[Sirzechs Gremory]
...Yesterday's events lingered on my mind for far longer than I would have liked. Any sleep I had planned to get was difficult to come by.
Try as I might, the image of Serafall and Ali doing the Devil's Duet just wouldn't leave my thoughts, even though I barely caught sight of them sharing a rough kiss before I cut myself off the feed from Hereward's eyes.
I wasn't stuck thinking about it because I'm some sick, lecherous voyeur at heart, no... I suppose it's just pure shock more than anything else. I really did think for a moment that they were going to kill eachother, or at least get as close as they could to doing so within reason.
I certainly didn't think they'd start doing that in the middle of a damn forest, for everyone to see, while still stained in blood no less!
Ajuka said it was to be expected, that such intense lust is a common side effect between powerful Devils when they fight, but he also said he would keep watching even after I'd already left - to 'check for any signs of Frostweaver' - so I can't really trust his judgement on the matter, unfortunately.
Pragmatism doesn't exactly mesh very well with matters of the heart.
Hereward's still not come back, either. He's out there, I know that much, because I still feel his presence from across the world, but he's neither reported anything back to me nor returned to my hold. It's entirely possible that Ajuka is still watching them right now as they... fornicate... a whole day later.
I don't even know why I'm saying that like it's unnatural. It really isn't. The Demi-fiend, and basically Devilkind as a whole, seem to have a nasty habit of getting lost in the moment.
...Incredibly lost.
I mean, really, did he have to make me wait for hours outside the High Court to talk with him about the Judecca plan? Made me feel like a damn idiot, just stood there greeting Devils as they passed by, moping around and twiddling my thumbs all day.
Six transmissions. Six separate times I tried to reach him! He ignored everysingleone of them. I mean, I know why he didn't answer, obviously, but that still didn't make it any less annoying to deal with in the moment.
I should've just called him out for it right then and there in the High Court's entrance, but I just couldn't bring myself to. He was... he was happy to see me again. Happy that I'd backed him up. I forgotten how nice it felt to have those small moments of friendship.
Ajuka's great. Don't get me wrong. I love him like he were my own brother - hell, by all means he is - but he doesn't feel things the same way I do. Doesn't look at the world through the same lens. He sees logic and flaws, not people and feelings.
The Demi-fiend is... different. Though, perhaps he feels things just a bit too much.
...where was I? Right. Ali and Sera's latest misadventure, and his use of Frostweaver.
You know, at this point, I think I'm starting to develop a unique numbness to the things the Demi-fiend does on a day-to-day basis.
Harnessing Serafall's Mutated Trait? Sure, go ahead buddy. Why not. Summoning a sword with so much Demonic Power that I could feel it in my bones? Oh, go on then. Since you've been so nice. Having an entire dragon at his beck and call, if the reports from Chastinal are to be believed? Ah, nothing special, carry on. Drinking blood just like a vampire and growing twice as powerful as a result? Standard stuff, really.
...it's like a new migraine to handle every time I hear about him.
These days, I'm torn between thanking whatever shallow vestiges of Lucifer remain that he even exists, and cursing his name for being such an unexpectedly confusing entity. I really can't use any other word to describe him at this point, since I'm not even sure he's fully human anymore if these reports are trustworthy.
At the very least, the Demi-fiend has proven himself a trustworthy friend so far. One that I should feel more than safe to have at my side on the Judecca expedition. I can only guess Ajuka feels the same if he's willing to let the Demi-fiend tag along with his little Agreas journey. It's not like the man himself needs to be there as well to harness the Agaresite. If anything, I'm starting to think Ajuka just wants a lab partner deep down.
Hm. A busy schedule indeed, Demi-fiend. Unfortunately for me, I've got a similar burden to handle myself, a very important matter to attend to, so I can't sit idly here with my thoughts all day.
Plans require work, troop movements require analysis, and this War still requires my attention before anything else in life...
Like it has for the last nine years, I think to myself, hand pausing mid-motion atop the doorknob leading to our little War Room.
...Almost a decade now, actually. Only 23 days left until we reach that mark.
Just thinking about how long I've been fighting for now is enough to make me feel a familiar weight pressing down upon my shoulders, one that only seems to grow in strength with each day that passes. The 'burden of the strong' my Father called it.
I prefer to call it what it really is.
Fear.
Fear of not being able to hold onto who I am before the War's end. Fear of not being good enough to lead the Underworld once the banners fall. Fear that I won't be strong enough to keep our people safe when it's all said and done, fear that I'm not fit for the crown of Lord Lucifer, fear that I never will be.
Fear I never had to worry about before everything fell apart.
My thoughts quickly roam back to times long since passed before I can stop them, times that feel a lifetime away, times I lose myself in the memory of as my hand shakes ever so slightly atop the doorknob.
These days, it still feels strange to me just how quickly things changed around us; how easily I fell into my role as the First General of the Satanihilus after spending so many years as just a humble student of the Ars Goetian Academy.
It was like I had blinked, and by the time my eyes opened again I had lost the life I knew.
I'd take a century of those mind-numbing classes with Professor Forneus and his tiny little book of sheet music if it meant I could go back. Serafall's bible she carried around in a thick, steel case, a key part in her quest to become the Underworld's Best Diplomat; Ajuka's five different doctorates to study for that he somehow balanced all at once, always having a minute spare to help me with my own assignments too.
Every luxurious meal in the cafeteria, every snickering laugh I hid under my breath, every skipped lecture and verbal beatdown that followed - all the ruthless assignments and all the broken piano strings I was forced to repair because of my behaviour...
I'd do anything to have it all back.
Even just for a day.
...But I can't.
I can't let my determination falter. I can't seek refuge in memories of the past. Not when I've come so far. Not when the end is finally in sight. The people of the Underworld need me now, they need the Satanihilus.
If I lose myself in my regrets and melancholy, then who will be there to lead our people towards a brighter tomorrow? Who will be there to bear the sins of the name Lucifer?
So I'll carry that weight.
I'll grit my teeth every day that I wake up, and I'll carry that weight for as long as it takes, for as long as I need to, for as long as my body will allow me. I'll carry it until my arms grow weak, until the power that burns within me turns into nothing more than dying embers, and even then I'll continue to carry it.
I'll bear the burdens of my strength with a smile, and never stop until the day that I fall. I owe nothing less than everything I have to those who died for our cause, for those lost to tyranny over the last decade.
Most importantly though, I owe it to all the Devils who have suffered through strife because I chose to let Bidleid live so many lifetimes ago - because I showed mercy.
It is the only form of repentance I can give.
...This weight upon my shoulders is nothing compared to the burden of my guilt.
"Sirzechs? Something the matter?"
Ajuka's voice rings out from within the Super Devils Super Hangout Spot, catching me off guard and breaking me from my thoughts.
My fingers tighten around the doorknob instinctively, the realisation that I've been stood here for several minutes now making me feel uniquely embarassed as my cheeks redden, twisting the handle and letting myself inside a moment later.
"No, no, sorry to worry you, Ajuka. Just got lost in thought for a minu..."
My words die out in the blink of an eye.
Sat there, resting in one of the many large recliners inside the SDSHS, is Ajuka himself, the man sat in the exact same position he had been in when I left, wearing the exact same dirtied lab coat. His eyes are rolled back into his head, a green sigil glowing atop the exposed whites of his eyes.
Proof that he's still connected to Hereward.
My voice finally returns to me after several agonising seconds spent in shock, throat feeling distinctly hoarse now.
"...please tell me you didn't spend the last-"I glance at the nearby clock, "-5 hours here."
He glances at me, brows furrowed, the sight an admittedly haunting one given the lack of any pupils within them currently.
"I'm sorry, did you think I would just sit idle in the face of such a discovery? The only thing stopping me from going there in person is- oh, don't be so disgusted, Sirzechs. As I was saying, your words of tact have ensured that I watch from a distance rather than interrupt their activites for my own purposes."
I feel a grimace forming on my lips.
"Is that... um... should I be proud?"
Ajuka scoffs, standing from the seat and reaching for a steaming cup of what I can only hope is coffee, pointing it in my direction a moment later as he speaks.
"If there's anything you should be doing, it's helping me get in contact with the Demi-fiend. This is an incredibly important matter. I've tried to do it myself several times now, but he refuses to answer."
My eyes dart between his hollow gaze and the green, almost ephemeral sigils that surround him on all sides, their continued existence being the exact reason why that is a terrible idea.
"...something tells me he's a little busy."
Ajuka frowns.
"If it's the voyeuristic intrusion you're worried about, then there's nothing to fear. They never went beyond aggressive foreplay, and they've been done with their intimacy since just a half hour after you left."
I blink in shock, humming a moment later. I suppose I never did see anything more than a kiss, cut myself off before anything could happen. I've just been operating on the assumption that things got rough.
I find myself grimacing again at the thought, sighing deeply partway through my words.
"I guess there's no reason why he shouldn't be responding now. Is... is he ignoring you?"
Again, Ajuka frowns, a small sip of his drink following. The liquid is still scalding hot, but the man pays no mind to it.
"No. Not deliberately, at least. He's currently speaking with someone else." Ajuka says, another deep sigh spilling from my lips as I walk towards our little 'battle board'.
"Then just be patient and wait. He won't be busy forever, and if he's half as smart I think, then he'll recognise that several calls from you must mean something important."
In the blink of an eye, quite literally, Ajuka's eyes return to normal, the sigils of Kankara fading. He places a finger to his retina, grimacing at the sudden readjustment.
"Welcome back to the land of the living. I've brought you some news." I say, smiling, before handing him a stack of papers I'd been agonising over since they fell into my hands a few hours ago.
Ajuka blinks only once, before tearing through the report with envious speed, a page turned with every second as he absorbs information like a damn sponge, a stark contrast to the hours it took for me to do the same.
After just under a minute, he turns the sloppily stapled report over and rests it against the still messied table, turning to me with a grave expression on his face.
"...This certainly isn't good news."
I sigh, smiling ruefully, almost wishing I had my own cup of coffee at this point.
"It isn't, is it? You think they're getting ready to move into Judecca, like we theorised?"
He takes a step forward, standing aside me as we stare at our pinboard, one that is rapidly running out of space to work with. Troop movements, supply lines, the current state of allegiances within Ars Goetia. No stone is left unturned, no information we have at our disposal left undisclosed.
"It's entirely possible. I wouldn't name it my first assumption, though. Cainhurst remains in Loyalist hands, even deeper now than before; Lucifaad is still defended from the South, and the capture of Diamor Belial alone wouldn't warrant such a large-scale withdrawal of their forces."
I hum, eyes glued to the map and wishing I had Ajuka's eye for the finer details.
"The lands of House Forneus aren't exactly worth another year fighting over, especially since all they produce is silk. Maybe they're just consolidating their forces where it matters most instead, like Cainhurst?"
Ajuka hums once, before giving me a single word response.
"His."
Confused, I turn to him, brows furrowed and a question on my lips that he thankfully chooses to answer immediately.
"I can already tell this is Daimadosu's doing. Bidleid wants to fight the Demi-fiend, he wants glorious combat... he'd never just pull back his men by an entire country line, nor show such blatant weakness."
A fair point. Though, if it's true, then-
"Agreas."
I blink, caught off guard by Ajuka's sudden outburst, before my eyes follow suit with his own and I realise that, depending on how far back the Loyalists have pulled their forces, they may just be attempting a defense of the floating city and Agares' lands as a whole alongside bolstering Cainhurst's defenses.
...maybe they're planning something worse.
"You know, Daimadosu said something down in Cain's Throne, something that's been bugging me for a while. He said he'd have his crown no matter what, even if it was just so he could rule over a land of ashes. That Grand Mechanism would give him just what he wants. You think that's why he's consolidating around Agreas?"
Ajuka hums, arms now folded as he stares intensely at the sectioned map.
"I think so. Perhaps Diamor's capture, and the newfound pressure on Lucifaad, has made him desperate for a way to put pressure of his own on us beyond simple supply line raids and guerilla tactics."
Before he even finishes the sentence, my hands are reaching for my cloak, strewn across a chair upon entering. Ruinous Power courses through my veins, power that itches to be released, to destroy, to not make the same mistake twice-
"Wait, Sirzechs."
I turn on the spot, a shout of urgency on my lips that is very quickly silenced by the smug smirk on Ajuka's lips. The Destruction that flickers and ebbs at my fingertips fades away as he gestures to the map once again, still grinning viciously.
"Let him try." He says, fingers tapping against his elbow rhythmically.
"...I'm sorry, you want him to activate the 'kills everyone we know and love' machine?"
Ajuka's smile never dips, pushing the pins that represent the Satanihilus forward ever so slowly, closer and closer to Lucifaad, filling the empty space left by the Loyalists.
"Daimadosu's far too much a coward to destroy the Mechanism and die alongside us in the ensuing cataclysm, so the only thing he could use it for is the threat of mutually assured destruction... a hollow threat that falls apart very quickly when you realise just who is making it, and the reasons why he would do so."
I fold my arms, matching his own posture, the fabric of my cloak falling over my chest and leaving my body covered entirely beneath the crimson curtains.
"That's still no reason to just leave him be. We'd be banking our race's survival on how suicidal he feels over a day to day basis."
Ajuka then turns to me, smirking.
"The defenses around Agreas are nothing to scoff at, Sirzechs. Nobody has even gotten close to the Grand Mechanism in millenia, not since the early days of the Underworld. It's one of the reasons why Lord Hades or the Fallen Angels haven't tried invading the floating city in fear that we could destabilise the Underworld as a whole on a whim."
He takes a deep sip from his still scalding coffee, sounding almost triumphant as he does so this time.
"Not only do they know that we would all die in the ensuing conflict, but they know that it is a foolish endeavour as well. It's one of the many reasons why I called my draconic companion for aid. Daimadosu will never get past the Mechanism's security systems on his own, let alone those of the city itself."
...I suppose he makes a good point.
Recognising his logic, and lamenting that I hadn't had the time to do my research on Agreas despite how integral it would soon be, I can do nothing but sigh and let the tension unwind from my body as I run a hand against my head.
"Fine then. I suppose this works all the same. Time he spends trying to reach Agreas is time we can spend taking the land he withdrew from. If Daimadosu wants to devote himself to a lost cause, then he can do it with my blessing. We just need to push our schedule forward a bit."
Ajuka's grin turns into a smirk. I feel an odd shiver run down my spine at the sight of it.
"Oh, by all means, do so. I have quite the plan for Lord Asmodeus. It'll require some decent work, and a lot of disinformation being spread, but I know of a few birdies that'll help me with that. If all goes well, we may just be able to corner Daimadosu in Agreas, and deal with him before he can seek refuge in Lucifaad."
I sigh again, feeling that same exhaustion as always creeping into my system as Ajuka continues to shift the pins around rapidly, several thoughts of just what 'deal with him' is going to mean running through my mind.
"You can tell me the finer details of it later. Tell the Demi-fiend as well. I need to send word to Serafall and Falbium first and foremost. I don't suppose you'd be-"
Ajuka cuts me off with a smile and a wave of his hand, already knowing exactly what I was going to say.
"Yes, yes. I'll tell Lord Bael of this development in your stead."
...Truth be told, I haven't been able to speak with Zekram recently.
His dogged pursuit of the Demi-fiend, the endless attempts to tie the man down to Ars Goetia permanently, it has left me feeling... sour, to say the least. If this development with Frostweaver is a permanent one, then I'm pretty sure Zekram's going to double down on his attempts to shackle the man.
For his sake, I hope not. I hope he recognises power as power, not looking at the source of it, but at the scope of it. I hope... I hope one day, for the sake of the Underworld, that I won't have to choose a side between the two of them.
"...Thank you, Ajuka." I say, the words quieter than I'd have liked.
He turns to me, smiling. No smirk, no vicious grin, just a small curve of the lips.
"Anytime, Sirzechs."
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[Grayfia Lucifuge - The Day Prior]
When I was a young child, shortly after our Mother's passing, my Father brought Euclid and I to the Familiar Forest.
He said that every good Ars Goetian Devil needs a reliable companion at their side, 'a Vassal's Vassal' he called them. Not just to serve a utilitarian purpose, but to serve as a reminder of one's status as well.
I spent hours walking through the forestry, agonising over which creature to take for myself that day. Dogs, slimes, birds, even a small caterpillar. I simply couldn't decide. Euclid never hesitated for a single second, choosing a poisonous slime as his own contracted companion, but I was much more thorough in my search.
By the end of the day though, after several hours spent going back and forth through the woodland, I had finally found a creature I would happily consider my own.
A small butterfly. Fresh out of the cocoon.
The concept of their metamorphosis, their freedom from a cocoon, it had spoken to me far more than anything else I laid eyes on. I was still coming to terms with my life as the servant of another back then, and in their freedom, I sought my own from fate.
I named her Blythe.
Carefree, it meant. Happy. Everything I wished I could be while growing up.
Her services to me were nothing special. Some days, I would simply ask for her company, an audience to the stories I would read myself, the thoughts I would say aloud to no-one in particular. She couldn't give anything in response other than a flapping of the wings, a beautiful shade of blue, but it meant I wasn't truly alone constantly.
A small consolation.
Now though, she is of proper use to me. Of proper use to my Master. With a small grin on my lips, one unbecoming of a maid like myself, I slip my hand behind my back and summon Blythe as I stand in the hallway, checking both ends for any surveillance.
I release her a moment later, making the mental command for her to watch as she flies through the manor, escaping into the world outside in the blink of an eye.
Watch Lady Rosalia closely. Do not be caught. I have opened a window on the bottom floor for you to return to me through. Any unnatural behaviour, any erratic actions, I must know of them. Thank you, Blythe.
With my secondary surveillance now properly begun, I turn and begin the slow walk through the Phenex' halls to document my observations for the day, discreetly glancing at the several paintings and murals to the members of Clan Phenex as I do so.
Some are devoted to those lost, others to those still alive. The Phenex have always had a unique talent among Ars Goetia for seemingly producing an endless stock of children, and the talent has certainly not fallen behind in efficacy despite the war given how many murals and monuments to their spawn line the halls.
They also seem to have a distinct knack for the aurelian. Gold lines the corners of each hall, gilding the accents and details for each statue and painting, embedded into the crimson carpets that line the floor, and even the floor itself. I would call it tacky design were I not so impressed with the endless reserves of it they seem to have.
The same can be spoken for their decorations. Some paintings feel as though they are endless, stretching for what seems like miles across the walls, filled from end to end with children and siblings, a family large enough that I almost feel sympathetic for the servants who keep watch over them.
...I suppose I also feel a small twinge of yearning at the sight as well.
Such a large family, so happy and content in this one eternal moment. We could never smile so widely as they have in any of our family paintings. Father wouldn't allow it.
Stoicism is it's own form of power, he'd say.
...I truly can't tell if he was right or not.
------------------------------------
[Grayfia Lucifuge - Current Day]
Another day, another meeting with Lady Phenex cut short before we can begin any deeper negotiations. I had been trying to discuss a potential solution to the Demi-fiend's redundancy of their medicine in hospitals across the Underworld when the latest call arrived, forcing her attention elsewhere before I could say anything else.
I would normally consider it further evidence towards Rosalia's words of their scheme being true, had the woman herself not started smirking at me from over her mother's shoulder the moment it happened, almost seeming distinctly smug about it.
Perhaps my Master's habits have rubbed off on me more than I should hope, but...
Rosalia continues to exude a unique, almost impressive air of untrustworthiness.
Her actions, her demeanour, her deeper intentions and the air of mystery she seems so intent on keeping around herself. It all makes it far, far too difficult to trust the things she says. If she continues to be so... unreliable with me before the next three days pass, then I will be left with no other conclusion than her own grand deception being the root cause of this 'plot'.
Our tentative relationship certainly hasn't improved any since the last time we spoke either. I had hoped my prior aggression and deameaning language would bring about some form of reaction in her, some seething response or manic action for Blythe to bear witness to - but so far I've seen neither hide nor hair of my Familiar, nor have I seen any hint of Rosalia's facade breaking.
Speaking of which...
"Another call. How strange. And right when you were finally getting down to business." Rosalia hums softly, arms folded behind her back as we walk through the halls, an airy smile across her lips.
I sigh, schooling my words so as to not show any distaste I have for her once again.
"It is rather absurd that she expects me to believe so many convenient interruptions have occured recently. If anything though, that is more evidence of terrible business acumen than a plot against my Master."
Rosalia grins, turning to me with a playful smirk on her lip, a stark contrast to the disgraceful expression she wore yesterday.
"Well, everything with regards to the actual business side of House Phenex is handled by Father. It's the reason he's away so often. Mother is... far less adept than him in regards to that area. She manages our coffers instead, which is the reason why she is so popular among Ars Goetia."
...why would the Lady Phenex be the one pursuing and maintaining this partnership with my Master, then? And behind her husbands back, no less? That goes against everything Rosalia just said.
Either Lady Phenex intended to make this deal as some form of present for her spouse, perhaps to lessen the burden of their fears over my Master, and Rosalia has twisted the meaning to it against them, or this bizarre aspect of the situation is yet more proof against the Phenex as a whole.
Perhaps... perhaps Rosalia's tongue slipped. A smiple error. She spoke of her mother as being 'very popular among Ars Goetia', and so far that statement has been maintained with the constant calls and requests keeping her busied, but wouldn't that only serve to prove her intentions as being genuine? Wouldn't it have been easier to say she has no part in things, to make the convenient calls all the more suspicious?
"Interesting." I say, giving nothing else away as we continue our slow, steady walk.
Rosalia's small smile drops. She hums in acknowledgement once more, but says nothing for several long seconds as we continue our walk through the empty halls, seemingly choosing her words very deliberately as seconds turn to minutes.
"You want evidence, right?" She starts suddenly, turning to me as we reach the doors to my temporary lodging.
"Proof of a scheme? Something to be afraid of? Something to make this all worthwhile?"
Again, she has that same ambitious light in her eyes that I had hoped to have stamped out beforehand. Maybe she believes she can seduce my Master once this scheme bears fruit and she has her title. Maybe she believes I have fallen for her trap.
All the same, I remain neutral.
"I would prefer to have something akin to that, yes. Something concrete."
Rosalia raises a brow, then grins. Her eyes gleam as she leans in close.
"Then you're in luck, Lady Grayfia. It seems like Father's sudden return was quite handy to us. Mother had been keeping a record of all the Sol going in and out of Clan Phenex in a thin, red book, one that will no doubt have a few entires in need of... scrutiny."
She rakes her gaze across her nails as she glances at me from the corner of her eyes, still speaking softly for fear of listeners.
"She had been keeping it locked and secure in Father's study, expecting his continued absence, but with his return, she has been forced to move it for fear of his eyes wandering. It now sits in her bedside drawer, in the master bedroom. All you need do is take it, and you'll have the proof you need."
She leans ever so slightly closer, her voice now just a haughty whisper as she tries asserting some form of control over me, grinning from ear to ear.
"Do be careful though, Lady Grayfia. If you get caught traipsing through the bedroom of the Lady Phenex... well, I rather not say. I would not take this task lightly."
I brush aside her faux-concern, already intimately aware of what the consequences for being caught snooping past curfew would be. My presence here is already controversial to many inhabitants.
Were I to be found searching through the Phenex' most important documents, I've no doubt they would try taking me directly to the Council, or worse accelerate their plans forward a few days and take me hostage, drop any of the shallow pretenses.
Maybe this is another part of Rosalia's plan. I've made her recognise the futility in a marriage to the Demi-fiend, so she has decided to work towards his demise instead.
Either way, it doesn't change anything. I won't be leaving without that... little ledger. Getting caught by a house as pompous and ignorant as the Phenex would only serve to hurt my pride more than my person, and is something I intend to avoid wholeheartedly.
Subterfuge is a rather demanding-
A transmission.
I blink at the sudden pulsating feeling behind my ear, immediately recognising the caller as my Master. Rosalia, still beside me, begins to panic slightly.
"Wait!" She whispers, glancing to either side of the hallway before ushering me into the room I remain housed in.
When the door shuts behind her, she locks it slowly, then whirls on me.
"Whatever you do, don't mention a word about the plot. Communications in and out are monitored. They'll find out you talked, and then we'll both have a big problem."
Her whispers are hushed, hurried. I find a hint of embarassment in her voice as well, perhaps at the thought of this man being the one she may very well share a bed with if her dreams come to fruition.
Maybe I can make some use of this crack in her composure.
"Forgive me, Rosalia." I start, reaching up to answer his calling. "I am bound to his will. Should he ask me a question about my time here, then I am duty-bound to answer it."
Rosalia's whispers grow frenzied. It is rather amusing to see her composed demeanour shatter so thoroughly.
"No- don't you dare, Grayfia! I am not losing everything because you couldn't learn to tell a damn fib! Just lie to him, obscure the truth, be cyclical, I don't know. This is all for your Master's sake, remember?"
Her tone shifts near the end, almost as though she we're trying to use my Master against me, to manipulate me, as if she thought it a weak point of mine.
...perhaps I could use this to my advantage. If I concede now, I strengthen the image in her mind that I am helpless but to act for his sake. If that is the case then she may let further details slip later down the line while trying to use it against me again.
She may underestimate me.
"I suppose you are right." I say, faux-conceding to her words and lifting a hand to answer my Master's transmission.
I had already planned to stay silent on the plot anyways after she spoke of monitored communications. I'm sure my Master could understand an obfuscation of the truth if he knew the consequence was imprisonment.
Rosalia breathes a deep sigh of relief upon hearing my words.
Good.
------------------------------------
[Alistair Mammon]
To say I've been dreading this conversation would be an egregious understatement.
I've been sat here, pacing up and down on the same spot for the last... I dont even know how long, like a tool, agonising over how I should tell Grayfia what happened between Serafall and I.
The streets of Chastinal are just about within view from where I am, my body now leaning against a nearby tree on the forest border as I stare at the imposing figure of Alduin in the town square.
I don't even know why I'm even having so much trouble with this. I mean for fuck's sake, she told me she was fine with it, that she would accept my actions with a smile on her lips and love in her heart, but...
I know exactly why I'm hesitating.
Deep down, I've always known.
I don't want to tell her that I gave into my own weakness. I don't want to admit that I lost a war within my own mind. I don't want to tell her that I gave into my worst instincts.
...No. No more hesitating. I've sat here twiddling my thumbs for long enough.
She deserves to know. I couldn't live with myself if I hid the truth from her like a coward, ran from my own actions. I love her too much to not do as she asked of me, the one request she made to me among hundreds of my own.
"Master? I did not expect to be hearing from you so soon."
I smile at the sound of her voice, a soft thing that leaves butterflies in my stomach - a stark contrast to the coiling fire than ran through my blood just a few hours prior.
"I didn't think I'd be calling you so soon either. Things have been... non-stop on the frontlines."
Alistair you fucking coward stop beating around the bush and tell her you-
"I'm glad to hear that you've survived the battles thus far, Master. I admit, I've been worrying endlessly for your sake since the moment we parted."
She's been worrying about you, worrying like a good partner would, and what have you been doing this whole time you-
"I told you, didn't I? Human cockroach. Invincible by all means." I say, laughing.
She shares in the laughter a moment later, nothing more than a soft snickering that leaves me wishing I were there with her, wishing I were anywhere but here.
"I would prefer you use any other insect as reference, Master. It is rather hard to love a man who calls himself a cockroach."
I scoff on instinct, folding my arm and smirking slightly, able to see the small curve of her lips as she speaks if I close my eyes.
"You can't deny that it's the truth though." I say, before pausing in my tracks.
...I tense my jaw at the irony.
One second, two. A moment passes, and like a brick to the chest, I remember that I've no reason to be afraid of showing her my weaknesses. I've told her of my death. My resurrection.
I've shared with her secrets no-one else in this world will ever be made privy to.
There's no reason for me to be so hesitant. Not with her. Never with her.
"I got intimate with Serafall. Nothing extreme, but... it still happened."
...a moment passes.
Grayfia hums in response.
"That was quicker than I expected, Master."
The tension damn near evaporates from my body in a single, barking laugh.