April 14th
Rin stops by Sosuke's apartment late at night. Guilt follows her up the stairs. She hates how easily her own future pulled her away from him these last weeks. Her hand tightens around the doorknob before she pushes inside.
Sosuke stands by the kitchen counter with a cigarette resting between his lips. Smoke coils toward the ceiling. He casts a quick glance at her, then shuts his eyes as if bracing for a familiar scolding.
"Sosuke… are you okay?" Rin drops her bag beside the wall and crosses the room in a few hurried steps. She plucks the cigarette from his mouth and tosses it into the trash. Her palm rises to his cheek.
"What?" His voice feels unused, rusty from days spent speaking to no one.
Rin studies him without blinking. Her brows lift in alarm. "You look terrible. I'm sorry, but you do. What's going on?"
"Nothing. Same as always."
"No. Do not lie to me." She brushes a few strands of overgrown hair away from his eyes. "Your hair's long, you look exhausted, and you haven't shaved. Look at yourself. You're scaring me."
"It's nothing." He shifts away from the counter and nudges her aside with a careful hand. "Just another day." Sosuke turns toward the window, eyes following the glow of the streetlights.
"I'm not doing this again." Rin steps forward and catches his hand. "If the problem is the job, say it. If you need something to do, I can help."
He exhales, long and tired. "You're doing well. I'm not dragging you down with me."
"This isn't you." She tightens her grip. "You're acting like Arthur when he shuts everyone out. You need help. Say it out loud."
"Maybe I'll talk to Reid. Ask what he's been working on. I'll figure something out."
"Don't do that." Her voice firms. "You're drowning and pretending it's fine."
Sosuke faces her again, holding her stare. "I killed a man. John Hayes. The news probably mentioned it. And no. I don't regret it."
Rin's fingers go slack. She steps back as if the air turned sharp. "You're trying to push me away."
"I'm not lying."
She knows. His tone carries no hesitation. Her eyes fall to the floor. A tremor runs through her hands. Silence tightens the room until her breath becomes uneven. She presses both palms to the sides of her head and tears burn her lashes. "What is wrong with you?"
"What?"
"You're acting like someone I don't know. I can't watch you slide into something ugly while you shut me out."
"I don't know what you want me to do. What I did is done."
"What happened to saving lives? You promised yourself you would not take one unless you had no choice."
"I'm trying to do what is best."
"For who?" She points at his chest. "What are you following now, because it is not your heart. I admired the man you were. I loved the man you were. You can still return to him. He's still in you."
You idiot. You really are pathetic. She is standing right here and you cannot even believe what she believes about you.
No. Stop. The problem is the way I think. I tear myself apart before anyone else can. It's a cage. If anything in this world needs changing, it starts with me.
"I'm sorry." Sosuke shakes his head, voice thin.
"You can't say you are sorry and expect the world to shift around you." Rin's tone softens at the edges, but the firmness stays.
"I know. I know." Sosuke presses a hand to the window frame and stares out at the dark street. "I know what's wrong with me. It's like I keep walking the same circle. Every time I try to fix something, it falls apart in my hands."
"Because you keep trying to fight through it by yourself." Rin wipes the last trace of tears from her cheeks. "When did you last talk to Reid? Or Ren? You make me feel dramatic for worrying."
Sosuke's hand drifts to the back of his neck. "I'm sorry." His palms slide down his face as if he wants to hide behind them. "I'm tired of being stuck like this. I want things to change. I really do."
Rin blinks, caught off guard by how quickly he shifts. The tension in her shoulders eases. "I didn't expect you to say that."
Sosuke lets out a small, unsteady laugh. "Did it really surprise you that much?" A faint smile flickers on his lips. "You always know how to cut through me."
"You give me too much credit."
"Do I?" The smile grows a little, soft and unsure. "It's true."
Rin laughs under her breath, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. A blush warms her cheeks. "Well, I try." She rests her hand along his cheek. "I hate seeing you sink like this. It hurts. Please don't hide things from me anymore."
Sosuke lifts his hand to her wrist and leans faintly into her touch. "I promise." His breath shakes as he exhales. "I need you. Sometimes it feels like you're the only thing keeping me grounded."
"You've done more than anyone ever should. Helping you is the least I can do."
"I suppose."
⸻
May 2nd
Sosuke stands before the bathroom mirror and straightens his clothes. His reflection stares back at him, older in ways the months alone carved out. He traces the scar over his right eye with two fingers, then lowers his hand and looks away. He keeps adjusting himself anyway. His heart beats a little too fast. The sensation tightens his ribs.
He inhales. Exhales. He leaves the room.
⸻
They sit across from each other at a small outdoor cafe table. The afternoon air carries the smell of coffee and damp stone. Sosuke folds his hands on his lap, watching Gabriel sip from a steaming cup as if weighing the right moment to speak.
"Are we going to sit in silence, or talk?" Sosuke asks quietly.
Gabriel sets his cup down with measured care. "I wished to apologize." He takes a breath that sounds heavier than his usual polished calm. "I cannot shake the feeling that your mistakes are tied to my shortcomings."
Sosuke leans forward with a frown, one hand curling around his espresso. "What? Why would you think that?"
"It connects to what I wrote to you during the war." Gabriel's gaze slides off to the side. His usually confident posture wavers for a brief second. "Your life shifted too quickly. Chaos to stability. Battle to routine. The transition would break most men. I do not believe your actions came from malice. I believe you reached the end of what you could shoulder."
Sosuke covers his mouth with one hand. His brow tightens.
How does he always see straight through me? It unnerves me. I don't know if I should be grateful or terrified.
"Right…" Sosuke murmurs.
"I feel a great deal of responsibility for what happened." Gabriel's voice softens into something rare, nearly paternal. "You sought answers from Markus Hayes because you did not trust me. That is a failure I take upon myself. I would like to mend it." His blue eyes settle on Sosuke. "I offer any favor. If you wish to return to the SIS, it will be so. Simply ask."
Sosuke's fingers tremble slightly around his cup. "Anything? Not just the job?"
Gabriel nods. "I assumed that would be what you want, but yes."
A return to the SIS… It would give me structure again. A way to claw myself upright. But last time I tried that, everything slipped through my fingers.
If I accept, I'll trap myself in the same cycle. And he knows it. That's why he's offering. He expects me to choose the safe answer.
"You want trust, right?" Sosuke sets his cup down.
"Yes."
"Then you can't keep secrets from me. Not the ones that matter."
Gabriel hesitates. Only for a moment. "Very well."
Sosuke narrows his eyes, gathering the courage he stored for months. "I want to learn how to fix my core."
Gabriel's breath catches. His eyes widen. "No. That is not a request I can allow."
"You said any favor."
Gabriel leans back slowly, running a hand through his golden hair as he thinks. A long sigh escapes him before he meets Sosuke's stare again. "Doctors believe it will repair on its own."
"I'm not waiting decades. I'm not myself without my magic."
Gabriel's eyes soften. There is care in them, not just caution. "If you regain your abilities, you'll step back into a life that nearly devoured you. I promised your father I would keep you away from danger."
"My father is gone. The promise you made to him doesn't outweigh the one you made to me." Sosuke straightens, his voice steady. "I don't want safety. I want to be someone who stops danger."
Gabriel taps his finger against the wooden table, deep in thought. His expression shifts from resistance to reluctant acceptance. "The key lies in the Blight Dimension. There are almost no crystals left, so entering is a one way journey. It is not feasible."
"It is if I get my powers back inside. I'll make my own portal. If I fail, then maybe I wasn't meant to return." Sosuke speaks without wavering. The fear that haunted him last month does not speak through him now.
"Your conviction is unmistakable." A faint, proud smile touches Gabriel's mouth. "You have changed. Even if I believe your life could flourish without your powers, I cannot stand in your way." He takes another slow sip. "There is a relic near the Crimson Tree."
Sosuke jolts. "A relic?"
Gabriel flinches at the volume and scans the cafe. "Yes. A relic. They are half myth, half truth. The Blight Dimension produces them, though extremely rarely. And they are guarded by blights far stronger than most have ever faced. Julius was not as unique as you imagined. Only more intelligent." He lowers his voice further. "This relic mends the core first, then the body. One of the Archmages forged it. I cannot speak more of it here."
"Oh." Sosuke nods and crosses his arms. "Thank you. For being honest with me."
One step closer. Could this really happen? It feels unreal. A little dangerous. A little thrilling. And part of me… part of me is already ready to go.