Zarin and Leah woke up to the sound of a repetitive tapping sound. Taking a quick inventory of their surroundings, they realized that they were lying on top of the bed in their quarters.
The tapping sound was Naruto clacking a claw against a stone tablet and looking pensive.
"You wouldn't happen to have anything rude and possibly cryptic you wanted to say to Bastet would you?" He asked hopefully.
"You can speak to my mind." Zarin said slowly, that single thought overshadowing all other concerns.
"I can do a lot more than just that, but that's not important right now. I'm more concerned about leaving a properly annoying message for the catgirl."
"No wonder you were able to frustrate all efforts at locating you, if your species' evolution has progressed far enough to develop such powers." Zarin continued with her off topic musing, her mind filled with images of such a powerful race helping the Tok'ra destroy the Goa'uld once and for all.
Naruto sighed. Clearly, Zarin had no concept of priorities. "Alright, since you're obviously going to be no help with this, how about you tell me what you are now."
Forcefully pulling her composure back under control, she answered. "I am Tok'ra."
Naruto cocked his head, the name seeming familiar, but only barely. "Wait...isn't that the name of that rogue sect of Goa'uld that was trying to overthrow them?"
He hadn't bothered looking them up beyond their name and what they were trying to do. He'd sort of assumed that it was just another band of Goa'uld. Maybe he should have paid more attention.
"We still are." Zarin answered with a nod, gratified to know that he had heard of them. That should make things much simpler, bypassing the need to convince him that they were nothing like the Goa'uld.
"You're really bad at it." Naruto said sagely. "Thousands of years and barely anything to show for it."
"Had it not been for us, they would not spend so much time fighting each other and would have turned their eyes to the rest of the galaxy instead!" She replied heatedly, rather offended at how he was dismissing their work.
"Maybe." He replied with an uncaring shrug. "I notice that your host is still perfectly sane and actually seems to enjoy having you wrapped around her spine."
"The Tok'ra do not take unwilling hosts. As a consequence, our hosts also become our closest friends and confidants." Zarin explained, ascribing his knowledge of Leah to his obvious telepathic ability.
"Like a built in best friend." Naruto grinned. "Could I talk to her?"
"Certainly." Zarin agreed easily, wanting to do everything she could to dispose him favorably to the Tok'ra.
Naruto watched curiously as she dipped her head and then raised it again. Her body language and presence shifted, even her scent subtly changed.
"Greetings." Leah said, her voice lacking the distinct reverb of a symbiote.
"Greetings." Naruto echoed with a grin. "Leah was it?"
"Yes." She confirmed, starting to get a bit uncomfortable by the toothy grin and amused stare. She had always felt better letting Zarin do the talking and just offering advice or insight.
"You're adorable." He declared with authority after a few seconds.
She really was too, looking all shy with the deep black hair and brown-ish coloring of an Egyptian descendant.
"Thank you." Leah replied, fidgeting even more uncomfortably at the odd compliment.
"Anyway, since your friend isn't up to helping me figure out a rude message to leave for Bastet, do you have anything you'd like to say to the catgirl?" He asked, hoping that Leah would have something. This lack of ideas for a message to leave behind was really bugging him.
"No, I am sorry." She said apologetically. The Tok'ra did not bother taunting the Goa'uld, so nothing came to mind.
"That's alright." Naruto sighed despondently. Apparently he would need to resort to something more 'low-brow', simply because he couldn't think of anything sufficiently funny. He did of course have a vast amount of pussy jokes, but they would all be wasted because of cultural and translation issues.
Leah and Zarin incredulously as he pulled out a rather accurate, blazing pink replica of a penis from somewhere in his clothing.
"What do you think?" Naruto asked, presenting the item for the Tok'ra to inspect.
"Why would leave that for Bastet to find?" Zarin asked incredulously, having retaken control as Leah was too busy being embarrassed.
"So that she can go fuck herself." Naruto explained patiently and proceeded to helpfully carve 'go fuck yourself' on the stone tablet.
"I do not understand, is there an explosive inside it?" Zarin asked in confusion, inwardly cringing at the idea of that thing exploding mid-use. "Bastet would never fall for such a simplistic trap, nor would she make use of such an item."
Which was why she didn't try to caution him away from doing it. Killing Bastet at the moment would only help Ra.
"Not even if it does this?" Naruto asked triumphantly and flipped a small switch near the base of the hot pink dildo, making it vibrate intensely.
"...Not even then." Zarin answered blandly, having no idea how to react to what she was witnessing. Who would even make such a thing?
"Well that's her loss." He said with a flippant shrug. "There's no bomb in it to begin with, it's all about sending a message."
Taking a deep breath Zarin forcefully pushed aside her confusion and focused on what was actually important.
"The Tok'ra High Council extends an invitation to speak to you about the possibility of an alliance between our two peoples." She said formally.
Strictly speaking, she did not have the authority to be saying that. The High Council would have wanted more information before starting such talks, but Zarin knew that they would leap at the chance to ally themselves to someone this powerful.
"Sure, I guess." Naruto responded non-committedly. "I'll go with you to your secret lair after we've stolen everything of value here."
"You have the authority to negotiate on behalf of your nation?" Zarin asked in surprise, having figured him to be a purely military leader.
"That's a safe assumption, considering that I'm the Emperor." He said with amusement.
"I see." She said slowly, feeling very grateful that he didn't seem offended at the blunt way that she had been speaking to him. Even the Tok'ra High Council could get a bit prickly if you were too informal with them. She had assumed that 'Heika', as his subordinate had called him earlier, was a rank of some sort, but it was apparently a form of royal address.
With the suddenness of a lightning bolt, Zarin recalled that there was an important piece of information that Naruto really should be made aware of.
"One of the palace servants is a spy for Bastet, he carries a palm sized Long Range Visual Communications Device modified for extreme range and will attempt to contact her as soon as he can to reveal the location of your planet." She said hurriedly.
"Oh, the Goa'uld finally got around to trying that idea did they?" Naruto responded mildly, not at all concerned by this information.
"You knew they would attempt this?" The Tok'ra agent asked in confusion.
"I knew they would try something eventually, though it took them a lot longer than I expected it to. Given that they don't have the resources to heavily fortify even a fraction of the worlds they control, it was inevitable that they would come up with the idea to leave a single expendable spy on every world." He explained.
"Should you not inform your soldiers of this?" Zarin asked pointedly when he made no move to do so.
"My mate is on the other side and he's not going to slip anything past her." Naruto snickered, his amusement coming both from how laughable the idea of a spy getting past Xanna was and from the Goa'uld version of spouse. Calling Xanna his mate made him think of mating, which was really just the animal version of sex...which could be very appropriate for them sometimes.
Zarin looked dubious, but did not say anything more. If he was so confident about it then there was probably nothing to worry about, especially if his mate had powers like his.
A few seconds passed in silence, during which time Naruto became bored. Zarin and Leah had only been passed out earlier for a grand total of ten minutes, which still left quite a long time before they'd be done with the planet.
"You wanna have sex to pass the time?"
"What?!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hours later.
Khepri was exhausted and felt like bursting into tears on top of it, a sentiment that was shared by many of those around her who had never been on one of these raids, her fellow former priestesses in particular.
While she had known that it was a mining world where people toiled for Bastet, she hadn't expected it to be anything like this.
Prior to coming here, she had pictured it as a place where strong men worked for the glory of the goddess who protected them.
The reality turned out to be a far uglier thing. Men had worked here, but most of them looked half starved and exhausted and they weren't alone. There had been plenty of similarly bad off women and even some children present.
Khepri had kept a supportive smile on her face as some of them thanked her for saving them from the 'evil goddess', despite the shame burning a hole in her chest. It had been less than a day ago that she had held a secret service dedicated to the glory of Bastet(though she was starting to doubt that it had been secret at all). It would have been easier to bear if they had been angry at her.
As bad as that was though, it was still better than the ones who simply stayed quiet and let themselves be led around as if they didn't understand or care what was going on around them. One such man she recognized as having been taken from her village by Bastet some years ago. He had just recently become an adult then, but he had been strong and handsome. Khepri had been proud to be able to send him to their goddess when the time came, certain that she would be pleased.
He looked neither strong nor handsome anymore, but rather like a much older man that was ready to fall over and die at any moment. He listlessly drank the water given to him and obeyed as he was directed to the stargate, showing only an apathetic lack of interest the whole time.
At least it was finally over, the last of the former slaves having been sent through the gate, whereupon they became the problem of those on the other side.
Feeling rather numb from the whole experience, she made her way over to the stargate where the horned Emperor was sitting, apparently in conversation with local Goa'uld overseer that had turned out to be a spy according to rumor.
Khepri didn't really care about that right now. Even the reverberating voice that she had long associated with divinity and had only heard before from Bastet on the one occasion that she had met her didn't phase her.
"...I know that the sarcophagus is dangerous to use repeatedly, but since I only allow it to be used to bring people back from the dead, it's not a big deal." Naruto was saying rather dismissively.
"Even that is dangerous as the device can cause addiction." The supposed spy argued.
"Well then it's a good thing that Xanna and I are the only ones that can decide who gets to use it and when." Was his airy response.
His interlocutor huffed, indicating that this argument might have been going on for some time.
Not really caring if she was interrupting something, Khepri walked over until she was standing right in front of the horned man and waited until his eyes turned on her with a questioning eyebrow being raised.
"Yes?"
His eyes had always frightened her, they just looked so threatening and evil. Then again, the rest of him had also frightened her, everything from his size to his horns to his claws and fangs looked so menacing.
She didn't feel particularly scared right now though, something that was due mostly to the hollow feeling in her chest.
"You are a bastard."
Khepri payed no attention to the stunned look on the face of the Goa'uld or Tok'ra or whatever she was, keeping her eyes firmly locked with the unnaturally bright ones of the horned man in front of her.
His face took a distinctly amused cast as he replied mockingly. "I love you too kitten. I take it you had an enlightening day?"
Instead of answering, Khepri took the note with the stargate coordinates for Erius that she had intended to leave for Bastet to find, crumpled it into a ball and threw it at him. It bounced off his forehead and landed in his open palm.
"I am going home and I am not returning to the training camp." She said woodenly.
"If that's what you want, a deal is a deal after all." He replied in a tone of amused agreement, rolling the crumpled note between his fingers.
Without another word or waiting for a dismissal, Khepri turned around and walked through the active stargate, almost able to feel him grinning at her back.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I do not understand, how can you allow your subordinates to disrespect you so?" Zarin asked with her brow creased in confusion.
Though the Tok'ra did not demand worship in the way that the Goa'uld did, a certain respect for one's superiors was still expected.
"She's just upset because I pulled a dirty trick on her and it doesn't matter anyway. I've gotten things my way and her token show of defiance doesn't mean anything." Naruto explained, subtly vaporizing the note in his fist.
"I see..." Zarin said dubiously, clearly indicating that she did not actually see.
They lapsed into silence and simply observed the activity around the gate. With all of the former slaves having been sent through the gate, all that was left was to do the same with their ill gotten gains.
In the past few hours, Zarin had been a bemused witness to the rather appalling thoroughness and efficiency of their looting, clearly something that had been done before on multiple occasions.
They had taken everything. The naquadah stores that had been meant for Bastet, the data crystals for the sensors and Tel'tak(which had later been destroyed since it was too big to fit through the stargate), the weapons and armor of the Bast Guard and the small complement of Udajeet. Once that had been done, they had turned to the palace itself and stripped it completely bare. Every sheet and curtain, every mattress and cushion until there was nothing left but bare stone.
The only thing left in the palace was Naruto's little 'gift' for Bastet.
The entire pile of loot was currently sitting near the gate and merely waiting for transport. They just needed to wait for at least half an hour for the gate on the other side to clear up before they could start bringing it through.
Zarin had hoped that she would be able to see the gate symbols for Naruto's world, but he had guided her to sit at an angle that prevented it. Apparently he didn't want her to know that particular bit of information even though he had agreed to meet with the Tok'ra High Council. Disappointing but unsurprising.
As the time was approaching for the renewed opening of the gate, it lit up in warning of an incoming wormhole and then activated with the characterizing eruption of unstable plasma.
"Looks like we've got visitors." Naruto commented blandly, not at all alarmed by this occurrence.
Zarin was slightly alarmed, but conceded that there was indeed little reason for it. There were dozens of warriors loyal to Naruto wandering around the gate and close to two hundred still in the immediate area and that wasn't even counting Naruto himself. The gate on this planet saw relatively frequent visitations by Bastet's lackeys to pick up the mined naquadah, but there was no feasible way for them to come through with enough force to overcome those odds.
Moments later a rather haughty looking Goa'uld in a female host stepped through, dressed in the typically ostentatious manner of their kind and a half dozen Bast Guard walking behind her.
Her haughty expression quickly melted off her face as a multitude of Zat'nik'tels were pointed at them.
"What is the meaning of this?" She demanded harshly, eyes glowing with indignation at being threatened.
"You just stepped into a big pile of shit." Naruto explained helpfully, making the Goa'uld spin towards him.
The gate shut off behind the newcomers, poignantly underlining the fact that they were now stranded in the midst of their enemies.
I know that, as a Tok'ra, I shouldn't be enjoying the terror of another being, but this is simply too good. Zarin thought to her host at seeing the newly arrived Goa'uld go pale with obvious recognition as to who exactly Naruto was.
Well I for one am glad to see that at least one of Bastet's lackeys will meet their doom here. Leah replied, feeling nothing but glee at the impending doom of the Goa'uld in front of them. They'd had to listen to this one whining about how unfair it was that someone of her obviously superior stature was forced into being an errand girl for Bastet, all the while there were people being worked to death practically a stone's throw away.
"Shol'va!" The Goa'uld spat, staring at the unbound Zarin and Leah venomously and coming to the mostly correct conclusion. She was ignored entirely.
"Heika...?" Setsuna began questioningly, already setting herself into a ready position.
"She's all yours." Naruto confirmed with a smirk.
Needing no further prompting, Setsuna charged at the suddenly panicked looking Goa'uld.
Several zat'nik'tel discharges rang out and all but one of the Bast Guard dropped into unconsciousness.
The Goa'uld tried to aim her kara kesh at the charging woman, only to receive a dagger through the emitter jewel for her trouble, rendering the device useless.
While her charge yelled out from the pain of having a sharp blade impaled through the palm, the remaining Bast Guard aimed her bulky staff towards the swiftly approaching woman.
Setsuna had long since predicted it though and shifted sideways, forcing the Jaffa to waste a precious moment to adjust her aim with the cumbersome weapon. That moment proved to be more than she could afford as Setsuna reached her and launched herself into a spinning roundhouse kick, smashing her steel clad shin into the side of the Jaffa's head. No matter how durable Jaffa could be, that kind of hit was not something you took and stayed standing.
Continuing the movement, Setsuna performed an Iaijutsu strike and relieved the screaming Goa'uld of her head.
"Very nice." Naruto said as he gave a slow clap at the performance while the surrounding soldiers cheered.
I guess that explains why she only wears greaves and bracers. Leah thought, somewhat stunned at the display.
Zarin agreed mutely, just as stunned. It was not everyday you saw a normal human woman(and a rather small one at that) simultaneously take apart a Goa'uld and a Jaffa as if it was nothing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Naruto didn't bother to suppress the grin on his face as they walked through the crystalline corridors of the Tok'ra's underground base, one of them at any rate.
Every time that they passed another Tok'ra, they would gape at him like a particularly shocked fish.
If he'd known it would be this much fun to build a ridiculous legend of himself, he might have done it sooner.
Next to him, Zarin and presumably also Leah were not having quite as much fun as him. In fact, Zarin was starting to become rather snappish as her fellow Tok'ra kept leaning in with the rather silly question of 'Is that really...?'.
Of course it was really him, who the fuck else walked around barefoot all the time? Aside from Xanna that was.
"Please wait here for a moment while I brief Councilor Thoran." Zarin said and hurried off to do as she'd said.
Naruto merely nodded and made a 'go ahead' gesture, with a grin still on his face. He suspected that he was being treated rather more solicitously than was normal for the Tok'ra.
His ears could quite easily pick up the conversation between Zarin and what he presumed was Councilor Thoran, as well as the general hubbub of excited gossiping between the other Tok'ra present on the base.
You'd think that what was essentially an organization of spies and saboteurs would have better things to do than gossip, but apparently not.
Taking a little stroll around the room that Zarin had left him in, Naruto concluded that it was rather boring. Once the novelty of a secret underground lair made of crystal wore off, you realized that the whole thing was entirely dull. No sun, no plants, no entertainment, the only thing that actually gave the room some character was a pool of water that was apparently made for drinking.
Deciding to be a bit of a dick, Naruto stuck his head into the water and started drinking.
And drinking.
And drinking.
When he finally took his head out of the pool, there were several dozen liters of water less in it, enough for a mortal to have internally drowned ten times over already.
He'd just dried his hair when Zarin returned, this time accompanied by a pale man that was getting on in years. He probably didn't see much sunlight either if the pallor of his skin said anything.
"I greet you on behalf of the Tok'ra High Council Emperor Naruto. I am Thoran and I coordinate the efforts of the Tok'ra in this region." Thoran said as an introduction. "Zarin tells me that you wish to discuss an alliance."
"Really?" Naruto asked back with a quirked eyebrow. "I was under the impression that it was you who wanted to discuss an alliance."
Thoran frowned slightly at the turnabout in wording. It might seem like a minor issue on the surface, but it could determine who had the upper hand and he wanted it to be the Tok'ra.
"Merely a matter of semantics." Zarin interjected before the whole thing could escalate. She'd spent enough time around Naruto by now to have noted his penchant for going off on irrelevant tangents and she also knew that Thoran was not the most diplomatic of the High Council, but it couldn't be helped since this was the base from which she and Leah operated at the moment. "We both oppose the Goa'uld and could do so more effectively together than apart."
"While I hate to poke holes in the enthusiasm of a beautiful woman, I have to tell you that we aren't exactly opposed to the Goa'uld, they just happen to be in the way." Naruto said honestly.
"What do you mean?" Thoran asked warily.
"My mate and I are intending to establish our own empire and the Goa'uld are in the way of that. Since they also happen to be a bunch of incompetent idiots, we've taken to stealing their stuff and relocating their people to speed up our growth." The horned man explained, privately thinking to himself that he really needed to figure out a way to get around the need to speak Goa'uld. As far as languages went, it was the dumbest one he'd ever spoken.
Maybe some kind of psychic hocus pocus? It was something to consider.
"You did not tell me this." Zarin said, feeling rather stunned at the turnaround.
"You didn't ask." Naruto replied with a smirk.
"Regardless, you have the ability to strike at the Goa'uld in ways that we lack and we maintain intelligence on their movements and force disposition. An alliance between us could benefit both, especially if some of your people would be willing to become Tok'ra hosts." Thoran proposed. While the revelation of imperialist ambitions were a cause of some concern, Zarin's report on their rather humane treatment of the slaves working in Bastet's mine allayed that to a considerable degree. If the Tok'ra fed Naruto information, then they could control where he would strike.
There was also the fact that Thoran had very high hopes that there would be at least a handful of individuals among this odd but incredibly powerful horned species that would be willing to blend with a Tok'ra symbiote. According to Zarin's quickly summarized report on the power wielded by Naruto, a Tok'ra agent like that could be used almost like a one person army.
And even if that didn't pan out, the Tok'ra could always use a population of humans that was willing to blend with them.
Naruto grinned, easily seeing what the Tok'ra councilor was after. No matter where you went, as long as there were thinking people present, so too was a lust for power.
"There's another thing that I didn't tell Zarin." He said, still grinning.
"What?" Thoran asked, once more wary.
"Aside from my mate and I, the people of our empire are entirely human and Jaffa."
"Has your species not left your homeworld then, or are you simply not native to this galaxy?" Zarin asked, frowning in confusion.
"Species?" Naruto echoed, highly amused at what he was about to say. "We don't have a species, we're gods."
In the sudden silence that permeated the room, the near inaudible splashing of water in the nearby pool might as well have been a tsunami.
"You believe yourself to be a god?" Thoran eventually said, his voice turning cold with anger that there was yet another tyrant with delusions of divinity in the galaxy.
"I also believe myself to be blond and a truly spectacular lover." Naruto confirmed with a haughty toss of his shiny golden hair, giving Zarin and by proxy also Leah a wink at the last part of his sentence.
Why am I having to suppress a blush from you?! Zarin asked her host incredulously.
I can't help it, it's embarrassing! Leah said in protest. And you have to admit that he is rather charming.
He just claimed to be a god, There is nothing charming about that! Zarin denied vehemently.
He doesn't seem to be very serious about it though. Leah pointed out.
Taken by surprise at her host's words, Zarin took a closer look at Naruto, who had now taken to making silly poses and twitching his pectoral muscles in her general direction. She had to admit that Leah was right, Naruto was definitely not looking very serious about his supposed godhood.
"Naruto, do you actually believe yourself to be a god, or did you just say that because you knew it would provoke a reaction from us?" She asked pointedly, deciding to forgo formalities since he didn't seem to care about them.
"Oh I'm a god alright." Naruto asserted firmly.
Thoran was still frowning thunderously but allowed Zarin to keep talking since she seemed to have a better handle than him on the apparent madman in front of them.
"And what if people refuse to believe you?" She continued in the same tone.
"Well, they can also refuse to believe that I'm blond or an incredible lover, it won't change my hair color or my ability to make women pass out from pleasure overload." The horned man reasoned.
This caused the two Tok'ra to look at him quizzically, completely unable to understand how someone could have enough ego to claim that he was a god and yet not so much that he would be angry if nobody believed it. Or maybe he was simply so massively arrogant that nothing could penetrate that bubble of self assurance?
Regardless, he clearly wasn't hostile to the Tok'ra and could be of help in bringing down the Goa'uld. They could always turn on him later if this strange attitude of his became a problem to the galaxy at large.
"We seem to have veered away from the subject at hand." Thoran said carefully.
"Quite." Naruto agreed. " So...Zarin, Leah, how about we retreat somewhere with a horizontal flat surface and a reasonable amount of privacy? I guarantee that you'll be convinced of my godhood in short order."
"Our answer remains the same as the first time you asked Naruto." Zarin replied dryly. Inwardly she was somewhat amused at the amount of gratitude Leah was throwing her way for dealing with the horned man's perverse propositions for both of them.
"Oh come on." Naruto said with an exasperated exhale. "Does nobody in this Universe have sex for fun?"
"If we could refocus on more important matters?" Thoran said with a noticeably strained voice.
"This is important!" Naruto protested and descended into dark mutterings about how his empire was going to be a bastion of sexual pleasure in a galaxy full of prudes.
"I believe that any further discussions of an alliance between our peoples should be made with the full council in attendance." Thoran spoke over him in the same strained voice as before.
"Ehhhhh, some other time maybe." Naruto drawled. "I've got Emperor type stuff to do back at home and I shouldn't keep my lady waiting. Don't worry, I'll show myself out."
Immediately after saying that, he turned and walked around a corner.
"Wait!" Zarin called and rushed after him, only to freeze in surprise as the corridor turned out to be empty.
"Where did he go?" Thoran asked in bafflement, having been only a step behind her.
"I do not know, he just...disappeared." She replied, equally baffled.
A several hour long search was conducted, during which absolutely no trace was found of the horned man. No other Tok'ra found him roaming the corridors and the ones guarding the stargate did not report its activation.
Thoran, Zarin and several others gathered in the same room that had been used for the meeting with Naruto after they called off the search, trying to come up with some theory as to how the horned man could have vanished so thoroughly.
They did not come up with any plausible theories and nobody wanted to talk about the implausible ones.
Sighing tiredly, Thoran leaned on the edges of the water pool and stared at the refractions of light in the liquid. Somehow, he just knew that this was far from the last that they'd heard of the horned man who believed he was a god.
Then he frowned. The pool was looking rather depleted.
"Did we not fill this pool with fresh drinking water this morning?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Some time later.
Bubastis, Throne World of Bastet.
Bastet was simmering in irritation.
Another of her worlds had been attacked and the shipment of naquadah she had been expecting was stolen alongside all the slaves that mined it. It was going to take weeks to get that mine back to the same level of productivity and she would need to divert a sizable number of slaves from other worlds in order to do it.
As was usual in these attacks, all of the Jaffa she had garrisoned there had also been taken. The only difference was that her newly promoted Planet Lord had also vanished instead of being killed and left behind.
Bastet couldn't be certain whether she had been betrayed or if the enemy had simply decided to take her along for some reason unknown to her. Either way it was a shame to lose her, since Zarin had proven to be a competent administrator, better even than the one that the treacherous Tok'ra had assassinated.
The death of her other lackey who had apparently blundered into her death did not even rate a second thought. There were always more where that came from.
What angered her the most however, was the fact that the spy she had planted on that world exactly in the event of such a thing happening had not contacted her. Either he had betrayed her or failed in his duty. This was why she hated relying on the worthless human slaves, especially the men. They were all incompetent maggots!
Her ineffectual fuming was interrupted by a knock on the door of her lavish chambers.
"Enter!" Bastet snapped waspishly.
The door opened to reveal her First Prime, a skilled warrior and general that had won many victories in her name. The imposing woman entered as she had been commanded, carrying a small chest in her arms.
"What is this?" The System Lord asked curiously, some of her rage abating due to curiosity and because her First prime had actually proven herself to be useful, unlike most of her servants.
"It is the tablet found on the recently attacked planet, your scientists have finished examining it and bid me to take it to you." The First Prime explained stoically.
Bastet frowned disapprovingly. She would be having a talk with those fools about their temerity in ordering her best warrior about as if she were a courier.
"You are not to listen to their orders anymore." Bastet commanded.
"As you command."
Satisfied that she had been obeyed, Bastet opened the chest and looked inside. She was irritated to see that whoever had prepared this chest apparently believed in redundancy, as the contents were also covered by a dark cloth.
She knew that it would more than likely be irritating, but she couldn't afford to ignore it on the off chance that some hint as to the identity and location of the mysterious horned man would be present.
Pulling away the cloth, Bastet froze in surprise and then scowled as the previous anger was stoked into a towering fury.
The First Prime did not so much as flinch when the chest was knocked from her hands and into a wall. It would not do to show weakness in front of her goddess.
The only sound in the room now was Bastet's heavy breathing as she regained control of herself, inwardly swearing that the horned man would endure a thousand years of torture before he would be allowed to die.
Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.
Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.
Both First Prime and System Lord slowly looked at the blazingly pink artificial penis that was now lying on the floor.
Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.
And vibrating rather intensely.
"So my scientists think they are funny do they?" Bastet growled out in a voice that promised nothing good. "We will see how funny they think their executions are."
Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.
"Dispose of that thing already!" The angry Goa'uld snapped.
"At once my lady." The Jaffa acknowledged and fired three rapid blasts from her zat'nik'tel at it, intending to disintegrate it.
BZZZZZZZZZZZ.
To their shock and mild horror, the pink abomination started buzzing even more intensely and began moving towards them.
"Kill it!" Bastet commanded in what was most definitely not a shriek.
Without thinking, the Jaffa fired her zat several more times.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
The now supercharged dildo began to move at what was starting to look like a dangerous pace towards them.
"You are making it stronger!" Bastet hollered in a minor panic. "Stop and KILL IT!"
The Jaffa settled herself into a fighting stance and prepared to stomp on the offending item.
She was unprepared as the hellspawned abomination launched itself through the air directly at her face, but still managed to catch it before it could hit her.
"Run my lady!" The First Prime ground out, muscles straining at whatever unnatural force was propelling the pink, penis shaped demon. It was vibrating so intensely that she was beginning to lose feeling in her hands.
Also, to her horror, it seemed to be trying to lodge itself in her mouth.
Bastet did as her First Prime advised and bolted from the room.
Meanwhile, the Jaffa female found the strength to throw the unholy thing across the room and make her own escape before it could violate her.
Breathing heavily outside the room, both of them jumped as they heard something crash forcefully into the other side of the door.
Bzzzz..zzzz..z.
They exchanged glances as the rather forlorn sounding buzzing trailed off, apparently signifying that the...thing...had finally died.
"We will never speak of this to anyone." Bastet said with a frosty warning in her tone.
"Speak of what?" The First Prime asked.
Bastet nodded approvingly. There was a very good reason why she liked her First Prime.
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Sitting on the ceiling, Naruto nearly gnawed his hand off in an effort to keep from laughing. He hadn't really intended to take the joke that far, but one thing had led to another and suddenly there was a demon dildo in existence.
He was already making plans to do something similar to Kali just to see if she and Bastet would tell each other about it.
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