Yellowstone National Park
North America, Earth
"You really think I can do this?"
"Of course. I have complete faith in you."
"Okay, here goes nothing."
Jamie approached the body. A camper had gotten lost and was mauled to death by a grizzly bear. As Jamie watched, the bear began ripping at the body, thankfully oblivious to Jamie's presence.
"I think I'm gonna throw up..."
"Be cool Jamie. I think that's him now."
The shade appeared. The camper was a balding, middle-aged guy with glasses and a slight paunch. He screamed in horror at the sight of the bear.
"Help me! Somebody, please help! It's going to kill me! It's going to kill...waitaminute..."
The man began patting himself down, rubbing his cheeks in a way Jamie found familiar. Eventually he stopped.
"Oh," was all he could say. Jamie chose this time to show himself.
"Hello sir," he said, as non-offensively as possible. The man looked wildly at him.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Jamie. I've come to take you away."
"You? You're the Grim Reaper! Don't make me laugh, you're half my age! You look like my son!"
"I am as I appear, Mr. Muldoon."
"Wait, how did you know my name?"
"You guessed it sir. For all intents and purposes, I am your Grim Reaper."
"This is disgusting. First I get attacked without warning, then someone like you shows up."
"To be honest sir, you should have listened to that Park Ranger when he told you there were bears were in the area."
"That's what they all say, but I've never seen one. Well, not until recently."
"And you really should have listened when he said not to leave your food unattended and dispose of your rubbish properly."
"What are you, a public service announcement? I demand to speak to your manager!"
"What?"
"You heard me. I know fellas like you, you never have initiative. You can't be running the show by yourself. I want to speak to your superior."
"But..." exasperated, Jamie shot a look at Death, who was staying out of sight behind a nearby tree. She shook her head, and silently mouthed no to him.
"I'm sorry Mr. Muldoon, there is no one else. There's just me. Now take my hand, and I'll get you going to wherever it is you're supposed to go."
"Take your hand? What will happen if I do?"
"I don't know, sir. That's for you to find out."
Mr. Muldoon slumped a little, and in an instant Jamie felt sorry for the guy. Beneath his blustering demeanor, he was as scared and confused as Jamie himself was once.
"It's not all bad sir. It's easier than you think."
"But what about my son?"
"He'll lead his life. He'll grieve, but he has to move on. And so do you. You might see him again someday."
"I never truly believed in anything, really. I don't know what's going to happen next."
"To be honest sir, I don't think it really matters. But what I do know is that it doesn't stop here. It's not the end, not really."
"Okay. Uh, thank you young man."
"You're welcome."
Jamie took his hand and felt the familiar rush of thoughts and emotions, although as his first human job it felt different from the animals and plants he had taken. While the whale, for example had discernable feelings and memories, the capacity and range of Mr. Muldoon's experiences deluged Jamie, threatening to overwhelm him.
Humans had so many more thoughts it was next to impossible to pick out a specific one or to watch a specific memory. He could get a general feeling though, a sense of Mr. Muldoon's life. It hadn't been a particularly memorable one, but it had its ups and downs. And suddenly it was over. The shade had disappeared completely.
"Very nicely done indeed. I thought for a moment you'd need my help," Death said, stepping up to join him.
"I thought so too. They're different, huh?"
"Oh yes. Sentient creatures with complex minds will naturally have more thoughts and observations than mere instinct."
"Still I find it easier to help humans to cross over. Appearing in the form that the dead individual expects to see can't have been easy."
"It just takes practise. And frankly most beings aren't quite sure what to expect anyway, so it doesn't really matter most of the time. And unless I am mistaken - which happens very rarely - that's our last one for the day. So where are we going next for our date, Mr. Keane?" said Death, smiling flirtatiously.
"Follow me, Miss Didi," Jamie said, taking her hand and leading her to the void. "Next stop, South Africa!"
Shift
They emerged into a sea of light. The spotlights of the Cape Town stadium lit up the pitch as if it was the middle of the day. Flashes from cameras weren't going off here and there, they were everywhere. Everyone in the stadium wanted a memento of the night. If some ancient cultures were right, and cameras really stole a bit of a person's soul away each time they were used Jamie mused, the players would be hollowed out husks before they'd even kicked a ball.
They were seated right at pitchside, just a few short meters away from the grass. Fans were yelling and screaming excitedly all around them. Many were clutching vuvuzela horns, to Jamie's utter dismay. He hated the continuous drone they made throughout the entirety of any African match.
Death was looking delightedly all around her, caught up in the rush of life. "I love crowds! Everyone here's having the time of their lives!" she called excitedly to Jamie. "I don't think this is the right look though. Let's see...ah, there we go."
In the blink of an eye, Death's black jacket and shirt transformed into a black bikini top, with a large black bandana binding up her hair. Jamie couldn't help but admire it.
"See something you like, Keane?" she asked wickedly.
"Uh, no?" said Jamie without thinking. Death raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, yes?"
She smiled. "Better. Let's get this show started!"
Jamie sat back in his seat and soaked in the pre-match atmosphere, waiting for the teams to walk out onto the pitch. To his utter delight, they appeared to be at a quarter-final, where Argentina and Germany would clash.
"Aw, that's fantastic! Argentina and Germany!"
"Germany to win," said Death immediately. "Their players are better looking."
"You've got to be joking, none of them are a patch on me."
"Now who's the one making the jokes?"
The two teams had taken up their positions, and the roar that greeted the first kick of the game was unlike anything Jamie had ever heard in his life. It was more than mere sound, more than thousands of excited people making as much noise as they possibly could. It was a small sample of the best that life had to offer.
All that life had to offer…he couldn't share in it, could he? Not really. Well sure, he was at the game, and even if he was alive he probably couldn't have afforded the trip anyway, but Jamie still couldn't help feeling an uncharacteristic pang of melancholy. He was neither dead nor alive, stuck between worlds, able to watch one of the world's best sporting events live and in person but as absolutely no one could see or hear him, it was just as bad as watching it on a screen alone at home.
Jamie stole a look to his left. Death was standing in her seat, and was gently swaying with the rest of the crowd as "Ole Argentina!" rolled around the stadium. She was singing as loudly as any other slightly drunk fan and didn't look like she was feeling sorry for herself at all.
Jamie stood up and curled an arm around Death's slim waist. She did the same and they finished the song together.
Half an hour in and Germany was leading by a single goal, courtesy of a bullet header by Thomas Mueller. Jamie groaned loudly as Argentina's Gabriel Heinze misplaced a simple pass, once again conceding possession. Frustrated with the on-pitch action, he looked at the people around him.
There were the Argentina fans, who were staring at the pitch with looks of horror on their faces, jester hats and curly wigs drooping on their heads, their blue and white facepaint melting in the heat. There were the German fans clad in black and white, jumping up and down excitedly and screaming with delight any time one of their fantastically talented players touched the ball. There were the locals, suited executives and other assorted neutrals, who ran the gamut from riveted to snoring away in their air-conditioned luxury lounges.
One individual in particular caught Jamie's eye. She was a skinny young girl who couldn't have been more than seventeen years old. She was seated a little way from him, wearing an oversized denim jacket and not much else. To Jamie's surprise, she didn't even seem to be wearing shoes.
Her hair was dyed in many bright colours, green and gold and pink and orange all swirled together. Maybe it was the distance, but Jamie could have sworn the colours seemed to move and change even as he looked at them. But what really got his attention was the colour of her skin, a pure white that he'd only ever seen on one other person before.
He noticed the way she was sitting, arms wrapped around herself tightly, head hunkered down as if trying to avoid attention. An underfed young girl with an affinity for punk fashion wouldn't have looked out of place in the streets of Amsterdam or something, but she seemed a bit incongruous in the middle of a horde of shirtless Argentinians.
Jamie nudged Death, pointing to his right. "Hey, check her out."
Death looked at where Jamie was pointing, and her hand flew up to her mouth. "Oh my word, why is she here of all places?" She stood up and began to move over to where the girl was sitting. People politely made room for her to pass without saying a word. Jamie got up hurriedly.
"Huh? Do you know this girl?"
"Of course I do Jamie. She's my sister."
Jamie actually stopped moving out of shock, but seeing as how Death didn't notice he scrambled to keep up with her.
"Delirium? What are you doing here? Are you okay?" asked Death, sitting down beside her little sister. The big man whose seat it originally was decided to choose that moment to make a run for the toilets. Jamie tried to do the same, but his neighbour was apparently engrossed in the match and didn't even look up as Jamie swatted the back of his head. He had to remain standing.
"Big sis? Is that really you? I thought I saw you once but then it wasn't really you so I thought I'd ask properly this time and maybe it'll really be you," said the strange girl, looking sideways at Death. She spoke in a disjointed, random fashion, speaking fast then slowing down, saying something softly then louder in the next breath.
Death gave her a hug. Jamie noticed the girl's body stiffening at the initial touch, then gradually relaxing after a moment. She hugged back, and Death pulled away to look at her straight in the eye, with her hands on Delirium's shoulders.
"It's really me, Del. Are you all right?" she asked again.
"I'm…fine. Really. Just like you're really you and not someone else. I know you guys said I had to stay close to Destruction but I've gotten better all by myself and he wanted to move on again. He never said a word but I still could tell so I told him he didn't need to stay with me all the time any more. Barnabas could do that."
"Where is he, by the way?"
"I think he left to get food. He doesn't like stadiums. Too many people, he said."
"Speaking of which, what made you want to watch the World Cup?"
Delirium stood up in her seat and stood on one leg, executing a little pirouette in her bare feet.
"Can't you tell, big sis? It's the crowd. They always go slightly mad at big sporting events, and all over the world as people watch it on their television screens and computer screens and big film screens and tiny little mobile phone screens. It has power. I thought coming here would make me feel better. It helped. A little. Nearly everyone in the stadium is a little bit mad right about now. Except those guys. They don't care at all," Delirium said derisively, pointing with both arms towards the luxury executive box. Jamie hid a grin.
Delirium got down and lay down on the floor, stretching her legs into the air above her. She was constantly moving, never content to remain in the same position for long. "Now that I've answered you you should answer me now, big sis. Why are you here? Did you come looking for me? Or is someone about to die?"
Death bent over her sister, stroking her hair tenderly. "No Del, I didn't know you were going to be here. And I'm actually taking a break from work."
Delirium eyes widened even more than usual. "You're taking a break? But you never take breaks! You're always working, every time I want to find you're always busy. I'd never ever ever thought you'd come to watch the World Cup. Maybe you aren't really my big sis after all." Jamie noticed a faint look of guilt on Death's face.
"Stop that Del, I wouldn't lie to you. I'm here with my friend Jamie. It was actually his idea. Delirium, this is Jamie Keane, a recently deceased young man from right here on Earth. Jamie, this is my sister the Lady Delirium, anthropomorphic personification of insanity and reality."
Jamie stuck out a hand. "Pleased to meet you, Delirium."
Delirium stared at his hand, then at him, then at Death, then back at the hand again, and finally looked down at her fingers, twisting them around each other. Death gently pushed his hand away.
"She doesn't really shake hands."
"Oh…okay then. Um, do you like football, Delirium?"
Delirium was staring up at him with an intensely scrutinising expression, as if he was the most fascinating thing in the world. She turned herself around and sat with her back to the edge of the seat.
"Now I know it's not really you, big sis. You've never gone out with a friend before, at least not while you're being the great big scary personification of life and what comes after it."
"Del, you're not being polite. Jamie's a friend of mine. He's actually helping me with my work."
Delirium put her fingers in her mouth, her multicoloured fringed falling over her eyes. Even so, it couldn't fully conceal the look of utter shock on her face.
"A friend? An assistant? A help-meet, a confidante, an intern apprentice servant sidekick dogsbody batman? Destiny won't like that. He won't like that at all. Oh no."
Death made a noise of consternation. "I'll talk to him Del, but that's not really important right now. We're just here to have a good time. We'll watch the match with you, if you like."
Delirium stretched her arms and arched her back, yawning hugely. "I was getting bored actually. But…I'd like to do something else with you big sis. Remember when you took me to watch 101 Dalmatians?"
"Oh yes. You were really noisy."
"I'm better now. I'll be good, I promise. Really. Cross my heart and hope to pluck it out and carve it up in a million pieces before being burnt and the ashes scattered to the four winds if I'm telling a falsehood."
"I don't think that'll be necessary. I'd love to take you to the movies, Del, but I'm here with Jamie and he really wants to watch the final."
Jamie was watching the on-pitch action again. Germany's Ozil and Podolski were running rings around the Argentinian defence, resulting in a shot that nearly went in. The entire stadium groaned as one.
"Jamie?"
"Sorry. What is it?"
"Would you mind if I took Delirium to the movies?"
Jamie glanced at the scoreboard, where it said ARG 0 GER 1 in huge shining letters.
"Tell you what, I think I'll come with you. This looks like a lost cause anyway." The big man had returned, and swore loudly as he looked at the Germans carving through the Argentinian team like a hot knife through butter. Taking this as their cue, Death, Delirium and Jamie got up and quietly left the stadium.
Shift
"It's dark."
"It's supposed to be dark, Del."
"It's crowded. My seat's too small."
"You're supposed to sit down on it, Del. Not lie sprawled all over with your head in my lap and your feet in Jamie's face."
"It's okay, really," said Jamie politely, craning his neck to the left as far as it would go.
"Where's Barnabas? I thought he was bringing us popcorn. Popped corn. Kernels of corn exploded and then covered in salt and butter. But they had to be exploded first. We had to blow them up before eating them. Don't you find it weird?"
"Hush, Del. You're bothering the rest of the theatre."
And so she was. People behind and around them were muttering in annoyance. Delirium didn't seem to care.
"Why's that robot all alone?"
"He's the last one, all the rest have broken down."
"Why's he collecting trash?"
"That's his job."
"Ohhhh. I have a job too. I make people see what's really there, not what they only think is there but is actually not. Like justice and stuff."
"Excuse me miss, but do you mind keeping quiet? My kids want to watch the movie," a woman behind them whispered furiously. Delirium turned around in her seat to look at her.
"You can see me? Hear me? Perceive my existence in this specific location?" she asked quizzically.
"Are you crazy? The whole theatre can! You're annoying everybody."
"Uh, Didi? Why is it people can hear us?" asked Jamie. But Death wasn't paying attention to him. She was gazing off into space, as if concentrating on reading something that only she could see. Then she clicked her tongue in annoyance.
"I don't believe this, I really don't. I thought that was it for the rest of the day."
Death leaned over to her left. "Jamie, I really need to go. Some god died on another plane, and I need to be there in person. It's the rules. Could you keep an eye on Delirium for me until I come back? I promise I'll be back as quick as I can."
"Sure...I'll do my best."
Death gave him a megawatt smile. Then she vanished in a blink of an eye.
Jamie slumped back into his seat, exhaling deeply. Beside him, Delirium was engaged in an animated, if one-sided conversation with the woman over whether a robot could love.
"Del? Can I call you Del?"
"That's what my family calls me. Are you family?"
"Well no."
"Do you want to be?"
Jamie choked. "What does that mean?"
"Oh, nothing,"Delirium said airily, swinging her legs around to rest in Death's recently vacated seat. "I'm not stupid, you know. Even though lots of people think I am. I'm not blind either. Miss Justice is blind, but you'd never know it the way she gives such dirty looks. Even though she wears a blindfold."
"I don't understand what you're talking about."
"You don't have to. Do you know you're a very special person?"
"I am?"
"You're the first mortal in, well, EVER that I've seen my big sis let do her job. Are you staying at her place?"
"Yes, but, separate rooms, obviously-"
"Don't you know how WEIRD that is? Do you have the slightest idea how many trillions and bazillions of people she's met? And she only let you help her? Why is that?"
"I don't know, okay! I asked her, she agreed. That's all there is to it."
Jamie glowered at the screen, trying to ignore Death's little sister. He hadn't really sat down and thought about it, because doing so would just give rise to massive doubts that he wasn't sure he could deal with just yet. Delirium was once again paying attention to the movie.
"Why did that white robot shut down? Are plants really that interesting?"
A teenage boy behind them had enough. "Keep it down, you retard! You're ruining it for the rest of us!"
Delirium narrowed her eyes at him. "You're not being polite. I don't think I like you."
"I don't give a rat's ass if you like me or not, just shut up!" yelled the boy, making much more noise than Delirium had. Jamie noticed his girlfriend sitting next to him, clinging on to his arm with a simpering look on her face.
"I think I'll make you think you're being attacked by bugs forev-"
Jamie placed a hand on her shoulder. "Del, please don't do that. He's not worth your time."
Delrium stared at him with an indecipherable blank expression. Then she beamed at him.
"You know, I think I can see why big sis likes you. I won't make him think he's being covered in bugs forever and ever after all."
The teenager was looking confused at the turn of events. "What do you mean I'm not worth it, you loser?"
"Look buddy," yelled a man who was accompanied by his kids. "You're the one pissing everybody off now. Just shut up and let us watch the movie in peace!"
Delirium stuck her tongue out at the rowdy teen, then quickly dropped back into her seat. She gave Jamie a sly sideways look, who couldn't help but chuckle.
The film went on ("Hey Dolly? I LOVED that musical!") and when it wrapped things up at the end Delirium stood up in her seat and clapped enthusiastically. After a moment of hesitation Jamie decided the hell with it and gave it a standing ovation as well. The parents with their kids looked at them like they were a couple of maniacs and hightailed it out of the theatre.
"Your sister's not back yet."
"I know right? She's always sooooo responsible. Always work work work. All the time! She never gets a break."
"So what do we do until she gets back?"
"I have no idea at all. Not even a sliver of a scrap of a shred of an inkling. Maybe we should wait for Barnabas."
"Who's Barnabas?"
"He's a friend of mine. A really really good friend. My brother Destruction introduced us."
"He can come find us if he likes. Come on, I'll get you an ice cream."
Jamie took her to a nearby ice-cream parlour, attracting strange looks from the passers-by. He was beginning to be accustomed to them. He ordered a mint chocolate chip for himself and asked Delirium what she wanted.
"Do they have chicken and telephone?"
"I don't think that's been invented by mortal man yet, Del."
"How about Andy Garcia?"
"They do have Cherry Garcia."
"Nah, I only want Andy. Maybe Al Cappucino?"
"They don't have that either Del."
"That's so boring! I don't want any ice-cream."
"Come on. How bout a Triple Berry Blast with a double scoop of mango/banana, covered in hot fudge and topped with nuts?"
"Oooh, yes please."
Jamie checked his pockets, which were distinctly lacking in human currency.
"This is embarassing. I don't seem to have any money with me," Jamie said weakly to the cashier, who looked irritated. Delirium sidled up beside him and slapped a twenty into his hand.
"Cool, guess I can pay after all. I owe you Del," said Jamie, taking both cups of ice-cream and making his way to a table.
"It was nothing. Someone gave me a dollar once. To buy food for Barnabas, he said. He was a convict. And also the Norse god of light."
"Uh-huh," mumbled Jamie, spooning ice-cream into his mouth. It was good. Death didn't have any in the house, which was a situation that needed to be rectified post haste.
"I have a few questions, if you'd like to answer them," Jamie continued. Delirium had leaned back in her chair and held a spoonful of ice cream in the air as high as she could, letting it drip into her open mouth.
"Go 'head," said Delirium, accidentally getting most of the ice-cream all over her face.
"First up. Why can people see us? They couldn't while I was with Didi."
"Who's Didi?"
"Your sister?"
"Ohhh. That's nice. I think I'll use it next time. Um okay. The reason why people can see us is because I want them to. That's it, I guess."
"That's it?"
"That is it. Although that depends on what your definition of 'it' is."
Jamie had nothing to say to that, so he concentrated on his ice-cream instead. He was getting the last chocolate chip when a furry German Shepherd trotted into the parlour and licked Delirium's fingers, making her giggle.
"That's a friendly dog," commented Jamie. The dog gave him a dirty look, insofar as canines were capable of giving such looks.
"The Lady Delirium is my mistress and I am sworn to protect and guide her whereever she may choose to go. Might I enquire who is it that has been keeping her company ever since I left her outside a football stadium in Johannesburg?" it said. It had a deep, educated voice, tinged with world-weariness and exasperation. It was a voice of a dog that had seen pretty much all there is to see and had learned not to be surprised by any of it.
Jamie chewed the chocolate chip slowly. "You can talk."
"Your grasp of the obvious is breathtaking."
"And you're pretty sarcastic."
"I would like to repeat my observation."
"You know, you're a dog who can talk and is pretty sarcastic, and spends most of his time following a young kid around…"
"What's your point?"
"I could have sworn I watched this before on Fox!" said Jamie, beginning to crack up. Delirium joined him. That, plus the surprisingly human look of annoyance on Barnabas's face set him off again.
"Are you two done?"
"Yes. Just about, I think," said Jamie, wiping away a tear.
"About bloody time. Don't ever run off like that again Del, I had enough trouble trying to find you the last time."
"Sorry."
"I was worried," said Barnabas, softening his tone.
"Sorry again," said Delirium. She reached over and scratched behind his ears.
"Just tell me before you dash off."
"But Didi was there! She would never do anything crazy. Well that was that one time in the old Soviet Union. Aaand the whole Welsh mountains thing. Oh oh, remember that whole week in Cuba? That was fantastic! And that's just on this planet."
"Del? Just who is Didi?"
"Oh, that's what Jamie here calls my big sis."
"Which one?" asked Barnabas.
"My big sis!"
"Oh. Her. Didi. Hmm. Good name, Mr. Jamie."
"Keane, actually. But you can call me Jamie."
"Hey! HEY! You can't bring a dog in here!" yelled the store manager. Every head in the ice-cream parlour turned to stare at him. Then all those heads minus three turned to stare at them.
"I'll handle this," mumbled Delirium.
"Good," whispered Jamie, glancing at the manager. "Now I'll talk to him and you two just try to remain inconspicuous - damnit!"
Delirium and Barnabas had vanished without a trace.
"Huh? What? Where did they go?"
"Where did who go?" said Jamie, quickly seizing upon the opportunity like a drowning man grasps at a life preserver.
"That weird girl and her dog," said the manager uncertainly. People were already losing interest and going back to their ice-creams.
"I came here alone, man."
"But – you ordered two cups of ice-cream! Why two?"
Jamie shrugged. "I like ice-cream."
"Just get out of here."
"Already gone."
Jamie left the shop, wandering nowhere in particular. Someone sneaked up behind him and covered his eyes.
"Didi, I know it's you."
"However did you guess?" she asked playfully, slipping her arm into the crook of his elbow.
"You use a very nice perfume."
"Thank you for noticing, it's very hard to get. Most of the ingredients can't even be found in this galaxy."
"Yeah, that and the fact that you're the only person in the whole universe who can see me."
"That is true."
"A talking dog came and left with your sister, by the way."
"That's Barnabas. He's a really nice guy."
"Dog."
"Dogs are people too. Did Delirium behave herself?"
"Define behave."
"Was anything set on fire, blown up or turned into a giant dancing purple penguin who belched the theme to Evita?"
"Now that you mention it, roughly seventy-three giant purple penguins by my count."
"Really."
"Nah, she was quite nice. You know, for a kid. I got her some ice-cream."
"Oh. I've...been meaning to do something like that. But something always came up in the meantime. You know how it is." Jamie thought Death sounded a tiny bit downcast, and she pulled away a little."
"Hey, you don't need to make excuses. You have the toughest job there could possibly be. I'm sure Del knows that."
"Yeah. I know it and she knows it too. I just wish I could spend more time with her, that's all. Even though she's technically billions of years old she's still just a kid, and there have been times in the past where certain problems could have been avoided if I'd just paid more attention to her."
"Didi. It's the dilemma of all elder siblings anywhere on the multiverse, at least the ones who actually care what happens to their little bro or sis. We humans haven't figured it out and it's kinda depressing to see omnipotent aspects of the universe clueless too."
Didi laughed and gave him a shove. "Jerk."
"But an insightful one, you have to admit."
"Only under pain of, well, death."
Jamie groaned. "That was so lame. I can't believe how lame that was. Take it back."
"Never!" Didi had linked arms with Jamie again, and prepared to open up the way home.
"Hey Didi?"
"Yeah?"
"You know, now that I'm helping you out you should have more time to hang out with Del."
"I'd really like that."