Angelo knew that Jazelle was already gone before he even opened his eyes.
Pale light filtered through the open window as a soft, cool breeze made him want to stay in bed. He barely opened his eyes before he felt the blank, empty spot next to him. Angelo didn't like that he felt relief before sadness. Jazelle's excuse for leaving early was always, "I didn't want us to get caught".
He slowly slid out of bed, slipping back on his underwear and pants without much hesitation. Her clothes were gone, too – as expected, except she left something behind. Another hairclip to add to the collection in his bathroom. She always left something behind, and gods forbid if he declare it was on purpose.
Angelo pulled on the rest of his clothes with ease, covering hickeys and bite marks with little reaction nor interest. He got to the bathroom and gave himself a quick wash and wet his hair, brushing it back just to have it fall in his face again. Angelo might not have cared about much, but he cared about taking care of himself. Right now though, with the time it was, he didn't have time to take a shower.
As he headed to the kitchen, this time thankfully unaccosted, he started about his morning routine. The kitchen was any normal kitchen, but it looked big enough to fill one of those really long dining tables. People were cooking, getting breakfast ready, but Angelo never partook. None of them batted an eye at him as he passed through and grabbed a cup of coffee from a cabinet, starting to fill it up with coffee from a nearby electric pot. No sugar, no cream, and he turned to face the footsteps that came up behind him.
Jose.
The older man looked nervous, but Angelo could only tell because he knew him so well. He kept fidgeting with his lighter, looking to the side, roughly running a hand through his peppered hair. There was a twitch in his eye that said he was angry about something, but he was always angry about something.
"Walk with me." He said.
Without wasting time, Jose started walking away. Angelo sighed through his nose before just complying and following after Jose. They went through the halls at a regular pace, and Angelo sipped at his coffee with a bored expression. It made him grit his teeth and suck his tongue, but he drank it anyway. He hated black coffee, but it was something about drinking coffee straight black that was respectable. So, Angelo drank straight black coffee even though he hated it.
Jose stopped at a random room in a random hall, opening it up and waving for Angelo to enter. It was one of those meeting rooms for the board, the really stylish ones that were never used except once in a blue moon. They wouldn't be bothered here, and Angelo knew that – so he really hoped today wasn't the day that Jose was deciding to kill him, because he walked straight in without a second thought.
The place had hardwood floors but a red and gold carpet underneath the ovular table that wasn't even comforting, just decoration. The chairs were high backs with fancy dark wood engravings, and the table was this lush design of spirals and sleek black inlays. Angelo sat his coffee down after a lengthy sip as Jose closed the door behind them and locked it.
When Angelo turned to face him, he looked entirely too sullen to be all that angry. He only ever let his true emotions show around Angelo or that sweet old nurse lady that he never really got the name of that he saw in his shop every now and then. Who knew, maybe showing his emotions wasn't on purpose, and it was just an accident, but Angelo knew panic when he saw it.
"There's something I need you to do for me tonight, kid." Jose said.
Angelo blinked at him, bored.
"Whatever ya do," The man went on. "Don't kill anyone. Got it?"
It sounded more desperate than like a threat. Angelo didn't like that one bit, the sound ringing so clear in his voice that it made him want to step towards him, but he didn't. He wasn't sure. He couldn't be sure that none of this was a ploy.
It's fine, He signed, expression flat. Jazelle will do it if it needs to be done.
Jose squinted. "Jazelle? She's going with you?" Angelo just nodded, and the man continued. "No, nonono, not happening."
Angelo blinked. Are you coming? He signed.
Jose opened and closed his mouth. "No, but-"
He said the word so strongly anyone would have listened, but Angelo's hands flew. Then she's the next best choice, isn't she?
Jose almost literally growled. "I don't trust her, Blaze. Nobody trusts her."
Angelo couldn't help but scoff. You don't trust anyone. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't trust yourself.
The pause from Jose hung heavy for a moment, so heavy that it made Angelo uncomfortable. He didn't like that look in Jose's eye, the look of remembering, of reminiscing, and then hurting. He shook his head, trying to get back on track, stepping towards Angelo.
"Dammit, Blaze," He said dangerously low. "Don't trust her."
I don't, Angelo signed firmly. I don't trust anyone. Isn't that what you taught me? A pause. But I won't stain my hands. That's all you want, right?
Jose didn't speak at first, so Angelo continued. I don't care if I kill someone, sir. I can kill someone a lot easier than refusing to talk. I bet it's as easy as breaking a glass with your fist. I know all the right ways, all the soft spots, and the manners in which you can just murder someone without a sound. But you don't want me to kill. So despite all odds, I haven't. And I still won't, but not because you told me not to.
Jose grit his teeth. "That's exactly the point, kid." He said quietly, then rose his voice. "The first time, it might be a shock, but it just gets easier after that." His voice just got louder, on the verge of a yell. "The more you do it, the less it affects you, and then it won't anymore. Then you're exactly what he wants you to be. A machine. An unstoppable fire." His voice faded to something soft again. "Don't you see that?"
Angelo's gaze remained as steady as ever. He didn't see why Jose cared so much – he didn't. Angelo's eyes were cold, dead inside, remaining ever vacant… and he could tell how much Jose hated that… but for some reason, he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop thinking how little it all mattered. What was one life?
Stop protecting me from death like it might change who I am, He signed slowly. It's already changed me.
Jose squinted after that, and Angelo said nothing in response to the look on his face. The look of hurt, of anger, or self-loathing. None of it, Angelo understood, and he felt like after all this time, he never would. Maybe it would always be that way, but right now… he didn't care. He just grabbed his coffee and moved past Jose, sipping it hard. It was bitter, it was angry, and it was sad. Just like him, and just like the silence he left Jose in.