The wedding's over.
After Peggy and Erica generously said they didn't care if their mom Linda got pregnant again, the chit-chat got way more chill.
And then… it got shorter and weirder.
Adam and the others, being total pros at reading the room, noticed the newlyweds dropping all their mental baggage. The couple started inching closer despite everyone still being there, so the gang took the hint and peaced out with some serious tact.
The newlyweds didn't even pretend to stop them—they were thrilled. A quick goodbye, and they bolted.
That's how straightforward it was.
"Adam, can I hitch a ride back with you guys?"
Ted rubbed his hands together. "I've been swamped for days, and the project team's blowing up my phone. I need to get back ASAP. Planes take too long with all the waiting and security checks."
"Uh, probably not the best idea," Adam said, trying to talk him down. "Your mom's got a weak heart, your dad… well, your family's got a history of heart issues. You're at risk too, man. No need to rush—just take the plane."
He remembered how Ted's mom had been heartbroken over Neighbor Wang's sudden death. Ted's mom might not know whose kid Ted really is, but Adam had done the genetic math and figured it out.
Emmm.
Ted's odds of keeling over out of nowhere? Way higher than average.
"Come on!" Ted waved it off. "That's so dramatic. I'm in a hurry, plus I'm dying to know how you drove from New York to here in just an hour and a half!"
"You don't wanna know," Lisa piped up, unable to hold back. "I'm never getting in that car again—swear I'd rather die. I booked a flight back, boss. Cool with you?"
"Sure," Adam nodded. "But hurry up. I've been to two weddings in a row, and my med career's taking a hit. I'm heading straight to the hospital after this, so get back soon to keep Peggy company."
"On it!" Lisa's heart skipped a beat, and she quickly promised.
She knew her boss's baller vibes too well. If she slacked, he'd hire another assistant in a heartbeat to keep Peggy covered. Sure, it'd lighten her load, but it'd also cut into her perks, bonuses, and job security.
Peggy spends most of her time geeking out on science, super low-key. Lisa's gig? Easy as pie and pays insanely well—she'd never spill how much, though. If word got out, a million better candidates would swoop in.
No way was she risking that!
"Boss, you know what? Forget the plane. I'll ride with you guys," Lisa said, all serious. "Driving fast freaked me out the first time, but I'll get used to it. Like you always say, the human body's crazy adaptable, right? I can handle it."
"Don't push yourself," Adam warned.
"Nah, I'm good," Lisa said, puffing out her chest with confidence.
But to Adam, she looked like she was marching to her doom.
"Alright, fine," he said, picking up on her little game and not stopping her.
Tool people gotta have some hustle to keep serving the boss, right? Worst case, she'd puke again when they got back. Puke enough, and you get used to it. 🤷♂️
"What about me, Adam?" Ted chimed in.
"Come along then," Adam said, seeing Ted's eager vibe. He knew Ted was secretly a thrill-seeker like Barney, so he didn't bother holding him back. If Ted's heart gave out, well, it'd save Adam a trip to the hospital for a case study.
An hour and a half later…
New Jersey.
Under the staff apartments at Preston University.
"Blegh!"
The second Adam parked, Ted flung the door open, stumbled out, and hugged a tree on the lawn, puking his guts out.
Lisa, who'd been feeling smug about toughing it out for a few seconds, saw him and bolted too, hurling right alongside.
"You guys are way too fragile," Adam teased. "Hit the gym or something, or I'm not taking you next time. Oh, and get someone to clean that up."
Noticing Peggy's frown, he grabbed her hand and headed upstairs.
Lisa and Ted straightened up, locked eyes, and instantly bent over to puke again.
If GIFs existed here, this'd be a legendary "instant regret" moment.
It took them a while to stop barfing.
Lisa called someone to deal with the mess—she's a top-tier tool person, no way she's touching that.
"Where you going?" she snapped as Ted wiped his mouth and started toward the building.
"To find Adam," Ted said, confused. "We're heading back to New York together, right?"
"Nope, you're on your own," Lisa said, waving him off. "Boss isn't leaving anytime soon."
"Huh?" Ted blinked. "Didn't he say he was rushing back to the hospital?"
"Are you clueless or just pretending?" Lisa smirked. "Young couple, alone—one's a scientist, one's a doctor. Their time's precious. Don't waste it. You're in New Jersey now—just grab a cab back to New York."
"Sorry," Ted mumbled, blushing hard.
The romance king just got schooled in his own game.
He hesitated, pointed upstairs, and gave Lisa an awkward grin. "Alright, I'm off then. Tell Adam and them for me?"
"No need," Lisa said, shaking her head. "They're not picking up calls or texts right now—I wouldn't dare interrupt. And trust me, the boss knows you're gone."
"…" Ted's mouth twitched.
Why did this feel so familiar?
Oh, right! Earlier, when Linda found out her daughter didn't mind her making a "love crystal" with David, she'd flaunted her PDA too, smashing third wheels left and right.
Schooled again, Ted slunk off to grab a cab outside campus.
Lisa went upstairs, chatted with the on-duty female bodyguards for a bit, then pressed her ear to Peggy's apartment door. Her face lit up with a smug "yep, all according to plan" look.
She checked the time, headed to her own place across the hall, and set an alarm for three hours.
Tossing off her clothes, she strolled to the bathroom, filling the tub with hot water and a fancy bath bomb. Then she grabbed a bottle of high-end red wine from the cabinet, poured half a glass, and snagged some snacks.
She dipped into the tub, tested the water, and sank in with a blissful sigh.
This is the "tragic" life of a tool person, huh?
Three hours later…
She stepped out just as Adam was leaving.
"Boss, your buddy Ted took a cab back," she mentioned.
"Oh," Adam said with a nod, barely registering it.
His brain was all about grinding to make up for lost med school time—like that last-minute panic before summer homework was due in a past life.
Ted who? He couldn't care less.