At first, Sakura felt almost certain that Tsunade would shut down the Daimyō's foolish idea, but then she remembered who funded the Hidden Leaf Village. Apparently, the event was to be fully televised, and all proceeds from VHS tape sales would go towards the village's coffers, so in light of the ever-shrinking military budget, it was clear that the kunoichi of the Hidden Leaf would at least have to make a show of putting in an effort.
"…and that is why I want you to go around and persuade the village's most beautiful kunoichi to take part," Tsunade explained. "There is nothing to treat but colds and fractures at this time of year, so I am letting you off work for this mission, so you had better be grateful."
Sakura dutifully took out her note-taking scroll and scribbled, Senju Tsunade.
"Not me, you foolish girl, I'm not attending," snapped Tsunade, slapping the scroll out of Sakura's hands. "Take this seriously, will you? The fate of the village (read: budget) depends on whether we can do well in this ridiculous contest."
The beauty pageant was set to take place in the Land of Fire's capital on the day of the Rinne Festival, the celebration of the seasons' cycle of rebirth. It was the shinobi continent's equivalent of Christmas, which fell on the winter solstice, a few days before New Year's.
"So, we just need five people, right?" Sakura asked in confirmation. "I can think of a few names…"
The Hidden Leaf was not lacking in beautiful kunoichi, but the trouble was that the competition would be stiff. The women of Nadeshiko Village were stunningly beautiful, but they lived on the small peninsula that jutted out from the eastern coast of the Land of Fire, which belonged to the Land of Water. Furthermore, while the Lands of Wind, Earth and Lightning had not responded to the Hokage's call, the contest was still open to all kunoichi affiliated with an official village, so nothing was stopping someone like Samui from participating…
Well, Samui in her current state probably would not choose to attend such an event. Her explosive breasts now resided within Karui's bosom, after all.
"So, who's that woman who called you humanoid rubbish, Pervy Sage?"
Tsunade and Sakura looked towards the door. While all the other guests had already left the Hokage's office, the IT crew carrying the television equipment with them on their way out, Naruto and Jiraiya were still loitering by the doorway.
"Well, Naruto," explained Jiraiya, "I wouldn't say that I know that woman per se, but I do know who she represents. It's a long story, but it involves you too, you know?"
"Me?" Naruto hiccoughed in surprise.
The gist of the story was that, since the women of Nadeshiko Village possessed an Amazonian bloodline much like the Manyū clan (meaning they very rarely produced male offspring), their kunoichi would venture out into the world when they came of age in search of a husband.
Now, in the Manyū clan's case, they would usually seize the first handsome man who caught their eye and bring him back to the village to bed him, but the Nadeshiko operated rather differently. They would take only strong shinobi as mates, allowing them to strengthen their bloodline through a rather stark form of survival-of-the-fittest eugenics.
"So, let me get this straight," Naruto blurted out, interrupting his master's story. "You got caught sneaking around their village doing 'research' for your next book, so their village leader tried to marry you!?"
The problem with the women of Nadeshiko Village was that they could only marry men who had defeated them, which also meant they had no leverage when it came to bringing their future husband to the matrimonial bed if they were unwilling. That is why, after a certain event, they began travelling in pairs, so that the other one could sucker punch the male if he refused to marry once he had won.
"Our duel ended in a draw," Jiraiya said modestly. "I was distracted by her huge—" He mimed squeezing imaginary breasts, but upon noticing Tsunade's cold stare, his fingers froze. "—by her, er… huge tracts of land," he concluded lamely. "Yes, that's it. I could not concentrate on our duel, knowing that some people are just born with a silver spoon in their mouths, while others have nothing. It disgusts me, really."
"Does that mean that Shizuka girl we saw earlier is your granddaughter, Pervy— I mean, Jiraiya-sama?" asked Sakura, wide-eyed. "She must be really strong, then!"
Jiraiya opened his mouth, then shut it again, opening it once more, looking rather like a koi fish with its mouth flapping. It seemed Sakura's question had left him at a loss. As a rather rakish teenager back then, he had indeed had a roll in the hay with the beautiful village leader, but… could it be that that brief union had produced a child out of wedlock…?
"Well, maybe, maybe not," said Jiraiya, flustered. "We agreed that if we could not have a rematch, we would have our disciples duel in our place… which means Naruto here will have to marry that girl if he beats her."
"NO WAY!" Sakura shouted.
Naruto, Jiraiya and Tsunade stared at Sakura in surprise, making her blush.
"I mean, Naruto-kun has a life here in the Hidden Leaf Village, right?" Sakura babbled. "He can't become the Hokage if he becomes a strange woman's boytoy in Nadeshiko Village, right? Besides, Team 7 wouldn't be Team 7 without Naruto, and, and…"
Sakura scowled at Jiraiya, who was nudging a red-faced Naruto with his elbow, barely managing to conceal a foolish grin. Then, quite suddenly, his expression turned dead serious.
"Let me be perfectly honest with you, Naruto," said Jiraiya, gripping him by the shoulders and staring into his eyes. "At your current level, you stand no chance of beating that girl in a fair fight, and don't even think about throwing the match, because those women will make you regret it. Your only hope of defeating her… is by making use of the unique opportunity that's just fallen into your lap, if you catch my meaning."
Naruto shook his head. Nope, he could not even begin to imagine the depths of his master's depravity.
"Then let me make it perfectly clear for you," said Jiraiya, ethereal flames burning in his eyes. "Your only hope is to enter our awesome Daimyō's beauty pageant in disguise, then reveal your true identity once you've defeated that girl with your looks! The rules of Nadeshiko Village are clear on that: girly-boys are strictly off-limits as potential mates, to avoid weakening the bloodline!"
"You've got to be kidding me!" Naruto shouted. "I'm a real man, don't ya know? What about my manly pride!?"
"Good for you, Naruto!" Sakura chortled. "You get to avoid marriage without ending up with your teeth kicked in!"
Sakura took out her note-taking scroll and scribbled beneath Tsunade's crossed-out name: Uzumaki Naruko. It seemed like it might be fun, so why not?
"Not you too, Sakura-chan!?" Naruto groaned, his shoulders sagging. "Not again!"
"Well, if it'll make him stop using that inappropriate Harem no Jutsu all the time, then why the hell not?" said Lady Tsunade, smiling. "I'll bite the bullet, just this once. I'll approve Naruto's entry into the pageant, on a whim."
"NOOOOOOO!!"
Tsunade grinned wickedly as she watched Sakura giggle at Naruto's misfortune. Unbeknownst to her disciple, she had already decided that Sakura would be on the Leaf's team. With her on board, there was no way the Hidden Leaf could possibly fail to claim first place!