"Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you" - Cicero
________________________________________________________________________________
ΨΨΨ🅄🄽🄵🄰🅃🄷🄾🄼🄰🄱🄻🄴 🄿🄾🅆🄴🅁ΨΨΨ
「May 10th︱Evening︱Advanced Nurturing High School Outdoors
It had been a long day after the study group, and it seemed like everything had gone well. To get some fresh air, Yamasaki was walking through the empty campus evening. This was one of the few times he felt he could truly relax.
As Yamasaki was on his way to the dormitory, he saw a familiar face, a long black-haired female student dressed in her school uniform with an anxious expression, eyes that emitted a mixture of emotions: reverence, fear, longing, and desperation.
Seeing her might be awkward right now, so Yamsaki hid himself behind. Horikita arrived on the first floor.
Looking wary of her surroundings, she exited the building. After she'd vanished into the night, Yamasaki decided to follow after her. However, he instinctively hid again after he turned the corner. Horikita stopped in her tracks. I sensed another person was with her.
-"I can't believe you'd follow me even here. I am disappointed." his tone and facial expression didn't denote happiness in meeting his sister. Yamasaki looked over the corner while hiding. He saw Horikita talking to a person he recognized as the president of the student council, Horikita Manabu.
-"Brother... l'm not the failure I was before. I came here to catch up to you, not drag you down." Her meek demeanour, a far cry from the usually high-and-mighty Horikita Suzune.
"A sibling drama. Classic."
-"Not drag me down? When you still aren't even aware of your own shortcomings?" - Horikita Manabu was not surprised by his sister's declaration.
-"I promise you, I'll make it to class A! And then..." his validation meant everything for her, which is all the more unfortunate.
Horikita Suzune admired her brother beyond measure.
And how could she not?
He was highly intelligent, disciplined, and unshakably determined.
To everyone around him, Horikita Manabu was the embodiment of strength and reliability. Their parents adored him, perhaps even more than they should have, praising his achievements endlessly. He was the golden child, the standard by which all comparisons were made.
-"Learn from your brother."
-"Be more like him."
Those words had been drilled into Horikita Suzune's mind for as long as she could remember. Studies, sports, clubs—no matter the field, the yardstick was always him.
Under such pressure, most would grow resentful. Envy often festers in the shadow of greatness. But Horikita could never bring herself to resent her brother.
Because he had never treated her as lesser. These moments happened only during her early childhood, but she can still remember her older brother tutoring her with patience when she struggled with homework. When she started her karate lessons, he comforted her when she stumbled at the dojo. He offered guidance, reassurance, and quiet support.
Compared to him, she often felt dull and inadequate. Yet instead of giving up, she resolved to become like him.
If he studied hard, she would study hard.
If he trained his body, she would train hers.
If he distanced himself from friendships, she would do the same.
Over time, her admiration grew into an obsession. She mimicked his choices, his mannerisms, even down to trivial details. Clothes, food, speech—everything was dictated by him.
By the time Horikita Manabu realized what was happening, it was too late. Disturbed by her complete dependence, he began to distance himself in hopes she would reclaim her individuality.
But Horikita completely misunderstood Manabu's intentions. She blamed herself, thinking she had disappointed him. She believed she wasn't good enough, that he had grown ashamed of her.
Of course, her parents didn't do it out of malicious intent. They simply thought that if their older child was able to showcase such accomplishments from an early age, then surely their other child would be able to do so. It's not like that Horikita was abused, neglected, or ignored. It's just that the older child, being the golden child, was simply left with more responsibilities, and by extension, attention from her parents than Horikita.
Horikita was allowed to walk her own path with no restrictions, expectations, or obligations from her family.
A younger sibling's privilege.
Through middle school, she cut herself off from others, pouring every ounce of energy into her studies and martial arts, all for the sake of catching up to him.
When she entered Advanced Nurturing High School, her heart soared. This was her chance. She could finally prove herself, finally stand before him as an equal.
She promised herself that on the day of the entrance ceremony, she would approach him again.
-"I heard you were placed in Class D. I suppose nothing has really changed in the last three years. You've always been fixated on following me, and as a result, you don't notice your own flaws. Choosing to come to this school was a mistake." - Horikita Manabu, despite not seeing his little sister for years, didn't show any care. If anything, he treated her as if she were a stranger.
-"That's...You're wrong about that. I'll show you. I'll reach Class A right away, then—" - Suzune continues to insist on her words. She wanted to show her brother how far she had come, but Manabu interrupted her once more.
-"It's pointless. You will never reach Class A. Things are not so simple at this school. At this rate, it is only a matter of time before your class's self-destruction. Give up. You don't know what it takes to climb to the top of this school's class hierarchy."
"The reason Horikita Manabu doesn't acknowledge her the way she wants is that Horikita is still too focused on the enigma of himself to notice that Horikita Manabu is distancing himself for Horikita's own good. The way things proceed, Horikita will never get Horikita Manabu's acknowledgement. At least not in the way she thinks she will get it. Horikita's sole goal is to be acknowledged by Horikita Manabu and be recognized for her abilities and stand by as his equal. However, by putting Horikita Manabu on a pedestal, Horikita automatically creates a distance between herself and her goal. The greater her desire for acknowledgement, the more she subconsciously tells herself that there's a lack of that in her life. And by that, her desire will only grow. An ouroboros cycle."
"I will definitely, definitely reach—" - In a swift movement, her left hand was pinned against the wall to prevent any escape, with his right hand cocked back for an eventual strike. He displayed no hint of emotion. It was like he was staring at an uninteresting object. He grabbed his younger sister by the wrist-she offered no resistance and was pushed against the wall.
"To think l'd have to bear the shame of my little sister being thrown into class D. It seems you don't get it. You have neither the ability nor the right to aim higher." his cocked palm was ready to strike.
Manabu replied, "What an unreasonable sister you are. You have neither the right nor the ability to aim for something higher. You must learn, and I will teach you."
"Horikita Manabu is a god-like figure to Horikita. He is too high on a pedestal for Horikita to give up on. He is the golden standard. Communicating to Horikita that she doesn't have the potential or shouldn't try to reach Manabu would only make her chase after him even more. Horikita developed her superiority complex because she idolizes her brother and thought that if she emulated his cold nature, she could be closer to him. Her idealized conception of him is far too high for her to ever reach. Ultimately, that would mean she is never able to reach her goal unless her brother is knocked down from the pedestal she put him on. The only other option is to break out of her chains and go down her own path. Of course, for the current Horikita, the second option is impossible."
-"No matter how I try to avoid you, the fact remains that you're my little sister. If people around here learned the truth, I would be humiliated. Leave this school immediately."
-"I-I can't do that... I will definitely reach Class A. I'll show you!"
-"How incredibly stupid. Do you want to relive the pain of the past?"
-"Nii-san, I..."
-"You possess neither the abilities nor the qualities needed to reach Class A. Get that through your head." - Horikita Manabu's patience gets lower and lower with his little sister. At this rate, he might actually snap.
"There are those who, when discouraged, have this drive to grow into someone completely different. Man has this innate ability to adapt, but some have such an ability that their obsession leads them to turn into someone who's unrivalled. Horikita isn't one of those people. She is without guidance, with no internal compass. And without support, she had no choice but to follow her brother's shadow, the only one who had once shown her support a long time ago. That's how it is, and that's how he failed."
-"Why?" Horikita's voice wavered, a mixture of confusion and desperation as she stared up at him. "Why would you say that? You've always pushed me to improve, to become stronger. Why would you want me to leave now?"
Manabu's eyes narrowed, his voice cold and clipped as he replied, "Because you're a distraction, Suzune. You're holding me back. Your presence here does nothing but tether me to the past, to weaknesses I've worked so hard to overcome. You idolize me, but that idolization is a burden I can't afford to carry." - His words were sharp, calculated to cut deep, and judging by the way Horikita flinched, they had found their mark. But rather than breaking her spirit, it seemed to ignite something within her, a flicker of resistance, of determination.
-"I won't leave," she said, her voice gaining strength. "I've come too far to give up now. You can push me away all you want, nii-san, but I won't quit. I'll prove to you that I'm capable, that I'm not just your shadow."
"Being acknowledged by Horikita Manabu is not what will make Horikita regain her self-worth and lose her sense of inadequacy. Unfortunately, Horikita is so narrow-minded and blind to her surroundings that she failed to realize that you won't find your self-worth and reason to live through external things (in her case, approval and achievement). Money won't buy you genuine happiness. A relationship won't magically fix you. And being told you're worthy, even if it's by the person you look up to the most, won't make you actually feel worthy. It's only temporary. She is so immersed and desperate for her brother's validation that she turns a blind eye to everything else. She is so full of self-loathing that she needs to believe, getting her brother's acknowledgement will bring her peace. Otherwise, she won't have anything to push her forward in life. Horikita doesn't realize that the more she craves her brother's acknowledgement, the less she will be able to get it."
Manabu's expression hardened. "You don't understand, Suzune. This isn't about proving yourself to me. This is about survival, about making the right choices. You're not fit for this school. You're too blinded by your obsession with me to see the reality of your situation."
Horikita struggled against his grip, but his hold was unyielding. "And what about you? Are you so blinded by your own success that you can't see the potential in others? In your own sister?"
For a brief moment, something akin to regret flashed across Manabu's face, but it was quickly suppressed. He released her wrist, stepping back as if her words had stung him more than he'd like to admit.
-"This isn't about potential," he said quietly, almost to himself. "It's about knowing when to let go." - Horikita Manabu's attempt to push his sister away had backfired spectacularly, only strengthening her resolve. Manabu's cold expression twisted with a sudden, violent rage that was completely out of character for the composed student council president.
Without warning, he grabbed Horikita by the shoulders and forcefully shoved her to the ground. The impact was brutal, her body hitting the concrete floor with a sickening thud that echoed in the silent corridor.
-"Nii-san!" Suzune cried out in shock and pain, her voice breaking as she tried to scramble to her feet. But Manabu was relentless, his fury unleashed as he loomed over her, his eyes burning with a terrifying intensity.
-"You never learn," he hissed, his voice dripping with venom. "You think you can defy me? You think you can reach Class A when you couldn't even handle the pressure back then?"- He lashed out, kicking her in the ribs with a force that sent her sprawling back onto the ground. Horikita gasped, clutching her side in agony as she struggled to breathe, the wind knocked out of her, but Manabu showed no mercy, landing another blow, one more vicious than the last.
"This is not normal sibling admiration. This is identity erosion — the sign of a child who had no safe sense of self, and thus latched onto the only stable figure in her life. That kind of total mimicry usually stems from something deeper: a feeling of emotional neglect, lack of validation, or even childhood trauma. Horikita Manabu became a role model because his parents were likely absent, cold, or emotionally distant. In that void, she must have internalized the idea that becoming her brother was the only way to matter. To be seen and not ignored. Her obsession with perfection is not ambition, but desperation. Horikita Suzune is a girl who clung to him—who patterned her entire identity around his presence, desperate for approval, direction, and validation. The moment Horikita Manabu pulled away and treated her coldly, thinking it would make her stronger, it instead fractured her. He left his little sister all by herself, who didn't know who she was without someone to anchor to."
-"Stop! Not again, please." Horikita pleaded her voice in a barely whisper as she curled into a ball, trying to protect herself from the onslaught. Tears streamed down her face, a mix of physical pain and the emotional torment of being beaten by the brother she idolizes.
In his mind, he was teaching her a lesson, forcing her to understand her place, to abandon her foolish dreams of ever standing on equal footing with him.
"In the end, Horikita wasn't the sole person responsible for her actions. She relied on the only stable figure in her life. She was simply a girl who loved and looked up to her eldest brother like any child would. Kids were impressionable after all. Had Horikita not looked up to Manabu so much, she might have taken after her parents, a teacher. It was Horikita Manabu who had decided for himself what his little sister should be and chose the route he did to separate himself from her as much as possible. Justifying his actions as trying to make her better than him, but failing to realize that the more he placed the idea of what his little sister could be above him, the more he looked down on himself. Such self-loathing added to his growing sense of guilt, but he self-justified it by telling himself that anything he did would make his little sister better for it in a vicious ouroboros cycle. His coldness was not born from indifference or disappointment. It was born from love. That pain forced him into an even colder shell, one that hid his care for her sister. Horikita Manabu chose to be cold so he could carry the guilt without breaking. His heart froze, not because he is heartless, but because he cares too deeply."
-"You're weak," he spat, his voice trembling with a mix of anger and disgust. "You're nothing but a burden, a failure. Do you think you can surpass me and carry the family name forward? You can't even protect yourself!" - Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Horikita Manabu stepped back, his breathing heavy as he stared down at the crumpled figure of his sister.
Horikita lay there, her body trembling from the pain and shock of the assault. She didn't move, didn't speak, only stared up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes that still held a flicker of defiance, despite everything.
Horikita Manabu's expression slowly shifted from anger to something colder, almost indifferent. He straightened, wiping the sweat from his brow as if nothing had happened.
-"Remember this, Suzune," he said, his voice eerily calm. "You will never reach Class A. You will never be my equal. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be."
"One day, if things continue in this direction, Horikita will be forced to question herself: 'Who am I when no one is watching? When no one is guiding me? When there's no one to impress or rely on? That could lead to one of two outcomes: Collapse either through (emotional burnout or internal breakdown) or total detachment — a reckoning with all the pain she's never fully processed."
With those final words, he turned and walked away, leaving Horikita alone on the cold concrete floor, her body aching and her spirit shattered. The sound of his footsteps faded into the distance, and with it, any lingering hope she had of ever earning his approval.
And as for Horikita, this would either break her completely or ignite a fire within her that would make her more dangerous than ever before.
"In the end, Admiration really is the furthest emotional state from understanding."
10 minutes later...
-"What are you doing here, Yamasaki-kun?" - Horikita's neutral expression made her
-"I am here to buy a drink from the vending machine."
-"Never mind. I am returning to my apartment."
-"Your eyes are misty. You have trouble walking. Something happened?"
-"Nothing happened. Don't you know it's rude to just mention like that to a person?"
-"I might be 'rude," but I am not insensitive. It would be weirder if I didn't ask a classmate, at least that much."
-"Well, you don't need that. I can take care of myself just fine."
-"Is your current state your idea of taking care of yourself?"
Horikita glared at Yamasaki, but didn't refute his words, either.
"Horikita is someone who can only see people the way she sees the world. Her life taught her one thing: "If you are not good enough, you will be abandoned." In her case, it refers to individual ability, specifically academics and achievements. Only by being confronted by a student whom she considers superior, yet without a condescending attitude, will she allow the cracks in her mask to show. That's why she only got the basic decency of arriving just before the appointed time. While she doesn't understand friendship, her social and leadership skills are underdeveloped. She does have some knowledge of morals and social cues. The most basic ones, but she knows them, nonetheless. The difference has to be made in knowing them and acting upon them. During the introduction session, she gave the most generic response. Resorts to making people uncomfortable when they don't behave according to her expectations and standards. She consistently made decisions that weren't at all optimal because she personally didn't like taking them. Unable to see the S-System beyond the surface-level observation, refusing to take the initiative to convince Kushida to gather the idiot trio to study for the midterms."
-"Why are you this insistent on caring about my well-being? I may have acknowledged you as an ally, but that's only because I recognize the value you can bring to the class. I never once considered you a friend. My matters do not concern you." - In Horikita's mind, Yamasaki is pushing his luck.
In her eyes, acknowledging someone as her ally is already the upper limit of her patience. If he tries to push his agenda even further, Horikita will unhesitatingly shut him down with logical arguments, silent authority born from self-perceived superiority, and stubbornness.
-"Does this have something to do with your brother?" - Yamasaki completely bypassed Horikita's questions and addressed the root cause of the problem.
-"H-how do you know that? I haven't told anyone about my brother." - Horikita was flabbergasted. She couldn't fathom how Yamasaki knew her brother, and more importantly, she couldn't understand the relationship between her condition and her brother.
-"During the entrance ceremony, a senior who gave us the congratulatory speech had the same family name as you. He was also the one who introduced us to the student council during the club festival, wasn't he?" - Yamasaki calmly explained his thought process step by step to an oblivious Horikita.
Yamasaki was tempted to also mention "both of you also radiate the aura that screams 'I am superior to you, and you know it," but he wisely kept that part to himself.
-"You are more observant than I thought. Did you notice the connection between us, or is it just a coincidence?" - Horikita narrowed her eyes as she stared intently at Yamasaki.
Yamasaki immediately noticed the subtle shift in her expression.
The narrowing of her eyes, the slight tilt of her head, was a subtle indicator that she was probing for something deeper.
Wariness towards the man who seems to know more than he lets on?
Or she simply started to suspect the "authenticity" of this encounter?
Who knows?
-"So what happened between you and your brother?" - Yamasaki completely bypassed Horikita's inquiry and returned to the core root of the issue.
-"It's none of your business, Yamasaki-kun. I would appreciate it if you didn't stick your nose into business that doesn't concern you." - Though Horikita regained her composure, her inner feelings were still a mess.
"What did I do wrong? I achieved everything, so why does nii-san still not acknowledge me? If I reach A, would my brother still notice me?" - Her mind was a complete mess.
-"Horikita, why did you help us with the study group?" Yamasaki questioned Horikita about the core motive behind her unexpected collaboration in the class.
-"I only did it for my own sake. If I refuse to do at least this much, forget Class A., I won't be able to reach even Class C. What other reason could I possibly have to deal with the classmates who are incapable of basic manners or solve simple problems that even an average middle schooler would be able to do? To this day, I don't accept the school's evaluation. I even went to Chabashira-sensei to talk with him to explain why I was put in Class D, not in Class A. And yet, she insisted that my evaluation was not wrong. She said that Class D is where I belong." - Horikita recounted the thoughts and feelings she hasn't shared with anyone. She wasn't the type to conceal her motives. Besides, with Yamasaki knowing about her connection with Horikita Manabu, she saw no reason to lie.
-"What did sensei say?" - Yamasaki continued the conversation by asking another question to Horikita. Though he already had a rough idea of what Chabashira said to Horikita.
-"She said that even if I am academically gifted and intelligent, those traits do not guarantee a position in Class A. For some reason, Chabashira-sensei bluntly stated that academically capable people are not necessarily superior to others who excel in other categories. She mentioned Sudou-kun's exceptional physical ability and Yukimura-kun's outstanding academic ability."
-"Students here are judged according to their Academic ability, Intellect, Judgement ability, Physical ability, and Cooperativeness. Not only that, but the school also does a background check on the applicants when they submit their application to enrol here. Horikita, you are an exceptional student when it comes to your academics, intellect, and decision-making. Your physical ability is also far above an average person. However, you are incapable of working with others even when it's needed, which is an important skill to have when you grow up. You don't even want to interact with your own classmates. For that reason, the school has judged you to be a defect, and thus, you were put in Class D."
-"But enough about me. How about you, Yamasaki-kun?"
-"What about me?"
-"From my observations, I can't find any significant flaw in your personality or in your abilities. You are sociable, physically capable. You might not be as cooperative as Hirata-kun and Kushida-san, but you are not exactly passive either, and your academic ability is sufficient for a first-year high school student. From my perspective, it would make more sense if your placement was in at least Class B."
Yamasaki shrugged. - "I have no idea. Perhaps I was placed for a defect that I possess that I am not aware of."
"Intelligence and physical abilities are merely a few variables that played a part in our placement. Our past, flaws, and the most importantly, our ability to navigate social dynamics came into consideration when our placement. In your case, Horikita, your defect is your misguided superiority complex. No, that's not entirely correct. Your biggest flaw isn't just in your overly honest attitude and refusal to participate in social activities towards your class's prosperity, social abilities. It's your refusal to work with others, to see value in people besides yourself. Your refusal to listen or attempt to learn from others because you hold a self-restraining sense of superiority over those whom you haven't even met or spoken to. Students in our class are better than you at certain things, which you could learn from them, but you refuse to because they aren't up to your standards. Even someone like Ike and Yamauchi, whom she holds in low regard. And while they certainly have very obvious and very large flaws, they also have strengths. Ike and Yamauchi are both much better at navigating social situations than Horikita is. They spend all day communicating with others and making people laugh-though it may not be because they're funny- and that makes the gap between you grow every day."
-"Did you help us in the study group because you want to ascend to class A and get recognition from your brother?" - Once again, Yamasaki ignored Horikita's inquiries and returned to the topic he was interested in.
Horikita hesitated, "I..."
-"I see. This would explain why the school placed you in class D," Yamasaki said.
-"S-shut up. I will get to class A and I..." Horikita started to say, last ditching to convince herself that the path she chose was the right one. She continues to stare head-on at him, unable to swallow her pride and admit the fact that he was right. Horikita Suzune herself has a big ego, thinking of herself as a superior person due to her brains, athletic ability, and her overall skills that essentially made her a step above others. Seeing this, she believed her abilities and skills landed her in the top class, Class A, all while chasing another high, a form of acknowledgement
The black-haired girl stood up in defiance, beginning to open her mouth to reason. But Yamasaki didn't let her continue, holding up his hand as he continued his own explanation.
-"You're the one who should shut up," Yamasaki said, facing her. He raised his tone, showing her an unprecedented expression of anger.
They say eyes are the windows to the soul, and in Yamasaki's eyes, he could see plenty of things within Horikita's eyes: fear, frustration, confusion, longing, stubbornness, and desperation.
"You will get to class A? Don't make me laugh. Just look at yourself. Without chasing your brother's shadow, what do you have? You have nothing, no friends. You don't even enjoy your time at this school. And for what? All this just to be acknowledged by that bastard of a brother who couldn't care less about your well-being?!" Yamasaki shouted sternly.
At that, her entire demeanour shifted. Her face twisted, the carefully controlled front of the cold princess shattering completely. Her voice rose, raw and trembling.
-"Why is this happening to me?!" she nearly shouted, her fists shaking at her sides. "I've done everything right! I've always been at the top of my class, and l have studied harder than anyone else. I've passed every test! So why-why is this happening to me?! "I-It's n-not fair..." Her voice cracked on the last word, and for a moment, she looked less like the proud, unshakable Horikita Suzune and more like a lost, desperate child whose entire worldview collapsed beyond repair.
Yamasaki just stood there, watching her crumble before him. Her pride, her cold exterior, all of it had shattered in the face of whatever twisted reality she'd been holding onto. The trembling of her fists, the desperation in her voice-it was a far cry from the sharp-tongued Horikita.
Yamasaki knew what she must have felt like right now.
"Horikita had spent her life in the shadow of her brother, Horikita Manabu, who turned a blind eye to her pain. The pressure to live up to his "standards", to escape his shadow, while always being compared to his achievements. She had tried so hard to stand alongside him, to prove that she could walk alongside him. But all that effort, all that work, had only buried her deeper in his shadow. In the end, she had spent so much time trying to match her brother's legacy that she had become trapped in it. The more she fought, the more she lost herself. And now, standing there, broken and desperate, I could see the toll it had taken. Her pride was a mask that had cracked under the weight of her own failure, and all she was left with was this hollow shell of a person who didn't know what to do with herself. She was a mess, utterly destroyed by her own ideals, and she had no idea where to go from here. A girl who had spent so long trying to live up to some ideal, only to watch it all crumble away like sand through her fingers."
"We are all caught in our own webs of pain, trapped by our expectations, our failures, our endless battles with ourselves and the world. It wasn't just Horikita, Kushida, Karuizawa, Hirata anyone else, for that matter. It was a cycle, an endless chain of people trying to climb out of their own misery only to drag themselves further into it. No one was exempt from this suffering, no one was free from the crushing weight of their own unresolved feelings. It was like we were all prisoners of our pasts, trying to escape the walls that we ourselves had built, even if it meant tearing ourselves apart in the process. To see someone like Horikita, someone who prided herself on her strength and perseverance, crumble like this, it just felt wrong. Like she had given up on the only thing that kept her going: the belief that she could be better. That she could stand tall, above the mistakes, above the pain. And now, here she was, broken, her mask cracked, unable to stand on her own."
It's the first time he sees her tears start to fall from her eyes. After a while, she looked at Yamasaki with teary eyes, filled with sadness, disillusionment, regret, and above all, pain.
Pain of living a life that was not her own.
The pain of realization that for her entire life, all the sacrifices, time, effort, and denial of attempted friendship throughout kindergarten, until high school, were for a false dream.
The pain of disillusionment that originated from living up to the expectations she imposed on herself, not by anyone else.
Neither her family nor her brother ever forced her to live up to the legacy he left behind. She is the one who unilaterally decided to follow her brother's path.
She never tried to understand the path her brother walked. She only saw his mirage, only his talent, not the process, not the emotions, not the choices, not the struggle, he had to walk through to become the person he is today.
She never tried to comprehend the real Horikita Manabu, not the perfect, golden child of the Horikita family.
But simply a person who had his goals, feelings, doubts, struggles, no less real than her own.
Everything was her fault.
-"Y-you are right," Horikita said, sobbing. "I-I just don't want my brother to be ashamed of me. All this time, I just wanted him to say "I am proud of you".
"You don't need an acknowledgment of someone who doesn't value efforts, or your feelings," Yamasaki said, wiping the tears that were falling from her eyes. "You can do it, Horikita, using your own motivation, using your own strength, by following your own path, not the motivation to make someone acknowledge you. Then you will find the response you have always yearned for, the one you worked so hard for. And the next time you meet each other, it will be your brother himself who will come to see you. And that will mean more than anything else."
All of the tears that were falling were gone, replaced by a beautiful smile, as she uttered the words, "Thank you, Yamasaki-kun. Those words mean a lot to me."
"Deep down, Horikita wants to realize her self-worth. In other words, she needs to learn to love herself. For her to do that, he needs to realize that it's not her abilities, not in her brother's approval or the achievements that will make her feel worthy, but that she's already worthy without needing any proof for it. But since Horikita has lived so long appealing to her older brother, she has no mental space to self-reflect and realize things she likes about herself. Horikita needs to stop living her life for someone else and needs to live her life unapologetically for herself. But it's easier said than done. People don't change that easily. Deep down, Horikita already knows has a feeling what she needs to do, but admitting that is incredibly difficult, and it's way easier to just blame her unhappiness and hatred on herself. Horikita still needs to self-reflect and realize that she is already worthy on her own. For someone like her, this realization will only come as she accumulates enough smaller achievements to affirm to herself her value. Only then will she be able to be acknowledged by her brother."
People learn and grow and make a change and slip back into old patterns, and maybe some changes stay permanent, but most of the behaviours probably don't change. The reason why "the best apology is changed behaviour" is landing because changing behaviour is very hard. Forgiveness, especially if someone continues to recognize that they're doing wrong and that they are genuinely trying, and you see the effort, then forgiveness is healing for the relationship. One of the hard things about growing and changing for the better is that we overestimate how much we have grown.
Dunning-Kruger effect in action.
Those with too much overestimation seem to have a lot of charisma, being too bold and confident, where everyone around them thinks they are a genius in everything and are put into leadership positions. Leaders are made with some level of understanding of a topic. With their skillset of leadership and charisma, they can go into any leadership role.
That is why you can see a lot of CEOs being the same type of person, having a level of confidence and overestimation increases the chance for a job and leadership role, rather than an actual genius who has a lot of self-doubt or confidence or people like Horitika to prove everyone is wrong.
Sometimes, it takes a harsh reality to slap you in the face and wake you up. After all, people seek to be understood before they seek to understand others.
ΨΨΨ🅄🄽🄵🄰🅃🄷🄾🄼🄰🄱🄻🄴 🄿🄾🅆🄴🅁ΨΨΨ
「May 18th︱Evening︱Advanced Nurturing High School Campus
[Third Party POV]
Are you familiar with the Banach-Tarski Paradox?
The Banach-Tarski Paradox is a theorem in set-theoretic geometry. It states that it's possible to take a solid ball, divide it into a finite number of non-overlapping pieces, and then reassemble those pieces into two solid balls identical to the original.
The following question naturally arises: "How can you get two identical balls from one?"
It sounds impossible, but it's mathematically proven. The catch is that the pieces you divide the ball into are not 'normal' pieces-they're so bizarre and intricate that they defy our intuitive understanding of shape and volume. This Paradox relies on the Axiom of Choice, a principle in set theory that allows for the selection of elements from different sets, even when there is no specific rule for making those choices.
In short, it's a matter of perspective and understanding abstract principles.
Just as with the Banach-Tarski Paradox, many situations in life and this school, won't be as straightforward as one may think. Horikita Manabu exerts his influence with a mixture of his presence and authority, which can be overwhelming to many people. If you view things differently, rather than at face value, then you're able to navigate situations like those much more easily. By understanding these abstract principles and Paradoxes, you can handle complex and intimidating situations.
It's about seeing beyond the surface, recognizing the deeper structures at play, and using that knowledge to your advantage. In the same way, the Banach-Tarski Paradox challenges our perspectives of reality; understanding the deeper dynamics in life allows you to see through the influence of others.
Yamasaki always found it interesting how every single person has lived a different life from the next. No matter how you look at it, nobody on this Earth thinks the same or views things the same way. Every person has had their own struggles, their own story, and some people are still too self-absorbed in their own story that they don't take the time to stop and listen to others. People are one of the most fascinating things in the universe; the amount of luck that went into us even existing is absurd. The complexity of the human mind is truly so intriguing that it's one of the reasons Yamasaki finds psychological books to be interesting. Some people need a reminder that everyone has a different perspective and story from them and is going through their own struggles.
As Yamasaki was lost in his own thoughts, he was curious to see the rooftop. As a kid, he always enjoyed the feeling of being in a tall building, giving a feeling of peace and clarity.
Yamasaki could feel an ominous aura radiating from her, but he ignored it. He saw her hit her foot on the rail and immediately knew it was time to start filming.
-"I hate them so much!"
-"I hate them all! That bitch Karuizawa, she acts all high and mighty only cause of Hirata! You fucking slot! I hate you so much! I wish you drop dread! You think you can intimidate people with your cheap clothes and that ridiculous ponytail?! Please, the way you dress screams 'tacky and cheap' —those outfits look like they belong in a bargain bin!"
-"Hirata, what a fucking loser you are! Do you have some kind of saint syndrome? Never in my life have I seen such a cuck! That slut girlfriend of yours is probably getting clapped behind your back, and you fucker wouldn't realize a thing. Fucking dumbass, I hope you drop dead!"
-"Satou, and that slut Matsushita, you two are just another fucking retarted sluts flocking to any fucker with looks and status. Without your looks, what do you two have to show? You two can't do a shit without that loud-mouth harpy Karuizawa rallying behind you! Your entire friend group are just a bunch of dick riders with nothing else to show! You two are nothing but a just a bunch of "yes" nobodies and "If Hirata-kun says so" like that fucker is some kind of deity!"
-"Don't get me even started on those two radioactive perverts! Those two are not the only degrades who can't think with their brain, but those two are on the level on their own level. It's like all their brain power goes to their lower part! I hate them! I hate them! I hate them! I just want them to drop dead! You two fuckers are so dumb that it's unbelievable! You two are just a bunch of desperate cringe perverts that you could only see in a third-rate manga. So loud and cringe as if you two are some kind of adult eroge game! An incorrigible crackheads to ever get a heartbeat. The very embodiment of the phrase "good for nothing! This school should just expel them. This would be a service to everyone for those two to disappear!"
-"And that Koenji freak! That self-absorbed, so-called gracious gentleman acting as a self-pretentious schmuck, who acts as if the world is his personal closet storage. You might be a hot shit to peabrain girls, but to me, you are just a piece of shit with a prettier face, who thinks the world revolves around you just because you have a little bit of money and some muscle! How dare you humiliate me on the bus!? Can't you be useful for once, and shut your trap, you douchebag! You think you are some hot shit just because some dumbass seniors are all over you. Newsflash, genius, they are only for your money! Those girls are merely gold diggers. Once money expires, those bitches will hunt for the next prey, and then don't come proclaiming that some half-ass playboy amount to anything, you loser!"
-"And Yamasaki, you fucking man whore! I know you enjoy having girls flock to you. If it weren't for your looks, all girls would ignore you. I hate everything about you! I hate how handsome you are! I hate how athletic you are! I hate how popular you are, even when you don't hang out with those revolting simps, whom I have to endure every day. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
-"And I haven't even started with that queen of bitches, Horikita. This bitch haunts me as some kind of ghost even after graduating from middle school. Every time I try to approach her, she ignores me as if I were a nobody! And worst of all, I heard today that bitch started to receive compliments from those dweebs, not just for her looks, but for her help?! What do these simps even see in that self-important brat masquerading as if she were some kind of queen that everyone should kiss the ground she walks on?! I hate stuck-up, snobby girls like you who think they're so cute. Why is she such a harpy? Ah, she's the worst! She's just the worst, the worst, the worst! Horikita, you're so annoying! You're so damn annoying! I hate you, Horikita. Why won't you just die? Die, die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die""- She kept hitting the rails with all her strength.
"Is she trying to put a curse on Horikita? It's kind of funny." - Even after hearing Kushida's ranting, Yamasaki's sole reaction was amusement.
Unfortunately, everything Kushida said to Yamasaki was what he knew since Day 1.
Yes. Yamasaki knew about Kushida's motives, values, beliefs, and secrets ever since the class introduction.
"Her outward personality is a little over-the-top, but most people don't recognize it because she adjusts so well to each of their needs."
Kushida wasn't anything special. She was just another normal person, doing normal things in the worst possible way. A liar, a manipulator, a coward masquerading as superiority, pretending to be something she wasn't. She thought she was unique. That she was different. That her situation was special.
But at the end of the day, she was nothing more than an ordinary, everyday villain.
"In most cases, people hide the parts of themselves they don't want the world to see. However, that doesn't mean the side they show the world is any less genuine than the side they keep hidden. An outwardly calm person could be hiding intense anger, or, like in Kushida's case, a kind person could be hiding a lot of hate. Neither of these scenarios is mutually exclusive. Our personality can be affected by the environment and the people we are with. Simply because we act differently in different circumstances doesn't mean we are being insincere to the people around us. People like Kushida, who donned a constant mask, were a rarity."
How did everything start, you may ask?
On May 1...
-"Then I will go next. My name is Kushida Kikyo. None of my friends made it to this school. So, I would like to get to know all of you and become friends as soon as possible! My first goal is to become friends with everyone. So, after we are finished with self-introductions, I would love for you to share your contact information with me!"
"This girl is a walking red flag," - Yamasaki thought to himself. -"Kushida's mask has so many flaws that I don't even know how to start. First of all, her introduction was unnecessarily too long. Compared to Kushida's, Hirata's introduction was neither too short nor too long. If Hirata's introduction was about presenting himself as a reliable person to his classmates, then Kushida's introduction is all about being at the centre of attention. A person with no sense of self. A person whose entire life revolves around receiving external validation. Someone who has a thirst for attention but doesn't know their limits."
"Second, her movements are too calculated, too fluid for it to be a first time; the timing is too correct to be a mere coincidence. Kushida's exaggerated body movements accentuate her desire for attention by showcasing her good looks and well-developed body proportions. Kushida's approach relies on charm, feigned innocence and selective seduction. This combination of innocence and seduction creates a push and pull approach that captivates many high school boys driven by insecurity, ego, attention, romance, or sexual desires."
"Kushida's approach allows her to be at the top of the social hierarchy among the girls without imposing herself. Her bubbly, friendly, and kind-hearted mask doesn't allow others to discredit her without making an enemy of an entire class. In the future, Kushida would make herself indispensable in the class by being Class D's emotional support system. Even if there are girls who would be jealous of her status or appearance, it won't amount to anything more than gossip between members in the group behind Kushida's back. In addition, Kushida's approach and looks appeal to the opposite sex, mixed desires (the desire to protect her and the desire to conquer an "unreachable flower" that no one has) simultaneously. Hence, Kushida positioned herself in a superior position in a Class 1-D social hierarchy for both genders without imposing herself on others."
"Thirdly, the statement about her not having any friends from middle school is a red herring for multiple reasons. First of all, there is no sadness, regret, disappointment or any other negative emotion in her facial expression or in her eyes. This completely contradicts the image Kushida presented to the class. Since it is pretty much confirmed that "Kushida Kikyo" in the class is only a mask to hide, it is pretty much confirmed that there is at least one person who attended the same middle school as Kushida. The question is who?"
In addition, she made a statement that none of her friends from middle school are here. This is strange. Normally, no one would make such a redundant statement during the introductory session, especially someone who has high social awareness and social skills like Kushida. Just like Hirata, a socially aware person would only mention their full name, one or two hobbies, and say they are looking forward to working with others (goal-oriented) or being friends with them (people-oriented). In addition, to not arouse any suspicions around her persona, it wouldn't be strange if she greeted them in class or made an effort to introduce them to the class. And yet, throughout the entire pre-introductionary session, Kushida didn't do such a thing even once. Hence, this means Kushida has negative feelings towards this person."
However, things don't stop there. If it were just that, Kushida could use her influence to subdue any accusations or any attempt to slander her, and yet she didn't. Why? Someone who has learned to wear a mask consistently is at least somewhat competent in deception and role-playing, far surpassing an average person's ability to see through their lies. Hence, it can't be something small like rivalry or a petty grudge.
No, this is something a lot more serious. The other person knows something, or at least Kushida suspects it. Something happened during middle school. An incident so big to the point it would ruin Kushida's social status irreversibly. Kushida has a reason, personal enough to deem that person a threat to her high school life. And that person is none other than the black-haired girl with red eyes, Horikita Suzune.
What led me to this conclusion?
"During the introductory session, Kushida's gaze momentarily shifted towards Horikita, and nowhere else. Even after the former's turn was over, she never glanced anywhere else. And yet, the latter showed zero reaction. Hence, the incident that happened during their middle school days is so huge to the point that Kushida has a reason to believe that even someone as isolated as Horikita would know about it."
The are three possibilities. Either Horikita truly doesn't remember Kushida, or she simply doesn't care about Kushida's secret. It's also possible she does or will probably in the future interactions that Horikita will remember Kushida, but still won't care for her secret as long as it doesn't affect her goals. All three alternatives are equally possible. It's dangerous to make bold hypotheses without careful verification. I have enough information to determine the next step."
"One reason why somebody may become a 'people pleaser' is for beneficial purposes. They see it as something that they could take advantage of by making people think that they care for others and that they'll always be there to give a helping hand when in reality they just want the reputation to be good as just seeing many people liking them and thinking that they're a wonderful person who can do no wrong is enough for them to be satisfied. And that's exactly what Kushida Kikyo is doing. Behind the girl who is seen as nothing but friendly, bubbly, and helpful is a girl who is vicious, ruthless, and has no problem looking down on people. Kushida has quite strong composure and impulse control, nearly perfect at times, but she is overly reliant on people's perception of herself. If someone ever really doubts her, she will crack. Kushida gets joy seeing just how many people admire her in order to feel special. Kushida wants to be the center of attention."
"To that end, she has mastered the ability to hide her true personality while at the same time also being able to get people's trust and support. And in doing this as well, she gets information from others and gets other people's secrets. Secrets that people are gladly telling Kushida because "there's no way somebody like Kushida would do this", who debuts as this nice person, will use it for malicious and selfish gain. That is how much trust people can have in someone like Kushida. With people like her, if someone has any intentions of messing up her reputation and how others see her, then she will make sure that they deeply regret it. And when these moments happen is further proof as to why Kushida is comfortable being a people pleaser. She loves being the center of attention. She loves it when people think highly of her. It gives her a sense of superiority while also giving her amusement at the fact that people like her, even if they don't know that everything she does for them is just one big lie, and it's only being done to fulfill her need to be in the spotlight."
"Kushida's unique weapon is adaptability. A skill that revolves around her very being. The way she carries herself in each group is unique. This skill can't be used by an average person. Only people with brilliant social intelligence can use it. Even though Kushida's social intelligence has space for growth, she already has something that most likely no one else in this school has. That's something no other social butterfly can pull off due to self-imposed limitations. Social intelligence alone is not enough, as brilliant as it may be, it's still not enough. Only someone as egocentric as Kushida can manage it. Only someone as self-centred person like Kushida could pull it off."
"However, the main weakness of people like Kushida is, to put it simply, the fear of their secret being exposed. If someone gets a grip on her secret, she will do anything to maintain her way of life. But, in Kushida's situation, it's even worse. While most of those people take their secret to the grave, Kushida already had her secret exposed. People with this attitude fear the abyss and something unknown, the uncertainty of their social future. On the other hand, Kushida already knows what follows the discovery of her secret. And that's much worse, and because of this, she will certainly slip somewhere while trying to get rid of you."
"The means to convince Kushida to abandon her crusade against Horikita, or rather the class as a whole, are limited. Though fear and manipulation are options, that's not my modus operandi. The former is a no-go because while fear is effective, it is not sustainable in the long run, especially for people with a strong sense of pride. Manipulation can be even more effective than persuasion, but it's a high-risk, high-return tactic. One wrong move, and everything will fall apart."
"Despite Kushida having her reasons as to why they act and behave a certain way to please others, she doesn't love what she is doing. Even if she has her reasons, at the end of the day, she is still suffering. Imagine having to always be nice to people and always having to give a helping hand 24/7. It gets tiring, and this causes even more problems as well. Not being able to vent your frustrations and be honest about who you truly are. But this also creates a fear that if someone were to discover your secret and discover who you actually are, then that means that everything you did was all for nothing."
"Besides, even if I accomplish my goal, I won't be satisfied with such an outcome. It wouldn't be right. In the end, she simply wants to be noticed, to be cared for, to be there for her. Who doesn't want that? The reason why she tries to actually hurt people to keep her secret is that it worked before. After all, when her world almost came crashing down, hurting every one of her friends let her go scot free. If that didn't work, she would probably end up on the same path as Karuizawa."
"That's it."
"Just like Karuizawa."
"In the end, both can't help but feel insecure about their past."
"Both are prisoners of their past."
"Both are scared of never overcoming it."
"Deep down, they want to change."
"They want to be accepted, to make real friends."
"For Kushida, it already happened once in her life that her true personality was exposed. And given what happened after that secret was exposed, that is not something that she wants to relive ever again. In her mind, this was something that she had to do to protect her image. As Kushida is so attached to her persona, if anything were to happen to her, all the sacrifices she did, this being hiding behind the mask, not being able to be her true self, having to hide her insecurities, her flaws, all the things she hates about herself deep inside will all be thrown out the window if her secret gets exposed."
"An overprotective person who values the secret they hide behind the mask won't be assured in the safety of their real self until they have the guarantee. And more importantly, Kushida's influence in the class is big enough to shake the balance of power. However, she won't oppose the prevailing group of people because it puts her at risk. Karuizawa's value is limited and temporary due to her character, but the same thing will undermine her the moment you lose to the majority."
"Kushida Kikyo may be a monster that is born from seeking attention and acknowledgement to become the most popular in everything, and feels ecstasy from it. However, deep inside her, there's a hidden desire, a pure wish that every human wants to achieve from another person."
"This gives me an idea."
Returning to reality...
"During the first month, Kushida attempted to invite Horikita multiple times to hang out with her. Unsurprisingly, Horikita rejected her outright without hesitation. Horikita didn't show any change in her expression either. And yet, Kushida never extended such an invitation to anyone else. First of all, Horikita was not the only one with the "outcast" status in the class. And yet, she never extended such an invitation to boys who were socially in the lower position of the Class D social pyramid, or the girls, like Hasebe or Sakura. She would only approach those with a lower status than her, then she wants them to do a favour, to extract information, or she simply wants to look good in front of others. Hence, this can only mean Kushida wants to keep a close eye on Horikita to learn how much she knows about that incident."
"The main difference between Karuizawa, Kushida and Hirata. Both girls have a similar fear. The reason for this fear is entirely different. Kushida fears people knowing her real personality because it's terrifying. Karuizawa's fear is related to her real personality to being a paper tiger, who would crumble under the slightest of pressure."
-"Huh? Who's there?"
-"Did you hear all of that?"
-"Yes."
-"If you tell anyone, you will regret this."
Yamasaki narrowed his eyes. "That's a false accusation."
The truth is, Kushida's mind was a mess.
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Why does Yamasaki of all have to see me like this?! If he were any other loser like Ike, and Yamauchi, or that chubby guy Sotomura, I would have the means to put them under my control. However, with Yamasaki, things are a lot more annoying."
There are several reasons Kushida is so desperate to conceive a way to keep this matter between the two of them.
First of all, Yamasaki has a very good reputation in the class, second only to Hirata. Kushida knows that even with her popularity, it would turn into a stalemate. Roughly speaking, it would turn into a conflict between boys and girls. When it comes down to the final decision, girls have the advantage over the boys. So, even if her classmates believe her more than Yamasaki, it won't happen without a strong reduction in her own reputation and status. And that's the last she wants to happen.
What Kushida didn't realize was that Yamasaki had already sent the video file to "Hirata", right after he immediately deleted it. "Hirata" was curious about what happened, but Yamasaki told Hirata that he had ade a wrong message by accident.
However, this is all within Yamasaki's calculations.
First of all, unlike files (audio or video), which can be removed using private points, the school has access to all the messages and files every student has sent. After all, calls and texts are the means the way students and staff communicate with each other. While the student doesn't each every file, every message, every call, they do have an achievement every single time two parties communicate with each other.
Hence, even if Kushida somehow manages to delete a file, the original would still exist in the school's database. If Yamasaki was ever accused (an official school complaint, or a rumour), he could request the school to replay the video file within the student council case or in a live broadcast to clear his name.
Second, Yamasaki anticipated that in the moment of sheer desperation, Kushida would try to frame him for false rape to protect her image.
Unfortunately, that would also be pointless.
Yamasaki's physical abilities far surpass Kushida's. He can easily dodge her or restrain her.
In addition, the material used to manufacture ANHS clothing is not suitable for retaining fingerprints.
Moreover, even if against all odds, Kushida does have fingerprints on his clothing, and ANHS doesn't have access to such high-level technology. They would need to contact the outside world to use such technology. If that ever happened, the school would investigate this incident and would expose the details of this event. Things like what happened, why it happened.
To retain her image, Kushida cannot allow any scrutiny.
In short, Kushida Kikyo's fate is sealed.
Yamasaki showed her his phone.
-"You understand your situation, don't you?"
-"You-"
-"I know about what you did in middle school."
As Yamasaki delivered his response with a matter-of-fact tone, her eyes widened, unprepared for such a reply.
Yamasaki's voice, cold and emotionless, paired with eyes displaying nothing but an infinite void, sent shivers down to Kushida's very soul.
People generally fear predators because they can easily kill to satisfy their needs. Yet, there's an even greater fear when predators hunt not merely for survival, but for the sheer enjoyment of tearing their victims apart, revelling in the thrill of the chase.
Everything is so silent that one could hear Kushida's heartbeat.
She's panicking.
-"Calm down, at this rate, you're going to have a panic attack."
-"Did Horikita tell you this!?"
-"You did."
-"Huh? Don't mess with me! I didn't tell you a thing about my past!"
-"You love to be at the centre of attention. You love the feeling of being appreciated, of being trusted. However, you know your limits. No matter how effort you put in, you can't be the smartest, the most beautiful, or the most talented person. Hence, the solution you arrived at was being the most trustworthy person and doing things that others wouldn't. You are addicted to the attention and praise you get from being number one. That's your secret drug. However, this didn't come without a price. It proved to be too mentally draining, so you would go on long rants about your friends in a non-flattering way on a website. But then they would find out about the site, and since there's only one person who knows about all of their secret, it wasn't hard to find out who. As a last-ditch attempt, you decided to expose their darkest secrets. Who hated whom, who liked whom to everyone, and it worked. Everyone quickly forgot about you as they found out who their friends were and whose their enemies were."
"Everyone's choices, beliefs, behaviours make sense to them. We see the world through our own lenses. Our values colour how we see the world. And it comes down to, "Why do we do what we do?" In conflict, everyone's behaviour makes sense to them. Why did they do all these terrible things? To protect themselves. We all want to feel safe, respected, and loved, and a lot of our worst behaviours come from not feeling safe, respected, and loved. The poisonous version of that turns into hate. If you are not siding with one person, they assume that you must be siding with the other. Kushida's behaviour proves that."
"Kushida quickly distinguished herself with her clean and welcoming ability to communicate and bond with other students, regardless of sex. She took on the role, unofficially appointed as the "General Affairs Manager." To summarise the duties of her position is: the gathering of relevant information/circumstances/opinions of those internal and external to the Class. Furthermore, lending aid when it comes to peculiar tasks, and supposedly managing interpersonal conflicts for the Class."
"As anyone who has heard the hearsay of those who deal with the affairs of people, even adults, will tell you, people are disastrous. It sounds like such a clean and welcoming position, but it actually exposes the very petty and selfish nature of generally good people. They often complain, justifiably so, that so many unnecessary conflicts or opinions swirl around. It is a very slimy world to see and experience. Their complaints are often a form of stress relief as well; naturally, hearing such childishness all the time gets to someone."
"This is very fitting, for who Kushida tries to hide behind that honours student mask and is as well. A very welcoming girl, but an incredibly selfish person in disguise. This role, despite its disadvantages, holds great power, especially if the power is not regulated. Unlike people who are employed officially by companies to deal with these issues, Kushida is not held to secrecy whatsoever legally. As it would stand to reason, she can talk about the information she gets, however she wants to, she is held to no legal obligation whatsoever. Kushida is her own force of nature that only an incredible few can ignore, dismiss, or handle within the class. She has taken a very delicious position, so to speak, for those who have the natural ability to manage all these untold relationships without seeming fake to the majority."
"Kushida is a perfect mirror of this position. Those employers who have people in that position often underestimate how much stress can accumulate due to this unique presence a person has; it totally changes how one person lives and how others approach them. For example, people become immediately weary of such a person simply walking past them because they know so much, and they see so much. They are trusted with so much. Even if it is under a contract. This does not slip past them either; they can tell they are being treated differently. Additionally, their mental framework when it comes to how they see people within their own company is less carefree than others. They have to pay attention to what is right and wrong, while simultaneously maintaining this amicable atmosphere. They have a unique view on things."
"It is funny, actually, people who are in this position often are asked, are good people, even good? I mean, certainly, they have not committed any murder or more severe crimes. However, one must not commit anything heinous or depraved to be considered a bad person. That question is subtly looming over them; may it be that they are asking it themselves, or that other people are asking them this same question? Some dodge this question, saying they are simply misunderstood, that they are simply not communicating properly enough. This is so close to how one can describe Kikyō Kushida as a person; on one hand, she does indeed do good things, meanwhile on the other hand, she has equally bad things. However, be aware that those bad things are only doable due to the distasteful opinions of her own classmates."
Kushida Kikyo's mask exists because of how her classmates exist and the role she then serves in response to her classmates. Her classmates enable her to be the way she is. They take no consideration in response to the burden she has to carry emotionally, either. It happens frequently. Neither are they willing to put up with their own flaws and expect unreasonable charitableness from someone they allowed into their intimate zone. While she took the position on herself, with motives that were not so clean. The true value of Kikyō Kushida is not in her information network; it is being the emotional failsafe for her classmates. These circumstances are always doomed to fail. Making one person the emotional linchpin for the class is unreasonable, but this decision was made as a collective of those who are inexperienced and lack foresight."
"The general affairs manager of the former Class 1-D is a strong reflection of Class D's true nature. Her character is much more than just an unconditional antagonist who stirs internal conflict in our main Class, but covers an important aspect that is often unseen in society and the greater narrative of the series that people work and fail as a collective, with some fulfilling more burdensome roles than others."
And the next moment, Kushida Kikyo collapsed on the floor.
"It seems the pressure from all the negative emotions was too much for her." - Yamasaki picked up Kushida in princess style and slowly went back to the dormitory. Fortunately, since it was very late, there were not many students outside.
ΨΨΨ🅄🄽🄵🄰🅃🄷🄾🄼🄰🄱🄻🄴 🄿🄾🅆🄴🅁ΨΨΨ
[Kushida Kikyo's POV]
-"I knew that bitch was fake." - I heard someone whisper.
-"Told you she was too good to be true. She was just acting." - Another voice whispered.
-"I know, right? There's no way someone like girls like her could exist." - A condescending voice filled with disgust, and a hint of disbelief.
-"Yeah, she's the worst. trying to raise all the boys' expectations high without even trying to live up to it" - A girl's words uttered, carrying the feelings of moral superiority.
-"What a whore, remember when she would constantly intentionally showcase her body proportions? Maybe she is a closet pervert? Haha"
-"Ugly."
-"Fake."
-"Bitch."
-"Whore."
I heard all of these words being aimed towards me.
A bunch of annoying bitches and dicks...
They can't even consider how I'm feeling right now at all...
They all just have to know everything about my personal life...
They can't accept that I deserve privacy...
That's the problem with being popular. Once anything about you goes out to the public, everyone will try to know more about it to satisfy their disgusting curiosity.
It's like they think they have the right to learn everything about me...
I fucking hate them all...
Sometimes I wonder if it really is worth it.
Despite all the attention and thrill I feel from it, the things I have to put up with for the sake of satisfying my desires start becoming less and less worth it day by day.
But then how will I ever be loved...
In the end, that's all that we want, right?
I just want people... anyone... to love me... to cherish me... and the only way I can achieve that... is by becoming an object worthy of their attention... their love...
Once again, I felt a sinking feeling in my heart.
My self-doubt acted up again, messing with my head.
Maybe it's time for me to stop acting... maybe... I am just meant to be alone...
Then I heard that monster's voice.
"If you don't want that to happen, then submit to me."
No.
I don't want to submit to him.
I don't want to become a puppet.
I worked so hard every day for everyone to love me.
I don't want that to go away.
No.
No.
No!!!
[Third Party POV]
-"N-no," Kushida whimpered again.
"What is she even dreaming about? Is she having a hallucination where she reminisces about that during her middle school days? Or maybe she is just having a wet dream? I guess girls really do like bad boys."
-"A-Augh," she moaned.
"Okay, this is getting out of hand," - Yamasaki poked her face with one of the ice coffee cans he got from a vending machine.
-"Wake up, Kushida."- She slowly opened her eyes.
-"W-what...happened?"
-"You had a panic attack and fainted." - Yamasaki explained curtly as if they were discussing the weather.
After hearing my voice, she immediately tried to punch me.
Yamasaki caught her fist and told her-
-"Coffee. Drink this first, then get back to you, assaulting me."
-"Fuck you."
Yamasaki didn't return her words, only looking silently, his eyes that carried silent authority. Eventually, he let her go and handed her the coffee he bought for her.
"So, how are you feeling? Feeling better? Physically?" - If one didn't witness the situation, one might think this situation was more similar to the doctor under the process of examining their patient for a mandatory check-up.
Kushida nodded, still trying to process her own emotions.
Who could blame her? That event on the rooftop was so shocking that she ended up having a panic attack.
-"I know you're thinking of ways to get rid of me right now, but it's useless. Believe it or not, I am confident in my physical abilities."
-"Hmph, talk about being delusional. So, what do you want from me?"
"Nothing."
-"Heh, stop trying to play the nice guy. Such a lame trick won't work on me."
-"When have I ever said I am going to play the nice guy act? Tomorrow will be your last day at this school." - After Yamasaki's statement, mentioned with a nonchalant voice, Kushida froze.
-"Huh? W-What do you mean? With the recording, I can't do anything to you. Besides, if you really wanted to keep this a secret, you would have stayed silent and left the rooftop. Instead, you stayed."
-"You haven't forgotten the recording from my phone, haven't you? You are too dangerous. You leaving this school early won't be a big loss to the class."
-"Tch, since I won't collaborate willingly, you are going to expel me? What do you want from me? My information network? information on the class or other classes? My body?"
"Why would I want to keep a ticking time bomb in the class? You are an invaluable person to the class, but you are not indispensable."
-"B-But why go this far? You have a recording that would ruin my life. I won't do anything stupid. W-Why are you trying to expel me?"
-"You betraying the class over and over again is a much bigger deal than you helping us here and there, and only to keep your image. The value you might provide to the class, only out of self-preservation, and status is not worth the trouble you would cause in the future."
-"C-Come on, isn't there something I can do?"
She looked at me with puppy eyes and showed me her cleavage in the last ditching effort to save herself, to come to any form of compromise.
-"Don't even think of that. A woman should never think of selling her body just to save face."
-"Then what do you want from me?!"
-"That's the thing, Kushida, I want nothing from you. Your existence has no value to me. It was for a short time, but it seems your days at this school are put to an end."
This time, she looked at me with her real eyes.
That shows that she wants to kill me.
And kill everyone that she hates.
But also that shows that she's afraid.
Afraid that her "friends" would leave her.
Afraid that her life would be ruined.
Afraid to be alone.
Her tears started flowing, and she cried.
And Yamasaki just watched her until...
-"P-please *sob* please don't tell anyone. I-I'll help everyone reach class A, and I won't bother you ever again. A-And I'll also follow your every order, but please just let me live my life. I-I finally found my place, once again my existence has meaning, this is the only way I can survive." - This time it wasn't a threat or an attempt at manipulation.
It was truly what she wanted to say.
'Strength' is the source of conflict, but it is also the means to achieve cooperation. The goodwill of the weak is ignored, while the charity of the strong is met with gratitude.
If Yamasaki wanted to follow that man's way of life, this would be the best moment to strike.
To break her, to "save" her, and mould her to his design.
To take advantage of the weakness in Kushida's heart.
But Yamasaki is not him.
Yamasaki doesn't want to walk his path.
-"Horikita."
-"H-Huh?"
-"You hate Horikita not just because of her personality, but you also hate her because you think she knows what you did in middle school, right?"
-"R-right, but what does this have to do with anything?"
"-She doesn't know anything."
-"W-what?"
-"The good news is that Horikita truly doesn't know anything about you. She barely remembers that you two were in the same middle school. She does know there was some kind of incident during your middle school days and that you played a role in it. That's all. She doesn't know if you were the perpetrator or if you were a victim. She doesn't know any of the details. She doesn't know what you did, how you did it or or why you did it."
-"Really?" - She looked relieved from some of her stress.
-"So, would you stop trying to expel her?"
"G-guh, How-"
-"I'm not threatening you to not expel her. I am asking you as your classmate."
-"..."
She went silent for a while.
"I-I won't." - Kushida glared sternly at Yamasaki with eyes filled with grief, frustration, humiliation, stubbornness and a little bit of guilt.
Yamasaki shrugged. "Shame. But I will stop you from doing that, though."
-"H-heh, Y-you can try."
-"Why are you afraid?"
-"What?"
-"I know you like people's attention, but why are you afraid of not getting it?"
-"I'm afraid that people I actually like being around will hate me. I know I wouldn't have that problem if I were being my true self from the beginning, but-"
-"But you also wanted the love and attention of other people, too."
-"So you already knew, huh?"
-"It seems you made your choice. Is there anything you would like to say to your friends before you leave?"
She looks heartbroken.
She realized that all her words, all her feelings, were for nothing.
-"T-Tell them I really did like hanging out with them, and I really would have done what l've done for them even if I wasn't acting."- Seeing she has no way out of this trap, Kushida unveiled her true feelings, and for once, she spoke without lies.
Then she starts crying again, without holding back.
This time, Yamasaki walked towards Kushida and hugged her by letting her cry on him.
-"Kushida, the recording on my phone was deleted a long time ago."
She looks up with tears in her eyes. - "Huh? Obviously, I wouldn't believe you."
-"You can check my phone."
She quickly took Yamasaki's phone and started searching for everything. She looks at him.
-"W-when did you-"
-"Right before you wake up."
-"B-but why?"
-"Because you won't try to expel me or ruin my high school life."
-"B-but now you don't have the evidence to expel me! Nothing is holding me back from getting back at you!"
-"Yes."
-"Aren't you afraid that I'll expel you? Nothing is stopping me from expelling you. Even in the worst-case scenario, your life will also be ruined."
-"Logically, yes, but emotionally? The last thing you would do is to 'kill' your most sincere desire by your own hands. To expel me would be no different then to putting an end to your most sincere wish once and for all. To get rid of me would be no different as to admit to yourself that any chance of genuine happiness is impossible, and you would live with that decision, with that regret for the rest of your life."
-"..."
"You want everyone to love you, yet nobody actually does. They just love your image."
"You don't have to remind me of the truth, you dummy."
-"Such a mindset isn't sustaining. Your will to realize your desires is far stronger than an average person, but it's not without an expiration date. Eventually, you will feel the full weight of your self-imposed isolation that you chose not out of choice but from fear. Your self-destructive actions will eventually wear you down as you walk the path when you didn't stay true to your feelings, and in turn, try to break out of it."
Yamasaki predicted Kushida's future feelings.
-"..."
-"If you continue down this path, it'll be too late for you, and one day, before you realize it, you will turn into someone who won't be able to truly connect with anyone ever again."- The anticipated results of her eventual downfall felt personal.
Kushida could subtly sense that Yamasaki wasn't just speaking from his mind but also from his heart.
He stood up and began walking away from Kushida's apartment.
-"What you truly yearn for isn't affirmation. It is hope. You want someone to see Kushida Kikyo under those layers of self-loathing, for someone to recognize her, for someone to pull her out, for someone to reach out to her."
Kushida was left speechless by his words. He analyzed her mental state and provided an answer to her problems after just a single conversation.
Quickly, she reached out instead, grabbing hold of his sleeve before the light that emitted from him left me to be consumed by the darkness again.
-"Wait!"
He stopped at Yamasaki's grip.
"For someone who has spent her entire life being loved for something she has never been, any amount of positive or even neutral appreciation of her true self. Being acknowledged for your true self makes you unsatisfied with being acknowledged for your mask. The self-loathing she feels towards herself is ironically her last-ditch attempt at tricking herself into self-love. People are bound to behave differently if they are around someone who sees them in a vulnerable state, and once they calm down and go on about their lives, they will unconsciously grow closer to that person, if nothing bad happened to them, consequently, naturally."
-"I will do it. I won't say anything about what happened between us, and I won't bother you ever again. If you want, I will even willingly collaborate with you."
-"..."
-"You are right, Yamasaki-kun. Your words made me realize that I would not be able to live with myself if I willingly throw away the first and probably the only chance at a genuine connection, just to run away from myself. I hope you won't betray my trust, Yamasaki-kun, for both of our sakes."
Change is an easy thing to do.
It's only a question of how that makes it difficult.
'How to start.'
'How to keep going.'
'How to see that it's worth it.'
Are the three questions an average person would ask themselves? Second thoughts tend to stall the process of change, even when you're in a difficult spot in your life. Even when you know you have to, or else the world would just leave you behind. The consequences of this and that would pop up and cloud your mind.
Perhaps that's why faith is so valued.
Faith is what pushes people to do things beyond the walls of logic or reason. Faith is the imaginary light in the dark hallway that combats your fears. Faith is the dreams you wish to carry despite drowning in nightmares.
ΨΨΨ🅄🄽🄵🄰🅃🄷🄾🄼🄰🄱🄻🄴 🄿🄾🅆🄴🅁ΨΨΨ
「May 22th︱Mourning︱Advanced Nurturing High School Class 1-D Classroom
Three days after the day of their midterm examination, the results were already out. In any other normal school, it would have taken a week at the very least for all the students' exam papers to be checked.
But ANHS was anything but a normal school.
To say that they were nervous would be an understatement.
It was funny.
Yesterday, they were filled with confidence that they would be able to pass their midterms with no problem, especially after hearing that they would be rewarded with a nice vacation if they passed their finals.
But now that they were about to find out how they did in their exams, they had no idea what to do. A lot of them were already anticipating a low score in all of their tests to the point that they almost didn't want to see their results.
However, they couldn't exactly do anything the moment they heard the bell ring.
-"Quiet down, everyone. We are starting homeroom right now." - Chabashira-sensei strode into the classroom, looking around at the students in surprise. Everyone was clearly anxious, holding their breath in anticipation of the test results, as she walked inside the classroom with her usual aura of seriousness.
Her face conveyed no emotion, which only made those who were nervous even more skeptical of their possible results. They couldn't tell if the woman was pleased or angry with them.
-"Chabashira-sensei, we were told that the results of the midterms would be out today. Will you show them to us?" Hirata asked the biggest question that was on everyone's minds at the moment.
-"There's no need for you to get so worked up, Hirata. You should have passed quite easily." - Chabashira knew Hirata's nature. He knew that he wasn't concerned about himself but about his classmates. It's one thing to show concern for others, but to give that much attention to others is difficult to comprehend.
-"So, when will the results be released?" - Hirata ignored Chabashira's comment about his score and addressed the matter that he and the class wanted to know the most.
-"About that," the woman stood behind the podium as anticipation and nervousness began to fill the students. "I'm supposed to show it to you in the afternoon, but I figured that doing it right now would lessen the burden on you for the whole day. Would you like to see your results now?"
A smirk had formed on their teacher's face, which only added to the growing anxiety that they were already feeling.
Despite that, a lot of them also wanted their teacher to just come clean and announce the results to get it over with. After all, the more they wait around, the more they'll feel nervous about their grades.
-"Yes, sensei," most of the students chorused.
The smirk on Chabashira's face widened even more upon hearing their answers.
With that, she took out a rolled-up poster and pasted it on the blackboard, but no one could see what it said because she was blocking it.
However, when she faced her class again, the expression on her face had changed. She was now smiling, looking genuinely happy, which shocked a lot of her students. They had never seen her smile before, because smug and angry expressions were all that Chabashira-sensei gave them for the past two months.
-"Your efforts weren't put to waste. Perhaps it's indeed too early to say that you're nothing but defectives. I acknowledge your efforts on a successful midterm examination, Class D." - Chabashira-sensei moved to the side, allowing her students to see the poster.
Everyone's names were listed there, along with the scores they've gotten from each subject.
-"Wow..."
-"Some of us scored so high!"
-"I actually did better than I expected!"
Three students had gotten a score of 100 in all subjects which were Koenji, Yukimura, and Horikita. The next set of students with the highest scores were Wang Mei-Yu, Hirata, Kushida, and Yamasaki, who did not get a score that was below 90.
The rest of the class got various scores that ranged from 70-100 in each area, which was a clear display of how much they studied for the exams.
In fact, the student who had the lowest scores was Yamauchi, but even so, his lowest subject was still 7 points above the passing grade, so there was no need to worry.
In the case of the girls whom he had helped for the past weeks, both Airi and Haruka couldn't believe what they were seeing when they noticed the score that they received. In all five subjects, they did not get a score that was below 70.
"If everybody in the class had scored zero, then everybody would have met the average. From one angle, this tactic is the ultimate proof of class unity and unilateral direction towards Class A. However, the overhanging risk in that strategy is that if just one person were to ignore the tactic that the class decided on, it would mean the expulsion of almost the entire class. If a student in the class scored at least forty marks, the average for the class would sit at one. Obviously, that meant, in accordance with the school rules, that anybody scoring under that number would find themselves expelled. As unlikely as it was that somebody would do this, for a group of people that barely knew each other, it wouldn't be advisable to take that risk, especially in a class full of people with strong personalities."
For Hasebe, she was happy that the time she dedicated to studying wasn't wasted. She was also glad that her confident demeanour during the exams didn't end up being baseless words. She knew to herself that she worked hard despite not being one to take her studies seriously, and for that, her efforts were rewarded.
In Sakura's case, she was already in tears because in all her years of going to school, she had never gotten such results. Sure, her scores weren't really impressive when compared to Hasebe, Yamasaki, and the students who got a perfect score in every exam, but just from the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes, it was already a victory that she never thought was possible.
Chabashira-sensei simply stood back with her arms folded, letting everyone enjoy the outcome of their exams. She didn't bother scolding some of her students who stood up from their seats and cheered for their accomplishment, choosing to let them enjoy this victory for now.
While Sakura was staring at her own scores with a dumbfounded look, Hasebe stood up from her seat and rushed over towards her friend's desk. She then slung her arm over Sakura's neck, snapping the redhead out of her trance as Hasebe grinned at her.
-"We did it, Ai-chan! This calls for a celebration!" - Hasebe exclaimed. Feeling happy with herself that her efforts paid off.
-"Y-Y-Yes...! I... I can't believe it..." mumbled Sakura.
Hasebe looked at her with a confused stare. "Eh? What's with that tone? You should be happy right now, you know?"
Sakura quickly shook her head. "N-No, I'm... I am happy, it's just... I-I'm shocked that... I actually got a score like that..."
-"Oh yeah, you said that you've never really been good at academics... my bad," the blue-haired girl chuckled nervously in realization before smiling again. "But hey, this means that I was right! There was no need to worry at all because we studied! No way we were going to fail with everything we did."
Even Sakura wasn't able to stop herself from beaming with happiness. Her worries have now been laid to rest, even though Hasebe was right and there wasn't any reason for her to be worried in the first place.
-"I-l suppose so..."
All of a sudden, Chabashira-sensei clapped her hands, gaining everyone's attention and momentarily halting their celebrations.
-"I suppose that's it for the results. Take your seats and try not to make too much noise until your next teacher arrives. Just because you have produced great results doesn't mean you are not being monitored, and you still have your finals to worry about," Chabashira-sensei reminded them before walking out. "Goodbye."
After she walked out, the students of Class D wasted no time and began to celebrate the end of their midterm examination.
-"Hell yeah! We're finally done!"
-"Why don't we go shopping afterwards?"
-"Yeah, we can also eat somewhere that's not expensive."
-"I'll pass. I just want to hit the bed, you know?"
From there, a lot of the students began inviting their respective tutors for some food as thanks. Hirata, Kushida, Wang Mei-Yu, and Yukimura accepted since they were feeling hungry themselves. Yamasaki went along with Hasebe's group to celebrate the completion of their midterms in the small restaurant.
Surprisingly, even though Horikita declined the offer, her response was much more polite and more considerate compared to others. This time, the idiot trio accepted her response.
[A Notification]
Uehara-sensei: [Upon your request to access the midterm exam results from every class, starting Year 1-3 Class A-D papers, 1 day before publication and having permission to edit the answers that would not change the end grade for a respective subject. 3,000,000 points for accessing the midterm result papers from every member of the class from Year 1-3 to Class D-A, 300,000 points for accessing the scoreboard from Year 1 Class C-A and 5,000 points for editing the answers of personal choice that will not influence the final grade. In addition, we sold your grades and the students you mentioned, from Year 1-3, to Class D-A.]
Calculations:
Year 1
D Class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
C class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
B class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
A class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
Income:
Private Points = 4 x 5,000,000 = 20,000,000 points
Expenditures:
Private Points = 1,000,000 (access to every single midterm test from every single student starting from Year 1 to Class A-D) + 300,000 (a scoreboard from Year 1 Class C-A) + 250,000 (editing 50 answers) = 1,550,000
Profit:
Income - Expenditure = 20,000,000 - 1,550,000 = 18,450,000 private points
Year 2
D Class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
C class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
B class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
A class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
Income:
Private Points = 4 x 5,000,000 = 20,000,000 points
Expenditures:
Private Points = 1,000,000 (access to every single midterm test from every single student starting from Year 1 to Class A-D)+ 250,000 (editing 50 answers) = 1,250,000 points
Profit:
Income - Expenditure = 20,000,000 - 1,250,000 = 18,750,000 private points
D Class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
C class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
B class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
A class (50 * 100,000 = 5,000,000)
Points = 4 x 5,000,000 = 20,000,000 points
Income:
Private Points = 4 x 5,000,000 = 20,000,000 points
Expenditures:
Private Points = 1,000,000 (access to every single midterm test from every single student starting from Year 1 to Class A-D)+ 250,000 (editing 50 answers) = 1,250,000 points
Profit:
Income - Expenditure = 20,000,000 - 1,250,000 = 18,750,000 private points
Total Profit = 18,450,000 + 2 x 18,750,000 = 55,950,000 private points
"55,950,000 points, huh? And that's including buying the information on the academic ability of every single student from Year 1 to Class A-D. That's more than enough bargain for the first exam. After all, private points are very versatile. But that's only a one-time move. After the higher-ups learn about this, there is no way they will allow me to use such a convenient method. Even the Japanese government wouldn't spend millions of yen just for mere grades, especially considering their socioeconomic situation. Shame." Yamasaki thought to himself.
Anyway, for all the highs and lows of the road, Class D students somehow overcome the first hurdle.
But this is just merely a first step into the grand 4-way battlefield against other classes, filled with capable individuals and more united than they are.
Class D didn't compete against other classes. This exam only focused on their basic student responsibility and their ability to cooperate for the common goal.
The next exam won't be so simple.
So what will happen?
Will Class D finally acknowledge their ignorance and face their limitations, confront their flaws and challenges together, or will they simply succumb to their vices, or simply be surpassed by the other classes, whether through sheer ability or cunningness?
Only time will tell.
ΨΨΨ🅄🄽🄵🄰🅃🄷🄾🄼🄰🄱🄻🄴 🄿🄾🅆🄴🅁ΨΨΨ