"I'm sorry, we are what??"
Alice's voice sliced through the air, equal parts disbelief and panic. She blinked rapidly, trying to process the words that had just come out of Kai's mouth.
Across from her, Kai lounged on a chair, one leg dangling lazily over the armrest, wearing that infuriating grin that screamed I know something you don't.
He repeated himself, slow and casual, like this was the most normal conversation ever.
"Fillory is broke as hell right now."
He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Look, the wellspring's unstable, meaning magic there is as volatile and unpredictable as it is here on Earth. That's thrown off the entire ecosystem for the magical creatures, enchanted materials, trade routes all of it. Resources are drying up."
He exhaled, flicking invisible dust off his sleeve. "And the fact that Margo just blatantly declared war on Loria right after sleeping with the prince Ese isn't exactly helping matters either."
Julia groaned, muttering under her breath, "Of course she did…"
Kai raised a brow, ignoring her and continuing, "Add in the pile of royal expenses, broken trade deals, and a whole list of state projects they still need to carry out with no income… and voilà we have a magical monarchy on the verge of bankruptcy."
Quentin pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay… and that point being?"
Julia glanced at Kai, dryly finishing for him. "Let me guess. Rob a bank?"
Kai's face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. "Yes! Exactly! We just need to permanently borrow a few gold bars from the bank."
Alice's jaw dropped. "Permanently borrow?"
He gave her a wide grin. "Isn't it a splendid idea? Think of it as… wealth redistribution. Except the redistribution part is mostly in our favor."
He sat upright and added, "By the way, Fillory doesn't use any currency like Earth's so just gold. Hence why the gold bars sitting lonely and all alone in that vault need a little… liberation."
Before Alice could respond, the door swung open. Elliot and Margo strolled in mid-conversation, both looking like they'd stepped out of a royal photoshoot.
Kai clapped his hands together. "Ah yes! Elliot! Margo! Come, come!"
Elliot exchanged a wary glance with Margo. "What have you done now, Kai?"
Kai clutched his chest dramatically. "Good lord, Elliot. The accusations! At least wait until I've said something incriminating."
Margo rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop being a baby and spill it."
Kai grinned. "We're going to rob a bank."
The words hung in the air. Elliot blinked twice. Margo tilted her head, processing.
"…I'm sorry, what?" Elliot finally said.
Before anyone could say another word, Penny suddenly blinked into the room, a book tucked under his arm, probably something Mayakovsky sent him to retrieve.
He looked around at everyone's faces, then at Kai. "Okay. I leave for ten minutes and come back to a look that screams 'illegal.' What the hell's going on?"
Kady, who had been silent the whole time, spoke up without emotion. "Kai wants to rob a bank."
Penny blinked first at the fact that Kady was here and secondly at what he'd just heard. Then looked at Kai. Then at everyone else. "…Why do I feel like this is somehow going to be myproblem?"
Margo snorted. "Because you're the only one who can teleport, dumbass."
Elliot started laughing softly. "Oh my god, we're actually entertaining this."
Margo smirked. "Entertaining? Darling, I'm impressed."
Penny groaned. "You people need therapy. All of you."
Kai threw his arms up in mock surrender. "That's been established years ago."
Penny sighed, then stared at the group. Then back at Kai. "You people are actual lunatics."
"Sometimes," Margo mused, smirking, "lunacy is just commitment with glitter."
Penny muttered something under his breath about idiots while Kai leaned toward Alice and whispered, "See? She gets it."
———————-
Kai sat on the stairs while Julia and Alicia sat across from him. Alicia looked up from her notes. "So… how's the hunt for the trickster god going?"
Kai froze briefly, then shrugged, eyes distant. "Bloody and difficult. You know… the usual."
Julia frowned. "He's still hiding?"
"Of course," Kai said, leaning back. "He's being protected by his mother, who as we know is another very powerful god. The bastard kills and rapes her worshippers, and she still shelters him."
Alicia's jaw tightened. "That's… horrible."
Kai nodded, voice softer. "Oh, it is. But I'll find him eventually."
Julia hesitated. "And the women he's going to hurt?"
Kai's expression flickered with frustration, resignation, maybe even guilt. "I can't save them," he said quietly. "If I intervene, Persephone will twist them into weapons against me. Either way, they lose. Either way, she wins and he goes Scott free."
Julia stared at him, realization dawning. "So you're saying… they're doomed either way."
"Exactly." Kai's voice dropped. "If I try, I give her leverage. If I don't, he keeps killing. It's… a rigged game."
Julia's voice broke slightly. "You sound like you've already given up."
He met her gaze evenly. "I haven't. I'm just acknowledging the truth."
Julia exhaled shakily. "Well, we found Dana. Or… tried to. She nearly traded us to Raynard for her freedom."
Kai's brow arched. "Charming woman."
"Yeah," Julia muttered. "We got drugged. Knocked out. When I woke up, she was gone. I don't even know how we got out. Dana was tied up when we left. Probably dead by now."
Kai was quiet for a moment, eyes narrowing slightly. "And her child?"
Julia blinked. "What about the child?"
Kai's tone turned analytical, almost detached. "Do you have any idea how much magic that demigod has? The kind of energy a god's son could carry?"
Julia frowned. "'Son'? You're assuming it's a boy?"
Kai shrugged. "Just a guess. But the magic… the potential power in that demigod could be immense and even enough to kill a god… or stabilize magic permanently."
Alicia's head shot up. "Wait you realize both of those outcomes require the child to be sacrificed, right?"
Kai nodded calmly.
Julia's voice trembled. "What?"
Kai's tone stayed maddeningly even. "If he's used as a power source, he dies. If he's used to kill a god, he dies. Either way, he's gone."
Julia stood, anger burning behind her eyes. "No. No one's sacrificing anyone."
Kai sighed. "Relax, Jules. We don't even know where he is. For now, it's not something to worry about."
But as he turned away, his thoughts were different.
'He shouldn't be that hard to find… not with the kind of god-level magic he's carrying.'
Later — Outside the Bank
The group was split beside the vehicle parked discreetly across from a tall marble building glinting in the sunlight.
On one side, Quentin, Elliot, Margo, Penny, and Kady crouched behind a shimmering illusion ward. On the other, Alice, Julia, Alicia, and Kai leaned against the car, observing.
Alicia glanced nervously at the structure. "I can't believe I'm about to rob a bank in another dimension. This wasn't in my five-year plan."
Kai shrugged, smirking. "Hey, look on the bright side. At least this one doesn't have federal agents. Just bloodthirsty magicians with wards that could erase your soul."
Everyone stared at him.
Quentin groaned. "Why do you say things like that so casually?"
Kai blinked. "What? I'm just managing expectations."
Penny shook his head. "Sometimes, I really wonder if you're actually a psychopath."
Kai paused mid-grin, tilting his head. "Wait… am I?"
He turned to Elliot. "Do I act like a psychopath?"
Quentin deadpanned. "Is that a rhetorical question or—" He stopped when he realized Kai was serious.
Margo sighed dramatically. "Oh, you poor thing. Of course you do."
Elliot nodded sagely, brushing invisible lint off his coat. "Darling, the way you grin while discussing theft, violence, and moral collapse it's practically your brand and besides you've done a lot of questionable things."
Margo added with a smirk, "Diabolical things yeah and you're one 'muahaha' away from full Disney villain."
Kai blinked, considering that. "Huh. Okay, that makes sense."
Kady shot Penny a look. "Are they serious right now?"
Penny muttered, "Idiots. All of them."
Before anyone could reply, Alicia pointed toward the bank entrance. "Hey, look."
Two sharply dressed men with a woman exited the building, each holding identical black briefcases. Margo immediately became serious, her Queen energy slipping back into place.
"Those are the transporters," she explained. "Security leads. The place is lined with wards, enchantments, and layered battle magic. Each vault guardian has a shielded mind, so compulsion and telepathy are out. You try it, and we're toast and exposed."
Kai hummed thoughtfully. 'No compulsion, huh? I wonder…'
Margo ignored him and continued, "We'll need their fingerprints to even get through the front vault's magical lock."
Kai pointed at Kady and Quentin. "Perfect. You two are up."
Alice blinked. "Wait, why them?"
Kai grinned. "Kady shouldn't have any problem seducing one of the guys for his print, as for the woman well that's where Quentin comes in…"
He looked at Quentin with fake sympathy.
"…I'm sure she'll enjoy the company of an innocent man."
Elliot burst into laughter. Alice turned bright red. Quentin looked horrified.
Kai leaned back with a smile. "Relax. What's the worst that could happen?"
Margo chuckled, voice dripping with mischief. "Famous last words, sweetie."
Patreon.com/Fredozy