The next few days after that were horrible, there was just no way around it. If I hadn't already decided on this and reignited my drive that night, I would have just given up ninja work all together. I'd argue that my new routine was even worse than the state I was in when I first started this training. After all, I was now just trying to cram in my work in every field like I was still in college.
Ironic that I was still doing that, even after reincarnating as a bratty little girl.
The physical training remained relatively the same, leaving me with the usual amounts of physical exhaustion. Strong Style and eventually the Eight Gates were still things that I continued working towards, but that wasn't what I had the biggest issues with. No, that was reserved for the nearly ten-hour long study sessions that I was pulling every evening.
New Genjutsu techniques, continuing with testing the Mystic Palm, and testing out early attempts with the Storage Seals. I made sure to take the occasional brake, but with how much material I was working with, it felt like I was in a self-made school built in the pits of hell itself.
I had even stopped doing meal prep for myself, often times collapsing into bed the moment I had cleaned myself up. Dreams were plagued by thoughts of Chakra control, illusions, and lines made with specialized, expensive inks.
It was extremely harsh, but it started to get me tangible results.
In terms of Genjutsu, I had added two more techniques to my repertoire in preparation for the final goal.
The first was called Genjutsu: False Sights. It was a technique that would add something to the environment that wasn't there before. Considered a D-rank technique, it still had potential applications at higher levels of combat.
Having already learned one form of illusion, it seemed to make another a little simpler to learn – as it had with my third Genjutsu technique.
This one was named Whispered Words, and it does exactly what it says on the tin. It allows the user to create an auditory illusion that can be used to misdirect or fool an opponent. I could definitely see a few uses for this one, but the caveat was that this one required a constant input of Chakra to keep up, where as the other two would last until somehow released.
But that was exactly why I learned it, it would allow me to reach that eventual goal of a second self sooner rather than later.
On the other two fronts, there wasn't nearly as much progress.
I had managed to get the Mystic Palm to activate around sixty percent of the times I tried to use it. Not nearly at the level that I would want it to be at, but better than it was before. The exam to start training to become an actual medical ninja along with all of the unique abilities that they have required a success rate of activating it at eighty-five percent or more.
I won't accept anything less than a perfect mastery of the technique.
And then, sealing. Where do I even start with that?
I've lost count of the number of failures I had made when trying to create a storage seal, and it really put into perspective just how hard the practice was. Out of the well over two-hundred seals I had made, not a single one of them worked. In some cases, they would even explode when I did a test!
The lack of progress frustrated me to no end, but I kept at it knowing that the little squiggles had too much power to just give up on it.
Every night when I got home, I noticed the figure of my father sitting in the kitchen as he often did. I didn't know if he was waiting for me, but it was getting to the point where I didn't care. He never said anything, and I was always exhausted.
I would just walk right past him and get ready for bed, taking care of myself like I had for years.
After that night, I couldn't help but think about how empty the house always felt. Even when he was there, he added nothing to it. The walls had long since been emptied of family memorabilia, and any personal touch he or my mom had made to the place had been removed at some point. Even the old glass cabinet full of her travel trinkets had been emptied and thrown away.
I started to feel even less at home than I had when my other memories had first come in, like it was someone else's world I was intruding on.
Slowly but surely, I began to stay out till a later and later in the night, not wanting or able to face those blank walls or boring lack of decorations. And every once in a while, I would think about the amount of money I had saved up and stored away. Most Genin teams didn't have daily missions, whereas I had two and didn't have to share with anyone.
And hell, sometimes I even got a bonus! There were a few notable folks who would be excited to have me show up since they knew how I liked to get things done.
It was nice to be wanted, if only for a little while.
I started to wonder… should I start trying to find my own place? It might be selfish of me, but I felt like it was getting harder and harder to stand the isolation of that place I once grew up in. It had stopped being a home when my mom stopped living in it, but I couldn't help but doubt if I should.
Wouldn't it be more reasonable to save up more, and stay in the stable place for just a little while longer? Surely I can do that much, right?
…Maybe after I stop wasting so much sealing supplies on failed storage seals. That stuff is so expensive that I'm pretty sure it'd drain my accounts dry if I wasn't careful.
A Genin's budget isn't that large, after all.
Chapter 9
I never used to be one to study for any longer than I thought was necessary, both in my previous life and in my current one. There wasn't usually an issue. With minimal study I would often find myself sitting comfortably in the top quarter of the class grades and other academic measurements. Without the real desire to be the best or fear of what was to come, I would often just skirt by and do things that I found more entertaining.
Hence why I was now starting to supplement my existing training with more academic or book related knowledge.
Learning and trying to create Jutsu was only a part of what made a ninja strong. There was also the need to have an understanding of both the world around you and its history. Being able to understand something like politics and history may not seem like an incredibly important thing on paper, but it can be used in several combative aspects.
Let's say, hypothetically, I was locked in a battle with a ninja from the stone village. The first and most obvious detail I could draw from that would be that they would likely have an affinity for earth style jutsus, hence it would be logical for me to prepare to counter such kinds of techniques.
Knowing about the different political or organizational groups in the village also gives me an idea of the more specific abilities that they might have beyond that, such as explosion style, particle style, or potentially lava style.
Hence, if any of those were to be used, I could have a plan in place to counter those techniques. And that's from knowing just what village they're from, any further details could further open the story of their life and powers to me should I know how to read it.
"It also helps that the Second Hokage looks really, really cool~." I whispered with awe whilst admiring the furred collar of his blue armor, the image practically shining on the page. "Oh what I wouldn't give to have fluff like that."
It might be easy to assume that my efforts to learn in all areas on ninja work would be inspired by the Third Hokage, and that assumption would be right to an extent. Hiruzen Sarutobi is the longest living Hokage, and one who's touted as "The Professor" with mastery over nearly every jutsu in the village. Not to mention how in the manga he was reanimated in his elderly form and still managed to put in work in the war arc…
But it wouldn't be enough just to learn. There wasn't enough in the village alone for me to reach the heights needed to survive what came later. If the knowledge that was accessible to regular Konoha shinobi was good enough for that, then the Otsutsuki wouldn't be a threat.
Instead, I was modeling most of my future work ethic on the Second Hokage, Tobirama Senju. Sure, his policies were often garbage, but he was an insanely talented ninja. The jutsu he created ended up being key components of future events and character's arsenal.
Edo Tensei, Shadow Clone, Flying Thunder God; the list goes on and on!
As a fighter, and creator, he would be the ideal to work towards and surpass. I can't afford to just be a professor; I had to be an innovator. To not only learn, but to create something wholly new.
But that's for later. I was just trying to study up on what I needed to know to become a decent ninja, which is why I was stumbling into Ichiraku Ramen feeling like my brain had been flattened by a semitruck.
"Yooooo, ramen guy." I greeted sluggishly. "Fifteen bowls of ramen with extra bamboo shoots pleeeeeease…"
"Ah, Ami! Welcome back." Was the cheerful voice of Ayame calling back. I ended up seeing her here the last couple of times I dropped in. She smiled happily with a closed eye head tilt. "I'll tell Dad and get your order started!"
"Thank youuuuu…" I grumbled whilst laying chin down on the counter. It was only after sitting there for a couple of seconds that I realized that someone was already here. "Hey Naruto."
The blond boy perked up in surprise at my greeting, before putting a smile across his face that was so obviously forced. It was clear that he was expecting me to ignore him. Which was fair, I had been ignoring his team whenever we happened to be here at the same time.
Actually, it's the first time I've dropped by while he was alone. Weird…
"How's being a ninja treating you?" I asked to start, pushing aside the exhaustion and burnout in favor of talking to the blond menace. "I bet it's way different than you were expecting, isn't it? We don't get to rescuing princesses or fighting bad guys until way later."
"I can't believe that old man! He's having us babysit a bunch of brats and deliver groceries!" Naruto raised his hands into the air, looking as if he was in despair. "Groceries! And it was a lot of them too, more than I've ever had in a month!"
I couldn't help but find a sense of humor in the whole rant.
"Pfffha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha~!" A full, boisterous belly laugh filled the stall. The idea of Naruto slowly losing his sanity while trying to wrangle together a bunch of brats or carrying bags of groceries just being too much for me to handle with a straight face.
"H-Hey!" The blond stood up in his chair, seemingly angry over my reaction. "What are you laughing for?!"
"Ha ha~, sorry. Sorry!" I said, wiping away a little bit of water from my eyes as I chuckled a little bit more. "It's just that I couldn't imagine someone like you or Uchiha-san having to take care of a bunch of babies."
The boy blinked, before he chuckled as well.
"W-Well, I guess it was a little funny." Naruto leaned over to fake whisper at me. "You know, every time Sasuke-teme tried to pick up one of the kids they'd always end up crying. He always gets offended by it and just leaves it to Sakura-chan."
"Hm, yeah I can see that happening." I replied after a moment of thinking about it. Sasuke doesn't exactly have a… child friendly demeanor. The guy was probably giving them the meanest glares they've ever seen.
Naruto's smile seemed to become a little less forced, now fully committing himself to the conversation.
"Ne, Ami-san?" He got my attention in the form of a brow raise. "What about you? What've you been doing?"
"Ah, pretty similar stuff if I'm gonna be honest." I stated with a shrug, tapping a nail on the counter boredly. "Nothing as mundane as babysitting thankfully, but I've been doing a lot of manual labor missions to act as a form of training."
I tapped a finger to my chin.
"And well, it's not that big of a hang up for me since I don't have to split the rewards with any teammates." I smirked teasingly. "Guess there really are some advantages to going at this alone."
"WHAT?!" He yelled, but before he could say anything else I put my hands up in surrender.
"It was a joke! A joke!" I said, blushing a bit. "Sorry, I was just trying to make light of it. If anything, I'm kind of jealous."
"I'm not made about that. I'm mad about you getting more money!" Naruto said, showing off a wallet that was noticeably empty. "Look at this! I've been having to split all of the mission rewards with Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme! How am I supposed to afford ramen like this."
My eyes narrowed slightly.
"That's unforgivable." I stated with complete and utter seriousness. "Have you considered asking for extra missions outside of the ones your team takes? Your sensei might not allow it depending on how he views your team, but it should at least be worth a try."
"Ugh, I tried!" He grunted. "But Kakashi-sensei said that it would defeat the point of the D-ranks; about they were supposed to 'bring us closer as a team' or something else stupid like that."
There was a moment of pause in the conversation, and he looked at me with a confused look as he changed the subject.
"Why are you… trying to be so nice to me?" He asked with a genuine tone that hurt me to my core, like I had been slapped in the face by an ugly truth. "You were always so mean to everyone, even your old friends. Why are you acting so different now?"
"I…"
I felt my stomach drop at that, not really knowing how to answer it.
"I… I just…" I huffed. "Nothing I say will be enough to really excuse my behavior. I was just jealous of the people in our class and thought putting them down would… help me somehow."
I looked over at him, seeing a surprised expression on his face.
"It wasn't until I had failed to pass the Jonin's test that I thought about it." I caught a glimpse of my hands, seeing red and tan peeking out from the wraps. "And I realized that… I didn't like who I saw in the mirror."
Ayame had walked back in by that point, but wasn't saying anything as she realized the tonal shift. She stood there, deciding to wait until the conversation came to a close before butting in.
I was thankful for that, even if it made everything feel way more awkward.
"Hell, I don't even really like Uchiha-san that way!" I stated, feeling a particular form of self-deprecating anger at all the time I wasted on the boy. "I just followed along with it cause I thought it would get me more attention."
I leaned back on the stool, taking a sudden interest in the ceiling.
"But I don't think any of that is going to get me anywhere, not now at least." I snorted a bit, less energetic than the full body laughs from earlier. "I'm trying to be a better person, but I don't think that'll make up for it when I have to work with the people from our class."
With than I flopped back onto the table, trying not to think the self-deprecating thoughts that were trying to flood their way in. I mean, really? How could I have been so stupid! This is the reason I didn't have any friends!
It wasn't like I was just an annoying prankster like Naruto. I was an actively malicious person who tried to play on kids' emotional weaknesses just so that I wouldn't think about mine. It might be years if I'm on any sort of agreeable term with the rest of my year, but even then they probably wouldn't be friendly.
"…That's dumb!" I turned my head to peek up at Naruto, who had his arms crossed as if he was about to say something profound. "You're trying to be better now! Shouldn't that count for something."
I sat back up, my eyes not really displaying belief.
"You say that, but grudges aren't so easy to let go of." Especially with kids our age, but I didn't say it out loud. "I mean, you and Uchiha-san are basically at each other's throats all the time."
"Y-Yeah but that's different!" The boy claimed. "He's... well... him! He tries to look all cool and mysterious but he's just afraid that I'm gonna be a better ninja than him!"
"Hmm, I don't know about that one." I stated, still feeling a little down, but trying to play it off with a bit of teasing. "I think he probably still has you beat in quite a few areas. Didn't you nearly fail cause of your clone troubles?"
I thought that I slipped up by mentioning the clones, but realized that I had been vague enough to make it seem like I was talking about the regular Clone Jutsu.
"Nope!" He said with a smirk. "I found a better clone!"
"Really?" I asked with a raised brow. "I'll believe it when I see it."
"I can prove it to you, believe it!" He said with a point. "I bet I can beat you with just that too!"
"…Maybe." I eventually said, not expecting the sudden challenge. "Can it wait until after we eat though? I've been waiting for this ramen all day."
"Yeah! We'll do that!" Naruto raised his hand to Ayame with a look of determination. "Five more bowls of ramen!"
"Sure thing, Naruto!" Ayame smiled back, though I noticed how her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Her face briefly took on a look of pity as she looked at me, before she returned to her work.
Ugh… I think I said a bit too much…