Prince Ezra
"Are you going to drink that?" I referred to the whiskey bottle and received no response. "Suit yourself. This is the expensive kind." I took the bottle, twisted its cap and with no grace whatsoever chugged it down.
"Zekie is cute isn't he? I always imagined our children would look like that. Our dark hair, our tanned skin and your eyes. I wanted them to have your eyes only. My favorite colour in the world, I wanted them to have your lips and the little beauty mark you have on your shoulder.
"I already had names for them," I laughed looking back up to the stars. "I won't tell you because I won't have something to tell you next time I visit you. It's corny but I planned our wedding as well. I didn't want the grand one Cloud and Adonis had. I thought we could get married by the beach. Just family. A simple, cute wedding just like us.
"I know you would have said no because of Lucy but you know we were always different. I don't know. Thea and I are getting married. Not that it was planned, it just sort of happened. I don't even know if she'll want to go through it in the end. Not with the way I treat her. She deserves better. I've put her through a lot this year.
"My temper is getting worse. Especially when I drink. I think I'm becoming like Baba, Iris says it's because I don't talk about what's bothering me but she's dealt with this well. She's probably known how to deal with grief because of what happened with Baba and their mother. I didn't. I still haven't. I just- Ezekiel it feels like I'm losing my mind."
I wiped away my tears as I moved closer to him.
"I miss you. I miss you so much sometimes it feels like my chest is about to cave in. As if my whole world stood still the moment you left my side. I sometimes go back and listen to your voicemail just so I can hear your voice. I spent an entire month just watching your press conferences so I didn't forget your face or your beautiful smile.
"I miss the way your voice rumbles when you pronounce an 'R' in Greek. I love it the most when you speak Greek. There's no one who ever speaks the language the way you do or who calls me Prince and it feels as great as when you said it. As if it was meant for me. Only me. I don't know how I've taken this on without you.
"You know when I enlisted for the army I thought this would stop. I thought I would be faced with horror and forget about my problems but I didn't. It made things worse. Hearing those sounds over and over again made things worse. I don't know why I'm even feeling like this. I don't know why I can't shake it off."
My voice broke as my sobs caused my shoulders to shake. The pain in my heart snowballing to the point I prayed I could rip my heart out and cast it away from me. Burn it in a fire so I could stop feeling like this.
"It's crazy because I told you I loved you and I never got to hear you say it over and over. You never said it the way I did. I don't know if I only felt it because of how I look. Because of the fact I looked like Adonis. I don't know if we would have had children or gotten married, Ezekiel. You never said it. I always assumed you did.
"And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was angry with you that day. I shouldn't have been. I should have spoken to you but I was worried that you'd break my heart and you did. Just not the way I thought you would. Why didn't you fight? Why didn't you fight for us? To see me become what we knew I would have in the end.
"I kept on imaging I would see you at my graduation. You know how rubbish I thought university was but because you said I should do it, I did. I've done everything because of you. I'm chasing ghosts that look like you because of you. My body feels like it's on fire constantly with the hatred I have for the people who did this to you.
"It's consuming me, Ezekiel. I don't know myself anymore. I- I have so much hate in my heart that it feels like I'm drowning half the time. Like I'm alive but I'm dead. Like I have a soul but it left with you. I'm trying to love Thea. I promise I do but you're always there when I sleep. You're always talking to me and I want it to stop.
"You need to stop haunting my dreams," I screamed as I hit his cold chest. "I need you to come back! I love you dammit. I'm nothing without you. Why didn't you fight for us? Why didn't you fight for me? You let go," my body collapsed as I knocked over the whiskey bottle. The burn of the alcohol doing nothing to stop the one in my heart.
The fantasy around me collapsing by the second as I hit his flesh until my hands bled. Until I realized that the warmth I had felt was only my imagination and instead that my hand was coming into contact with cold. With a hard material that cut away at my hands as I hit it over and over again.
"You've ruined me!" My voice echoed around me as I hit the granite over and over again. My nails digging into his etched name hoping that if I erased it it would make him come back. "Why did you have to leave Ezekiel? Why?" I threw myself down on the flat tombstone, my tears soaking my cheeks. "Why can't you just come back?"