Chapter 19
[Shota Aizawa]
Pain was a very prominent thing in his mind at that moment.
Above that, however, was the concern for his students. He'd charged in, attacking the villains as he was used to. Diving into a situation with little information and the weaker hand was a familiar situation for him, much as he hated that. It was a necessary thing for his line of work, after all.
Everyone knew what heroes could do and not even underground ones could escape this. Villains, however, had the advantage of anonymity, for the most part. Even old villains held more unknowns than old heroes, for the simple fact that heroes had to deal with the public. Few reporters or civilians would even dare to ask questions of a villain and there was only so much that a hero could keep hidden from the masses.
Despite that, Shota liked to think he'd done a good job himself, but that still meant that many villains would think they could take him with numbers and mutant Quirks. It was honestly insulting, but he'd never been too worried about that. If the bad guys wanted to underestimate him then all the better.
That day though, he knew things would be hard even before he started fighting the villains. There was only so much that one could fight bigger numbers with skill alone and this group of criminals certainly went past that. However, Shota's objective hadn't been to beat them all, it had been to buy time. Take the villain's attention to himself while Thirteen took the students away and called for backup.
He hadn't expected to be so readily ignored and for the villains to go straight for the kids. Even if the criminals were there for All Might, they had to know the kind of shitstorm that would go their way if they killed or otherwise harmed U.A. students, right? After all, these weren't the first and probably wouldn't be the last to attack the school in hopes of damaging the next generation.
Nezu was as feared and given as much freedom as he did because the chimera bastard was an absolute beast when he needed to. The underworld feared U.A.'s principal as much as they feared All Might himself. Because a punch of the Number One Hero hurt a whole lot, but the damage that Nezu could do would hurt as much, if not more, and without the guy even lifting one of his paws.
Evidently, they weren't dealing with a normal group of villains, which was… bad.
And it had gotten worse when Shota was faced with the behemoth that the pale man called Nomu.
With a sickening crack, he felt a new wave of pain shot through him. His arm was broken, and he'd been erasing his Quirk. Nomu, whoever or whatever he was, was that strong by himself. 'What even is his Quirk? Mutation?' he wondered, doing his best to keep his mind working. His students needed him.
Nomu's fingers wrapped around his head and brought it up and back, so he could look forward.
There had to be something he could do. Maybe he could erase someone's Quirk. Maybe he could make a call. Something other than lying there while his students… He didn't even know what was happening to his students. He couldn't just pass out or wait there, even if he was in pain. His students might be in a worse position.
He couldn't just do nothing.
That's when it happened though, the roar.
Some mix between a pained scream, a shout of rage and a wail of desperation. A sound that Aizawa wasn't sure he'd ever heard before. He didn't recognize the voice, but he certainly recognized the sight of his student when his eyes followed the direction of the sound. Sure enough, there stood one of his problem children. Ironically, the one he expected to be the worst and ended up being one of the best.
There he stood, in his monochrome costume, red eyes staring straight at Shota. The teacher could only laugh bitterly in his own mind. What a sight he must have made at that very moment. However, that wasn't the most important thing to note at that moment. Neither was the fact that Endo had likely attracted the attention of the villains around. Certainly that of Nomu, if the creature/man's shifting was any indication.
No, the worrying part was the shadows under the boy, extending in all directions like a pitch black mantle was spread over the ground. There, a myriad of red eyes peeked outside the darkness towards them before the creatures came out. There were whines coming from the boar monsters, barks coming from the werewolf ones, caws from the ravens and cries from the humanoids.
Instantly, Shota remembered all the warnings he and the rest of the school staff had gotten in regards to Endo. All the must know that had been included in a file all of them were told to know like the back of their hands. Information that had been gathered by authorities, researches and even Endo himself.
'Be careful in places with high levels of negative emotions.'
Shota was fairly sure that USJ had become one such place.
'Keep Endo away from such concentrations of negativity and preferably distracted.'
Shota didn't know what had happened with Endo, but judging by the sight before him…
'Don't let Endo make a number of creatures higher than three. More than six is a Code Black danger.'
Shota was a little out of it, but he was still very sure there were more than six Grimm around.
'Endo went on a rampage,' he realized in a second, looking as the veritable flood of creatures rushed in his direction. 'As if things weren't bad enough already,' he lamented. Because besides the pain and the fear for his students, Shota felt regret. Regret that such a promising student would lose his chance to shine.
It wasn't even Endo's fault, but the villains', that much was clear in Shota's mind. However, he was sure that authorities wouldn't see it that way. They'd just see another Black Rampage and decide that it'd been a mistake to get the child out of his cage. Endo would never see the outside world again and the outside world would never get to see the hero the kid could be.
It was with pity and regret that Shota saw the incoming Grimm. One of the boars clashed against Nomu, but it barely did anything. More joined it a moment later, each of them doing absolutely nothing, as Shota expected. Then came the werewolves though, and those proved more effective. Their fangs and claws cut through the hard skin of Nomu, but they barely delivered scratches.
They did accomplish something though, and that was making Nomu fight them, taking the villain's attention away from Aizawa. Unfortunately, for the teacher and underground hero, he was too wounded to really do much. So, he could only watch as the barrage of pitch black creatures assaulted the area.
"You came to the wrong place, bitches!" he heard Endo shout, the teenager's voice completely changed. Or, not really, but it did feel like someone else entirely was speaking through the kid's voice. "You have any idea how pissed off I am? How hurt I am? How fucking done with all this I am? How much I hate you?!" Endo shouted then, the words starting to distort ominously, before he laughed.
It sent a shiver down Shota's spine, to hear that sound. Not because he'd never heard something of the sort, but because he'd never expected to hear such a thing come from one of his students. It was the kind of laugh he'd have expected from a villain, not a hero in training.
There was only madness there, Aizawa knew.
"You are all so-," the boy growled, more of his Grimm taking shape and barreling towards Nomu. "-fucking," he continued, walking from where he'd come, the Landslide Zone, towards where Shota and the main villains stood. "-annoying."
"We didn't have intel about a hidden boss in here!" Shota heard the pale man, the one with hands all over his body, protest loudly. The man didn't even seem phased by the army of monsters around him. If anything, he sounded annoyed.
"And I didn't have intel about a fucking idiot attacking my class!" Endo shouted at them before laughing again. "But here we are, handjob! Now, be a nice little bitch and stay still."
"No, nonono! We aren't done here! Not until All Might dies!" the pale man shouted in response, brushing his hands on the Grimm that rushed in his direction and making them turn to black dust. "You aren't going to stop us! Not you, not Eraserhead, not Thirteen, nobody!"
"Watch me, bitch!" Endo screamed in his laughter. More monsters formed from his still extended shadow, many of them running at Nomu and burying the thing/man in a small mountain of bodies. A number of them, however, rushed the pale man. "I can do this all day!" the boy added.
Shota was focusing on something else too, however. Something that caught him off guard and made his eyes widen. As he looked around, the Grimm rushed both villains… and only the villains. He laid there, barely able to move, but the monsters made of negativity just rushed past him as if he weren't even there to begin with.
That wasn't what a rampage was supposed to look like. Nobody had been safe when Endo had last lost it to his Quirk before. 'But that was years ago,' his mind whispered to Shota, which was a valid point. Had Endo gotten better? Had he gotten enough control now to avoid casualties or was it just because Shota barely counted as a person at that moment in his eyes?
"No, no!" the pale man shouted then, sounding about as gone as Endo did. "This isn't how it was supposed to go!"
"Tomura Shigaraki," a new voice said, and when he turned, Shota saw the mist man, the one that had teleported the villains in. "I'm afraid one of the students got out."
There was a moment of silence then that was soon followed by Endo laughing once more.
"How shitty a villain do you have to be, to get bested by students, huh? Sucks to suck, right?" Endo asked then, laughing even more as he walked forward, spawning more Grimm all the while. "And it's gonna suck even more, once I'm done with you," the boy added then, and something in his voice shifted once more. It turned into a growl of sorts, something deeper, darker.
It sounded louder, lower, less crazy and more cold, less mocking and more menacing. Shota was sure the Grimm he was making were getting bigger and bigger, nevermind the fact that there were more of them too. 'More Grimm, less control,' Shota remembered then.
"You all started a fight here," Endo growled as a dark chuckle escaped him. "And I'm gonna end it. I'm gonna end you."
'Stop him,' a part of Shota's mind told him. 'Stop him before he gets even more out of control,' it urged him. But he didn't, because Endo was the key to keep the villains under control. If Endo went down, Nomu would wreck the other students. Not even the likes of Todoroki or Bakugo could stand a chance. Not even Endo himself did, but he had enough numbers to buy time then and there.
If Shota erased the kid's Quirk, they were all dead, especially Endo and Shota themselves.
It was controlled at the moment, nobody was getting attacked except the villains. The Grimm weren't doing anything to Nomu anyway, from what Aizawa could see at least. Tomura Shigaraki – if that was even his real name – and the mist villain, for their part, seemed to be fine too. The former just turned the creatures into dust and the other warped them away.
"Die!" a new voice called and Shota grimaced. Of all the times for Bakugo to be his belligerent self, it just had to be then and there. Of course it did. Worse, when he turned around, Shota noticed that the boy wasn't alone. Kirishima was following him into the battle, which-
"Get the fuck out of my way," Endo growled, one of his beowolves smacking Bakugo away mid air from where he'd propeled himself. "These bitches are mine. They ruined myday. They are making me feel terrible. And they are going to pay for that," the kid declared.
"The fuck did you-"
"Bakugo!" Aizawa shouted, and his everything hurt even worse just by doing that. His ribs screamed, his lungs demanded rest, his mind blurred. He had enough presence of mind to see Kirishima get tackled away by one of the boar creatures though. "Go help somewhere else, both of you! Endo is barely controlling himself!"
"Bitch, please," Endo laughed then. "I'm fully in control. Always am, always will be. No other way around it, teach. How can I not be in control, with all this POWER!" the boy announced then, shouting to the heavens as he laughed even louder than before, the sound echoing around them. "And you, villains, will be the first to get a taste of it all!"
Shota saw it then, the shape forming behind Endo as the boy glared bloody murder at the villains, the widest of grins on his face. The shadow extended, grew, and toweredbehind his student. A mountain of darkness loomed over them all then, taking shape, its maw, its claws, its wings, its mask. With every new bit that took form, Shota knew this wasn't one of Endo's usual Grimm. No, this was…
This was the Black Rampage, born anew.
There was a loud explosion then.
"HAVE NO FEAR!" Shota heard and he sighed in relief. "FOR I AM HERE!"
Immediately, he erased Endo's Quirk. The cavalry had come. There was no need to play with fire anymore. And if he let him… Who knew how much damage the kid could do, to others and to himself.
[}-o-{]
[Kazuki Endo]
It was ironic, that the one time he wasn't being bombarded with negative emotions from outside, he was from inside.
'I did it again,' he thought, dropping to his knees. Things were happening, but he couldn't see them. His mind just kept replaying the last few minutes for him, on loop, driving a nail in his heart every time. 'I did it again,' he repeated, dismay filling him.
He'd worked so hard, he'd put so much effort into neverletting his Quirk get the better of him, but there he was. He'd been a step away from causing a second Black Rampage. It had been so close to getting out again. It had been so close to forming once again…
And he'd just… He'd just done nothing. He'd let his emotions get the better of him. He'd let his Quirk get the better of him again. His control had slipped and he'd been useless. He hadn't been able to get himself under control. He hadn't been able to stop. And the worst part…
It felt so good to let loose.
'I am a monster, in the end,' Kazuki thought, remembering everything. The way he'd flooded the villains with his Grimm. He hadn't done any real damage, apparently, but that wasn't the point. The point is that he'd wanted to do damage. He'd even attacked classmates. He felt sick, just replaying the memories of how his Grimm had attacked Bakugo and Kirishima.
'Should have stayed in juvie, served my time and just… hidden away somewhere,' he thought, looking up hopelessly. Then, his Quirk kicked back in, slamming into his mind with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. His hand twitched, almost wanting to summon a Grimm, but he forced it down. No more Grimm, no more…
No more…
Except, the pain made him look up. The sight before him froze Kazuki as he stared forward. All Might was fighting the beast/man/villain… And he wasn't winning. The mist villain was involved too and… And the hero…
"I sustained a very serious injury some years ago. I've never been able to recover from that, and thus… my current situation," he remembered All Might telling him, back at his apartment. Kazuki's eyes widened as he realized where most of the pain was coming from and… 'Am I just going to stand here and pity myself?' he asked himself before his face cleared of all emotions.
He let the negativity wash over him and then, his shadow extended once more. He'd failed the expectations of everyone that had trusted him. He'd failed himself, by losing control. He'd done everything he had promised himself would never happen again…
Maybe he'd get expelled for letting his Quirk go wild once more. Maybe he'd be thrown back in prison once more. Maybe he'd lost his one chance at doing something with his life.
However, he was still there.
And he could be a hero, if only for a moment, if only to himself.
Beowolves appeared from beside him, not one at a time, but all three at once. 'Only three, Kazuki, only three,' he chanted in his mind, glaring with his red eyes at the beast of a villain that was fighting All Might. The thing that was damaging All Might. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed things by bringing all three Grimm at the same time, but he couldn't afford to wait. He needed to step in… and that's what he did, commanding his creations to charge forward.
He could wallow in his self-hatred later, when there weren't lives on the line.
The mist villain seemed to try and intercept his Grimm, but the guy himself was interrupted by Bakugo. The guy exploded the criminal's mist away before grabbing onto some sort of metallic thing. Kazuki didn't have much time to consider that, since there was a loud crack of concrete where Shigaraki stood… Or better to say, next to where he had stood. Kirishima had evidently missed his swing at the guy and hit the ground instead. Meanwhile, the beast villain was half-covered in ice then, as Todoroki walked into the area.
"The Symbol of Peace won't go down as easily as you, clowns," Todoroki said then, as All Might freed himself from the grasp of the beast villain. 'Good, now we just have to deal with these bastards,' Kazuki thought, wondering how to go about that.
They'd mostly shrugged off his barrage of Grimm, so what could he even do with just three? His classmates were strong too, but… Kirishima likely wouldn't do much against the beast and Shigaraki was a definite no. Bakugo and Todoroki… Well, maybe they could do something to the big one.
That meant Kazuki was the best to deal with Shigaraki, the leader.
"Round Two," he said then, raising a hand as he sent his beowolves at the villain, completely ignoring the big one as it broke the ice that had contained it. That one he couldn't do much about, so he'd leave it for others to take care of. Nobody could get close to Shigaraki without crumbling to dust though, if his Grimm were any indication, so he'd take care of tha-
The beast blurred and Kazuki's eyes widened.
Only he seemed to go for Bakugo instead of him. Something was hit alright, it seemed, but that wasn't the explosion guy, considering he was standing somewhere to the side. Looking back to where the hit was directed, he saw All Might standing, with his arms crossed as if to block a hit.
"Nomu! The pale bastard!" Shigaraki called then, and the beast – Nomu – turned towards him. For a split second, Kazuki pondered on the irony of the villain leader calling anyone pale. That is, before his world blurred and his chest burst into pain, followed almost immediately by his back.
All Might cried out something, there were other voices too, Shigaraki soon joined. Kazuki wasn't quite able to pick up on those though. Everything hurt, his chest, his back, All Might's chest and so many other things. There was pain everywhere. Pain from him, from the hero, from the Nomu – pain, pain, pain, pain –, from further away where other classmates and villains were…
'Shigaraki,' Kazuki thought, pulling his mind together and ignoring the pain as best he could. Pain was an old friend, after all. He could keep going. Breathing was hard though, so very much. With a raspy, shallow breath in, he opened his heavy eyelids.
His beowolves were still there…
"A HERO IS SOMEONE THAT SMASHES THROUGH EVERY OBSTACLE THAT LIFE PUTS IN HIS WAY!" Kazuki heard All Might shout and he managed to look at where the man was fighting Nomu. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND, VILLAIN?!" the hero asked then. "PLUS ULTRA!"
Kazuki let a pained chuckle out then. Everything was fine, in the end, because injured or not… All Might was there, and that was all that mattered.
And yet…
He felt it though, the pain in his chest getting worse and worse. Not only Kazuki's but All Might's. His injury was getting to the hero, Kazuki knew. 'That form…' Kazuki realized. All Might hadn't told him anything regarding that, but there had to be a reason why the man was so buff one moment and a skeleton the next, right? He needed to do something, or All Might's secret…
He was afraid. The Number One Hero was afraid, nervous, and Kazuki knew why. He was talking to the villains and while only half the words reached him, Kazuki knew what he was doing. He was trying to get the villains away without having to fight them…
Because he couldn't fight anymore.
'I've got you, All Might,' Kazuki thought then, steeling his nerves. He reached to the beowolves he'd created, like a puppeteer reaching for their controller. Then, he made the creatures charge at the villains. There were cries from his classmates, to leave it to All Might and what not. Someone was reaching him, but he didn't pay them any mind.
All Might's fear and nerves had diminished, and that was all that mattered. The man wasn't feeling worse, or annoyed, or anything like that. That meant Kazuki had done a good job. He just needed to keep it up.
So, he did. His beowolves attacked Shigaraki and the mist villain. He was careful not to let the former touch any of them though, even when he teamed up with the warper. He couldn't afford to lose any of his creatures. Creating another and sending it to battle would take time he might not have.
He just needed to keep the villains entertained, buy time. Time for All Might to recover, maybe, or for the hero to come up with something else to do. Time for help to arrive, hopefully, even though every passing second made that sound less likely. Maybe time for his classmates to help too.
Bakugo joined in then, explosions first and words later. God, Kazuki had never been so grateful for the boy's short fuse. Nobody else did though, but that was fine, beowolves plus Bakugo was good. It'd be enough to buy time more definitely, and that was fine by Kazuki.
'Come on, someone, something,' he thought, coughing. A coppery taste filled his mouth, it was familiar but… But he couldn't focus on that. His red eyes followed the battle instead, his mind focused on his creatures and his goal. Nothing else mattered.
"Endo, Endo, you gotta stop!" a voice told him from his side. It sounded familiar too.
"I have… to keep… going," he said, eyes fixed on the villains, his creations and Bakugo. "Buy… time…" he said, coughing again.
"Endo!" the person cried out and it sounded feminine to him, but that was irrelevant. He needed to keep going. Just a bit more… Just a bit more… "You are bleeding! You are coughing blood! Stop!" the person shouted, but it sounded so faint, so far. Shigaraki was extending a hand towards Bakugo through the mist villain's warping power.
He directed one of his beowolves to intercept like they'd done a few times already. A second hand came from out of nowhere, however. This time, his creature moved slowly – too slowly – just like Kazuki's thoughts.
A gunshot rang then and Kazuki saw the extended hand snapped to the side. There were some shouts and new voices then and-
"The heroes are here, Endo!" the voice next to him said and he let a slight smile spread on his face.
'Good… Then I can… rest… right?' he thought, his eyes closing.
"Endo!"
Some rest sounded good…
Chapter 20
"You were a reckless idiot."
"I was," Kazuki admitted with a sad smile.
"You let your Quirk take over again, deliberately sabotaging yourself, if your recount of events is to be believed."
"I did," he agreed, looking forward but slightly down. He didn't have the courage to meet the person's eyes, as it was. He'd messed up and he knew it. This was just… adding salt to the injury, really.
… It'd been so good too, to believe that he could be a hero.
"You attacked other students," the person next to him accused and he grimaced. Sure, he didn't like Bakugo and Kirishima wasn't a particularly close friend anymore but… It still sucked. They were still classmates, after all. Innocents. "You got involved in a fight that was not your own, when there were heroes that could take care of things."
He'd have protested that one. Aizawa and Thirteen were basically out of the fight, it seemed. On top of that, Kazuki was sure that All Might had been too, even if the man had been standing. Maybe his reading of his sense's feedback had been wrong, but he rather doubted that.
"I did," he admitted with a sigh anyway. What difference would it make? Even if one of the things he did was arguably not that bad, it wasn't anywhere near close to the worst thing he'd done back at the USJ. It'd be pointless to argue that.
"I expect you to do better in the future."
"I understand, si-" Kazuki started, before pausing and blinking. "In the future… sir?" he asked hesitantly, turning to look at Aizawa. It hurt, to see his teacher covered in bandages, but he'd been reassured that the man would make a full recovery, which was the important part.
Everyone would, as far as he'd been told. There'd been a few serious cases involved, Aizawa and Thirteen being the main ones, of course. He'd heard Hagakure had been out of it too, but that Recovery Girl had taken care of that real quick. Sato had apparently been to a hospital too, but he'd been let out in less than a day or so.
So, Kazuki was the one that recovered the slowest. Apparently, his internal wounds were too serious for Recovery Girl to just heal him with her Quirk. From what he'd been told, the woman's power allowed her to speed up natural recovery, but that wouldn't quite work with him considering his ribs had been all messed up.
So, he'd been hospitalized and then treated by the healing hero. Even then, the woman couldn't heal him right away and had to heal him bit by bit. Which sucked, because every "session" left him exhausted even though all he did all day was stay in the hospital bed.
"I… don't think I heard you correctly, sir," Kazuki mumbled, looking at the man in disbelief. In response, Aizawa just looked at him. However, he could feel the emotions coming from the man. Besides the pain from his injuries, there was pity too. Some guilt and frustration, but mostly pity.
"You are not being expelled, Endo," the man told him, as if he'd read his mind. His eyes widened then and he had to stop himself from being too hopeful. There was no way… No way…
"I, but I… I lost control, I turned… I almost let out…"
"But you didn't," Aizawa said, interrupting his incoherent babbling. "You've been in control of yourself and your Quirk for years now and the whole faculty has been witness to how good your hold on both is, in class and in the training facility recordings. That's not going to go away just because you slipped once, Endo. Especially not considering the circumstances."
"But I… At the end there, I was about to-"
"There were villains everywhere, Endo. You were outnumbered, overwhelmed and in a desperate situation. Nobody blames you for what you did. If anything, the schoolshould be blamed for what happened, not you. You should never have been in such a situation," Aizawa explained, and Kazuki could tell, even behind all his bandages and long hair, that the man meant what he said. Unless he could fake those levels of guilt and shame, that is, which would honestly be very impressive.
"That's… That's good," Kazuki mumbled, gripping tightly at the covers. He couldn't believe it. He was already seeing himself back in juvie, if he were honest. Not in a million years did he expect to remain at U.A. after almost causing another Rampage. "That's great," he breathed out. He continued shaking where he sat, his previous nerves and dread turning him into a trembling mess instead.
"Unfortunately," Aizawa started then, making Kazuki tense up all over again. Immediately, the man rolled his eyes and the boy felt exasperation roll off of the man. "I am here to tell you that there'll be consequences all the same. We have to keep up appearances, even if we don't think they are necessary. There's more people than us involved in your case and we have to keep them happy."
"If I'm not being expelled, I'll do whatever you want," he replied, chuckling nervously. He even meant what he said. Would they cut off his free time, tighten his leash and keep him at the apartment when he wasn't in class? Would he have to be escorted everywhere and maybe took out of his class or something? He could take all that.
If he could still be a hero, if he could still help people, he'd take it.
"It was decided that you'll have to start going to the school's counselor for the foreseeable future, Endo," Aizawa told him and Kazuki nodded. Then he waited, but the silence stretched.
"... And?" he asked, preparing himself for the worst.
"That's it," Aizawa replied, drawing even more incredulity from the boy.
"What? But that's… Basically nothing!" he said, unsure if he was arguing or what, really. "It's literally nothing. I was going to ask for that anyway!"
"Then it's a good thing, isn't it?" Aizawa replied, apparently amused by his reaction, if his muffled voice was anything to go by. "And what's this about already wanting to go?"
"I… I just… I feel like I need to talk to someone after… that," he answered hesitantly, his fingers curling around a handful of the cloth that covered him on his bed. "Not that I don't trust you, or my friends, or anything but… I used to go to the psychologist back in… Well, in juvie, and it never helped much, I don't think, but… Well, I… I liked to talk to someone. I think it helped that I didn't know them and I don't think they cared so…"
"It was a way to vent, get things out," Aizawa supplied, making him nod.
"Yeah. I… I hate my Quirk, and I'm afraid of having to use it again," he admitted, looking down. Some hero he'd make, being such a coward. Some hero he'd make, being more dangerous than the villains themselves. "I'm afraid of having to push it again. Will I need to summon more creatures some other time? Will I need to summon faster for some reason? What if I slip up again and you aren't there to stop me? I hate my Quirk but… But I want to use it. I know it can be used for good but…"
"Understandable," Aizawa said, nodding slightly. "Your Quirk is more dangerous and unstable than the average one. Being afraid and nervous to use it is completely understandable," he explained. "I think it's commendable, that you are already thinking of how to get over that. Most people would fall to their fear, deciding not to use it entirely. I know that has happened before."
"I… I can't decide not to use it," Kazuki replied, smiling bitterly. "I tried, way back when… After things happened. I tried to never summon a Grimm again but… That just makes things worse, so… I need to keep moving forward. I need to improve."
"You could not become a hero. We aren't forcing you on this path, Endo. Even if it seems that way, Nezu likes you, and those of us that have had the… pleasure of knowing you like you too," Aizawa told him, putting a sarcastic emphasis to "pleasure" that Kazuki knew he didn't mean. "We'll help you, if this isn't what you want to do."
For a moment, after that, Kazuki remained silent. He didn't know how to answer to that, really. As if he didn't have enough on his plate trying to process the fact that he wasn't being expelled or even punished in any meaningful way… Being told that felt like another thing being dropped on him out of nowhere.
He didn't think he had a chance of not being a hero. He'd thought his future would be either being miserable or being a hero, with no in between. He'd thought himself without chances and now… Now he was being told he had all the chances in the world…
And yet…
"No," Kazuki said, his voice low but firm. "I'll be a hero."
He heard his teacher snort then and he would have sworn that the man was smirking under the bandages.
"That's the spirit, kid."
[}-o-{]
"You are good to go," Recovery Girl told him, giving him a pat on the arm. "Do try to be less active for the next week, alright?"
"I'm guessing I can use my Quirk though, right?" he asked, standing up and stretching a little. Being mostly confined to the bed was more than a little annoying, being free again was great.
"That should be alright. You just have to be careful not to strain yourself. You might be healed, but that doesn't mean you are fine. It'll take a bit to fully recover," Recovery Girl told him, looking at him with narrowed eyes as he moved around.
"Ok, I can do that. I can study, and train my Quirk. Not doing physical exercise won't be too bad," he commented, smiling at the woman. "Thank you for the help."
"It's what I'm here for," the woman told him, a kind smile on her face. "I'll admit, it's nice to have a patient that actually listens. You wouldn't believe how many people are difficult about the smallest things."
"I mean, I want to train anyway, but there's a lot of things I have to work on. I'll just work on something else until I can go back to sparring and such," Kazuki admitted, taking a deep breath in. It still felt difficult. It didn't hurt but it was uncomfortable to do so. "Do I have to come for a check up later on or something?"
"It'd be better if you came by at the end of the week, but you should be good by then," the woman answered, tilting her head slightly and Kazuki was suddenly feeling like he was being analyzed under a microscope.
"I'll drop by then if it's not a problem, ma'am," he told her, trying to sound as polite as possible. He didn't want to get on anyone's bad side. Some people had to be a bit more wary of him now, right? No way word hadn't gotten out of what happened at the USJ. Besides, this was the school nurse. In U.A., he was likely to have to deal with her often. It'd be better if he wasn't on her bad side.
"You are a smart cookie, huh?" the woman asked him, grinning slightly. "I'll be waiting for you then. Don't disappoint me."
"I won't?" he replied hesitantly. How was he even supposed to be able to do that in the first place? Doing physical exercises when she expressly told him not to? He wasn't that much of an idiot. And besides, he regularly stayed at the school after hours on the training facilities. What was a little detour to the infirmary on Friday, really?
"See that you don't," Recovery Girl said then, hitting her cane on the ground, as if physically ending their conversation, before leaving the room.
[}-o-{]
Kazuki had been making his way back home, to his apartment. Besides the obvious freedom of being able to leave his bed and all, moving back from the hospital to his place was much better for a number of reasons. For one, he hadn't had access to his phone or anything on the days he was otherwise undisposed. For another… he just missed the place.
It was still mostly bare, sure, but it was his. It was his in a way that even his father's house back before the Rampage had never been. It was his in a way that nothing had ever been before then. It was his place, he'd added little touches everywhere, through the days, the weeks. Like the many books he filled the shelves with, or the plants on the balcony, or the way he'd set up half the dining table as a desk.
So, he was looking forward to being there once again.
Which is why he was rather pissed off when he saw people waiting for him outside his door. He'd have been something else if he hadn't known better though. As it was, he just turned to look at Aizawa, who had been accompanying him for some reason. Considering the police were apparently looking for him, Kazuki now knew why the man had been interested in doing that.
"Don't worry," the man told him simply, bluntly. Somehow, that entirely too weak, bland reassurance worked. Kazuki nodded and turned to regard the officers and who seemed to be a detective, at least if he went by his outfit. He was a pessimistic little shit and he knew it, but even Kazuki couldn't find a reason for Aizawa to tell him that things were fine just before throwing him back to juvie or something like that anyway.
"Kazuki Endo, I'm Detective Tsukauchi. We have a few questions in regards to what happened at the Unforeseen Simulation Joint," the now confirmed detective told him without so much as a greeting. Judging by the look of the guy and how utterly exhausted he felt to his sense though, Kazuki thought he could cut him some slack.
"Sure thing, can we do this inside? Do you want anything? I have coffee, tea, juice and water," he offered as politely as possible. The faster they got done with things, the faster he could relax. He also wanted to check in with his friends. He had heard that Hagakure was fine, but he wanted to verify, just in case. Everyone else was supposed to be fine too, but it wouldn't hurt to find that out for himself too.
"We are good, but doing this in private would be better, I imagine," the detective answered, to which Kazuki nodded. A minute later they were all inside. Regrettably, he was short a few chairs at his table, but the police officers seemed to be fine just standing while Kazuki, Aizawa and the detective sat at the dining table. He had to clear some of the mess he'd left on the piece of furniture before everything went to shit though. After all, he had been using part of it as a desk.
"What can I help you with?" Kazuki asked, already having some ideas of where things would go. He really didn't like what those were though, but considering his luck…
"If you could give us a report of what happened from your side of things, it might give us a better insight on what happened," the detective told him and Kazuki deflated where he sat. "We've been made aware that there were… Less than ideal situations and that things were less than ideal as a whole. We just want to know so we can, maybe, gather more information on the villain group that attacked you and your class."
Hesitantly, he turned to give Aizawa a look. When the man nodded, Kazuki took a deep breath in before nodding himself. He spoke slowly, trying to wring every detail he could from his memories. Anything, from the villains that had been teleported with him, to every piece of nonsense they had said. Even when he knew it was useless, he just… He didn't want to assume anything and if a single asinine piece of information could make the difference, then he wanted to try and give it.
The only thing he resolutely didn't explain was why he had commanded his beowolves to attack the villains at the end. That was All Might's secret, after all, and Kazuki would tell absolutely no one, not even the police. He'd be the first to admit that the authorities could be of dubious trustworthiness, after all. He wanted to trust them, he really did, but that could only extend so far.
"I'm sure All Might appreciates what you did," Tsukauchi told him with a very specific smile on his face. Behind him, the officers looked at the man in confusion. Kazuki, for his part, blinked at the man. 'He knows?' he wondered to himself.
"Or maybe he just thinks I'm an idiot. I was pretty out of it from the hit. Even I don't know why I did that," he said, because that was his story and he'd stick to it, come hell or high water.
"That's fine," Tsukaichi reassured, still giving him the same smile that the officers couldn't see. Kazuki decided to ask All Might about that as soon as possible. Until he could confirm anything, he'd keep quiet. "Now, I mean no offense with this, but I have to ask."
"Hit me with it, Detective. Honestly, things are already going much better than I expected them to. You couldn't ruin this for me if you tried," Kazuki told him. Tempting Murphy, maybe, but he was feeling brave. A day before, he thought he'd be thrown back into the hole he'd been taken out of. Now that he wasn't, he wasn't sure how they could make him feel bad.
"Did you have anything to do with the villain attack?" the detective asked and Kazuki just chuckled. He'd expected something along those lines.
"Besides being a victim? No," he replied confidently and the man seemed surprised that he'd taken that so well. "I honestly expected that question first. Gotta question the villain kid if he was somehow helping, right?"
"You are not a villain, Endo," Aizawa said, his first actual words through the whole event, actually. Kazuki was almost surprised to hear him, really.
"Can you confirm this in any way?" Tsukauchi asked then. "Can you prove that you didn't help the villains and that you weren't involved in any way with it besides your capacity as a victim? This isn't because you are an actual suspect, but to keep… people from making assumptions and assuaging worries."
"This is my phone, I don't have any other. You can check the place if you feel like it," he said simply as he pulled his phone from the backpack that had been brought back to his place at some point. Aizawa had told him about that on the way, actually. "What I do is semi-monitored, but I'm sure you know that. Most of my days I'm either here, at school or with friends. You can check with them that I was, indeed, with them at all the times I wasn't at any of the places I mentioned."
"That's good… Too good," Tsukauchi replied, smiling wryly at him. "If I didn't know you are actually a good kid from what I've been told so far, I'd think you were getting your alibi ready."
To that, Kazuki just shrugged. He'd just been honest. It wasn't his fault that he didn't have much to do when he was alone. What was the point of going out by himself? He'd rather spend that time with his friends or preparing for the future.
"That'll be all, thank you for your cooperation," Tsukauchi told him then, looking at the notes he'd been making before standing up.
"Happy to help," Kazuki replied blandly.
[}-o-{]
Once he was by himself, Kazuki moved through his now silent apartment to the balcony. There, he sat in the middle of his plants, his back against the door behind him and the sun shining down on him. The sunset was near, but his eyes remained on the colorful flowers and leaves in front of him.
With a sigh, he checked his phone.
The first thing he did was checking the many messages that had been thrown there in his absence. Apparently, they'd more or less worried in general, but after a round of reassurances from everyone in the group chat, they'd mostly calmed down. There was a comment here and there about the USJ, but it didn't seem like his friends were very eager to speak about that just yet.
Which suited Kazuki just fine, really. Considering there was a decent chance that his friends had witnessed his loss of control, he'd been really worried about getting into contact with everyone. Eager too, because he wanted to know how they were doing, but once he'd done that… Well, concerns had come back to the forefront of his mind, for sure.
So, it was with great relief and fondness that he saw his friends ask about him several times. If they had heard of him, if the teachers had said anything, if anyone knew in which hospital he was and so on. There were also general worries about his general well being too.
It was all very touching and Kazuki would admit that he sat there smiling at the screen for a long time… In the privacy of his own mind, that is. 'Maybe I should stop worrying,' he considered, even though he knew it wouldn't be an easy thing.
Kazuki was also very surprised though, when he saw that Kirishima and Ashido had been added into the group. Some reading had revealed the reason. There'd been some… aloofness directed at them, but they either didn't care or they had ignored it. The main thing was that Ashido seemed to have been the one that had been with him at the end, when he was half out of it and before passing out. She'd been the voice he heard and the one that had been with him…
They'd expressed a desire to know if anyone had heard anything about how he was doing.
Also, Ashido wanted to talk with him, it seemed… That made Kazuki a little nervous, he'd admit.
'Hey, guys,' he sent. Lackluster, he supposed, but he didn't feel like trying to make a speech or anything. 'I'm well,' he added and anticipating the questions, he went to write another message. 'Recovery Girl said I should take it easy on physical training for the week but otherwise, I'm right as rain.'
Hagakure was the first one to answer. Very enthusiastically so, if he was honest, considering she sent like ten messages rapidfire and with a lot of emojis and exclamation marks and so on. It was actually quite adorable, but he did his best to answer all questions and reassure all worries. He also sent some of those back himself, considering what he'd heard about her own experiences in USJ.
Apparently, she'd been frozen almost completely. On the fortunate side of things, nothing bad had happened besides that, which was a small mercy, really. She'd been basically fine once she was taken care of by Recovery Girl.
Yaoyorozu joined soon after and Kazuki found himself fondly talking with his friends all over again. There were a lot of concerns that needed to be assuaged all around still, of course, but it was still chatting with his friends. He wouldn't trade that for the world. Soon, they were moving about to other topics and it became even better for Kazuki. He did wonder if everyone was fine with talking about more mundane things now that the moment of fear and nerves had passed.
He certainly was, after all.
Chapter 21
As Kazuki walked to school after the day off they had after the USJ incident and the weekend, he tried to push what had happened to the side. He ignored the pain in his chest whenever he breathed too deeply. He paid no heed to the memories of his last loss of control. He just wanted to get on with things.
Kazuki knew, after all, that none of it could be solved right away. His wounds would finish healing soon enough. As for his actions, those would be more complicated, but the first step was what he had planned for that morning. He wouldn't like it, and it would suck, majorly so, but it still needed to be done.
He wanted to be done with it all and as fast as possible.
That was probably why he arrived so early in the morning, he figured. Which turned out to be the wrong thing to do, because he saw a crew of reporters outside the school once more. Not quite the madness that had been the day when they'd broken into the school, but certainly a few. They might as well have been a small army, considering he was the only student there and thus, they all flocked to him.
Kazuki repeated his approach from before, keeping his mouth shut and his legs moving.
What was the worst they could do? Reveal who he was to the world? It would happen eventually, so that wasn't going to be much of a pain. Sure, it would suck, but it was inevitable. He'd rather not have to worry about that and make the whole thing worse. Besides, he had friends that had stuck with him anyway.
Speaking of, nobody was at the classroom when he arrived, which wasn't surprising. Once again, he was really early, but that was good. It'd make his first mission for the day easier. Thus, Kazuki found himself standing, leaning against the wall outside the classroom while he just waited. Alone with his thoughts, he listened to music while still picking up whatever his sense found in his surroundings.
That is, until someone else arrived.
"It's good to see you well, Endo," Yaoyorozu greeted him, a soft smile on her face, relieved and also simply happy. "Why are you outside though?" she asked then, seemingly quite perplexed by his actions. Which made sense, everyone always went straight inside, even if they didn't always go to their respective seats.
"I could say the same about you," he replied to her first statement with a slight smile of his own. "And yeah, my chest hurts a little at times, but I should be fine by the end of the week," he told her, even though he'd relied as much through texts already. "I have something to do… Some people to talk to, after the mess in the USJ," he added then, looking down the corridor, mostly so he wouldn't look at her.
"I see…" Yaoyorozu mumbled. "I don't know what I might have missed," she said then, taking one more step closer to him, which made him turn towards her. "But I do know that the Grimm you sent towards us helped. We owe you. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't sent us back up."
"I wasn't having much trouble," he muttered uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. "So I thought I'd help the groups that were the most afraid and such. I… Well, I mean, I tried, that's-"
"That's what makes a hero, I think. Helping when you think someone needs a hand, isn't that what we need to do?" Yaoyorozu asked him.
"I… Almost went on another… rampage," he confessed, making her eyes widen. "I… If Aizawa hadn't stopped me…"
"But it didn't happen. You can't punish yourself for things that might have happened," she said, recovering remarkably quick. "I… I didn't know what to do. I doubted a lot. Would things have gone better if I had taken one of the decisions I didn't? Would things have been worse? Did I make a mistake? I… I keep asking myself all that, but I want to try and learn from this, so that if there's a next time…" she trailed off then, but Kazuki nodded slowly.
"Yeah… Way to make me feel like an idiot, Yaoyorozu," he replied with a wry smile. He knew his worries weren't stupid, however. If the rampage had really happened, the people would have died, of that he was sure. That wasn't quite the same as taking a bad decision or not taking a good one in an even worse situation as Yaoyorozu said. At least, he didn't think so.
"I do get better grades than you," she commented, mostly joking. Not that she was wrong though.
"You do," he agreed with a short chuckle.
"Well… I'll be waiting inside then," Yaoyorozu commented, apparently reading his intent well. Still, Kazuki couldn't help but give her an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel like I don't want you here I just-"
"Want to be alone, I get it," she finished for him with a smile on her face. "Don't worry about it."
"Thanks," he said, deflating a little as the tension left his shoulders. "For understanding and for just… For being my friend."
"Of course," she replied, beaming at him. "As Mineta would say, you are stuck with us now."
"I wouldn't learn too much from him if I were you, Beauty," he commented, drawing a giggle from her.
"Gee, and here I was worried about you, Creepy," a new voice commented, making Kazuki turn towards Mineta, who was giving both of them an unimpressed expression. If anything, that only made things even funnier.
"Tiny, good to see you are fine too," he greeted with a smile. "I remember sending a beowolf towards you and your group to help but… Well, things got a little out of control after that," he commented, almost missing the fact that Yaoyorozu slipped inside the classroom when he looked away from her.
"I saw, Endo," Mineta told him, making his eyes widen. He shouldn't have been, however. It made perfect sense, after all.
Of course he saw. He had been by the entrance, which had a semi-clear view of the plaza at the center where Kazuki had gone off the rails. 'Who else was in his group? Uraraka? Midoriya? Who else?' he wondered, his mind working overtime to try and remember.
"It's fine, man," Mineta told him, giving Kazuki a light punch on the shoulder to get him to focus. "I don't care. Honestly, I probably would have gone at least a little mad considering the situation. It's just that my Quirk doesn't really have that… feature," he admitted, rubbing his arm. "You really need to train with that though, I think. Can't really be a hero if you go mad in those situations… Even if it was too early for us to be thrown off the deep end."
"That's… surprisingly wise of you, man," Kazuki replied, looking at Mineta with slightly widened eyes. "What's up with everyone being smart all of a sudden?"
"You are an asshole, Creepy," Mineta grumbled before noticing how he looked down the corridor on occasion. "Waiting for Bakugo and Kirishima?"
"Yeah, do you know if-"
"Kirishima didn't seem upset or anything," Mineta reassured, making Kazuki sigh. "I don't know about Bakugo, but Kirishima seemed more concerned for your health than anything else… Together with Ashido," his vertically challenged friend explained, the last part seemingly taking actual effort to come out. "I still don't like her though."
"We talked about this, Mineta."
"I know, I know, I just… It wasn't your fault. I can't see how anyone could think that," the short guy said, making him smile.
"And that's why you are a great friend, Mineta," Kazuki told him. "This is gonna sound terrible, but I'm really glad you got rejected after the Entrance Exam."
"Yeah, you were right. It sounds terrible," his friend grumbled. "But… I'm glad I got rejected too, I guess. Not like that would have gone anywhere, I think. Better friends than nothing."
"That's the spirit, man. I'm sure we can find you someone to-" Kazuki started, before cutting himself off. Someone had rounded a corner into the corridor they were in.
"You wanna be left alone?" Mineta asked.
"Please."
"Thank goodness," Mineta replied, relieved, as he walked into the classroom. "Good luck, man."
"Thanks," Kazuki mumbled as the person got closer, his eyes glaring at him. 'Well, someone's feeling friendly today,'he thought to himself. There was no way around it. "Could we talk for a bit… Bakugo?"
"About what, B-Movie?"
"I'm sorry," he said instantly, because he didn't want to beat around the bush. That'd only make the apology seem less truthful. "I know it doesn't make up for anything, but I'm really sorry I lost control at the US-"
"Spare me, B-Movie. I know who you are now," Bakugo barked out, glaring all the while. 'Now, that's more what I expected from people from the beginning,' Kazuki thought wryly. "If anything, I'm pissed off that it took me this long to figure it out."
"I'm sorry?" Kazuki repeated, this time confused. He probably shouldn't feel guilty about that, but he was guilty of other things, however.
"You should be, B-Movie," the blonde growled at him. "You…" the other boy trailed off then, his expression shifting a bit. It was still angry, still scowling, still pretty much the same, but Kazuki noticed. The change on the outside was almost unnoticeable, but the one on the inside was much more obvious. The annoyance and anger were pushed to the side by fear, guilt and pain, emotional pain. "Just have better control next time, B-Movie," he muttered under his breath.
"I will," Kazuki replied, just as lowly, while the explosive blonde walked past him into the classroom. That was… nothow he'd expected that to go. He'd thought there'd be cursing, and accusations, and… Something other than that. "What the fuck?" he whispered under his breath.
"Thanks for the help, man!" a new voice called from down the corridor, snapping him out of his confusion. For a bit, at least. When he turned, he saw Kaminari walking towards him, all smiles and general good mood. He barely even registered in his sense with slight fear, probably lingering from the whole USJ mess and little else. "We were in a tough spot with Asui and Yaoyorozu before your bird thing helped us."
"We were," the aforementioned frog girl offered, appearing from out of nowhere to join the conversation. Kazuki felt a little better about being surprised and jumping when Kaminari reacted the same way. The girl had somehow slipped past him even. There was nothing in there for him to even pick up, apparently. Well, there was fear and nerves too, but it flickered in and out of his sense, actually, and both were also really weak. "Thank you, Endo."
"It's fine," he offered awkwardly. He'd come to school expecting to apologize and have a few people hate him or being afraid not… grateful. It was weird.
"Anyway, thanks for the save, man, we owe you one," Kaminari told him, patting him on the back before going inside the classroom.
"We really do," Asui agreed, her expression flat before she followed the other boy.
'Very weird,' Kazuki thought to himself, feeling confused and surprised.
"Endo," yet another new voice said and this time he stiffened. 'One after another, because I can't have things easy, can I?' he complained to himself, looking at Ashido and Kirishima. Both looked about as comfortable as Kazuki himself felt and they were feeling worse inside.
"You really scared me," Ashido mumbled and he barely was able to pick up her voice. "You were there, on the floor, coughing out blood and… And you kept going, for no reason."
'It wasn't for no reason,' he thought but he kept quiet.
"I'm fine. I'll just… I'll finish my recovery through the week and that'll be it," Kazuki told her, feeling rather awkward. 'Let's get this over with,' he thought to himself. "I… I'm sorry, Kirishima. I… I lost control and there's no excuse for that. I'm sorry that I hit you and-"
"Endo," the other boy interrupted, his voice a serious cadence that Kazuki was sure he hadn't heard from him before. "It's fine. I… I might have hit some of those villains harder than I should, you know?" Kirishima admitted. "It's not the same, but our Quirks are not the same either. I… I don't hold that against you. Don't worry," the boy reassured. "Now… Mina wanted to talk with you though, and alone, so I'll leave you two to it… Maybe you should go further from the door though."
And with that, as if afraid he'd stop him, Kirishima left through the door. Kazuki cursed him in his mind, as he awkwardly stood in front of Ashido. The girl couldn't even look at him, instead staring straight down at the floor. Her emotions were a mess that told him nothing too. She seemed confused, apprehensive, guilty, hurt, nervous, fearful.
"I-"
"I'm sorry," she blurted out before he could really say anything. "I'm sorry I pulled away and didn't talk to you. I just, I had a reason, I promise, but I-"
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Ashido," he reassured, his voice soft instead of the annoyance or anger he supposed she expected. "I can think of many reasons for how you acted and all of them are understandable. It's fine. I don't think less of you."
"I don't think less of you either," Ashido said quickly, as if afraid he'd disappear or something. "I- The reason was-"
"Ashido," he interrupted softly. "You don't have to give me reasons or explanations. It's fine."
"It is, but I want to. I…" Ashido hesitated for a moment. "My aunt was there."
"... Yeah, I imagined it was something like that," he told her with a sad smile on his face. That was not a surprise at all, really. He'd expected it'd be something of the sort. It was actually a better prospect than her being there, he supposed.
Did thinking that make him a terrible person? He thought it did.
"Shizuna Moteki," Ashido mumbled. "My aunt's name, she was-"
"Buried under a building that collapsed," Kazuki finished for her, leaving her wide-eyed. "She lost an arm there. I don't know if it was due to my Grimm or due to the building though, it didn't say."
"You knew her?" Ashido whispered. "She never said."
"I didn't," he answered with a shrug. "Twenty seven people died during the Black Rampage. Eighty six were injured, eighteen of those permanently. I made it a point to memorize their names and what happened to them. Took me a while, I'm terrible with names and memorizing things."
"I… see," Ashido mumbled.
"Yeah, so… I understand," Kazuki replied with a nod before turning and leaving. As he did though, he paused at the door, picking up on rather strong feelings coming from someone that was approaching his classroom. He'd have ignored them though, considering the situation but… It was so strong, so focused…
Shaking his head, he crossed into the classroom.
He could consider that latter… He had a lot in his mind at the moment.
[}-o-{]
He sat in silence, the couch under him feeling too soft. The person across the desk kept their mouth shut and that only made things worse. Kazuki's mind worked over time to try and find something to say, something to fill the void.
Instead, it kept running into topics he didn't want to talk about. Topics that hurt and topics that were awkward and topics that were both. 'That's kind of the point, right?' he thought to himself, letting out a sigh.
"Not going to tell me to, you know, say something?" he asked, trying and failing to sound casual and like he was joking.
"No. This is more of a formality," Inui – or Hound Dog, but he'd introduced himself with his real name when Kazuki entered the room – told him simply, seemingly pretty comfortable with the whole awkward silence that hung on the room. It was almost… 'Maybe it's just me,' Kazuki considered. "If you do feel like talking about something, I'm here to hear you out, and help you if you want or need me to," the man added.
"... I'm scared," he admitted after another moment of silence.
"Scared of what?" Inui prompted calmly.
"I'm scared of messing up again," Kazuki admitted, looking off to the side. "I thought I had my Quirk under control. I thought I had it… under control. I thought I wasn't ever going to have something like that happen. Or that maybe it'd be something more drastic."
"More drastic than being attacked by a group of villains?"
"I thought… I thought that if I ever lost control again, I'd be dying or something, that it'd be a… Absolute last resort of some kind, not…" Kazuki trailed off then. "I thought I had more control than that…"
He felt his strength leave him then as he deflated on his couch.
"I'm scared that I'll mess up," he whispered. "I'm scared… And nervous and angry. About the situation, about mysituation, about my future, about… A lot of things," he admitted, running his fingers through his hair.
"It's understandable," Inui told him and Kazuki was surprised to know how those simple words helped. How much they made it all seem… Less chaotic, less erratic, less like he was crazy.
"I say that I hate my Quirk a lot," Kazuki commented, almost randomly. "I say it all the time, because it sucks and I really hate it."
"That's understandable too, Endo," Inui said, leaning forward a bit to punctuate that he wasn't done this time. "Your Quirk places you in a situation where you have to constantly deal with outside pressures that you shouldn't have to. It's-"
"There's a part of my Quirk that nobody understands," Kazuki interrupted then, letting out a shaky breath as he stood up. "And I… I'd almost forgotten about it, or pushed that part… that issue aside. I'd almost stopped acknowledging that because… It made everything easier but…"
"But the USJ Incident brought the issue back up?" Inui prompted.
"Yes… It did." Kazuki nodded, looking out the window. "I hate my Quirk because I don't know… It doesn't let me know…"
"Know what?" Inui asked then and Kazuki turned towards him. "If you don't mind me asking, that is."
"I don't. It's… Nice. I think you care," he replied, almost surprised about that fact. "In juvie, when I went to talk to someone they… They were afraid, or disgusted or… Some other thing that wasn't nice," he finished with a bitter chuckle. "I don't feel anything from you except maybe a little sadness, a little pity and that's… That's nice. I don't like the pity but it's still… Better than the alternatives."
"We care, Endo. Everyone here cares about you, just as we do all the other students," Inui told him and he smiled as he leaned on a piece of furniture, his eyes looking through the window's glass.
"And it's crazy," Kazuki followed the man's statement. "I never… I never thought someone would care. I imagined it'd happen but it'd always felt so… So far. You know? Like when you are a kid and you think about your dream job. You know it can happen but… Deep down, you don't think it's a real possibility."
"But it is. You must know that by now," Inui commented, tilting his head a bit to look better towards Kazuki. The boy himself didn't really pay that too much attention, besides noticing that it happened through the reflection on the window.
"I do… Sort of. I'm slowly acknowledging that as something that can happen," Kazuki replied, looking at a bird passing by. "You know? I bought a bunch of plants for my apartment. I learned that I like alternative rock. I think that's what Jiro called it. I learned that listening to music really helps with my sense for negative emotions. I learned that I like playing stupid gacha games on my phone."
"Sounds like you are having a good time," Inui said and Kazuki snorted, moving back to sit on the couch.
"I am," he acknowledged. "This might just be the happiest I've ever been. That I can remember, at least. I have friends, I have a somewhat clear future, I have… People care and I'm… Yeah, I'm having a good time."
"You deserve that, Endo," Inui told him, making his eyes snap towards the counselor then. "The only bad thing is that it took this long for you to find out so much about life that you should have always been able to have. And I can say, on behalf of this entire institution, that I'm very sorry that you had to suffer through what happened at the USJ. We failed you and we'll do our best to make sure it doesn't happen again."
"I believe you," Kazuki said, because he detected no sign of deception on the man's face… which would have been difficult, he supposed, considering that he looked like a werewolf. He also got nothing from his emotions though, even if those could be easily fooled too. Still, he did believe Hound Dog, much to his surprise.
"Not to pressure you or anything," the hero started then, immediately getting even more of his attention. "But do you want to talk about what you said before? About this aspect of your Quirk that nobody understands?"
"I…" Kazuki started, hesitating for a moment. "Would it be fine if I left it for later? I just…"
"That's completely fine. For one, we'll have plenty more sessions like this. For another, again, this is a formality, you don't need to do anything here, really," Inui reassured him, getting him to smile, a little relieved.
"What I do want to talk about is… I want to train my Quirk," he said. "I can't… I can't escape it, as much as I'd want to. So… I wondered if it'd be fine for me to train with my power, to push it further than I've been. I've been limiting myself to a certain number of Grimm and a certain speed of generation but…"
"But you want to push it further, so if you need to use more, like you did at the USJ, you won't snap," Inui finished for him and he nodded hesitantly. "I can see why you are hesitant and nervous. It is a dangerous thing to do, especially for you. However, it could also be dangerous notto do it. Quirks don't take kindly to being contained in any way, I'd know."
Kazuki wondered, for a moment, if the man said that because he'd experienced that himself or because he'd seen it happen with students. Or maybe it was both, for all that he knew. At the end of the day though, he imagined it didn't really matter.
"So, I'd say go for it, but do it in a safe way."
"I know, I have some ideas. Mainly to have my friends watch me in case I start losing control or something," Kazuki commented idly, deflating a little. "Man, it's reallyweird to have supportive people around."
"I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm really sad to hear that. However, I'm also happy that you finally have something you always should have," Inui told him.
"Why wouldn't I like that?" Kazuki asked, giving the man a sad smile. "Pity sucks but… it's better than many other things. At least, pity means you care." With that said, he turned back to the window once more, thinking of what else to say, what else he wanted to say. "How long do I have to stay here?"
"We've already covered the time you should be here. If you want to stay, however, that's your choice," Inui answered, his tone just as inviting as it had been throughout the whole thing.
"Thanks, but I think this'll be it for today. I have… a lot to think and a lot to process," Kazuki mumbled, standing up.
"If you need anything, anything at all, just contact me or another teacher. We are all here for you, to help with whatever you may need," the hero told him.
"Thanks. That… That actually means a lot," Kazuki said. "I'll keep it in mind." As he started walking to the door, he tried to remember the last time someone had offered to help him like that before Nezu got him out of the hole he'd been in. He couldn't remember, if he were honest. "Oh, um…"
"Yes?" Inui urged him, standing up to watch him leave.
"I don't know if you can tell me this kind of thing but…" Kazuki hesitated for a moment before deciding to just go for it. He didn't want to stay silent if something was going on. Someone might be in need of help so… "Did something happen with Aoyama?"
"Why?" the hero asked, seemingly taken aback by the question.
"He felt… awfully guilty this morning, so I wondered if something had happened with him at USJ. He might need some help himself," Kazuki explained, receiving a tilt of the man's head in response before the hero spoke again.
"We'll look into it."