Afternoon, January 1st, Year 54 of the Hidden Leaf.
Inside the Ramen House of the Land of Whirlpools.
After stuffing themselves with dumplings, the three girls had fallen into lively chatter.
Akio thought about joining them, until he noticed Kushina whisper something that made Konan blush slightly. Definitely not something he needed to walk into.
Which left him, on a festive holiday, stuck entertaining the three trouble-prone boys in front of him.
Switching to his Wise Old Elder mode, he began lecturing them.
"Naruto, listen carefully. Haku is a boy. A boy."
Naruto looked dead inside. Akio's spanking earlier had nearly pulled his pants off.
"I KNOW, Old Man!"
"And stop using that Sexy Technique whenever you feel like it. That stuff is outdated, way outdated. Nothing to brag about."
Akio barely stopped himself from saying 'I invented half of those tricks.'
"I know, I know!"
Akio sighed. The kid always said he understood, then immediately repeated the same mistake next time.
He turned to Kimimaro, who had been quietly watching everything.
"Haku is your teammate. Know what that means? When your teammate's in trouble, you help them."
He pointed at Naruto. "He is trouble."
"I understand, Lord." Kimimaro nodded with solemn devotion.
"And you, Haku." Akio shifted his gaze. "Being kind is good, but you need to learn how to turn people down. You're too good-looking. Kids like Naruto will swarm around you in the future. If you don't learn to say no, the Land of Whirlpools will collapse under the chaos."
Haku only smiled sweetly, gentle, polite, impossible to fend off.
Akio felt defeated.
"Don't worry, Old Man! I'll protect Sister Haku!" Naruto yelled.
"Sister....SISTER. He's a boy!"
Naruto's correction came half-hearted and extremely late. Akio noticed the brat's tiny smirk.
"…You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
"Ahhh don't hit me! Mom! Help!"
Kushina looked over, saw Naruto getting smacked again and went right back to whispering with Sara without a trace of concern.
Akio didn't hold back; he had loosened one of the Nine-Tails' restraints recently so Naruto could take a hit better. Perfect timing for field-testing.
When the kid's backside was glowing red, Akio finally stopped.
Naruto really was tough; he didn't even cry. He yanked up his pants and scampered straight to Kushina like nothing happened.
Akio just shook his head. Kids were impossible.
"A brat that wild needs a spanking." He glanced at Haku and Kimimaro, imagined the chaos if they acted up, and shuddered. He hurried over toward the girls' group before those thoughts could solidify.
With Naruto joining them, the girls stopped whispering and switched to discussing dumpling fillings. Akio, the chaotic "abstract" chef jumped into the conversation.
"Great-Grandpa, can you put anything inside a dumpling? What about ramen?" Kushina asked.
Akio paused, then chuckled. "Of course. You could put tomatoes if you wanted."
Kushina wrinkled her nose. "Not a tomato fan."
Konan tugged on Kushina's sleeve, looking five years younger but somehow radiating big-sister energy.
"Alright, Great-Grandpa," Kushina said, balling her fists with determination, "next time I'm making ramen-stuffed dumplings. You better eat them!"
"No problem," Akio said instantly. They'll just taste like steamed bread. I can survive that.
Sara only shook her head. Kushina adored her ramen, so of course her first instinct was "ramen dumplings."
That sparked a contest of bizarre dumpling fillings. Akio silently prayed for Minato's peace in the afterlife.
By the time Naruto let out a tiny snore, they finally noticed the sky had grown dark.
"Sara, want ramen for dinner?" Kushina asked, still shamelessly mooching food.
Sara smiled. "There are still dumplings left. Without Haku, it should be enough for us. I'll boil another batch."
Kushina and Konan exchanged looks and followed immediately; listening alone wasn't enough to learn.
Akio glanced at the sleeping Naruto, amused. He raised a hand, and Naruto's spiky yellow hair twisted itself into two tiny pigtails.
"There. Uzumaki Naruko. Much cuter now."
Haku inspected the hairstyle curiously, making Akio wonder if he'd gone too far.
Even after waking up to eat, Naruto didn't notice. And every adult present maliciously kept quiet. Kushina even thought it made him adorable.
Once dinner ended and night fully settled, Kushina lifted Naruto.
"Great-Grandpa, Sara, want to walk around the festival? First night is always the liveliest."
Konan added gently, "Come with us, Sensei. Sara, you too."
Akio exchanged a look with Sara, then shook his head.
"Tomorrow. It's too crowded tonight. Our relationship isn't a secret, but no need to make a spectacle of it."
Kushina teased, "Wouldn't it be better if everyone knew? It makes you"
"Out, out, out." Akio cut her off. Married women had no fear, they joked about anything now.
"Fine~ We're going. Naruto! Come on!"
Half-asleep Naruto blinked, glanced between Akio and Sara suspiciously, then trudged after Kushina and Konan.
When they left, only Akio, Sara, Haku, and Kimimaro remained.
Akio hesitated, then asked,
"Daughter… earlier, Konan blushed. Was Kushina teasing her about Nagato?"
Sara nodded with a small smile.
"She's of age now…" Akio sighed. "And what about you?"
She blinked, finally understanding. Seeing her father's conflicted expression, she laughed lightly. "Whatever happens… happens."
Akio frowned. No way was he letting his daughter end up alone for life. "Someone your age… strong, respectable, maybe handsome…"
He searched his mind until a red-haired teen appeared: Sasori.
"No, no, no..who knows where he even is. And who knows if he's still… human." Akio shook his head furiously.
Sara looked half-amused. "Father, what on earth are you imagining?"
Akio coughed. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
Holiday season was no time for stressful topics. He glanced at the two boys, then at Sara, and suddenly pulled out a deck of cards from nowhere.
"Well then… long night ahead. Time for the Poker King to teach you kids how to play."
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