Down in the Cargo Hold
"Well this got fucking pointless." I say to the large empty room.
There are only two things in here, me and the large scroll I left behind. That's fine, I need to come to terms with some stuff and here's as good a place as any to add a few more storage seals to the scroll. That way when the Captain comes back with more cargo it'll be quicker to seal it all away. They might not even need to bring it into the boat at all, it's possible I could seal it away on the dock.
"This was supposed to be me getting away from it all. Not dealing with people." I gently give the scroll a shove to unroll it across the ground. "And it just had to be these people. Seriously who the hell did I piss off?"
"Me for starters." Naruto says from the open doorway. He's standing in the doorway, blocking the exit, and he's mad. Really mad, it's like he came here for a fight.
"Hey Naruto." I say to him. I only glanced up from the scroll for an instant before returning to it. I don't care if he's here for a fight, I'm not participating. "How's things?"
"You. Me. Outside. Right now." He demands as he stomps towards me.
"Why the hell would I do that?" I pull out a scroll from inside my coat that holds my ink and brushes. "I've got better things to do."
"Because you said the only way you'll come back to Konoha is if someone drags you back kicking and screaming." He stops an arm's length away from me.
"And?" I look up from the scroll to blandly look at him. It's like I'm not even invested at all in this conversation. "Do you really think you can defeat me?"
"That is it!" He shouts and his eyes flash red for an instant. "Why does everyone keep underestimating me? I am not some weakling! I can stand on my own two feet! I do not need to be coddled like an infant!"
"Naruto Uzumaki." I rise up to my feet to stare him straight in his eyes. "Do not make the mistake of thinking that I consider you weak. You're the jinchuuriki of the Ninetails. You're being trained by a Sannin, arguably the most skilled of the three. It's not a question of how strong you are, it's a question of how much resolve you have."
Naruto's face scrunches up in confusion. "Resolve?"
"Yes. Resolve." I levelly reply. "Do you posses the constitution to go as far as is needed to defeat me? Let me clear some things up for you. I've taken a beating from Lee with five gates open. I went on to win that fight. I've been literally disarmed, beheaded, had my legs cut off and my heart ripped out. I do not stop fighting. Even when all of that happened to me I continued to wage war against my opponents. Do you truly want to know what it will take to beat me? For me to admit defeat and surrender to you so you can bring me back to Konoha?"
"Yes." He confidently replies. "I do."
"You'll have to kill me four times." Once my words sink into Naruto he stares at me in shock. His mouth is open and his eyes are wide. "You'll need to destroy four of my five hearts. That means sheathing cold hard steel in my chest. Ripping me to shreds with the Rasengan. Spearing your hand into my torso to crush my heart. Can you do that? Can you go through the pain of killing me? Imagine it, watching the light leave my eyes only for it to come back. Then having to do it all over again. Then again. And again after that. So you see, it's not a question of if you're strong enough. It's can you bring yourself to kill me?"
"So that's why I asked you if you think you can defeat me." I continue speaking. "Not because I don't think you can but because I know you're not like me. You're a good person, you don't like hurting people. You abhore killing and do everything possible to avoid it. You want to make friends with the world. Someone like that, like you, simply can't attack someone they once saw as a friend with the intent to kill. Not to mention doing it four times. It goes against who you are as a person."
"Alvarcus what do you mean that you're not like me?" Naruto softly asks. "You made it sound like… what do you mean by that?"
"You're a good person." I turn away from him to look at the scroll again. "I'm not."
"But you are a good person. You're just lost." He quietly says to me. His anger has left him. "You don't like hurting people. You'd never kill a friend. You don't enjoy killing at all. I know you, you've never been like that."
"The Alvarcus you knew is gone." I softly admit to him. "I've changed. Naruto I have enjoyed hurting people. I have enjoyed killing on multiple occasions. I have killed someone I consider a friend."
"I refuse to believe that." Naruto tries to convince himself of that too, not just me.
"Only a few days ago I tortured two shinobi to death. It wasn't because I was ordered to, it was because I wanted to." I quietly say to him without tearing my gaze off of the scroll. I can't face him. I just can't. But I can't stop talking. Everything I've violently suppressed is spilling out. "Before that there was this girl, she liked me. I think something might have formed between us but that bond never got a chance to blossom. I watched her head fall off her shoulders. Then I brutally slaughtered everyone who was in the team that did it. I ripped them to shreds and I loved every moment of it. The rush of exhilaration I felt when their blood flew through the air, the burst of joy when the light left their eyes, the screams they made as I burned them alive. It was delightful. I still have some of their hearts. But that's not the worst part. No, that award goes to Gina. We lived together for two months. She was a medic, she patched me up when I needed it after battles. But eventually I had to leave her behind in hostile territory. I just couldn't leave her to that horrible fate. So after we shared a heartfelt hug, I gently took her face in my hands and broke her neck."
"Alvarcus…" Naruto hoarsely says. I don't know what emotion he's feeling, I'm too busy wrestling with my own.
"So that's why we're not alike. You may house a monster within you but you are not one. However I am a monster. What else can I be?"
"You're not a monster." Naruto weakly tries to reassure me. "There's still hope. You can be saved still."
"Don't you dare lie to me!" I snarl at him as I whirl to face him with pure rage in my eyes. "I know what I am! I am the scum of the earth! I am the one who wades into a sea of blood simply because he can! I am a monster! It doesn't matter what I do from now on! It won't matter even if I save the world from a great evil! I have committed grave sins against humanity, unforgivable sins. Do not try to feed me false hope! Do not think that you can bring me out of the darkness and back to the light! The light doesn't want me anymore! I am not the Alvarcus you once knew. I am not a good person. I am a monster."
"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Naruto asks me with a spark of something in his eyes. "I refuse to accept that anyone is irredeemable. One day I will make you realize that you're a good person, that you've alway been one. You've just gotten lost, that's all. You're not gone forever, you just need someone to reach out and help you find the right path again."
"Oh and you think that person is going to be you?" I shout at him in anger. "News flash, once this mission is over I'm going back to Orochimaru. I can assure you that he's only encouraging my descent into darkness."
"It might be me, it might be Sasuke, it might be anyone." The spark in Naruto's eyes has caught fire. "You haven't made the jump to darkness yet. You still feel regret and remorse for your actions.
If you didn't you wouldn't have bothered telling me any of this. Someone, someday, is going to reach out to you. They'll extend a hand to pull you out of your darkness. When that person does reach out to you, you better take their hand."
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