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EXTRA - NTR.
(Pov- Sylphie)
The weight of my unspoken thoughts hangs over me like a stormy cloud, dark and thick, refusing to dissipate. Why didn't I say anything?! Regret is… it's… Ahhhhhh! I know, I know, I ruined it!
I couldn't muster the courage to talk to Saik about… her. That girl… Girl? Mmm… No, that term is too kind. She's a bitch. Yes, a bitch! I can't find another word that channels the poisonous fire burning in my chest when I think of her. She's a violent bitch!
The way she beat Saik mercilessly, her fists raining down with a cruelty that turned my stomach, and not a single soul lifted a finger to stop her. But it wasn't just her—oh no, everyone treated Saik horribly today! Almost everyone spent the whole time criticizing him to his face, throwing paper balls at him, even carving threats into his desk. School bullying of the worst kind a student can receive, the type that can drive someone to suicide from the psychological damage… Hehe.
Yet, in the midst of the chaos of my rage, a soft giggle escapes my lips.
"Fufu."
Maybe I shouldn't worry so much. Saik is… well, Saik. He's a fortress, immovable, a guy who lets that malice wash over him like a breeze that barely ruffles his hair. This kind of bullying is nothing more than a passing annoyance to him, a fleeting shadow in his world of silent endurance. Wow, wow. What a great line. I'll use it for my manga!
Fufu. Yeah, this is definitely nothing to him… Nothing to him? Hmm…
"Have I really changed that much?"
When I first became his friend, the girls who bullied me carved into his desk and destroyed his things. Just remembering it makes me feel that panic again, the tears streaming down my face as guilt gnawed at my heart. I felt responsible, convinced that Saik was suffering because he had chosen to stand by my side, to be my protector, my best friend. And what did he do about it? Nothing. Not a flicker of anger or pain crossed his face; I felt nothing from him. Instead of dwelling on it, he calmed me down by saying that being my friend didn't hurt him at all, and that words are just words.
Those words still echo in me, an echo that still holds me up. Saik is the kind of guy who knows himself so well that he doesn't let other people's opinions ruin his life. And I…
"I want to be like that."
I spent years being the perfect victim, receiving mockery and blows every day, an easy target for others' cruelty. But no more. I don't know how to fight, that's true, and I'll probably never use violence because it scares me, but I've decided I won't let words affect me like before. I want to build armor like Saik's, one that protects me from the daggers of rumors and disdainful looks.
Ugh… Ah… I-I'm trying to change my way of thinking, but it's exhausting. Serious monologues aren't my thing, and my mind staggers under the weight of my own ideals. I sigh, letting the air escape my lungs as I stare at my bedroom ceiling, searching for a calm that eludes me.
Ah… I want to talk to Saik. I want… I want… I-I want him to praise me! I didn't give up! I endured Reiko and Yesei's bullying! I endured Ram! I endured the stress that crushed me like a rock! The old Sylphie would have abandoned everything on the first day, would have run to hide under the sheets, but this time I made it. I overcame it! I want to celebrate my victory with Saik!
… C-celebrate… Come on, Sylphie, you can do it! I-I know I can. Gather your courage and invite him on a date…! Uwaaah! I feel like my head is about to explode, like a thousand fireworks are going off inside my skull!
I hide my flushed face between the pages of the book I'm holding, a useless shield against the shame consuming me. I-I can't do it! I-it's too soon. I don't want him to think I'm an easy girl! My traitorous mind whispers absurd fears: "Why would I fall for a girl who falls so easily? You'd cheat on me so easily if your heart is that easy. I used the word easy a lot—perfect for such an easy girl. Easy slut." I don't want him to think that about me…! Though Saik would never say that last part, I'm sure; my imagination just ran wild, weaving nonsense scenarios. Why am I still so cruel to myself?! Ugh, I lack self-esteem.
H-how long is the ideal time to take that step? I wonder, biting my lip while thinking about my parents. It took them a couple of months to confess their feelings, if I remember Mom's stories correctly… Months… February 14th!
"That's it…!! Uwaaah!"
Ow, ow, I slipped! Who left this pencil on the floor…?! Oh, right, it's my room; I'm the one responsible for this mess. Ugh, I've been neglecting things a bit.
I rub my head, feeling a slight pain where I hit the floor, but my heart is pounding with a mix of excitement and nerves.
"Alright, it's decided…"
February 14th will be the big day! Until then, I have to survive school. I want to graduate together with Saik and…! Oh, university. I was going to say I want to start a family with him, but we still have a long way to go… Ahhhhhh! Sylphie, don't imagine anything weird yet, it's too soon!
But I have to admit, I'm curious about it. Dates, kisses, sex…
Sex… What does it feel like? I'd never been curious about it before, so… well, I've never "touched myself." How do you even do it? In a movie I once saw, the girl touched herself down there while looking at a photo of the boy she liked… Maybe…
With trembling hands, I grab my phone and open the gallery. The photos Saik deleted but that I saved in time like a precious treasure. There he is—Saik shirtless, showing his perfect abs, his defined muscles, his pink nipples, his beautiful eyes that seem to pierce the soul. My body burns just looking at him, and specifically, a lower area throbs with an intensity I've never known.
"Saik…"
Little by little, I slide my hand to the hem of my skirt, my breathing growing ragged. Saik, you'll be my…
~Knock, knock, knock~
Ah, someone's at the door! Thank you for saving me—I was about to turn into a complete pervert! Is this a sign from God that my first sexual experience should be with Saik? I'll keep that in mind, God! But the temptation is too strong, like a forbidden sweet calling to me from afar.
I give the photo one last longing look and quickly put my phone away, as if afraid someone will discover my secret… No, yes, I'm definitely terrified they'll find my treasure. I don't want to be called a "pervert"!
"C-come in, Mom!"
My mother walks into my room and finds me on the floor in what must look like a very strange position. Ugh, yeah, I know, I must look like a mess. She gives me a warm smile and sets my dinner on the desk; the smell of food fills the air and calms my nerves a little.
"Rough day? Usually the bed is more comfortable than the floor."
"The cold floor is really relaxing."
I answer, trying to sound casual as I slowly get up, feeling the coolness of the floor against my palms.
"I personally prefer the bed," she said, sitting on the edge of my bed.
Ugh, it always worries me when she does that. I know she wants to talk about something, and that playful smile on her face tells me it's nothing bad or serious, but a topic meant to push me out of my comfort zone.
"So, when are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?" she suddenly asked, her tone light but full of curiosity.
Uwaaah! Nooooooo! She caught me off guard! I feel my face burning with embarrassment, like someone turned on an oven inside me! I-I don't want to talk about this with my mom!
"H-he's not my boyfriend yet!"
I stammer, covering my face with my hands as if that could hide my mortification.
"Fufu. 'Yet'? So you want him to be, huh?"
She presses, her soft laugh echoing in the room as she tilts her head, watching me with bright eyes.
Nooooooo!
I don't want to talk about romance with my mom, I'll die of embarrassment! My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure she can hear it, and my cheeks must be tomato-red.
"N-no, I don't!"
I'm obviously lying; my trembling voice betrays me instantly.
"Sure? Because remember, if you chicken out, another girl might steal him," she said, her tone now a bit more serious, as if trying to plant a seed of reflection in my mind.
… She's… right. Saik is… perfect. Handsome, with that long hair that always covers his mysterious eyes, smart, impossible to intimidate, protective like a medieval knight, kind in his own unique way, unexpectedly gentle, and best of all, being around him is fun—even his sarcasm makes me smile. But I also know that "home-wrecking cats" (those predatory girls who lurk) could be around any corner, ready to take him from me.
"… But… it's too soon."
I murmur, looking down as my fingers nervously toy with the hem of my skirt.
Huh? My mom's expression changes; a shadow of sadness crosses her face. Did she remember something painful? Her smile fades for a moment, and I feel a knot in my stomach.
"Honey, remember there are people who don't want a romantic relationship and just prefer friends. You're beautiful, yes, but that doesn't guarantee anything. If that boy only wants to be your friend, what would you do?"
She asks softly, but with a wisdom that throws me off balance.
… I'd never really thought about that, mostly out of fear of facing the truth. I love being with Saik, I love being his friend—it's something I'd always want, a bond I value more than words can express. Being his girlfriend would open the door to other things: romance, dates, kisses, and some +18 stuff I'd rather not imagine in detail right now, though the curiosity pricks me like a splinter under my skin. If I had to choose, I'd love to be his girlfriend/friend—a perfect mix: dating, but still acting like friends, without constant sickly sweetness… Though, I admit, the idea of a bit more romance for longer doesn't sound bad at all.
But what if Saik only sees me as a friend? What if he never develops deeper feelings for me…? What if he falls in love with someone else, some braver or prettier girl than me?!
… I don't even want to imagine it. Not now. My heart shrinks at the possibility, a sharp pain that makes me clench my fists in my lap.
"I don't want to think about it right now."
I confess, my voice barely a whisper as I try to keep my composure.
I'm already making big progress in how I think and act, but I'm still fragile, like glass that could shatter with too strong a touch. It hurts to imagine Saik with someone else, or facing rejection of his feelings. But I have until February 14th to get stronger, to build that armor I admire so much in him. If he rejects me, I'll accept it with dignity, head held high even if my heart breaks. And if he accepts me… I'll be happy forever! Ahhhhhh! Now it hurts to think about the possibility of rejection, like a thousand needles stabbing my soul!
Seeing me rolling on the floor in a whirlwind of emotions, my mom sighs and stands up gracefully.
"A good friend is just as good as a good boyfriend. Don't lose something beautiful just because you want more," she said, her voice full of tenderness that wraps around me like a hug.
Without another word, she leaves my room, leaving me alone with the delicious smell of my dinner floating in the air, tempting me to set aside my chaotic thoughts for a moment.
… Yes, I want to be his friend forever, a bond I value more than I can express. But I don't want to settle for that. My heart wants more, a desire that grows like a plant under sunlight. If he got a girlfriend, I… I…
"I'd turn into a home-wrecking cat," I whisper to myself, the idea both terrifying and absurd, while a nervous laugh escapes my lips.
But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to taint what we have with jealousy or desperation… Ah, but I know myself—I'd definitely become a home-wrecking cat…! Well, better not think about it.
I get up from the floor, determined to eat my dinner and plan my next steps. February 14th is just around the corner, and with each passing day my resolve grows stronger. Saik, whether you're my friend or something more, I won't let you go that easily.
As I sit at the desk, the warmth of the food comforts me, and my mind starts wandering again. What will I say when the moment comes? How will I confess my feelings without tripping over my words? I imagine the scene: a park under moonlight, a pink letter in my hands where I'll pour out my feelings, and Saik looking at me with that strong presence that takes my breath away. But then my traitorous imagination paints him with another girl, laughing together, and my heart tightens again.
No, I won't give up. I take a bite of my dinner, savoring the comfort it offers, and promise myself I'll work on myself. I'll be stronger, more confident, worthy of standing by his side—whether as a friend or as something more. The dinner slowly cools as my thoughts dance between hope and fear, but for the first time in a long while, I feel like I'm taking control of my destiny.
Saik, wait for me. February 14th will be my day, and no matter the outcome, I'll face it with my head held high.