Chapter 51 – Do You Want a Girlfriend?
Upon hearing Horikita's agreement, both Sudo and Kushida broke into wide smiles.
Why didn't you ask if I was free?
A chilling glare came from Horikita.
"…Fine, I'm free," Hachiman muttered.
Sudo slapped a heavy hand on Hachiman's shoulder, grinning from ear to ear.
"Quit pretending, man. We all know you've got nothing better to do."
Even if you say that…
I'm busy, okay? Lying in bed, doing nothing, and contemplating life — that's a full schedule.
"Anyway!" Sudo announced, "it's decided! Victory celebration in Hachiman's room tonight!"
Wait, what? Why my room?
It was basically a unilateral declaration of invasion. Hachiman's sovereignty over his room was nonexistent, and yet… he wasn't stupid enough to ruin the mood. After all, they couldn't exactly go to the girls' dorm, and the other guys' rooms were probably disasters. Which left… his.
So this guy's just using me for my clean floor, huh? Whatever.
And thus, without his consent, Hachiman's room was chosen as the battlefield for tonight's "victory celebration."
Thankfully, with Kushida around, Hachiman didn't have to lift a finger. They came back from the convenience store with arms full of snacks, while he did what he did best — stay in bed.
"Cheers!"
Sudo's enthusiasm filled the room, dragging Ike and Yamauchi into his energetic orbit. Horikita, meanwhile, sat calmly on the bed, flipping through a book as if everyone else didn't exist.
Hachiman sat cross-legged on the floor, snacking occasionally, throwing in a dry comment here and there.
---
Ike: "By the way, why didn't we invite Hirata? I mean, he did help a lot."
The words triggered a familiar memory for Hachiman — of a certain blonde ninja who wanted everyone to be friends.
That guy would've invited the whole school if he could.
Sudo: "Oh, I invited him. He said he wanted to come, but his girlfriend called him out. Having a girlfriend's such a pain, man."
Ike: "Huh, a girlfriend already?! It's only been what, a few weeks since school started? That's way too fast!"
Yamauchi: "Idiot. Not everyone's as hopeless as you. Hirata's popular, good-looking, and decent at everything. Some guys just win by default."
He sighed, grabbing another handful of snacks — and accidentally bumping Hachiman's hand.
The two looked at each other.
Then Yamauchi tilted his head, studying him.
"Wait… Hachiman, you're actually kinda handsome. How come I never noticed before?"
Probably because your attention's permanently stuck on any girl within a 10-meter radius.
His comment made the others pause. Ike and Sudo turned toward Hachiman, while Horikita — pretending not to care — glanced up from her book.
Ike: "Now that you mention it… he kinda is. Wow, dude, didn't see that coming."
So basically, I'm "handsome but forgettable"? Thanks, I guess.
Sudo squinted, then grinned.
"Of course he's handsome. I just never noticed because those dead fish eyes ruin the whole look."
You didn't notice because you're oblivious, not because I'm ugly, you muscle-brained optimist.
Hachiman sighed, taking a sip of his drink. "Can we not talk about me like I'm a new product on sale?"
"...."
A brief silence followed before Ike leaned forward, groaning.
"Man, I really envy Hirata. Having a girlfriend this early? Must be nice. I want one too!"
Horikita didn't even look up.
"Instead of chasing girls, you should focus on your grades. The next exam will determine whether you're still here to have a girlfriend."
Sudo laughed, patting Ike's shoulder.
"Relax, man. I'm good as I am — studying in the morning, basketball in the evening. Never thought life at this school would feel this fulfilling."
How inspiring. Meanwhile, I spend my free time trying to beat sleep in a staring contest.
Yamauchi turned toward Hachiman again.
"Speaking of which — you don't join clubs, you're not worried about grades, and you just laze around in your room. Don't you want a girlfriend or something?"
"Hey! I'm right here, stop roasting me like that!"
Kushida and Horikita exchanged curious looks, both quietly watching his reaction.
---
Meanwhile, inside the Service Club, Yukinoshita, Isshiki, and Hayama were also watching the video of Hachiman's response.
It wasn't live, but it was his voice — raw, unfiltered. The perfect chance to hear what he really thought.
Unfortunately for them, Hachiman Hikigaya was an expert at defying expectations.
After years of isolation and cynicism, he had long stopped dreaming about friendship or romance.
Three peaceful years of survival were all he wanted — then he'd return to Komachi's side, live quietly, and spend his remaining days lying in bed.
Yuigahama: "Ehhh?! Doesn't that make me useless then!?"
Hachiman (on screen): "He's supposed to be a stay-at-home dad, why's he swearing at people?!"
Isshiki: "So Senpai's the 'lazy family man' type, huh? That's kinda cute. Weird, but cute."
Hayama: "Told you, this is exactly how he'd answer."
Yukinoshita: "It's… disappointing, but unsurprising. He's Hachiman, after all. Chronic uselessness is practically his brand."
She nodded solemnly, as if convincing herself. Then, with a quiet sigh, she gave a faint, graceful smile — the kind people make when they've accepted something tragic but inevitable.
Honestly, there's no need to force yourself to accept that.
---
Back in the dorm, Yamauchi sighed dramatically.
"What a waste. Class A's leader clearly admires you, Hachiman. If you'd just used your good looks to charm her, we might already be in Class A by now."
Hachiman leaned back, staring at the ceiling.
"Ah yes, the shortcut to success — romance.
Too bad I'm allergic."