Yun Mengxi naturally listed her past experiences and achievements in front of Fu Hua.
And behind every effort, the blueprint of the dream depicted by that young man in front of his sister many years ago was clearly reflected.
This was not simple imitation, but a pious, almost rigid reproduction.
With her entire life trajectory, Yun Mengxi painstakingly traced her brother's lost illusion stroke by stroke in the real world, trying to preserve and present the image of that "shining" brother in another form.
"I want him to see," Yun Mengxi finally whispered, her gaze cast into the void, as if penetrating the wall and seeing that person.
"That future he once wanted... at least a part of it, can truly exist.
"Right here where I stand."
The voice of pouring out stopped. Only the slight hum of the air conditioner remained in the reception room, along with Yun Mengxi's slightly rapid breathing that hadn't completely calmed down.
Those past events buried deep in her heart, once started to be told, were like opening a floodgate. The aftershocks of emotions were still gently surging in her chest.
Fu Hua sat quietly opposite Yun Mengxi. Her eyes behind the lenses were focused and peaceful, neither interrupting nor revealing any judgment, just listening.
This silent tolerance made Yun Mengxi feel a strange sense of security, and also made her involuntarily continue to immerse herself in her thoughts.
...From childhood to adulthood, it seems to have always been like this.
From that timid girl hiding behind her brother and looking at the world fearfully, to that stubborn girl who mustered all her courage to shout out that she would "replace" him because she was afraid of losing her "shining" brother, and now to the idol standing in the center of the stage, watched by countless people...
Her appearance has changed, her environment has changed, but that core persistence deep in her heart seems to have never changed.
She... still likes the brother of that time the most.
That brother who had stars in his eyes when talking about dreams, confident as if he could pluck the moon with his bare hands.
Such a him was the most concrete appearance of a "beautiful future" that Yun Mengxi's meager imagination could outline.
Even if the current brother is more steady and reliable, shouldering heavy responsibilities, and is the reliance trusted by parents and countless people, what Yun Mengxi treasures most in her heart is still the shining silhouette of the young man in the old photos and old times.
But...
Did she really... shoulder her brother's "future"?
This thought was like a tiny thorn, always popping up at the most inadvertent moments, pricking the calm she tried hard to maintain.
Yun Mengxi clearly knew what kind of person she was—with average talent, having no special abilities in many things.
She knew her character carried innate cowardice and hesitation, afraid of conflict, afraid of causing trouble for others.
She often did things with a mindset of "good enough" or "barely passing," not strict with herself. She was even a bit careless and sloppy in life, throwing clothes around, having a messy room occasionally, having no high pursuit of material enjoyment, doing whatever was comfortable.
Could such a "Ms. Good Enough" really shoulder the heavy "future" of another person?
Especially... that brother who was nearly a god in her world?
She was afraid...
Afraid that unknowingly, she also perfunctorily dealt with this sacred "career" carrying her brother's dream with an attitude of "good enough."
Afraid that her so-called "effort" was actually just self-moving, failing to touch even the edge of that "future" her brother once fantasized about.
She was even more afraid that one day, when her brother looked at her on stage, his eyes would reveal disappointment—not disappointment in her, Yun Mengxi, but disappointment that his own illusion entrusted to her failed to be perfectly presented.
This fear transformed into her nearly morbid "nitpicking" on the matter of being an "idol," completely contrary to her usual personality.
Life could be sloppy, but the stage couldn't... Other things could be compromised, but the details of replicating her brother's dream couldn't.
Strictly, even rigidly, harshly, she tried to move those unconstrained fantasies of her brother back then into reality without a single difference.
Hairstyle, costume, stage design, song style, performance form... she had a set of "standards" derived from her brother's few words that were difficult for outsiders to understand.
Like the most pious archaeologist, she desperately excavated and restored the appearance of a lost civilization, not allowing any "presumptuous" tampering.
Because she felt that even the slightest deviation was a betrayal of that "future," a blasphemy against her brother's dream.
However, the problem also lay precisely here.
Her brother's fantasies back then were based on his own preferences, personality, and imagination.
Some of those things were not suitable for Yun Mengxi.
The most typical one was "Heavy Metal Rock"...
That was probably one afternoon when her brother was in junior high school. The two listened to music radio together, and the host introduced a very noisy band.
Covering his ears, her brother said half-jokingly at the time: "Wow, so noisy... But actually, heavy metal rock or something is also okay? Breaking a guitar on stage feels pretty cool haha!"
After saying that, even her brother laughed himself. Obviously, it was a casual remark, and he soon turned his attention to the next pop song.
Her brother might have forgotten it right after saying this sentence... Or perhaps, there was never a thought of "becoming a heavy metal rock musician" in his heart.
But this sentence was firmly engraved in the heart of Yun Mengxi, who had secretly resolved to remember all her brother's "dream fragments" at that time.
"Heavy metal rock... Brother thinks it's okay, even cool." —This cognition was infinitely magnified and solemnized by her, becoming one of the "dream lists" that must be realized.
Thus, when she started systematically learning music, she stubbornly demanded to add elements of heavy metal rock.
She found teachers, bought a pile of albums from rock bands, and listened repeatedly, trying to understand that violent rhythm and the emotions behind the roar.
...Consequently, personal limitations once again descended on the person who wanted to work hard.
Her voice was clear and soft, her physique could not be called strong and powerful, and more importantly, her personality core was incompatible with the outward, destructive, and rebellious temperament of rock music.
No matter how she practiced, the rock she sang always felt soft, like dynamite wrapped in sugar coating, having the form but lacking the spirit.
The wild movements she tried to make when dancing also appeared stiff and awkward.
She couldn't learn it... In the area of "becoming an idol" which she was good at, she once again became the character who was "not good at it."
This matter became the fuse for one of the few meaningful "quarrels" between her and her brother.