"Yup!" Naruto beamed innocently. "Fits you perfectly, don't you think? I mean, with the way you were staring at that woman's legs earlier, I'd say it's basically your ninja way."
Jiraiya's jaw dropped. "You little… I wasn't staring!"
Naruto gave him a look that screamed, 'Sure you weren't.'
"Relax, Ero-sennin. I'm just teasing. But hey, if you really wanna be my master, you're gonna have to work a lot harder than that. I don't hand out titles for free, y'know."
Jiraiya clenched his fists, muttering under his breath. 'This brat's sass levels are off the charts… but damn… Kami, I'm doomed.'
Finally, Jiraiya deflated, letting out a sigh of his own.
"…Alright, brat. You want me to impress you? Fine. I'll show you something that'll knock that cocky smirk off your face." His grin returned, wicked and knowing. "But don't come crying to me when you're begging to call me 'Master.'"
Naruto smirked right back, eyes glinting with challenge. "Try me, old man. Just don't be surprised when you're the one begging me to stop outshining you."
------
Jiraiya led Naruto to the back of the mountain, deep into a forest where no one would be able to see them. The air was quiet, broken only by the rustling of leaves as they walked. Stopping in a small clearing, Jiraiya turned toward the boy, his expression carrying a mischievous edge.
"Now, watch closely," He said.
He moved his hands swiftly through a series of signs before slamming his palm onto the ground. The soil rippled as a seal spread outward in glowing lines.
With a burst of smoke, a frog emerged, yet it wasn't the massive Gamabunta Naruto had expected.
Instead, it was a small frog, just a little taller than Naruto himself.
Jiraiya stepped lightly onto its back, crossing his arms as he stood above the boy with a smug smile plastered across his face.
"Hmph! Feast your eyes, brat!" He declared proudly, looking down at Naruto as though expecting reverence. "This is the power of a Sannin's contract summon! What do you think? Impressed yet?"
Naruto tilted his head, watching in silence for a moment. Then, he sighed loudly.
"That's it?" He said flatly. "Here I was thinking you'd pull out something massive... you know like a beast that shakes the earth, something so huge I'd have to crane my neck just to see its head."
He waved dismissively at the awkward frog. "And instead… you bring out this… cute little thing. Honestly, Ero-sennin, if this is how seriously you're taking me as your disciple, then forget it. This isn't going anywhere."
The words stabbed Jiraiya straight through the heart. He nearly slipped off the frog, flailing his arms to keep his balance. "C-CUUUTE?! Did you just call my summon cute?! Oi, brat! Show some respect!"
The frog croaked innocently, as if agreeing with Naruto.
"Unbelievable…" Naruto just rubbed his temple, muttering under his breath, before straightening up and looking at Jiraiya with serious eyes.
"There's actually something I wanted to ask you," Naruto said, tone shifting.
Jiraiya blinked, caught off guard by the sudden seriousness. He coughed and tried to look composed again. "Ahem. Finally! About time you start treating me with some respect. Alright, what is it, kid?"
Naruto leaned closer, lowering his voice like he was about to share a dangerous secret. "It's about your book… Icha Icha."
Jiraiya froze. "…My… my masterpiece?"
Naruto squinted at him. "Why do you write women like that? They're so… flat. It is so old-fashioned. Like, come on, in this day and age, you really need to spice it up and be more creative. Add some actual depth. No wonder the only people who buy your stuff are pervy old men... you're missing half your audience!"
Jiraiya felt his world crumbling. His face drained of color. "Y-you…! What does a brat like you know about literature?! About art?! Do you have any idea how hard I worked to gather the data for that series?!"
Naruto deadpanned. "…By peeping at bathhouses."
It was a solid critical hit.
Jiraiya choked, his face turning red as steam nearly shot out of his ears. "Y-Y-YOU—! It's called field research! A delicate, immersive process! Don't twist it into something so base!"
Naruto just crossed his arms and gave him that piercing glare that Kushina had mastered. "Call it whatever you want, old man, but spying on women isn't research... it's creepy. Honestly, Mom was right, you really are Ero-sennin."
Jiraiya's heart plummeted. 'Damn it! Even Kushina told him that nickname?! She still hasn't let it go after all these years?'
Desperate to shift the topic, he leaned down from his frog, eyes wide. "W-wait! Hold on... how do you even know what's written in my books? Don't tell me you've been reading them! That's not for kids your age! If your mother finds out—"
Naruto cut him off with a sharp, deadly serious tone. "That would be a very bad idea."
Jiraiya blinked. "…Eh?"
Naruto leaned closer, lowering his voice to a menacing whisper. "If Mom finds out, you won't just get scolded. She'll tear you apart. And guess what... you're the original author. So who do you think she'll hurt more, me… or you?"
Jiraiya's entire body stiffened. Beads of sweat trickled down his forehead.
In his mind's eye, he saw Kushina looming with a frying pan, her chakra chains rattling like death's heralds.
'Oh no. Ohhh no. She'd kill me. She'd string me up like some pervy piñata. She'd—'
"Oi, old man," Naruto said casually, turning away with a smirk. "Don't look so pale. I won't tell her… for now. Just… do better, will you? You're supposed to be a legendary writer, not some bathhouse stalker."
Jiraiya staggered back, clutching his chest like he'd just been stabbed. His pride was in tatters, his reputation crushed, his secret mocked.
And yet deep down, he couldn't deny that this brat had Kushina's sharp tongue and Minato's fearless glare.
And this combination was terrifying.
"…I should've just stayed at Mount Myōboku," Jiraiya muttered under his breath, sulking.
Naruto grinned, satisfied. 'Heh. Nailed him. Who's the teacher now?'
He crossed his arms and tilted his head with a sly grin. "I still remember some line from it... it was something like— 'Her eyes sparkled like twin moons as my hand slid ever lower…'"
Naruto paused, scrunching his face. "Seriously? Twin moons? That's what you came up with? Even Shikamaru would call that lazy."
Jiraiya nearly choked on his own indignation. "T-Twin moons are romantic! It's poetic imagery! You just don't have the refined taste yet."
Naruto leaned back, smirking like he owned the conversation. "Refined taste, huh? Pretty sure Mom said you couldn't even keep a straight face when trying to talk to women seriously."
Jiraiya felt the phantom sting of Kushina's fiery words echoing in his head, and his ego cracked another inch.
But he wasn't about to fold just yet. He slammed his hand down. "Tch! What do you know about romance, huh? You're just a snot-nosed kid! Let me give you some real man's advice."
Naruto perked up, curious but with a sly grin. "Oh, I gotta hear this. Go ahead, Ero-sennin. Enlighten me."
Jiraiya puffed up his chest, stroking his chin like a sage delivering divine knowledge. "First rule of women: always keep them guessing. A little mystery drives them wild."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "…You mean like how you mysteriously vanish every time the bathhouses complain?"
Jiraiya froze, sweat beading. "T-That's… different! That's… research!"
Naruto's grin widened, shark-like. "Right, right. Research. And that time Tsunade nearly broke your ribs? Also, research?"
"…Field testing," Jiraiya muttered weakly.
--- ✦ ✦ ✦ ---
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