She's been carrying a lot on her shoulders for a long, long time, so long that she didn't know how to unload them. Thus, she felt that until she resolved everything one by one, she shouldn't expect to have a future worth longing for.
Even her relationship with Ya Tianxing was extremely unstable...
They didn't spend much time together, although she believed herself to have feelings for him, she was also clearly aware that liking him wasn't everything. It wasn't enough to make her blind to abandon everything for him.
Ya Tianxing occupied a part of her, but that wasn't the entirety and wasn't enough to erase the marks left by the past twenty-plus years on her.
She preferred to continue following the current rhythm.
And once Ya Tianxing's existence became publicly known, it meant she'd have to change her pace for him, maybe even put down some of the burdens on her shoulders.
