liked it. A lot. And from what they could feel from Ochako, she did too. Although getting used to the random flicks of their new ears and tails was taking a bit, especially as their tail kept getting caught in things.
But it didn't change that Himiko's random moments to rush into their room meant they had no chance to let out any pressure. Their eyes kept straying where they knew the small, blue box was, buried inside their desk under a mountain of notebooks, papers, and pens. Izuku's fists clenched after a moment, feeling the familiar overwhelming desire flooding up from within, the tingling sensation along their spine. Everything was just so much right now.
Training with One For All was enough on its own. Then you added the changes to their body, the ability to use the other Quirks, even reuniting with their childhood friends was its own form of pressure. Izuku was in awe of how much Himiko had to go through and how she made it through, and the strength Ochako seemed to exhibit every time they trained showed Izuku how much more she'd done than they had.
Izuku had nearly given up, not like the other two. Izuku had been a failure, almost an oathbreaker, and it was only the sheer luck of Toshinori choosing them as his successor that gave Izuku a fighting chance, a chance they couldn't squander, even if they didn't deserve it.
Izuku bit their lip, trembling in place as they stared at the desk still, as if they could see through it. They really, reallywanted to use them. It had been building up in the back of their mind for weeks now, this less than subtle need, all the pressure and focus on their training making them feel unsteady, unstable, ready to be washed away under the constant eroding waves that kept crashing over them them as they tried to stay afloat. It would be even worse when the rest of the class moved in, even less time to use them. Not to mention Izuku would have to be careful in the locker rooms.
Using the men's locker room so far had been fine, although they'd been offered a separate, gender-neutral room they had declined (they didn't deserve something for themselves like that). But it'd be much harder to hide the marks in the locker rooms…they supposed they'd just stick to their old methods of changing only in the stalls, and keep on undershirts and pants for hero costume switching. It was hot and they often overheated but it was better than anyone noticing. But gods it was tough not to touch the box, even knowing how bad a decision it would be, how much risk it'd put them at.
It didn't help that something was wrong with Ochako. They could feel it, and they weren't happy with what they felt. Feelings were tough to decipher, even their own could be a mess, but something about Ochako's weird determination combined with how exhausted she always seemed was…off. Himiko's eyebags had lessened ever since she'd started getting more blood and taking care of herself, but almost inversely, Ochako's seemed to have gotten worse. And she was now always cold to the touch, often curled up into Izuku's side whenever they sat down. Not that Himiko didn't, but she seemed more inclined to it just because it was comfortable, not like Ochako who seemed to need the heat.
Izuku was not entirely sure what was wrong but they had an inkling. You don't live as close as the trio did without noticing some things. Maybe if the three were ordinary classmates, Izuku wouldn't notice as easily, but when it was just the three of them, when Izuku would often cook simple meals they'd learned from their mom for dinner, when the trio spent ninety percent of their waking hours together, you noticed things. Izuku, oblivious as they could be, noticed things. And was pretty sure Himiko noticed too.
But what do you even do? Telling someone might just make it worse, but Izuku didn't think they could let Ochako go on like this. If Izuku was right about what was wrong, and they weren't sure but had a strong hunch, confronting her might be the right decision. But how? What did they say? Because over these past five weeks, Izuku remembered that Ochako was quite possibly the most stubborn person they knew. But could they wait? Honestly…maybe they needed to talk to Himiko about it-
Their thoughts were interrupted by a slamming of a fist against their door, followed by it swinging open to reveal the exact people Izuku had just been thinking about. Izuku blinked in confusion, seeing a similarly confused expression on Ochako's face (and hating the way her face looked gaunt and pale), but Himiko gave them no time to react as she reached out and snatched up Izuku's wrist, pulling them out of their room and down the stairs to the common room, where she shoved Izuku and Ochako down onto the couch and planted her fists on her hips, glaring down at them.
"...is something the matter?" Izuku ventured asking, confused by the emotions swirling around inside Himiko. Identifying others' feelings was still difficult for them, but Himiko's right now were so weird. Guilt, shame, fear, worry, affection, a dozen feelings Izuku couldn't begin to put to words but were wrapped about Himiko like a choking, suffocating blanket of feeling that she could barely manage. Considering how much fear was radiating off her right now, they worried even more about her. Himiko's ears were twitching, her tail flicking rapidly behind her as she took a deep breath.
"...I didn't know how to do this. I don't know how to talk to you guys about this, and it's super uncute of me to do so, but I can't stand this anymore. Keep it from the others, that's fine, I'll keep my mouth shut, but I need both of you to talk to me. To each other. We're linked now, a-and I trusted you two with my secrets, with how I felt, so now I need the same from you. Because," Himiko took a deep, bracing breath, closing her eyes as she did, opening them and staring directly at the two seated before her, "I'm watching you two slowly kill yourselves and I can't stand it."
"Himi," Ochako began, but Himiko cut her off with a raised hand.
"Don't. Don't try to pacify me, Chako. I know what you're doing. You can't hide it from me. You shoulda noticed by now I have an enhanced sense of smell because you two do too now, and I can easily smell when you hide food or throw it away when we weren't looking. And you keep forgetting you can't hide your feelings from me, from us! As you put it, I was one of the 'popular' girls. Do you know what those girls did to be popular? Do you know how often they'd skip meals, workout over and over, try all these fad diets and stupid things?!"
Ochako's face twisted, her eyes narrowing, her fists visibly clenching. "I don't know what you're talking about," she replied, her voice barely above a growl. Even the fur on her ears seemed to be puffed out in frustration.
"Oh yes you fucking do!" Himiko shot back, narrowing her own eyes in return.
Izuku swallowed. "I um…I noticed too, Chako. I-I wasn't sure what it was for sure, but I kinda suspected, and-"
"Don't you start with me!" Ochako snapped at Izuku, pointing her finger into their face. "You think we can't tell how much you hate yourself? And I wanna know why it hurts to change into you! I didn't check because I thought it was wrong, but every single time we change into you, it hurts. Wanna tell me why, since we're just dragging everyone's business out apparently? Huh?"
Izuku rocked back, eyes wide, but felt their own indignation welling up inside them at Ochako's tone. "So you're turning this around on me rather than facing up to it?"
"And you're avoiding the point! Of course you are, avoiding things is what you do, I should have expected as much," Ochako retorted, rolling her eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
Ochako scoffed. "You still avoid any mention of what your school was like! Your mom and Toshi and my parents are worried about you, but you won't talk about it! To anyone! Not even to us! And by not answering, you're basically telling us everything, so dunno why you think it's worth keeping your trap shut."
"Because that doesn't matter! That's over! It's done with and we're here! What happened back then doesn't matter!" Izuku shot back, waving dismissively.
"Pretty sure it does matter, because I'm like, ninety percent sure it's why you won't let us see you in short sleeves," Himiko muttered. Before Izuku could reply, she turned her gaze back onto Ochako. "But Izu's right too, you're just running away as much as they are!"
"I am not, what I do with my damned diet is my business, not yours!" Ochako leapt to her feet, her clenched fists shaking, her tail now flicking back and forth as rapidly as Himiko's.
"Is it? So what we think doesn't matter? Because in case you forgot, when you hurt, we all hurt!" Himiko shot back, throwing her arms out wide.
"Don't get all high and mighty with us just because yourbusiness got thrown out into the open! You weren't talking before you were forced to either!" Ochako shoved her finger into Himiko's chest as she raised her voice, only a step below a shout.
"She's got a point, Himi," Izuku's reply came, much quieter but a tone of heaviness in their voice. "It's not like you were out here, telling us everything, not until you were forced to. And we didn't pester you about it."
"And you're telling me you wouldn't have? You wouldn't have confronted me about it eventually? Even knowing how I feel?" Himiko shot back, watching as the other two failed to come up with a good response to that. She didn't bother waiting for them to seek up something else, continuing on. "Yeah, having all my stuff thrown out for everyone to see sucked. Which is why I said I'll keep this between us, because I'm trying to protect you from that!"
She whirled on Ochako, poking her in the chest in a mirror to how Ochako had just done to her. "Do you really think you can hide the whole food thing from an entire dorm of hero students? From when we go to eat in the cafeteria? From the fact you are pale, and skinny, and I can see your goddamned ribs when you change?! From the pro heroes who are our teachers? The only reason they haven't caught on yet is how much they let us practice alone, but you think it'll keep going once we hit class?"
"And you," she snapped, turning about to gesture at Izuku. "You think no one will catch onto what it means when you refuse to change around them, or how you only wear long sleeved shirts and pants? Not everyone's that dumb, Izu!"
"So what, you just want us to…what? Izu's got a problem, yeah, so we can help them, but I'm fine, I know what I'm doing, I don't get why you're harping on this!" Ochako said, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Izuku demanded, finally getting to their feet and narrowing their eyes at Ochako. "I'm doing fine!"
"Izu, c'mon, no, you aren't," Himiko scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Izuku felt something dark slithering inside of them, their face going dark and cold as they glared at the blonde.
"I don't think you get to tell me how I'm doing. Either of you," they hissed, looking between the two of them.
"Maybe if you actually talked to us, we wouldn't have to!" Ochako shot back.
"Oh like you're any better!"
"Great, now we're going in fucking circles," Himiko interjected, rolling her eyes.
"You started this! Maybe you shouldn't just go off digging into people's personal lives, and this wouldn't happen!" Ochako shot back.
"I can't avoid feeling your feelings, in case you forgot!" Himiko retorted. "And you're not nearly as sneaky as you think you are to begin with!"
"For the thousandth time, I am fine!"
"Like hell you are."
Izuku's hands were shaking as the two girls got into one another's face, their voices raised so high Izuku was worried that a teacher would notice and come running over, something they didn't want to see. But gods, they felt so goddamned pissed right now and…oh. Oh no. Oh no no no. Izuku quickly bolted forward, shoving their arms between the two girls and pushing them back, as gently as they could but with enough force the two stopped in consternation.
"Wait! Please, wait a moment!" Izuku pleaded with them, needing to break through the pounding feelings rushing through their head, making their entire body shake. "Himi, Chako…we're just making a feedback loop right now, we have to calm down."
"The hell are you talking about, Izu?" Ochako asked, still glaring.
Izuku swallowed. "O-our anger. It's being shared. And it's just making us angrier and angrier and we're just making it worse. Like the other night, when we all got super upset, it was way worse because we all were and it fed off each other's emotions. We have to stay calm, else we'll say something we can't take back."
"Shit," Himiko cursed, looking away. "I should've thought of that before I said something…fuck." After a moment, all the rage seemed to drain out of her and her shoulders slumped, looking down at the ground. "...'m sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't mean to make things worse. I-I just…I'm worried about you guys. A-and you helped me out when I was hurting so…I wanted to help you, you know."
It was like a bucket of cold water was thrown over Izuku, seeing Himiko's forlorn expression and feeling the surge of her guilt and shame. They could see Ochako's stricken face, the anger that had been coiling within her snapping and giving way to something else, something much more painful as she took a step back as if to center herself.
"...I'm sorry too. I um…I shouldn't have snapped at you," Ochako muttered.
"No, I shouldn't have just tried to force you to talk, I-"
"But you were just trying to help and I-"
"Chako-"
"Himi-"
"Izuku?" Izuku replied, cutting in between the two girls with an arched eyebrow as they noticed the duo starting to get trapped in self-recrimination. Izuku couldn't get rid of the nauseating feeling in their stomach, at how quickly they had almost gotten to blows, but they were forcing that feeling down as much as possible to try and get them back to a level playing field. Izuku could set aside their feelings when need be, so they could help the other two first. And if it took a dumb joke, well…they'd give it a shot. Toshinori did say cultivating a silly persona worked for him, after all.
"...you're a dork, Izu," Himiko said after a moment of consternation…but Izuku felt the tiniest shred of happiness at seeing Himiko giving them a sly half-smile.
Ochako cleared her throat, drawing their attention to her. "...I…I don't think I'm ready to um, to talk about that um…yet. I guess. Um…I-I wanna go for a walk. Can we talk um…tonight, maybe? I just need to get my head on straight I guess."
"...yeah, that's probably a good idea. I'm…gonna go train for a bit, and uh…yeah. Okay. Himiko, you were right, we learned about what hurt you and…maybe you deserve to know why I'm um…the way I am, I guess. Just, give me some time, okay?" Izuku added.
"Y-yeah, of course. I'll um…I'm gonna go do something else too. We'll meet back, later tonight I guess?" Himiko asked, unsure.
"Yeah. Okay. I'll um…I'll be going then," Ochako murmured, walking swiftly past the other two and heading for the door. Izuku nodded, their throat feeling closed, as they started to head up to their room to change into their training outfit, leaving Himiko standing there in the middle of the common room, looking lost. After a moment, she sighed, slowly walking out the door and heading the opposite direction she saw Ochako walking.
Chapter 13
Thud. Thud. Thud…thud thud thud. Thud. Thud. The repetitive sound of fists and feet meeting a punching bag resounded through the training area where Izuku was currently standing, focused on the heavy bag before them. Two quick left jabs, a right hook. A spinning back-kick. Quick snap kick with their other leg. Another flurry of punches, thud thud thud, staccato impacts ringing out in the room. No sparks of green covering their body, no Quirk active, just narrowed eyes, panting breath, and sweat dripping down their neck.
A glance at their phone, laying on the bench nearby showed they'd been at this for over a half hour, probably longer than they should be but…the burn felt good. The pain in their muscles, in their chest, it actually helped steady them, bring down the emotions, let them work out some of that leftover, rotting dregs of anger that festered inside their chest. And it was their anger; at this point they could tell the difference. Distance gave them enough to know this was all their own feelings, their own annoyance and frustration at Himiko just…saying those things. And Ochako agreeing.
With an annoyed huff, they slammed their fist into the bag harder than before, the impact reverberating through their burning knuckles. They weren't even sure why they were so mad, if they were being honest with themselves. The logical part of Izuku's mind knew that what they did with the razors wasn't acceptable to most other people, but those people didn't get it!
Izuku never got control over their life. From the moment they were diagnosed Quirkless, that was it. Their life was no longer in their hands, and was instead in everyone else's. They didn't get to make decisions for themselves anymore. The ones who hated Izuku were the easiest to deal with, really. Just bow down, accept your punishment, and move on. They got bored easily if Izuku didn't fight back, and since Kacchan was the ringleader, Izuku knew just how to placate the blonde boy.
No, the ones that were arguably worse were the ones who pitied Izuku. Or thought Izuku was too weak to amount to much of anything. The looks they'd get the moment someone saw their ID card, seeing the big N/A emblazoned under Quirk…it would always make Izuku feel like some sort of subhuman creature, rather than another person. As they slammed their fist into the bag again, they felt their eyes burning, the familiar sensation of tears beginning to trickle down their face as they kept thinking back to how they grew up and how unfair it was. Why? Why did it matterthat they didn't have a Quirk, huh? Why was that the only indicator of worthiness in this world? Why why why why why why why why WHY?!
Izuku barely noticed the green lightning that had lit up around them. They didn't notice how the air around them vibrated, how their skin seemed to shimmer as their eyes began to glow a toxic, radioactive green. They didn't notice as their fists hit the bag harder, and harder, and harder. How their new tail was flicking rapidly from side to side, nearly a blur with how quickly it was going. How they began to move faster, each blow coming slightly quicker than the last.
It wasn't fair, it was never fair, nothing was fair! It wasn't fairwhat happened to Himiko, how her parents, the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally, hated her for an accident of birth. It wasn't fair that Ochako had no money growing up, that even though her parents were lovely and kind and hardworking, they still didn't get a chance. Nothing was fucking fair!
With a furious growl, they spun about, smashing their foot into the bag with a spinning back kick. The green sparks around them almost seemed to skitter and leap from their foot to the bag, as the bag was ripped clean from the enhanced tensile strength chains that held it in place and sent it careening across the room to smash into the wall, the concrete cracking beneath the force as the bag burst open, spilling sand across the room.
Izuku stood there, half crouched, their hands curled into claws, panting, sweat mixing with tears down their face as they felt the sheer, unadulterated rage at everything swirling in their chest like poison circulating their bloodstream. They shook in place, the adrenaline slowly fading away and leaving a nauseating chill in them as they swayed in place. They began to lose their balance, but a hand unexpectedly caught their shoulder, startling them. They glanced up, seeing the stoic face of their teacher, Aizawa. Izuku tried to clear their throat, realizing how parched they felt, when they found themselves face to face with a bottle of water.
Izuku blinked, confused, as Aizawa shook the bottle before them. It clicked in their mind, and they grabbed it and practically ripped it open, their hands shaking, as they began to gulp down the cool, clear liquid. It took them only a few moments to finish the bottle, Aizawa snatching the empty bottle and tossing it unerringly into the nearby wastebasket. With his hand still on Izuku's shoulder, he gently pushed Izuku towards the bench, the green-haired teen meekly allowing themselves to be led over to sit down.
Aizawa took a seat next to them a moment later, saying nothing as Izuku found their mind a little bit more clear after the water and sitting down, realizing how they'd destroyed university property. They bit their lip, shoulders hunching, realizing they were likely about to get in serious trouble. They began to run over possible apologies and ways to make up for it, but found their attention drawn to movement by their teacher.
"Something bothering you, kid?" Aizawa asked, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Nothing, sir. I'm sorry about the room, I'll clean it-"
"Midoriya, these training rooms get destroyed on a weekly basis. We're lucky this is the first incident you've had yet. It's fine, we have plenty of ways to fix it, it'll be cleaned up in no time. But something has you upset. I won't pry if you don't want me to, but if you need to get something off your chest, I'm listening."
Izuku was taken aback by this. Aizawa…was a teacher. Teachers don't care about their students. Well…they supposed that they did if you weren't Quirkless. Which Izuku wasn't anymore, but Aizawa knew they used to be. This…didn't make a lot of sense. Although Izuku supposed that Aizawa had been pretty okay so far. He'd yet to threaten Izuku with punishment, or hit them, or tell them they were worthless. Truthfully, he'd been the nicest teacher Izuku had dealt with yet. Still, they weren't sure they felt comfortable telling them what all happened, but…they kinda did want an outsider's perspective.
With a sigh, Izuku spoke softly, not meeting Aizawa's gaze. "We um…got into a fight. An argument. Things got pretty heated, and um, the whole emotion sharing thing made it worse, and so…I came here to cool off, I guess."
"By we, I assume you mean you, Uraraka, and Himiko?"
"Yeah."
"Hm," Aizawa hummed, glancing at the destroyed bag. "Did it help you cool off?"
Izuku's shoulders slumped. "Not really. I um, I wasn't as mad at them anymore, but I just kept thinking about other stuff and…I dunno. I just got really mad. Things…things are really unfair, you know? I mean, of course you know, you're a pro, you know how unfair things are, if they weren't we wouldn't need heroes, but like, does it have to always be unfair? And I don't know if what we argued over was unfair too? Was it wrong of me to get upset with Himi for trying to ask us to talk about stuff? She made some good points about how we know all about what's hurting and upsetting her, but Chako won't talk either, and they got in each others face over it, and I was getting really mad because Himi accused me of doing stuff, and Chako was being really dismissive, and I just don't know what to do!"
Izuku took in a few deep breaths, having pretty much not breathed once throughout that whole rant, their words going progressively faster through it. Their fists were clenched unconsciously, nails digging into their palms, and they forced themselves to release their grip lest they start to actually puncture the skin (not the place).
Aizawa was silent for a moment. "Mind telling me what's so unfair?"
"...I'd rather not get into it," Izuku muttered.
"Does it have something to do with the 'laundry list of psychological issues that Midoriya clearly has', as Hound Dog put it after reviewing your file?" Izuku snapped their head up to look at Aizawa, wide-eyed, meeting their teacher's gaze with a shocked expression. Aizawa shrugged. "His words, not mine. But it's not like anyone here doesn't realize that."
"I-I d-don't know what you're talking about," Izuku sputtered, taken aback by the bluntness.
"Don't treat me like a fool, kid. We all know. We don't know the specifics, but it's clear you have some issues. Which to be fair, pretty much every pro does, so I suppose you're just ahead of the curve."
"...do you?" Izuku ventured, wanting to move the topic off themselves and somewhere else.
Aizawa's lips quirked into the tiniest suggestion of a smirk. "I don't have issues, kid. I have subscriptions. Or so my husband tells me."
"What do you do about them?"
"See a therapist. Spend time with my husband. Get dragged out by Nemuri and Tensei unwillingly. Grade papers and lament the future of society. Craft elaborate pop quizzes for hero students to make them suffer so I may feed off their grumbles and complaints. Really, all of the above."
Izuku blinked, flabbergasted by how absolutely bluntAizawa was, and how upfront they were. This…wasn't how they normally acted. At least not in prior training sessions. And admitting they saw a therapist? Well, Izuku supposed they saw a lot of bad things as an underground hero-
"It isn't that, kid. I see a lot of things on the job, but that's not the reason I started seeing a therapist," Aizawa interrupted Izuku's thoughts, making the teenager realize they'd been speaking aloud. Izuku flushed, embarrassed, but kept quiet as Aizawa continued. "It's a long story I won't bore you with, but back when we were still in school, during our work study, one of my friends was…lost. And so was I, for a while." Aizawa turned his gaze upon Izuku, his expression focused and severe. "That's why I teach the way I do. I don't want to see any of you end up like him."
Aizawa broke his gaze after a moment, looking ahead. "Pretty much any pro has a similar story. Lost a friend, or a family member, or just the number of times they've failed to save a civilian. Whether it's a natural disaster, or a villain, or even just an accident, no one is unscathed when they see that. So we do what we can to mitigate it. There's nothing wrong with seeking help. Or confiding in friends. Is that what Himiko wanted you to do?"
Izuku paused for a moment, before nodding slowly. "...yeah. And I guess I just…I felt like she was putting me on the spot. N-not that I had anything to say-"
"Midoriya," Aizawa cut them off with a stern tone, Izuku clamping their mouth shut. "I'm not going to force you to tell me. But you don't have to lie. You're an adult. You get to make your own decisions. If you want to keep everything inside, that's your choice. But it will make you a worse hero, that is a fact. Even Yagi has confidants he trusts with how he feels. So tell me this…why are you so against trusting them?"
"I do trust them!" Izuku protested.
Aizawa tilted their head to the side. "Yet you don't trust them enough to confide in them about what's upsetting you?"
Izuku squirmed in place, looking down at their hands. "It's…not about lack of trust. I just…I don't want to bother them with my stupid problems. Or bother anyone. I'm just being stupid about things, that's all. Other people deserve that sort of help way more than me, I'm just being an idiot-"
"Enough," Aizawa cut them off again. "You're being unfair to yourself and to them. Do you genuinely think that Himiko and Uraraka don't know who you are? The three of you are thick as thieves, and that's not even counting this shared Quirk weirdness you have going on. Why don't you let themdecide if they want to hear what you have to say? And kid?" Aizawa reached over and placed his hand on Izuku's shoulder, making the teen look up at him once more. "Never say you don't deserve help. Everyone does."
"But-"
"Everyone does." Aizawa kept his gaze locked on Izuku's for a moment, before releasing their shoulder and leaning back slightly. "One conversation isn't going to fix things, and I'm no psychiatrist. But I want you to try to give yourself just a little bit of credit. You were thrown into an incredibly strange scenario, between getting a Quirk like One For All and then it linking the way it did with the other two, and yet even though you've had it for only a couple months, you've made excellent progress. So just give yourself some room to breathe. Okay?"
Izuku didn't know how to respond to that…how to respond to anything Aizawa had said so far, really. They, they wanted so badly to believe him but it was hard. But, in the back of their mind, they could feel it…Himiko was worriedabout them. Both Izuku and Ochako. But mixed with it were a dozen other emotions…trust, affection, fear, sadness, frustration, more and more tangled in a twisted wire, but above all, faith in them. Aizawa was showing some of himself to Izuku too, admitting to what hurt him in the past. Himiko had been forced to reveal her past, but she didseem a bit happier ever since she had; Izuku had to concede that. Maybe it was time they tried something new.
Izuku sighed. "Thanks, sir. I um, I think I'm gonna head back to the dorms. I um…I think I gotta talk to Himi and Chako."
"Alright. I'll see you three tomorrow for training then. Good luck, kid." With that, Aizawa stood up and left the room, leaving Izuku to muster their courage. With a deep breath, they stood up and began the trek back to the dorms, ready to try admitting something…whatever that something actually was.
Ochako leaned against the wall, pressing her head into the cool concrete. She'd ended up jogging to try and take her mind off the argument she'd just been in, but it took little time before she found herself feeling too weak and nearly collapsed over it once more. Her mind swam with the words Himiko and Izuku had said, especially Himiko's mention of those 'diets'. For oh so long she thought she'd hid it so well but it didn't seem like she did, and she had no idea how to address that, because how was she supposed to explain it to them?
Because she had to. She realized that now. They weren't about to let it go, and the worst thing would be if it got back to her parents somehow, because even if they shouldn't, they'd feel guilty, she knew that. And if she didn't convince Himiko and Izuku of the rightness of what she was doing, that was a legitimate possibility she couldn't ignore.
Although a small voice in the back of her head, one that had been growing steadily louder since she started spending more time at the dorms with the other two, made her wonder if…maybe she wasn't thinking about this all that clearly? 'No!' she snarled internally. No, she knew what she was doing, and, and it was fine, right? She was fine. They just didn't get it, but surely if she explained it right, they'd understand why she had to do it, right? Surely-
"Uraraka? Are you alright?" a soft voice asked, startling her from her thoughts and making her jump. As she spun about to confront the one who spoke to her, she spotted the dark-haired visage of Midnight, a pair of glasses perched on her nose, hair pulled back in a ponytail. Midnight was in what looked like comfortable sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, the least dolled up Ochako had ever seen the woman in her entire time at UA or on the television before, so different from her normal look she had trouble recognizing her at first.
Oh, right. She'd asked a question. Ochako swallowed, her mouth feeling dry for some reason. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."
Midnight arched an eyebrow at her, lifting a mug up that she'd not noticed before and taking a sip. After she finished, she tilted her head to the side. "Are you sure? I don't mean to pry, but you look a little pale."
Ochako really did not want to talk about this…but she was starting to realize that she was being even more suspicious with how she'd been acting. Himiko and Izuku acted like it was right in their face and, even if she hated to admit it, Himiko had been right about how observant her teachers tended to be. Moreso than the ones back at her high school, at least. Ochako felt herself wobble a bit, her vision going blurry for a split second. She bit the inside of her cheek to use the pain to stabilize, letting out a sigh.
"...I got in a fight with Izu and Himi," she murmured, looking down at the ground.
Midnight let out a contemplative hum. "Would you like to talk about it?"
Ochako considered it for a moment. She didn't want to get into why she'd fought, but…she couldn't ignore the gnawing guilt roiling inside her, how much it bothered her when she snapped at the other two. She didn't think she'd ever get physically violent with either of them, but she was so angryfor a moment she hadn't been thinking straight, and part of her wanted to lash out so badly. Remembering those feelings, remembering how close she'd gotten, she couldn't help but feel awful about it. Maybe…maybe talking to someone who was disconnected from the situation would help? After a moment, she looked up at Midnight and nodded silently.
The older woman gave her a soft smile, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and leading her away. She led her towards one of the larger dorms Ochako had seen the teachers leaving from, the one she assumed was their on campus home. It was confirmed a moment later as she followed Midnight through the door, noticing Present Mic, his hair down, sitting on the couch in what she assumed was their common room, looking over some papers. She felt more than saw Midnight hold up a hand for forestall Mic's questions, the blonde looking at the duo blankly for a moment before giving them a wide grin and thumbs up, turning back to his papers.
Midnight led Ochako to the elevator, hitting the button for the third floor. A few moments later, they arrived up there, Ochako noting there were only two dorms on that floor, on one each side of the hallway. Midnight walked unerringly to the door on the left, swiping a keycard over it and gesturing for Ochako to enter before her. Ochako did so, noticing a rather neat looking apartment setup. It was very open, a kitchenette on the right side leading to the main room she had entered, which led off to what she assumed was the bedroom and bath on the left. Midnight gently pushed her towards a couch in the center of the room, walking over to the kitchenette.
After a few moments of nothing but the sound of Midnight clinking around in the kitchen, she returned with a mug that she placed before Ochako, soft wisps of steam floating up from it. Ochako took the mug into her hands, feeling the warmth nearly searing her cold fingers, realizing it was tea as she brought it close enough to smell. She took a cautious sip, eyes going wide as she noticed the subtle hint of honey. She blinked, looking over at Midnight, the older woman smirking as she sipped from her own mug.
"How'd you know how I like my tea?" Ochako asked.
Midnight shrugged. "No clue. I'm always good at guessing that. Hizashi thinks it's witchcraft, don't tell him otherwise," she winked as she said that, making Ochako stifle a giggle at the silly comment. A few moments passed where the two women sipped their drinks, before Midnight placed her mug down and turned to face Ochako, her hands now clasped in her lap. "So…want to tell me what's going you all twisted up?"
Ochako sighed, setting her mug down. "...we got in a fight. And…I guess it was like, all our faults? But I think it might have been mostly mine."
"How so?"
Ochako gestured helplessly, unsure how exactly to get into it without details, but pushed ahead in the hopes of it somehow making sense. "Himi…she confronted me and Izu about some stuff we hadn't talked about, and I got kinda annoyed at her for it, and then Izu brought it up too, and I snapped at them for it and kind of called them a hypocrite, but then they got upset with me for that, and they were upset with Himi, and I got in her face and ugh," Ochako leaned forward, planting her face in her hands (pinky raised), her voice muffled. "The stupid emotion sharing thing made it worse. Izu figured it out before we said anything too bad, but with all of us getting angry, it just…"
"Ah. A feedback loop of some kind?" Midnight asked. Ochako nodded silently. "I see. So something that may have just been a minor disagreement got much worse because your feelings compounded with theirs and it kept escalating, and now you feel bad for having been so angry?"
Well…she wasn't entirely wrong, Ochako mused to herself. It wasn't the whole picture; then again, she didn't wantMidnight to know the full picture, but maybe a little bit more wouldn't hurt. She sighed, sitting upright and letting her hands fall from her face. "That, and…part of me thinks Himi was right? Or at least, that I should explain things to her and Izu. I mean, we share emotions now, and we're all tied together through these Quirks, so like, it's hard to hide things. And, honestly, I don't like hiding things from them."
Midnight hummed. "May I ask you a personal question, Uraraka?"
"Sure?"
"Does the thing you're hiding have something to do with why you are so pale and underweight?"
Ochako froze, eyes going wide as her head snapped over to look at Midnight, the older woman looking at her with a piercing, steadfast gaze. Ochako swallowed thickly. She knew this was a bad idea, coming to talk to her, oh god she was going to try and interfere and-
"Uraraka, calm down," Midnight commanded her in a soft tone, making Ochako jolt as her voice dragged her out of her spiraling thoughts. "I'm not going to pry if you don't want me to. Would you rather not answer that question?"
Ochako, her heart rate now slowing ever so slightly, narrowed her eyes at Midnight. "Doesn't that just answer the question if I don't answer?"
Midnight shrugged. "Not really. There are many possible reasons for that. If you're asking if I have a suspicion, of course I do. All your teachers do, and especially Recovery Girl. If you want to know what I think it is, I'll tell you. But I also understand if you don't want to hear it."
Ochako was even more worried now, hearing that all the teachers thought something about her. But maybe she could nip it in the bud; if it was the wrong idea, she could encourage that, and if it was the right one maybe she could turn its path somehow? Besides, whatever Midnight said wouldn't be right, because she didn't get why Ochako had to do this, so like, even if it was similar, it was different for her! Yeah, okay, that was the plan.
After a few more moments of consideration, Ochako nodded. "...what is it?"
Midnight picked up her mug and took another sip from it, as if delaying her response. She set her mug down once more and looked at Ochako, one knee pulled up onto the couch so she was fully turned towards the younger woman. "I think you avoid eating. That for whatever reason, you skip meals and food and it's led to you feeling weak, dizzy, and cold."
Ochako didn't flinch, having prepared for this internally, but she also couldn't find words to respond at first. She took a deep breath. "Why would you think that?"
Midnight paused, looking up as if she was contemplating something before turning her gaze back to Ochako. "Well, our initial suspicions came about because of something Recovery Girl noticed after the Entrance Exam. Your levels were off, or something, I'm not much of a medical professional myself. But that led to some discussion. And then these past few weeks, we've all noticed it. You falter long before Midoriya or Himiko does, and you keep getting more and more pale and your clothing fits on you much looser. Finally, we're all trained to look for these things…you wouldn't be the first hero student to do something like that. In fact, you're looking at one who did."
Ochako's brain, which had been careening down a worried and fearful track of 'oh god what do they know' came to a screeching, crashing halt at Midnight's last words. Her eyes went wide, jaw dropped, staring at the older woman before her. That…made no sense, why would she? She had plenty of money, and she looked beautiful, so it couldn't be that!
Midnight chuckled. "That's very flattering of you to say, but no one said self-esteem is objective." Belatedly, Ochako realized she'd said the last few thoughts aloud, and flushed, feeling embarrassed. Midnight continued on. "I chose to make myself a sex symbol, for a number of reasons. Some were practical; my Quirk works better on those who are attracted to me, if a villain is distracted by my looks they are easier to take down, and I was going to be judged by the media anyways so why not lean into it? Some were personal. I like being sexy, and I will be damned if a woman owning her own looks is something to be ashamed of. And some…well, back then, some were because I needed the validation. It took many years before I could get out of that mentality, but back then, well…when you want to look a certain way, and everyone around you has expectations of how you should look, sometimes you take more extreme measures to get what you want."
"B-but I d-don't," Ochako began, her words cut off by Midnight.
"You have your own reasons, I'm sure. But whatever the reason, I can say confidently that it isn't worth it, Uraraka. It's not. You may believe it's helping, but I can promise you, as someone who lived in that mental state, as someone who has had to watch numerous young heroes go through something similar, it does not help. There is a reason that we have an entire section of staff here dedicated solely to dietary needs. Quirks alone changed the way we have to approach nutrition, and then you add onto that the fact a hero's duties are so intrinsically tied to physical activity, well…nutrition is important to what we do."
Midnight picked up her mug and stared into it with a solemn, contemplative look on her face. "Of course, that's just practical considerations. There are more important ones, too. Your physical health, for one, but I already know you'll claim that this is somehow healthier. It's not, but you've convinced yourself it is. People always do," Midnight mused, one finger slowly tracing along the rim of the mug. "How it affects your mental and emotional health is another thing that's often overlooked. Or how it impacts your relationships. Even now, you're all worried and upset because this has come between you, Midoriya, and Himiko, which should be something you need to consider."
"But we're fine! It's just an argument, we'll be fine later!" Ochako burst out. She didn't want to hear any of this, because Midnight was right but also wrong, she didn't get it! Ochako had a reason for what she was doing, and she was really doing just fine!
"Oh sure. They'll forgive you, of course they will. You're their friend and mean the world to them. That's not the issue, Uraraka. It's not you they won't forgive. It's themselves."
Ochako blinked. "...what's that supposed to mean?"
Midnight set her mug down. "It was my third year at UA. I'd been doing this 'diet' on and off again ever since starting UA, and that year was the worst. You see, I'd been doing a lot of internships and work studies, and I got into the top 8 in that year's Sports Festival. My face, costume, all of that was plastered everywhere, and everyone had an opinion on me, and especially on my looks. So I thought maybe I just needed to slim down, just a little bit. Not too much, just a bit. Of course, a bit turned into a bit more, and then a lot more, and…well, you don't need the whole sordid tale."
Midnight rolled her shoulders, looking up at the ceiling. "I collapsed during a training session with Tensei. Ingenium, if you've heard of him. He was my best friend from my year, and we were doing a sparring match in a damaged building. The idea was that we had to fight on unstable ground where it could fall apart at any minute. There were plenty of safety measures in place to keep us safe, of course, but I had failed to check them properly before our fight. When I collapsed…well, I nearly fell out of the window behind me. Tensei caught me just in time, and brought me to the nurse."
Midnight brought her gaze back down, meeting Ochako's eyes. "Thing is, he was never mad at me for it. And neither were my other friends. Not Hizashi, not Shouta, not…Oboro." Midnight paused, her gaze looking suspiciously glassy before she shook her head. "None of them got mad at me. But they were mad at themselves…for not saying anything. They knew, they recognized it, but they didn't think it was their business to interfere. Or they figured I'd stop on my own. But the thing is, I wasn't thinking straight. Mental illness isn't like that. Finding your way out on your own is pretty difficult. Either way, that happened…and they never stopped feeling guilty over it."
"...never?" Ochako whispered.
Midnight shook her head. "Never. Sho goes out of his way to make sure there are snacks in my desk. Hizashi always invites me out to lunch whenever another article comes out that comments on my appearance. Tensei sometimes has nightmares of me falling out that window and him not being fast enough to catch me. Only found that out a couple years ago when he got so drunk at an office party I had to be the designated driver and take him home. He probably doesn't remember telling me that, but I've never forgotten it. In my selfishness and inability to see what was really going on, I hurt a lot of people I cared for. And no matter what I do, I can't take that time back. So that's why I keep an eye on the students. I know the signs, I know what it looks like, and while anyone can fall down that hole, it's far more common amongst the young women attending this university. So, to answer the question you didn't ask, yeah. I've suspected it for a while with you."
Ochako squirmed. She still wasn't ready to admit anything, but her curiosity meant she had to ask. "...but you didn't tell anyone?"
"I wanted to see if you'd get better once you were out of your prior environment. The assumption was that you started it as a way to save money, which is why I wanted to see if once that wasn't a concern, you'd stop. But that was a futile hope I guess. So tell me…you know that food isn't an issue here. So why avoid it?"
A small part of Ochako considered actually answering her. She'd already figured out her secret, and she seemed to sort of get it? But…no. After the fight she'd had, she'd already decided she was going to tell Izuku and Himiko, so, no. She'd keep it to herself. She swallowed thickly. "I…um…is it okay if I don't talk about it? I want to talk to Himi and Izu."
Midnight nodded. "That's fair. I get that. That's fine. But can I ask you to consider something?" Ochako hesitantly nodded. "I'm sure you've decided you have good reason for what you're doing, and that it's different and makes sense, and I'm not going to try and argue with you about it. I just want you to consider how you'd feel if it was Himiko or Midoriya doing it."
Ochako felt an instinctive surge of denial and worry roar through her, but she tamped it down. Midnight was just trying to throw her off…no, no she wasn't. Ochako wasn't so stupid as to not realize she was just looking for an excuse to dismiss what Midnight was saying. Maybe she had a point; even if something deep within her was railing against the words she was thinking, she pushed them down and would take what the older woman had said to heart. At least, about making sure Izuku and Himiko understood whyshe did it, so they wouldn't feel guilty.
Ochako nodded hesitantly, but didn't respond beyond that. After a moment, she stood up, setting her empty teacup down. "Um…thanks, Miss Midnight. I think…I think I wanna go talk to Himi and Izu."
Midnight smiled. She held out her hand. "Give me your phone for a moment, would you?"
Ochako was confused, but pulled her flip phone out. She felt herself flush slightly in embarrassment, but Midnight didn't react to the clearly out of date phone, just flipping it open and hammering on the keys quickly before handing it back. Ochako glanced down, seeing a new contact in place, a Nemuri Kayama. She looked back up at Midnight in confusion.
Midnight smiled. "That's my name. If you need anything at all, or want to talk, please feel free to reach out, okay? I mean it. I'm here. I may not know everything about what you're going through, but I do understand it on some level. So please feel free to reach out if you feel like you need someone to talk to."
Ochako clutched her phone to her chest, feeling an inexplicable warmth flood her chest at how nice Midnight…no, Miss Kayama was. She nodded, a tiny smile visible on her face. "Thank you."
Kayama smiled back. "Stay safe, Uraraka. I hope your talk goes well." Ochako nodded again, turning around and leaving the apartment, headed back to her dorm, where she knew she had a long talk waiting for her.
"...and that's where I fucked up and now they hate me," Himiko said, slumped on the couch, staring down at her hands as her tail flicked back and forth, agitatedly.
Toshinori blinked down at her from his seat next to her. "I sincerely doubt they hate you. And you would know if they did, you'd feel it through the link. Come now, young Himiko, don't be maudlin. Friends fight sometimes, it happens. It's unfortunate and upsetting, but they adore you. They wouldn't let something like this ruin your friendship. And, to be frank…I think you did the right thing."
She glanced up at him with wide, teary eyes, hope and disbelief visibly warring within her. "You, you really think so?"
He nodded gravely. "Yes. I…we are aware something is wrong with both Izuku and Ochako. And by we, I mean myself, their parents, and the teachers here. Those two are not nearly as sly as they think they are." He waited as Himiko let out a shocked giggle, before continuing. "The specifics escape us, but well, we all have suspicions. That said, someone needed to actually confront them, and among everyone involved, I feel like you were uniquely qualified to do so."
"...why?"
"Well, for one, the bond makes it more difficult for them to hide things from you. From a practical perspective, them trying to hide just hurts you as well and you can use that in your conversation, as you did. Two, you three share a deep, abiding friendship that lasted for a decade without one another. That is a connection no Quirk can emulate or cause, after all. Three, well…be honest, you haven't beenfully upfront with us about your life with your parents, but I bet you have with them, yes?"
Himiko flushed, looking away from Toshinori as she fiddled with her sleeves, her ears laying flat on her head. That was answer enough, the older man smiling indulgently at her. "I'm not offended by that. No one is. I'm just pointing out that you have a special relationship with them that the rest of us don't. It gives you an 'in', as it were. And someone had to eventually confront them."
"...but they were so mad at me," she whispered, still not looking up at him.
"I suspect they were at least partially mad at themselves, and as you said, it became a loop. You can sense them now, can't you? Do they feel mad at you?"
Himiko paused, taking a moment to reach out across the bond. She rarely did so, feeling like it was a bit of an invasion of privacy, but this was just a check in. Izuku…was in this weird state where she felt like they were just coming down from anger, combined with some confusion and a tentative emotion she could barely place as…hope? Ochako was in a controlled state of panic, but also fascination, as if she was being told something horrifying yet compelling.
But she could not find any trace of lingering anger at her. At themselves, yeah…guilt, self-hatred, self-doubt, self-loathing, worry, those emotions she easily picked up swirling about both of them, ones she knew were also present in her chest, but no anger, not at her at least. No hate. Just internally focused negativity, which…no that didn't make her feel better. At all. She'd rather they were angry at her than at themselves.
It took a moment, but she realized Toshinori was patiently awaiting her response. Basically what he'd been doing the entire time, when he found her wandering aimlessly across campus and pulled her into his office. He'd sat her down, gotten her some tea, and had been patiently waiting as she spilled out what happened back in the dorms, her fear and worry and anguish all mixed up as she sat there, terrified she'd messed everything up, just when things had finally started to get better for her. She wasn't even entirely sure why she was telling him, except…he'd been there. When she had fled from her family, he was there. When she needed to see Izuku and Ochako, he had been there. And when she and the other two needed help with her Quirk and its effects, he'd been there.
Idly she thought it a bit funny that his catchphrase really did seem to be true. He was there. She shook her head to clear it. Toshinori was waiting for an answer. "Well…no, they don't seem to be mad at me anymore-"
"Well there you go!"
"But that doesn't mean they won't get mad again! I really pushed them! I shouldn't have, I just was so scared of what was hurting them and I just wanted them to stop hurting!" Himiko exclaimed, her fists clenched.
"You had the best of intentions, and as I said already, it really did need saying. Give them some time to cool down and think. Be patient, young Himiko, and trust in your friends," Toshinori said, gently admonishing as he smiled down at her.
Himiko sighed. "But-"
"Himiko, why is this really upsetting you so? You already checked, they are not mad at you any longer, so why is this such a concern for you?"
Himiko shimmied in place, uncomfortably, before it suddenly exploded out of her in a rush. "Because I'm scared! I don't want to lose them! I can't lose them! Not after everything, they're all I have left! My parents hate me, I have no friends, I only know you because of this sharing thing and I don't wanna lose them!" Her breath escaped her rapidly, her gaze stuck staring at the floor.
Toshinori let out a deep breath. He shuffled slightly closer to Himiko on the couch and spoke softly, his voice gentle. "Himiko? Would it be alright with you if I gave you a hug?" Himiko sniffled, nodding silently, her head still downcast. Gently, he reached out and wrapped one bony arm around her shoulder, tugging her into his side, the blonde teenager unresisting as she curled into his side. Toshinori continued to speak in his quiet, soft tone. "Himiko, no matter what, you will neither lose them nor any of us here. We're here for you. We want to help you. Your parents failed you, and society did as well…but we will not. Not any longer. Please do not lose hope. You are a hero student, going to go on to become one of the greatest heroes of her generation, of this I am confident in. And we'll be here to support you every step of the way."
Himiko, eyes half-lidded as she curled into the warmth stemming from Toshinori's side, sighed softly. "...you promise?"
"I promise, Himiko. You, Ochako, Izuku, you all are very important to me. I wish to support all three of you. And I am very invested in these next hero students about to join you. I've done a lot as the Symbol of Peace, and now I want to make certain that my knowledge and experience can be passed down properly…not just to my direct successors like you, Izuku, and Ochako, but to every student I can. But more than that," Toshinori broke off with a smile, waiting until Himiko glanced up at him, "I find myself very fond of the three of you. I know you're upset, and you have every right to be, but don't lose your faith in your friends or in us, alright?"
Himiko didn't know how to fully take Toshinori's words to heart, but she felt like she wanted to. But to do that…she needed to talk to the others. She swallowed. "T-thank you, Toshi. I-I think I should go talk to them, then." She made no move to get up from his side though, still appreciating the warmth that radiated from his bony form.
Toshinori checked his phone as it dinged softly at his side. "Izuku and Ochako are occupied for a little bit longer, or so Nezu has informed me. Would you like to stay here for a while until they are free?"
Himiko paused…then nodded. Toshinori's arm tightened around her shoulders, keeping her close. She felt some of the tension leave her shoulders and neck, finding her eyes closing slowly, her breath evening out. The adrenaline from earlier had drained away, leaving her dizzy and shaking, but for now, just for now, she felt safe…and that was enough for her.