As Jenn watched Jianopra's body being covered in dirt, with her among one of the people shoveling dirt on top, she wondered if it might be enough. As she was the only one of her people who knew about technology that would have allowed them to keep from having to drop her body in her grave like they were throwing something out, so she supposed Jianopra wouldn't have minded having her body treated like that, even though it left a sour taste in Jenn's mouth. A taste that she wished she could find a way to get to go away.
When they were finished, Jenn felt exhausted, her arms tired, though everyone else seemed to be just fine. It was one time Jenn suspected there was a difference between her people and her. A difference that she wasn't able to quite put her finger on. Not that she cared enough to figure out what it was. She knew that her people wouldn't care if they knew what it was, if she even showed signs that she just wasn't as physically strong as the women of her people seemed to be.
"Thank you," Saelea whispered to Jenn as she turned to head back to the gate. "The words you spoke really touched me."
Jenn stopped to turn to Saelea, surprised at her words. She hadn't thought that she'd said anything particularly significant, but she didn't have the energy to protest the sentiment. She just wanted to return to her bed and rest her tired body. The shoveling dirt certainly took more out of her than she had expected, despite the fact that she hadn't moved as much dirt as everyone else. A fact she was aware the others had noticed, even if they didn't say anything about it. Which she supposed was out of respect of her being the Blue Rose rather than anything else about her. In a way, it made her feel a little better, even though she doubted that many outside of this small group, or those who had been saved from being slaves when she first became the Blue Rose, even if she wasn't called that at that time, would allow her that respect if they were aware that Jenn was weaker than most women of her people.
Then before Jenn could respond in any manner, Roesadra added a thought. "I'm sure she'd have loved your speech about her."
Jenn found her throat tightening up and her eyes starting to burn. She hadn't felt like this before, but she couldn't think of what she could do to stop it. No matter how uncomfortable it was. She just worried that she'd start crying if this continued. She doubted it would affect her standing among this group, but she still needed to cross a distance from the gate to the building where her room was and she doubted that very few of her people wouldn't have a thought about Jenn looking like she was crying.
She even didn't want to cry because she didn't like crying in the first place. She felt it was useless and a waste of time. At least after she was done crying, rare as that was for her. And yet, she found herself wanting to let go and release tears from just those two comments alone.
She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Not because she couldn't think of anything to say, but rather because her throat wouldn't loosen and let her say anything. She wasn't sure what the problem was, just that that was the case.
"Don't say anything," Oleania said, pulling Jenn into a hug that caught Jenn off guard. "We know you didn't want this to happen to her and are probably hurting the most of all of us."
Jenn wasn't sure where Oleania got the idea that she was hurting more than they were about Jianopra's death, she was confident that they were hurting more because they knew her better than Jenn did. After all, Jenn had been always on the move from one location to another while they were always together, even if one of them was taking on the role of being the Blue Rose for a day.
Jenn was absolutely confident that they were hurting more than Jenn was right then. And yet… yet she felt the tears overflowing in her eyes, the burning intensifying until she felt the tears start to pour out silently.
Jenn wasn't sure what to do about it right then, but when then Roesadra and Saelea joined the hug that Jenn was receiving from Oleania, Jenn felt somehow relieved. Secure and safe in a way she hadn't realized she hadn't felt since years before when she'd been embraced by her mother after a nightmare she'd had when she was in elementary school, who'd appeared after hearing Jenn's screams in the middle of the night. A memory that Jenn had completely forgotten about until that moment. A memory that Jenn couldn't help but think about in wonder. As even after she'd stopped crying that time, she hadn't thought of her tears as having been a waste of time. Instead, she rested in her mother's embrace and went back to sleep, feeling loved and safe at that time.
Even when she woke up in the morning to find that her mother had left her alone sometime after that, Jenn hadn't thought of that time as a waste.
Jenn wasn't able to explain why, but she couldn't help but think of that instance and wonder if this time was somehow similar to that time when she was younger.
"You know, I'd have thought you'd be like a twig and cry a lot louder than this," Tchisa remarked from the side, a small smirk on her face, though Jenn didn't feel like she was being mocked. Instead, she had a feeling Tchisa was more amused at Jenn's reaction than anything else right then.
"Leave her alone," Saelea ordered, her tone rather defensive and Jenn couldn't help but wonder if the two didn't get along when Jenn normally wasn't around.
"Don't worry about it," Jenn somehow managed to say, the tightness in her throat loosening for whatever reason right then. "I'll be alright."
"If you need anything, feel free to let any of us know," Roesadra said, resting her head against Jenn's, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "You might be the most like a twig out of all of us, but you are our Blue Rose. We'll do anything you want. No matter what you ask of us." Jenn felt Oleania and Saelea nod in agreement more than saw them do that.
Jenn wasn't sure she liked some of the implications of what was said. She suspected that included if she wanted to sleep with them, the way that Roesadra and Oleania did, sometimes noisily at that, or if she wanted them to do unspeakable things. Although, she supposed they were willing to offer that because they were confident she wouldn't ask anything like that of them, which touched Jenn in a way more than she had felt before among her people.
It made her realize that she wasn't going to find anyone else to take on the mantle of the Blue Rose. That even if she had to come back later, that she was going to be the leader of these people, no matter what else she did. That she wasn't going to abandon them, even if she had to forsake her family in order to do that. Though, she figured she'd at least let her family know where she'd be if it came to that, so they'd at least be able to visit her. Which she supposed would likely surprise them to find that Jenn was a leader of what she wondered would become a nation before too long. Especially with them having control of land that no one else had claimed on Earth or on Telekario. Though, she suspected it would need to wait for ongoing discussions with the Ogre tribes in order to keep them from uniting and pushing them back through the gate. Which Jenn suspected might take a while to accomplish.
However, she knew that wasn't what she needed to focus on right then.
"Alright," Jenn said softly, only able to be heard by her stand-ins, "I'll let you know if there's anything I'd like you to do for me. Though, mostly it'll just be remaining as my stand-ins so I can do what I came to this world to do."
Jenn doubted they understood what she meant, but she was confident that they wouldn't care. That whatever she needed, they'd be there for her and do whatever they could to do what she asked of them. No matter what it was.
As the embrace ended, Jenn was happy to see that her tears had subsided, though she wouldn't be surprised if her eyes were a little swollen because of her crying, but it wasn't anything that she couldn't hide with her magic, though she wasn't sure why she hadn't thought of doing just that before she started crying.
Not that it mattered. All that mattered was what she did from this point on. She knew that she was probably making things harder for herself than she really needed to, but she was confident that it would allow her people to thrive once she was able to start even thinking of taking things a little more easy. If only because she'd have been able to accomplish so much already.
_
Embris hadn't expected that Jenn would have been so involved with the memorial service to have taken up so much of her time, so it almost felt like her only friend among these people was too busy for her. It stung a little, but she was confident that it merely meant that Jenn was closer to Jianopra than Embris had initially thought. She wondered if maybe she'd have been able to have been invited if she'd been one of their guards. As she always imagined that the guards would learn so many intimate details about those their guarding that they'd become friends and maybe even more.
Though, given she wasn't interested in any of the Blue Rose's stand-ins in a romantic way, she doubted she'd ever become something 'more' to them. Especially since every time she imagined being romantic with someone, Ralph's face appeared in her mind. She wasn't sure what that was about, only that she felt herself blush whenever it happened. It especially was bad when it happened when she was around others. Especially Nymis and Rephis. They were always quick to pick up on changes with her like that and always had a thousand questions about why she was like that. Making it hard for Embris to push his face out of her mind and recover her composure.
She'd applied to be one of the guards for the Blue Rose, though she suspected she'd be merely helping guard her stand-ins, as part of her liked the idea of being close to her brother and sister in case they needed her for something, but she was also determined to help keep any more attempts on killing the Blue Rose from succeeding. Even if she was merely saving one of the Blue Rose's stand-ins.
She wanted to tell Jenn about it, but she hadn't been able to find a time when she was available. Instead, with the aspects of dealing with Jianopra's memorial service, as well as all the other day-to-day operations of this place, neither seemed to have time to do more than wave or nod at each other in passing. Not that it helped with what Embris wanted to say to Jenn.
It also didn't help that Jenn was now sleeping with the other stand-ins while Embris was left to sleep around a bunch of the other Silverthorns. She didn't mind the arrangements, especially with how there were several other children that were around Nymis and Rephis' age, allowing them playmates, most of which were either siblings of other Silverthorns or children of theirs. Even while the other Silverthorns remained rather aloof towards Embris.
The problem lay in the fact that it limited the time in which Embris had to speak with Jenn, as she'd grown accustomed to being able to speak with Jenn when they were either going to bed or just waking up. Even if it only lasted a matter of minutes. While she knew moving to this location was likely to change things, she just didn't expect them to take so long to get used to. Especially when she'd like to talk with Jenn to see how she was holding up with the death of someone she was clearly close to. Even if Embris hadn't realized that fact before Jianopra had died. A person whom Embris hardly had been aware had even existed before she'd been killed.
As it is, Embris was startled out of her thoughts when a hand slapped on her shoulder, making her jump as she turned to look at the woman whose hand was holding Embris' shoulder.
"Wow, you really were far away, weren't you?" the woman asked, laughing. "If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought you were being like a twig with how high you jumped."
"Did you need something?" Embris asked, wishing she didn't have to deal with this treatment, but knowing that if she complained, it'd only get worse.
"Oh, just that your sister mentioned you were joining the guards for the Blue Rose and Tchisa seems to be gathering them right now. Thought you'd like to know," the woman answered still laughing as she let go of Embris' shoulder.
Embris shook her head, surprised at how quickly time had been going by. As far as she knew, Tchisa was still at the memorial service so she hadn't been expecting to need to report in at this time. As she had been told that the selection for being a guard for the Blue Rose would be held after the memorial service, but it still felt too early for that to occur, since lunch hadn't even been served yet and Embris hadn't seen any sign of the leaders of the settlement, or even and of the stand-ins wearing the usual mask and hooded tunic that signified which one was acting as the Blue Rose at that particular time.
However, just because she hadn't realized it was time to show up, didn't mean she wasn't running behind. So, Embris quickly got up, wishing the uniforms weren't so tight around the neck, but knew there wasn't any use in complaining. Instead, she hurried over to where they were told to meet. Though, when she arrived, Tchisa was present standing next to Reiwis, looking like they'd just arrived.
Briefly Embris thought that she'd just been pranked, but quickly pushed that thought out of her mind when Tchisa nodded at her before turning her attention to Reiwis, whispering something that Embris couldn't make out, but sounding like Tchisa wasn't happy with something. Something that Embris had a feeling was about the others that had applied to help guard the Blue Rose who weren't present.
"Why weren't you here when I arrived?" Tchisa asked Embris, turning her attention towards Embris, making it clear that she wasn't happy with something right then. Something that Embris wasn't sure if she should be able to guess what it is or not.
"I was told that you were gathering the people who were wanting to help guard the Blue Rose," Embris answered, hoping she wasn't about to get dismissed just because of whatever it was that had Tchisa unhappy. Especially since she could only guess that Tchisa had taken the other candidates somewhere else and had just returned, meaning Embris was too late.
Tchisa nodded, her expression not giving anything away to Embris, which only made her more nervous. Especially given how she really wanted this position. If only to ensure that she'd be able to stay in this settlement, which had been steadily growing on her since they'd arrived in it.
"It would seem like someone had pulled a prank on you," Tchisa remarked, her words causing Embris' spirits to sink a little. Yet, they quickly rose again as Tchisa continued, "Yet, that prank seems to have helped you out more than the person playing it on you realized."
Embris nodded, not sure exactly what that meant, but was happy to know that she wasn't too late to make her attempt at becoming one of the Blue Rose's guards. She didn't say anything, confident that anything she said would only hurt her chances at this point. Especially since nothing had been said to her that showed she was expected to say anything in response anyway.
"So, why weren't you waiting here for me to show up?" Tchisa asked, her tone sounding far more dangerous than any Embris had heard from the woman before. Which merely made Embris suddenly think her chances were already gone before she'd been able to really try for it.
Taking a deep breath to try and steady her nerves, she opened her mouth to answer, hoping she still had more of a chance than she was starting to think she had right then. "We were told to gather after the memorial service. There wasn't a time given nor did I think the service had ended quite yet."
Tchisa looked at Embris, as if trying to ascertain if she was telling the truth or not, which made her incredibly uncomfortable. Yet, she held her ground, knowing that even if she'd lost her chance this time around, she needed to at least do what she could to keep the door open for another chance down the road. Even if she wasn't sure if that would be possible.
"Well, it seems like you barely kept from disqualifying yourself in that case," Tchisa remarked, her words sending waves of relief through Embris' body. "You were supposed to be waiting here for me to arrive, though only five others were excused for that due to other duties they currently have. Which means your chances of being selected have rose quite a bit."