Chapter 13: An Excellent Teacher and His Idiot Students
Inside a dimly lit underground chamber...
Danzō slowly removed the bandages wrapped around his forehead.
His tightly closed right eye gradually opened.
Staring into the mirror at the crimson Sharingan embedded in his right eye socket—and the three tomoe slowly revolving within it—he remained silent for a long time.
The deterioration of that eye's vision had progressed far faster than he had expected.
If he couldn't find a replacement before it went completely blind...
He would truly become blind.
What a pity.
Although several Uchiha jōnin had died during the war...
None of their bodies had ever fallen into his hands.
Narrowing his eyes, Danzō looked toward the kneeling Root operatives below.
His hoarse voice echoed through the cave.
"Report the recent movements of the Uchiha Clan."
"Yes, Lord Danzō."
One operative stepped forward and knelt.
"Most of the Uchiha jōnin have remained inside the village."
"None have shown signs of leaving."
"Three chūnin departed on B-rank missions."
"Seven genin left on C-rank missions."
"And..."
"Uchiha Asuka left the village this morning to perform a D-rank mission."
"...Uchiha Asuka."
Danzō quietly repeated the name several times before asking,
"What about those two fools who failed last time?"
"They're recovering from their injuries."
"Send someone skilled in interrogation to question them."
"And tell them to leave Uchiha Asuka alone for now."
"Once they've recovered..."
"...bring them to me."
"Understood."
After the operative vanished, Danzō silently resumed wrapping the bandages around his head.
Even among jōnin...
There were differences in strength.
Against opponents of the same level, an Uchiha jōnin naturally possessed a considerable advantage.
Defeating one...
Wasn't especially difficult.
Enough manpower could accomplish it.
But...
Killing one?
That was an entirely different matter.
Especially when that Uchiha happened to be his own medical ninja.
The difficulty rose dramatically.
Danzō slowly shook his head.
His gaze drifted toward the direction of the Uchiha Compound.
Last time...
I merely wanted to gauge his strength.
Instead...
I learned nothing...
And paid a fortune in medical expenses.
It was even more unpleasant than treating Hiruzen to dinner.
---
"Achoo!"
Asuka rubbed his nose.
Glancing at the kittens currently hanging all over Yūgao like furry decorations, he looked toward the dense forest ahead and muttered,
"I've got a bad feeling."
"Feels like someone's cursing me."
"Tonight I'll visit that Root operative's house."
"We still have unfinished business regarding his enemies."
"Tomorrow..."
"I need to lecture the clan children about the Will of Fire."
"The day after that..."
"I have to take my students on missions."
"And the day after..."
"There's another temporary clan meeting."
"So busy..."
Listening to his muttering, Yūgao lifted the kitten sitting on top of her head and asked curiously,
"Teacher."
"What are you talking to yourself about?"
"Nothing."
"I just figured out why I don't have a girlfriend."
"...Why?"
"My schedule's too full."
"I never get holidays."
"I don't have time to date."
"And..."
"I've never met anyone suitable."
"...Teacher..."
"Don't you have anyone you like?"
Asuka's footsteps slowed.
He looked down at Yūgao.
After noticing her strangely evasive gaze, he sighed helplessly.
"The woman I like..."
"...doesn't exist in this world."
"...Huh?"
Yūgao blinked.
"...Why not?"
"Sigh..."
Asuka began counting on his fingers.
"I like Lady Tsunade's figure."
"Kushina's red hair."
"Lady Mikoto's gentleness."
"Inuzuka Tsume's wild personality."
"Kurenai Yūhi's red eyes."
"...Although white eyes aren't bad either."
"I also want the Nara Clan's intelligence."
"The Akimichi Clan's appetite."
"The Yamanaka Clan's versatility..."
"Wait!"
Yūgao hurriedly interrupted him.
Taking a cautious step backward, she looked at him suspiciously.
"...Teacher."
"Why do you only like individual parts of different women?"
"Isn't that..."
"...kind of perverted?"
"You don't understand."
"It's precisely because no woman like that exists..."
"...that I'm still single."
"Oh."
"Do you know Kakashi?"
Asuka casually pointed toward Konoha.
Realizing he'd revealed a little too much, he smoothly changed the subject.
"Do you know why Kakashi still doesn't have a girlfriend?"
"...Why?"
Yūgao's curiosity was instantly hooked.
This was gossip about Konoha's greatest genius.
Kakashi Hatake.
A jōnin at twelve.
Even though half his face remained hidden behind a mask...
He was undeniably handsome.
His silver hair practically begged to be ruffled.
And his strength inspired an incredible sense of security.
Asuka bent down, pulled out a handkerchief, and gently wiped away the drool forming at the corner of Yūgao's mouth.
Then he whispered mysteriously,
"A few days ago..."
"I saw Kakashi pulling down Guy's pants."
"He said..."
"'For someone so manly...'"
"'...it's surprisingly acorn-sized.'"
"You should've seen the disappointment on Kakashi's face."
"I now have reason to suspect..."
"...that Kakashi wants to be with Might Guy—"
"Stop!!"
Yūgao grabbed her own hair with both hands.
Her expression instantly became one of utter despair.
Just moments ago...
She'd been imagining herself happily ruffling Kakashi-senpai's hair.
Now...
That image was permanently ruined.
She glared at Asuka through gritted teeth.
"You've completely destroyed Kakashi-senpai for me!"
"What's the big deal?"
Asuka scratched his nose indifferently.
"The Third Hokage..."
"The man you all admire..."
"Still peeks at widows while they're bathing."
"And Jiraiya isn't any better."
"He regularly stands on walls with a toad..."
"...spying on women's bathhouses."
"Oh."
"He came back recently."
"He loudly announced that the inspiration he'd accumulated over the years was overflowing."
"He'll be releasing the Icha Icha series soon."
"When that happens..."
"I'll secretly buy you a copy and deliver it to your house—"
Thud!
A blur flew toward his face.
Seeing Yūgao's murderous expression...
Then the kitten sailing through the air...
Asuka hurriedly shouted,
"Don't throw the cat!"
"If too much fur falls out..."
"We won't be able to finish the mission!"
"I don't care!"
"I feel empty inside!"
"That's because you're lacking love."
"And the Will of Fire."
"I'll replenish both and you'll recover."
"No!!"
She grabbed the kitten perched atop her head...
And threw that one too.
If Yūgao had known the concept of a Dao Heart...
She would've realized...
That after Asuka's guidance...
Hers had completely shattered.
---
"Meow."
"Meow."
When Iruka finally met up with them again, he stared at the cat fur covering Asuka...
Then at the several partially bald kittens trailing behind him.
After hesitating for a while, he cautiously pointed toward one especially patchy kitten.
"...Teacher."
"Are you always this violent when catching cats?"
"Sigh..."
Asuka shook his head sadly.
Secretly glancing at Yūgao's still-flushed face, he extended a hand toward Iruka.
"How's the intelligence gathering?"
"It's all here."
Taking the notebook, Asuka quickly skimmed through it before looking toward Hanahana.
"Hanahana."
"Time to test your perception."
"Consider this a covert operation."
"If anyone stares at us for too long..."
"Or secretly follows us..."
"Remember their face."
"And quietly report it to me."
"Understood."
Hanahana immediately activated her Byakugan.
Although she still didn't understand what Teacher was planning...
She trusted there was a reason.
Besides...
Teacher had somehow caught over twenty cats in only half a day.
He truly deserved his title as Konoha's D-rank mission fanatic.
---
That confidence lasted...
Until they arrived at a tiny dye shop.
Hanahana quietly began questioning her entire worldview.
She watched in disbelief as Asuka used the painstaking intelligence they'd gathered...
To ask the shopkeeper...
To dye the cats different colors.
Expressionless, she tugged on his sleeve.
"...Teacher."
"Isn't this fraud?"
"...?"
Asuka looked genuinely puzzled.
Holding up a kitten, he turned toward Iruka.
"Iruka."
"Let's use you as an example."
"Suppose you get married someday."
"Then one day..."
"Your wife suddenly disappears."
"You panic."
"You even commission a search mission."
"Eventually..."
"You discover she simply got bored staying home..."
"...and ran off to enjoy life elsewhere."
"Then someone presents you with a brand-new wife."
"She's affectionate."
"She loves being spoiled."
"Most importantly..."
"She never runs away."
"Feed her..."
"And she'll treat you like a god."
"She won't leave you..."
"...unless you abandon her first."
"She doesn't care whether you're poor."
"Or whether your house is falling apart."
"One can of food keeps her happy for three whole days."
"Now tell me."
"If someone handed you a wife like that..."
"...would you want her?"
"Think carefully."
"Search your conscience."
"Would you?"
Iruka blinked.
Then...
He genuinely began considering it.
When Teacher puts it that way...
It actually sounds...
Thunk!
Before he could finish the thought...
Hanahana punched him squarely on the head.
She folded her arms and glared at Asuka.
"Teacher."
"You're twisting the argument."
"Cats aren't humans."
"...Aren't they?"
Asuka calmly produced another pair of cat ears and placed them atop Hanahana's head.
Then he picked out one particularly manipulative-looking cat from the crowd.
Leaning close, he whispered,
"Convince her."
"I'll give you ten cans of food."
Ten cans?!
The cat's eyes instantly lit up.
It eagerly beckoned Hanahana into a secluded corner.
Then...
It began recounting the heartbreaking story of its bedridden parents.
Its miserable childhood.
Its tragic feline life.
If all of that still couldn't convince a child fresh out of the Academy...
It deserved to remain a stray forever.
---
"Why has my cat gotten so fat?"
"Oh."
"We fed it several pounds of cat food after rescuing it."
"That's why."
"Where did Little Black's fur go?"
"It fought several stray cats."
"Very bravely."
"It successfully defended itself."
"Why is Little White suddenly so affectionate?"
"It spent several days outside."
"Experienced hardship."
"And finally understood the warmth of home."
"That's a good thing."
"Hmph."
Hanahana snorted.
While constantly scanning nearby pedestrians with her Byakugan, she looked at Asuka with obvious disdain.
He really could talk.
Even though none of these cats were the originals...
He somehow managed to make everything sound perfectly reasonable.
And those owners...
Somehow didn't even recognize their own cats.
---
"Asuka-sensei."
Holding another cat, Iruka jogged over.
"...Can we really learn anything this way?"
"Mhm."
Asuka nodded firmly.
The joking expression disappeared from his face.
"D-rank cat retrieval missions..."
"Train observation."
"Information gathering."
"Practical execution."
"And teamwork."
"You and Hanahana gathered intelligence very well."
"And..."
Before he could continue...
Yūgao suddenly raised her hand.
"Teacher."
"To avoid exposing ourselves..."
"We constantly had to observe everyone nearby."
"We had to watch every expression."
"Stay alert."
"Prevent anyone from noticing something strange..."
"...or reporting us to Lord Hokage."
"That's exactly like a real mission."
"A single careless mistake..."
"...could expose the entire operation."
"You simply increased the difficulty."
"Normally we'd only observe cats."
"But today..."
"We had to observe people too."
"Exactly."
Iruka nodded.
"...Then what about practical skills?"
"And teamwork?"
Asuka rubbed his forehead.
"...Idiot."
"It's a D-rank mission."
"What practical skills do you expect?"
"Next time I'll take you collecting garbage."
"That requires practical skills."
"As for teamwork..."
"The four of us coordinated perfectly today."
"Hanahana stayed far away as lookout."
"Iruka."
"You and Yūgao monitored everyone nearby."
"I personally returned the cats."
"Perfect coordination."
"When I used to do this alone..."
"I had to create shadow clones."
"It was much more troublesome."
After finishing, Asuka looked at the three dark-faced students.
His own face filled with helplessness.
Other teachers complete D-rank missions exactly as written.
I've turned them into an art form.
Search all of Konoha.
Where else will you find a teacher as outstanding as me?
Teaching really is exhausting...
No.
Teaching students who refuse to adapt is exhausting.
Is this what people mean...
By an excellent teacher...
And his idiot students?
"Hiss..."
Suddenly...
Asuka inhaled sharply.
For just an instant...
He felt something.
Someone...
Was watching him.
With unmistakable hostility.
Remaining outwardly calm, he casually swept his eyes around the street.
Then...
His gaze landed on Hanahana.
He frowned.
"...Were you secretly looking at me with your Byakugan just now?"
"...!"
Hanahana's face instantly turned scarlet.
She shook her head so vigorously it was almost a blur.
"N-No!"
"Absolutely not!"
...She had looked earlier.
Just... not this time.