Hey, there!
Face here!
How are you all doing today/night?
-10 cool points if you get the reference, lol.-
Don't sue me, Nickelodeon!
Please!
My accounts are all negative at the moment anyway, so what do you have to gain!?
Not like they are looking in this direction anyway, lol.
Anyone else watch Nick Jr as a kid, or am I just broadcasting my age again?
Not like ya'll don't know that I am 37.
God, I am rambling today.
I will let you all get to what you came for, lol.
I do hope that you have been well.
Life demands a bit of cringy laughter every once in a while, you know?
Let it out.
Mayhap that laughter will be contagious to someone nearby.
See you soon, Folks.
Enjoy.
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September 21st. 2013.
Journal #095.
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"You make it hard for me
To see somebody else...
Yeah, when I'm with her,
Damn, it's messed up...
But I'm thinking about you."
-Chris Brown.
That's really how I feel about XXXXX...
It's crazy.
I even like XXXXX.
It's just like I can't feel fully for anyone.
Can't imagine anyone but her.
What's wrong with me?
Is that bad?
I don't know!
I feel so alive with what we have, and I wouldn't want to ruin that.
I would die inside.
I couldn't NOT have her in my life.
-----
Hmm.
Bah.
Lol.
- Art Vs the Artist has always been a debate that I've always known my side on, you know?
I take the side of the art.
But... Do I?
It is very hard to separate the art from the artist.
So hard in fact, that I simply find myself not listening to the music of Chris Brown due to his treatment of women.
The same goes for R. Kelly and P. Diddy.
That was also a cringy ass quote, lmao.
Man, I was so deeply infatuated by her that it hurt.
Metaphorically more than anything, but she did have my emotions in a knot.
In hindsight, I know that it was all of her manipulation and such that kept me around, versus any real love for me as a person.
She loved what I could do for her, and the sense of safety and normality that my presence brought.
I think I grew accustomed to that and began to mistake it for love.
Someone keeping you around for their own comfort is not love, Folks.
Please value yourself and your time and energy more than I once did my own.
- The second "XXXXX" was the same woman whom I had met online and not taken so seriously at first. She would come to grow on me for more than just her love of my poetry. She was amazing.
Tall.
Statuesque, even.
Caramel-skinned.
Curly hair.
Independent.
Smart.
She was one of those "The one who got away" types, you know?
I was young and foolish.
I don't regret much of anything in my life, you know..
But she is one of my greatest regrets.
I loved her, but I was so entangled in the charms of the Gothic girl that I was blind to the real woman before me. I should have sat myself firmly in the friend zone with the woman I wanted, and gone happily along with the woman who I needed.
There is a staunch and massive difference, you know?
I was so young and so foolish.
If I could find her now, I would never let her go.
I would give her all of what is left of me.
This love that I carry.
Bah.
- Back to that first person, XXXXX.
I can and have been living without her for quite some time now.
Don't let love be a cage, Folks.
Please.
Just walk away when you get the chance.
Takers will take, and they have no limit.
Burn the bridge.
Would you like to know why burning bridges hurts so bad?
Because we start the fire on our side...
But it's necessary.
I love all of you, Readers.
I don't want any of you to go through anything I've been through.
Find what makes you happy, and hold onto it.
This ride is short but sweet.
Enjoy it with someone who enjoys you.
I will see you all back here in a handful of days, yeah?
Safe travels in this wide world of ours, okay?
And as always;
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.