Neither Nova nor Hollis slept. They couldn't seem to let themselves, taking the last few hours of the night to themselves, knowing it very well might be their last. They'd been too careless. Let themselves become too comfortable. Watching everything become still hadn't meant they should stop searching for answers. Even if they'd been safe, they should have continued to understand the purpose of it all.
With a gentle squeeze of her hand, Hollis pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. "Ready to go downstairs? They're probably waking by now."
Nova nodded, breathed a heavy sigh, and stood to her feet. Stretching and rolling her shoulders, she tightened her braid. "If they were back, they would have come in here." She said, staring at the door of the study that had remained closed all night long.
It was freezing in here, despite the fires, and she couldn't help but fear for the lives of the horses and reindeer. There was nothing they could do for them at the moment; all they could do was take care of who they could and continue searching for answers.
Until they found an answer…or the end.
Nova held a small piece of paper between her fingers. On it was the poem from her meditation. "I need to find a place to meditate," she murmured, "I don't know if I'll find anything or if it will expel me again, but I need to try."
Nodding, he kissed her cheek gently, "Try to eat something first. In case you're there for a while."
In agreement, they left the study and returned to the ballroom. Many were still asleep, while others were starting to wake and move. Their companions were sleeping, except for Kole, who stared at the now covered windows in silence. The entire palace was encased in ever-building snowfall.
Eira, in a little white nightgown, hugged her fox as she ran with little slaps of her feet on the wooden floor. She wove her way through the bodies, still asleep in bags and blankets on the floor.
Smiling gently, Hollis lifted her into his arms as she hugged onto his neck with a sigh. "Where's Easel?"
Nova tilted her head, "Easel?"
"Easel." She corrected.
"Oh," Nova pursed her lips, "Azriel?"
When Eira nodded, Nova swallowed and said, "He'll be back. He just took a little trip."
"Ana won't wake up. Just like mama didn't."
Cold swept down Nova's body, feeling as though her spirit left her body, tearing her in two as she quickly looked to the place Eira had run from, where a mass of blankets lay near one of the fireplaces. She didn't pause to ask another question and darted over the bodies to get to the pile.
She knelt beside Ana, her pale face visible beneath a burrow of fabric. "Ana," Nova's voice jolted through her as she shook her. When she didn't respond, she quickly unwound the blankets as Hollis dashed over, having handed Eira to Kole.
Uncovered, Nova pressed her ear against Ana's chest with baited breath. The heat already stung her eyes as she listened and heard the faint beat, slow but there. She leaned back and released the breath she'd been holding and watched the slight rise and fall of her chest, but she could hear the rattle with each exhale.
"She's fading quickly…" Nova murmured, a dark haze forming over her eyes.
She couldn't do this.
She couldn't watch Ana take her last breath, and she couldn't let herself fall apart when she needed to meditate.
She couldn't do this.
Nova didn't fight the pull of Hollis, letting him take her against his chest as she tried to silence her deep sobs against his chest.
"Kole," he hollered through a tight throat, "Get Madja. Now."
With red eyes, he pulled Nova away. Grateful she didn't fight him as they entered the door just to the side, into a closed-off, freezing drawing room. There, she let herself fall apart.
"We waited too late, and now everyone's going to die," Nova's breath hitched. "I should have never stopped searching. I let myself become too comfortable, too complacent." Shivering from her tears, letting the cold in, she shook her head. "They're all going to die because-"
"Because maybe that is what was meant to be all along." Hollis pulled Nova's head back to look at her with firm tenderness. "I know you want to accept all the blame because it feels like we could have stopped it, but the truth is…maybe we were never meant to. I said it last night, and I say it today. This might be something that was never intended to be stopped, and we cannot blame ourselves for that. We…tried. Sometimes, all we can do is try. Even if it's not what we wanted in the end."
Leaning forward, he kissed away the tears that stained her cheeks and hugged her close as the sound of movement beyond the door grew louder. Madja was taking Ana away to help her…and Nova couldn't bear to watch. She pressed her face against Hollis's shoulder as the world around them crumbled.
A log popped as Hollis tossed it into the fireplace, and Nova pulled a chair to the rug. Settling down, she watched him stoke flames to life, set the poker aside, and turn to her. He moved to stand in front of her and took her face between his hands.
"I don't know how long I'll be."
"Take your time," he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "We'll be alright."
She didn't believe that, but nodded anyway. Each morning, she'd meditated, but not with as much purpose as she should have. The guilt of not doing enough, assuming things would be better and continue to be so, weighed on her. She had to force herself to close her eyes, to relax enough to enter that state, but every time she tried to calm herself, her breath would twitch in her chest and she'd have to begin again. The door closed behind her, allowing her the privacy she needed, but she already knew.
This was going to take a while.
Hollis walked through the people waking up, checking on everyone as he passed to ensure they weren't struggling to breathe. He didn't know Ana's condition in detail, but if others had the same symptoms, he needed to help them now, not later. Approaching two that still lay on the ground, Hollis froze, staring at the couple holding hands. Their faces were relaxed, as were their still chests.
Jane and Brutus.
He could only stare at them in blurred silence as Bran placed a hand on his shoulder. Meeting his eyes, his jaw trembled and nodded. Together, on each end, they brought Jane to another room away from all the others, followed by Brutus. Placing them side by side in a room without a fire to preserve them for longer, they didn't say a word to each other. Not until they closed the door behind them and reported to their father.
The hallway was charted with notations and maps—Nova's poems and drawings from her childhood, Hollis's too, were pinned to the wall, too, as if a manic art display.
"Five dead," Hollis said, voice neutral and heart heavy, "Three bedridden."
Feyre, who had arrived a few minutes earlier carrying Nova's pictures, nodded next to Cassian. "Mor and Amren have taken everyone to the library. Cyprus and Sara are alright," she reassured them gently. "But I've not heard from…" She swallowed, tugging again at the thread, screaming into the void that Rhys wouldn't respond to. Closing her eyes, she didn't finish. The ache in her chest was colder than the outside world. She placed a hand over Cassian's hand on her shoulder just as a voice shook the palace.
"FEYRE!"
Feyre startled, and her legs moved faster than her mind did, crashing her way down the hall and to the foyer. She ignored the footsteps trampling behind her. At the door, covered in snow, stood Rhysand and Azriel, shuddering with cold.
She slammed into him, arms around his body, before she could say anything at all. She pressed her face against his neck, eyes wide by the frozen touch of his skin. Pulling back, she took his face in her hands, then stared behind them, at Eris, who also trembled with cold.
Viviane rushed forward, arms loaded with blankets, and draped them quickly over all of their shoulders.
"Rhys…" Feyre breathed, keeping her body pressed against him to help warm him as they stumbled to the makeshift infirmary, where Madja moved back and forth between patients. But before Viviane opened the door, she stopped and stared at the three of them.
Their lips were blue, and their teeth chattered as she said, "Azriel," gently, her eyes soft but wild, "I need you to prepare yourself…"
He stared up at her, barely able to bring in a breath to his chilled body as Cassian rubbed his back harshly to warm him.
"It's Ana…" She breathed.
"We lost all access to magic," Eris said around his steaming mug, trying to warm himself by the fire. "We couldn't receive or send anything. Couldn't winnow anywhere."
As Rhysand sat opposite him, Feyre at his side, he swallowed, "From what we can tell, it's the only thing that has affected them: no storms or sickness. It's the safest Court to be in some ways, but dangerous in others. Even after we left the territory, we couldn't winnow. It's like it took away everything we had. Az lost his shadows, too."
Azriel didn't respond. He wasn't by the fire. Instead, he sat across from Nesta, who also sat by Ana's bedside. With her chilled hand in his cracked, bleeding hands, he watched her face. Watched her chest and listened to her heart. He brought her hand to his mouth, unaware of anything else.
"Where's Nova?" Rhys asked, glancing at Hollis, who stood alone by the window.
"She's meditating," he answered quietly, eyes on the floor. He didn't know where she was in the process, but he couldn't help but wonder. "How long are you meant to fight until you just…give up?" He asked out loud. "When you just accept it?"
"You don't." Nesta turned a severe glare on him, but Hollis didn't flinch. He barely registered her stare that should have felt like death. "You fight until you can no longer raise your sword."
"It's not an army," Hollis murmured, finally meeting her eyes. "It's not skill on skill—a test of strength or technique." He turned his gaze away as he finally said what he and Nova had discussed before she began meditating. "The prophecy states we need to cut the ties to balance the weak. Cut the ties…the ties that connect us to the people we love. We cut the ties, we balance the Courts that have grown weak."
"Hollis," he didn't need to look at his mother to know tears spilled down her cheeks. "You cannot-"
"Nova and I have discussed it, and it's our decision to make. When she comes out of her meditation, if she finds nothing…"
"No." Rhysand spat back, standing to his feet. "You will not. You. Will. Not."
"We will," Hollis said matter-of-factly as he met his eyes, "And we'd like not to be alone when we do."
Body trembling, he looked at Kallias, who sat with his head between his knees, shoulders shaking.
"It's okay," Hollis said softly. "We'll be okay…"