THE SLAP LANDED with an audible crack, with Mo Xi's full strength behind it. Lu Zhanxing's cheek swelled almost instantly, and blood ran from the corner of his mouth.
Mo Xi stared at him viciously, the rims of his eyes a bloody red. His voice shook with every syllable: "What right do you have to decide for him? What right do you have to choose for him? Do you know what desperate straits he'll be in after your death, after the deaths of his seventy thousand comrades who can never return? Are you trying to push him into the abyss, Lu Zhanxing?" Fire blazed in his eyes. "You wanted to preserve his life," he howled, "but have you ever really understood his heart?"
Lu Zhanxing's voice rose as well, his bloodstained lips parting. "His heart soars too high! Sooner or later, it'll have him strung up! What do you know?!"
Their exchange was like the clashing of two swords, or a battle between beasts.
"You were born to a life of luxury; your so-called 'troubles' were nothing more than some family drama! What have you experienced of the hopelessness that comes from your life hanging by a thread at another's whim? Do you know how hard it's been for Gu Mang to make it this far?" Lu Zhanxing seemed to choke with anger and despair. "He's just a stupid donkey; you people took the slave collar off his neck and dangled rank and fortune as carrots in front of him, but did anything change? He's still shedding blood and sweat, pulling the grindstone for you, but somehow he's stupidly delighted about it…"
At this point, Lu Zhanxing helplessly tilted his head back and covered his eyes with an arm as he rasped, "But a donkey is still a donkey. One day, when he gets lazy or tired, when he can't walk anymore, he'll still be consigned to the slaughterhouse!"
He let out a long sigh. "What he can't see, I'll help him understand. What he understands but can't let go of, I'll force him to give up! He thought he owed the old emperor a debt, so I waited. I waited for the new emperor to ascend before making my move, so that he wouldn't be scorning the old emperor's favor. What haven't I thoroughly considered for his sake?"
"Lu Zhanxing…" The emotion Mo Xi was suppressing in his throat surged like lava. "You're insane…"
"I'm not insane. He is." Lu Zhanxing lowered his arm. His eyes were faintly red, but the softness in them had been completely cast away, leaving only a ruthless hatred. He stared at Mo Xi. "How crazy does Mang-er have to be to believe he can singlehandedly change the opinion of all the people of Chonghua and the Nine Provinces when it comes to slaves? How crazy does he have to be, how insane, to think there's hope for any of this!"
"You'd rather he lose the fire in his heart so he can live the life you chose for him?" Mo Xi asked hoarsely.
"What's so bad about living in poverty, away from the whims of the court? A person is no more than a drop of water in the sea, yet he believes that a mayfly can shake the skies. Look, now he understands how this will end—all it takes is the emperor opening his mouth for his castle in the sky to crumble to nothing. For the price of seventy thousand lives, neither Gu Mang nor those poor, stupid slave cultivators will ever again sacrifice their lives for Chonghua!"
Lu Zhanxing's lips twisted in a smile. "Whoever rules the nation should guard the nation. Please, noble gongzi Xihe-jun, please stop meddling. Just let his laughable army fall apart. We'd rather a graceless life than an honorable death."
We? We? Ever since his academy days, Gu Mang had said, his voice filled with longing, that he wished for a day when the world would change —that he wished he himself could change the ways of the world, even if just the slightest bit. As long as he could ignite a single sunbeam, he was willing to burn himself up in exchange, skin and bone. And here was Lu Zhanxing saying that "we" would rather a graceless life than an honorable death. What right did he have?
Mo Xi felt a flare of staggering rage, but this conflict with Lu Zhanxing had already intensified to the point that a momentary slip would result in bloodshed. He didn't want to throw the events within the Time Mirror into chaos, so he forced himself to close his eyes.
Only after some seconds did his overwhelming anger recede. Mo Xi slowly opened his eyes, black pupils fixing upon Lu Zhanxing once more. He wanted to have a proper conversation with the man, but Lu Zhanxing struck out at him yet again.
"Xihe-jun, leave him alone. I won't be able to keep him company in the future. Please, sir, have some mercy. Don't give him any more fatal hope."
Mo Xi realized he couldn't look at Lu Zhanxing another second; even one glance would fan the embers of the rage he had just suppressed. He jerked away to stare at the swaying candle flame beside him.
"Stop leading him down that road," Lu Zhanxing continued.
Fingers curling silently into fists, Mo Xi's gaze wandered from the candle to the two dice Lu Zhanxing had been playing with. He wasn't really interested in the dice; in his pain and anger, he just wanted to find something to focus on, somewhere to rest his gaze. He stared at those two white dice with red lacquer for a long time. Presently, he sensed that something wasn't quite right—the hairs on the back of his neck prickled as he was hit with a sudden realization.
Mo Xi's spine stiffened. These dice…
These dice were white with red lacquer, carved from rosewood, with an unremarkable little lotus motif in place of the sixth dot. Could they be… Gu Mang's wooden dice?
Indeed—back in the army, Gu Mang had liked playing yezi cards and dice gambling. He'd envied the insignia of the Mo, Yue, and Murong Clans, so he cleverly and sneakily invented one for himself. What he came up with was a Buddha's lotus. He didn't want to be mocked, so he only carved it on this set of dice he tossed with his brothers—it would be too vainglorious to put it anywhere else.
Back then, Lu Zhanxing had teased, "You're a grown man; why are you using a little red lotus as a symbol?"
"A lotus blooms for seven days," Gu Mang explained with a grin. "Even though it's not long, its gentle fragrance can fill the skies. What's wrong with that?" Later yet, when Gu Mang and Mo Xi secretly set their blood seals and marked their necks with a sigil, they used the symbol Gu Mang had chosen.
As Mo Xi realized all this, Lu Zhanxing's voice sounded as if it were coming from an ocean away. Mo Xi paid no heed to what he was saying; his fingers were shaking, itching to grab the dice and examine them thoroughly.
"Xihe-jun."
Mo Xi ignored him.
"Let Mang-er go," Lu Zhanxing continued. "If you really care for him and see him as a person, stop stringing him along, forcing him to slaughter and sacrifice for your sakes. Let him go."
Swallowing thickly, Mo Xi managed to rein in his impulse. After some silence, he turned away from the dice, face pale. Looking back at Lu Zhanxing, he murmured, "With this plan you've made for him, are you so certain he'll walk the path you've arranged, living the rest of his life free as a wild crane?"
"What other path is open to him?"
Mo Xi stared dark-eyed into Lu Zhanxing's face. "Have you never thought he might defect?"
Lu Zhanxing looked at him in confusion. He seemed to find the idea almost laughable. "What nonsense are you talking? Mang-er, defect? Do you not know what kind of person he is?"
"Then surely you know how important you and those hundred thousand cultivators are in his heart?"
Lu Zhanxing's face went pale. After a momentary silence, he looked up in clear disbelief. "There's no way," he said stiffly.
Mo Xi assessed every inch of his face, taking in Lu Zhanxing's reactions.
"I know him," Lu Zhanxing said. "It doesn't matter what state he's in, he would never do that… He…he…"
"Is that so?" Mo Xi asked. "You've never heard of him acting strangely in the six months you've been in prison?"
Lu Zhanxing took a step back, a strange panic visible in his eyes.
Just as expected… Lu Zhanxing seemed to know something he didn't. This man was hiding a secret. Into this strained silence, Mo Xi said carelessly, without preamble, "Lu Zhanxing, you've seen Gu Mang since entering prison, haven't you."
Lu Zhanxing jerked as if struck by a hidden arrow. His head snapped up and his face drained of color; he quickly turned away. After a long beat, he asked, "What is Xihe-jun thinking? Mang-er is a criminal now; how could he come visit me? Of course I want to see him again and talk about old times. But…" He chuckled, smiling as if to mock himself. "Better to dream it instead—it would feel more real in a dream."
Mo Xi said nothing more. He'd gotten his answer in Lu Zhanxing's reaction. His eyes darkened. He was almost certain that Gu Mang had met with Lu Zhanxing in the past six months. But this made the whole thing even more bizarre. How could Gu Mang, a demoted official monitored by His Imperial Majesty's spies, manage to get past all the guards in the imperial prison and enter Lu Zhanxing's cell?
"I'm going to ask you one last time," Mo Xi said. "Lu Zhanxing, Gu Mang really hasn't come to see you?"
A pause. "He hasn't."
"And you haven't endured the slightest injustice?"
"I haven't."
Mo Xi knew he wouldn't get a reasonable answer however he asked. In the end, they failed to have a meaningful conversation; neither would convince the other, nor cede to him. Mo Xi strode out of the dim and cold inner cell of the prison. The door clanged shut behind him, enchanted iron chains sealing Lu Zhanxing's cell once more.
Before Mo Xi left for good, he turned to take a final look at Lu Zhanxing. The man sat in the murky halo of the oil lamp, his head bowed and eyes closed. As Mo Xi turned to go, Lu Zhanxing looked up once more. "Wait a minute!"
Mo Xi pursed his thin lips and gazed sidelong at him. "What is it?"
Lu Zhanxing gritted his teeth. "One more thing. Since you're here, I also have a question for you."
"Go ahead."
Lu Zhanxing hesitated. This question had been bottled up in his heart for a terribly long time, so long it had practically rotted there. If he didn't ask it now, he would never get another chance. Finally, clenching his jaw, he said, "It's been so many years, I've always wanted to know. You… and…"
Mo Xi could guess from Lu Zhanxing's expression and tone what this was about. He stood motionless, calmly waiting for him to continue.
"You and him… You and Mang-er… Are you two…" What he wanted to ask was too unspeakable, and it involved his childhood friend no less. No matter how brazen Lu Zhanxing was, he couldn't help but stammer. "Are you two…"
"Yes," Mo Xi said.
The confirmation from Mo Xi's own mouth seemed to deal a blow to Lu Zhanxing. None of their prior exchange had made him as dizzy as that single yes from Mo Xi.
He and Gu Mang had served together for many years; in truth, Lu Zhanxing had clued in to certain things long ago. It was just that, out of respect for Gu Mang, he was too embarrassed to ask about it outright. But just because he'd never asked didn't mean he was stupid, or blind. He'd seen how Mo Xi and Gu Mang looked at each other too many times. If it had been once or twice, he could've blamed his own overactive imagination. But with the frequency of these gazes, he could never convince himself there was nothing between them. He had too often seen Mo Xi wait for Gu Mang to patrol together, and when the two of them returned, the outer corners of Gu Mang's eyes would frequently be a little red, his voice slightly husky. Once, by the light of the bonfire, he had even seen the telltale mark of a bite on Gu Mang's neck.
But conjecture was conjecture. Lu Zhanxing still felt a little short of breath to hear Mo Xi directly admit as much in front of him. He took a few steps back and sat heavily on the stone bed. "Mang-er is insane… He was doing just fine, why did he have to get mixed up with you…" He sounded exhausted. Lu Zhanxing slumped over, burying his face in his hands and rubbing his cheeks. "Doesn't he know his own station…?" he rasped. "Why… Why does he always insist on striving for the most unattainable… What a lunatic… He was crazy for real…"
He paused, bone tired. "What point is there in chasing selfdestruction like a moth flying into flame? Why is it that…all his life's desires, whether goals or people, are all so…so…" He swallowed, the final syllables falling from between his lips: "absurd."
In the flickering light, Mo Xi looked at him. At last, he said, "Don't blame him. Between the two of us, it wasn't that he was striving for me. I'm the one who was seeking my own destruction—it was I who clung to him."
With that, he turned on his heel, black robes billowing as he strode up the stairs and disappeared into the corridor's darkness.
Night had fallen hours ago. Mo Xi returned to Xihe Manor, but he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Finally, he snapped upright in bed, draped a robe over his shoulders, and opened the door.
The sky was clear as water, stars like loose diamonds filling the dark blue dome of night. He shrouded himself within a hooded cape and went straight back to Apricot Mansion.
It would be unwise for him to again show his face to Gu Mang if he hoped to uncover more buried secrets. Still, he still couldn't stop himself from yearning for a few more glimpses of Gu Mang from eight years ago.