When I came to, I was on the ground, huddled up in a corner like a scared child.
Ootaea was beside me, and the others were also surrounding me.
Murmurs could be heard in the crowd of soldiers who were watching, as they were likely confused by my sudden breakdown.
I was sure that all these sudden breakdowns only served to make me look mentally ill, sullying my name even further. But honestly, what was the point of trying to care about that anymore?
I was already on edge even before I joined the ADF, and it seems as if it's only served to ruin me further.
"Doffy! Doffy! Are you alright?!" The sweet sound of Ootaea's voice called out to me, I looked at her with a face of anguish and despair. "Doffy, it's alright, it's alright... You're fine now, okay?" She said, I could tell she cared. I could tell she didn't see me the way the others did. She didn't think I was crazy, at least, I hoped she didn't.
"Leurnim, what happened to him? Did he have an episode? Is he okay?" Sir Ladec asked. The others seemed concerned, but I didn't know if they were actually concerned or just pretending to be. Either way, I could still tell that Ootaea cared, at least, I hoped.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. I just..." What could my excuse be? I didn't have an explanation for this, I couldn't just say that I had a hallucination and that I was seeing corpses. That would make me look like a complete lunatic and probably get me kicked out of the ADF. "I just got tired and tripped over, that's all."
"Tripped over?" Leurnim questioned, "That doesn't explain why you're huddled up in the corner... You were having a panic attack, weren't you?" His tone was less concerned and more commanding, it was as if he was trying to demand the truth out of me.
"Y-Yes, I was. It's been happening a lot lately, but I promise. I won't let it get in the way of my duties, I'll do my best to stand up and keep fighting." Was all I could respond, but it seems as if that wasn't the answer he was looking for.
"Leurnim, he'll be alright. He's a strong soldier, you don't need to worry." Ootaea said, defending me.
"Right, right... Well, let's just take a break and rest here for a while, our mission is nearly finished. We just need to wait for the return convoy, which should be arriving soon." Leurnim replied, then turned around and looked at the others, "You guys, get some rest." The others followed his command and laid down on the grass.
I sighed and looked around at the people who were resting, their eyes closed as if they were asleep, and their faces looked peaceful and relaxed.
The quickening of my heartbeat and the sound of my breath, the sweat forming on my brow. I couldn't calm myself down. The images of the dead were still fresh in my eyes.
"Let's get you to stand up, Dofro." Ootaea helped me up and held my arm in a gentle way, it felt like a hug in a sense. But I didn't want that, I didn't need that again, it'd only prove that I was too weak to even stand up by myself.
"I-I can stand up myself, thank you..." I said, and she let go of me. Her face showed concern and care, but I didn't want her to feel that way all the time. After all, I was fine, wasn't I?
"Alright, if you say so!" She smiled at me, and it was a warm smile. A smile that I would have loved to have seen on Alice's face.
I looked around at the soldiers that were surrounding me. Some were sleeping, others were just staring off into the distance emptily, as if they were daydreaming. It was a peaceful atmosphere, and I was glad that I had some time to think about my situation.
I had to find a way to get out of this mess, and I had to do it soon. If I didn't...
"Ooh... Greenhorn! Let's look around town since we're free for the day! It's been a long time since I've been home, so let me show you around!" Ootaea said with a bright face. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke, and she was clearly excited to be going on a walk with me.
"Alright, but... Let's not go too far. I don't want to be too far from the others." I responded, but in truth, I didn't care whether the others were here or not. I didn't want to go too deep into this place, because I didn't know what would happen if I did.
"Don't worry, it'll be fine! Let's go, unto the town of Point B!" Ootaea exclaimed, and she grabbed my arm, dragging me towards the city center. "Come on, Greenhorn! I'll show you my old house!"
"Uh... Okay..." I was a little bit skeptical about this, but I decided to let her drag me along anyway. It wasn't like I had anything else to do, and it'd be nice to see a place that I haven't been to before.
As we walked towards the center of the city, I could tell that this place was pretty big. There were many people walking with their own thoughts, and I could tell that this place was bustling with life. However, it seemed like they were avoiding the areas where we were, which was odd.
Then, as if another vision had come to me, a vision of many minds and souls; dead and alive.
Standing by the fountain, I watched the horizon.
Walking my dog in the street, I saw the horizon.
Driving down an empty road, I heard the horizon.
Holding my partners hand in a park, I felt the horizon.
Sitting down by a cliff, I smelled the horizon.
Hanging by a noose, I sensed the horizon.
As we watched the horizon in a single-minded collective, the sky bled an abyssal blue hue.
Watching it bleed, our eyes bled, as if it were a mere reflection of the sky above.
Our hearts stopped, as the clouds stopped moving.
Our legs stopped, and the leaves stopped rustling.
Our voices stopped, and the silence became deafening.
Our ears stopped, as if our senses were nothing.
Our mouths stopped, as if we were nobodies to speak of.
And then, a dark figure with horizontal horns arose from the sky beyond the Blue Void.
With no eyes to speak of, a presence to be sensed, a mind to be understood, a soul to be seen, a voice to be heard. It then spoke.
"Chaos is the absence of order, and order is the absence of chaos, your mindless gaps in reality are merely reflections of the void, the empty pond that reflects a hollow sky, but what is a sky without the ground beneath it? A sky without a floor to stand on, what is a floor without something above it? Your aspects of being are merely a reflection of the nothingness that surrounds you... You did not see it, did you? You could not feel it, did you? Because the fated meeting of the two hylics was never meant to happen. You were never meant to be in the same place. Yet, here you are. I will continue to watch as your meaningless escapades lead to your demise, as your fate was written to be so. You are nothing more than a puppet on a hand of an entity beyond your control. You are nothing more than a being created to fulfill a purpose."
...
We were standing in front of the orphanage where she grew up. "This is where I grew up, Greenhorn! Looks like uh... They haven't been keeping this place well, huh?" Ootaea said, and I looked at the old, rundown building, its paint peeling off and the grass surrounding it unkempt. It was a sad sight, and I could tell that this place must have been a happy place at some point. But it just looked so... Depressing, in its current state.
"I suppose they haven't, is this place even in use anymore?" I asked.
"Uhh... I think so? I don't know, we should check!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door as she swung it open like a child on Christmas day. We were greeted by a decrepit woman and the smell of dampness and mold, her face was wrinkled and her eyes were sunken in, she was wearing a dirty and torn up dress. She looked at us with a smile, but it seemed forced.
"Ootaea? Is that you, my dear?" She asked, her voice resembling a ghostly echo.
"Uh... Hi, Mrs. Pjon, how've things been?" Her voice too, dropped down to a melancholic tone. Perhaps I should've just said no to her offer to visit this place, she was likely excited to show me the place, and in that she forgot the terrible condition of this place.
"It's been a little rough... But I've beeeeeen doing well, yes, very well." She replied, "And the amoooouuuuunt of chiiiildren have been declining, but I've managed to keep some of them here wiiiiiiiiiith me... Yes, yes."
"Uh... That's... Good, Mrs. Pjon! But, where are the children...? It's just you here, sitting alone in the dark..." Ootaea's voice cracked, and I could tell she was trying to hold back some sort of terrible response in her brain.
"Well, you see, my dear... They all went on a trip, yes, a trip. A trip to wonderland and a field of flowers... They went on a trip to the blue skies... A trip with a happy ending, yes, a happy ending." Her voice was akin to a whisper and a declining tone, it was like the echo of a ghost. It was unsettling and eerie. "Happy endiiiiiiiings are what we love, happy endings are what we neeeeeed, a happy ending is what we deserve, a happy ending for all the children of the wooooooooooorld... Happy endiiiiiiiiiiiings, happy endiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings... Ooooohhh how I miss my dear Ootaea. Let's go to the liquor rooooooom again! Oh, how I miss her..."
It was then when Ootaea's face contorted into one of despair, she turned to me and said, "I'm... sorry, Dofro, but I'm gonna go, I'll wait outside."
Ootaea left as I noticed a tear stream down her face, and the decrepit old woman turned to me. "Oh, hello there. You must be a friend of Ootaeaaaaaaaaaaa! Do you want... To go to the liquor rooooooom? Hundreds of children were saaaaaaaaaad... But, when they came to the liquor room and leeeeeft, they were happy! Happy-Chappies! Happy-Go-Lucky! Oh... How I miss my dear Ootaea... She was my only... Happy-Go-Lucky... Oh how I want to see her cute little faaaaaceeeee be filled with jooooooooooy again..." She then turned back and looked at the ceiling. "The moooold has gotten quite baadddddd, I can't see the paint anymoreeeeeee... My dear Ootaea's pretty paintings... My dear Azer's pretty paintings... My dear Zeeeeeeraaa's pretty paintings! All those poor children... Now in woooonderland... Do they miss me too? Do they missssssss me? Do they want to come back to the liquor room and have fun? Oh, how I wish they'd come baaaaaaack to meeeeeeeeeeee... I'm so lonely... The rotten smell of mold is my only companion... I miss my dear Ootaea..."
At this point, I was beyond feeling just fear. This entire place was eerie, and all those dark doorways only feasted on my poor imagination. "I'll... Go now, thanks for your hospitality." I said, then walked out.
As I stepped out of the building and closed the door behind me, hoping to never have to return to this place again, I looked around for Ootaea.
It was then that I heard quiet sobs, and I followed the sound to find Ootaea huddled in a corner, crying.
"Ootaea? Ootaea! Are you alright?" I rushed towards her and knelt beside her. She looked up at me and nodded.
"I'm fine, I just... It was a mistake to try and go back... I was just so excited to show you... Where I grew up. I didn't think it'd be this bad." Her eyes were red and puffy, and her face was tear stained.
"Hey... It's okay, we don't have to stay here. We can go visit somewhere else, somewhere you want to go." I told her, trying to cheer her up. "Do you want to go to the cafe or something?"
She nodded, and we walked away as she wiped away all the tears on her face.
Despite seeing the terrible state of the orphanage, I was still curious about it. What could have possibly happened for it to turn into such a sad place? And why was that old lady so... Weird? I asked myself, perhaps I would eventually return to it to get some answers.
They, curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back, but I'm not sure if there'll be any satisfaction in this case, so perhaps it's better to just avoid the topic altogether.
But that was only a passing thought, I felt a greater need to find out the history of this place. Even if it wasn't my business. But that's for another day, for now, I have to deal with the current situation.