HER
Spring deepens every day, bringing fields of multicoloured wildflowers filled with large, fuzzy bees.
Around the town, garlands of multicoloured flags sway in the sweet breeze. Early one morning I catch a doe and its white spotted baby curled up sleepily in a patch of dewy grass.
It feels almost like Christmas all over when the Fair is announced. The streets begin to come to life with rows of stalls; competitions of all kinds, including food, are announced—much to Mrs. Kozlov's joy—and games of all kinds are discussed at length.
I roll dough mindlessly in the kitchen, faint talks of some troupe of performers going to be there drifting in from the servants' hall. The familiar energy of spring makes my mind wander to last year.
The Duke had been courting Lady Eliza for a whole year, showing up at every gathering, every outing. And, to my dismay, communicating with me practically daily through letters.
As time went on, he seemed stranger and stranger. He asked about me far too often. I always tried to guide the conversation back to his love for Lady Eliza, but he seemed so neutral towards her.
All of it confused me to no end, but Lady Eliza insisted I keep updating him on her whereabouts. It was to her infinite dissatisfaction that no formal proposal had come yet, but everyone reassured her it was only because he was waiting for her to come of age.
To everyone else, this thought seemed to be comforting; to me, it only sounded strange. And if he was not going to propose—something he had never confirmed to me or anyone else, and flatly refused to talk about—then why did he continue to write? Why did he fill letter after letter with questions about where we would be, what changes had been made to the house, and prying questions about me?
Lady Eliza assured me it was him trying to gain my trust, trying to befriend me for her sake. But each letter contained less and less about Lady Eliza, the most recent few having only a few lines inquiring after her health.
I was going over the strangeness of it again in my head as I watched a baby calf follow after its mother. I was perched on a fence in a pasture far from the house, trying to get space to think. A singular figure was visible from where I sat, probably a farm hand, I told myself.
But as he got closer, I recognized the perfectly parted light-brown hair, the crisp edges of his suit.
"Thomas!" My voice squeaked coming out, and I lost my balance on the fence, tumbling towards him gracelessly.
I closed my eyes tightly, bracing to hit the ground, but the impact never came. Inches from my face, he smiled roguishly, fingers pressed into my waist as I struggled, trapped in his hold.
"Lucky I was here to catch you." He drawled, pulling me closer.
A slippery, icy feeling settled in my gut, and I pushed myself away from him. I succeeded in standing on my own, but he still stood too close for casualness.
I glanced around at the empty pastures. Panic flaring through me. Someone could misunderstand. He frowned at my worry and silence.
"No one is going to find us out here." He stepped closer, eyes dark. "I thought you would be happier to see me."
"No, no, of course I am." I placated him. "I was only surprised; you never mentioned you were coming." Running a hand through his hair he smiled again, only dimmer than before.
"I didn't know myself. But fate would have it that I was in the neighbourhood, and I couldn't resist dropping by."
Some of my previous anxiety eased, and I smiled at him—genuine.
"It's wonderful you were able to come." I truly meant it. I had worried he might have lost interest in Lady Eliza. But seeing him make the journey here proved otherwise. Lady Eliza herself must have been thrilled—she had grown so melancholy from his neutral letters.
Then he smiled as brightly as before.
"I'm glad you're happy to see me." I didn't notice him move slightly closer; I was too busy thinking about how Lady Eliza reacted to seeing him.
"Was Lady Eliza very happy to see you?" I asked, hoping to circle back to her—and observe his expression as he talked about her.
His face dropped, though, his mouth twisting into a hard line.
"Is that all you care about?" The words lacked his usual control and smoothness.
Confusion washed over me. I thought he would be happy to talk about her. Had he truly fallen out of love with her?
"I only meant because you made the journey here to see her." I wrung my hands, trying to sooth him. My stomach tightened at his anger.
He sighed, annoyed but no longer truly angry.
"Yes, yes. I gave her a thoroughbred horse. I'm sure she'll be thrilled." I blinked in surprise at his flat words. A horse? I knew I had mentioned Lady Eliza being afraid of horses before…
"Shall we walk?" He gestured to the green pastures, gilded by the low sun. I nodded uncertainly, my head spinning. Lady Eliza would be distraught if, after all that time, the Duke no longer favoured her.
Panic surged through me as I recalled our latest conversation:
"Well you must have done something wrong." Lady Eliza said, angry tears streaking down her face.
"I swear, I haven't done anything differently." I pleaded and tried to convince her of my innocence, but her obsession with the Duke blinded her.
"You treat him so coldly, Laura! No wonder he doesn't want to talk to you!" she sobbed, her body convulsing with it.
Guilt twisted in my stomach. Was it my fault? Maybe I had to try harder.
I nodded eagerly, springing into step beside him. I had to please him. For Lady Eliza. Even if it made a sick, oily feeling swell in my stomach.
When he offered me his arm, I didn't hesitate to link mine through it. I smiled at him and agreed with his every word. I did not even shrink away when he stood next to his horse, preparing to leave, and planted a kiss on my cheek.