After some thought, Alba asked, "Why did you appear? Was it because of this Book?" "Yes," Lilith replied with a nod.
"You poured a large amount of Holy Light into that Book, or rather into the Sun inside it," she explained. "That triggered a mechanism, and I responded to the call. There may be others it can summon. I was simply nearby."
"So that's how it is," Alba murmured. If that was true, then there were others like her who could stop time, all connected to this book or the Sun. The thought was unsettling.
She pointed to the crystal-like golden sphere embedded in the cover. "Then what exactly is this?" Lilith gently touched it, her eyes widening for a moment before calming down again.
"This is Sun," she said. When Alba pressed for its nature and function, the answer did not change. "Its use will become clear to you in time. Its essence is exactly what I said."
Frustration gnawed at Alba, but she forced a smile and stopped pushing. From her view, Lilith was dodging the question, though in truth she had already answered plainly.
Because of prior arrangements by Ham, too much could not be revealed. Alba had to remain human and walk the path again without awakening certain memories. Only an ordinary person could avoid His gaze.
After some hesitation, Lilith added one practical suggestion. "If necessary, you can use it for lighting, or to hit someone." That only earned her a deeply resentful look.
Finally, Alba asked the question she cared about most. "Do you know the one behind me? Are you connected to the God and the Simulator?" This was the core of her fear and curiosity.
"Yes," Lilith answered openly. Her eyes gleamed, showing a hint of noble crimson deep within. "If I must say, I am his retainer."
"You don't need to worry," she continued. "Including me, none of us bear you any ill will. In fact, it's the opposite. You've already received many benefits from him. Think about it carefully."
As Alba recalled the past, she realized it was true. Setting aside appearances, he had helped her more than once. And that meant the Simulator truly was closely tied to the God after all.
"So then… that God, no, or rather, all of you, why did you choose me?" "I am clearly just an ordinary person. People better than me are everywhere, so why did it have to be me?"
Alba finally voiced the question that had built up since the moment of her crossing. She was just an ordinary passerby who had been dragged in by a truck accident, not someone special to begin with. Then she was chosen by the Simulator and started a long run of suffering, stumbled into the Pure White Book, and was selected by some unknown God, all of it looking like pure bad luck at first.
But once she thought it through, the sense of deliberate guidance felt far too strong. From the suddenly altered side missions, to the way the Book picked her for no clear reason, and then the Abyss Church attacking the city, everything seemed to pull her along a single path. Even now, it felt like she had dragged Elvin and Lynna into it as well.
All of these events pushed her toward something specific, especially that highly suspicious Saintess identity. If she had not insisted on only wearing Lynna's shell instead of showing up in person, she did not even want to imagine what state she would be in now. With even divine favor appearing before her, Alba truly did not understand White Tier why so many powerful figures kept circling around her.
Could she really endure a few more disasters like the last ones? "Is that how you see it? But honestly, you already know the answer, don't you? You are not as ordinary as you think."
Lilith calmly sipped her coffee while watching those faintly glowing golden eyes. Without any rush, she handed over another cup, and when Alba took it, she found the coffee had turned into a fresh, light floral tea. After a few sips, the taste was surprisingly good, and her thoughts slowly settled down.
"If you want a different flavor, just think about it. That level of trick is easy enough for me." The reminder made Alba think of something she had been very familiar with before crossing, and instantly the tea in her mouth changed, filling with sharp bubbles.
She looked into the cup and saw dark brown liquid fizzing inside, unmistakably Cola. Confused but shocked, she gulped down a couple of mouthfuls before replying. "You say I am not that ordinary, but that might not be true. If someone else had my conditions, they would probably do better than me."
If the Simulator and the gaze of a God were given to Elvin or Raina, they might gladly accept and use them far better. Unlike her, who complained, feared them, and still had to rely on them anyway. She felt it was pathetic, but that was how it was.
Her actual strength was barely enough to deal with chickens or a couple of weak enemies, and anything stronger made her collapse instantly. Even the last crisis with the Abyss Church was solved by borrowing the power of that God. She was just an account holder, a tool at best, and might even get in the way if she stayed conscious.
"If you still insist on thinking like that, then I can only say it directly," Lilith said, narrowing her eyes. "You have already died many times in that so-called Simulator, haven't you?"
Alba nodded without thinking. "Yes. I can barely keep track anymore, and the ways keep getting worse. That is exactly why it should not be me. I cannot even survive a few days each time."
"That is where you are wrong," Lilith replied. "The unusual part is that after dying so many times, you keep using it."
She dropped two sugar cubes into her coffee and added a little milk, choosing not to alter it directly. After another sip, adjusted to her preferred sweetness, she continued. "Most people would break after dying a few times, maybe dozens. Even the strong-willed might last hundreds or thousands, but only with a firm goal they would pay any price to achieve."
"But you are different. Think carefully. You have probably died hundreds of times already, many through sacrifice, slaughter, or torture. Those are deaths that are unbearably painful and mentally damaging to any normal person."
"You even carry a small knife, likely to end the simulation early by killing yourself. After hundreds of painful deaths, choosing suicide just to avoid another one, tell me, which part of that is normal? The answer is none of it."
Alba's pupils shrank, but Lilith kept going. "You say you are ordinary, yet no ordinary person with no clear goal, driven only by the desire to live, would keep doing things like saving strangers after dying hundreds of times."
"And suicide is never that easy, even if you know you will not truly die. But you do it without hesitation. Ask yourself, is your way of thinking really the same as everyone else's?"
"When facing enemies you absolutely cannot fight, you only think about solving it in the Simulator first. You never seriously consider just running away. And for people you barely know, why are you willing to risk your life for them?"
Alba opened her mouth but could not find an answer. She had always said she wanted to live, forcing herself into reckless actions, yet the simplest option was always there. She could have escaped, mapped a safe route with the Simulator, and fled Cathedral City instead of playing Assassin's Codex ol and diving into danger.
So why face monsters and horrors with an ordinary human body? Even someone like 486 needed a powerful goal to die that many times. What was her reason? This was simulation, not time rewind. She could only simulate endlessly, not redo reality.
Deep down, she valued her life, but there were many things she valued more than it. That was why she kept risking herself for reasons she could not even name. "Then… what am I doing this for?" she asked, clutching her head.
The excuse of being ordinary suddenly felt hollow. She had used it to avoid facing what was wrong with her, again and again, without success. The strange powers, the repeated attention from the Simulator, the God, and even the Evil God all made the idea of being ordinary harder to believe.
She raised her head and asked the question again. Lilith looked into those glowing golden eyes and shook her head. She could expose the truth, but the answer was something Alba had to find herself.
After recalling Ham's commission and notes, she felt the timing was right. "I cannot help you more with this, but you are heading to Holy City next, right? To join the final Saintess selection?"
Alba nodded, her eyes dimming a little. Everything from that day felt like a strange dream shared only by her and Raina. After that, there was no more trouble from the Abyss Church, and the three of them simply went on to Holy City.