Sunlight seeped through my blinds as I woke up. A small part of me almost wished I hadn't—because then I might have seen him again. He filled my thoughts day and night, rain or shine. I wanted him back.
My mind drifted to his funeral. The friend group had walked together toward his casket. I stayed behind. I couldn't bear to see him without that dumb smile on his face. I missed it. I missed him—more than I knew how to say.
I rolled over and grabbed my phone, blinking at the notifications lighting up the screen.
Dominic: Hey, we should hang out. It's been a while.Amy: Yeah, that would be awesome!
I rolled onto my back and set my phone aside.
"No thanks," I muttered.
I didn't want to go out—but my social life desperately needed it. I'd barely left my room all summer. I looked like a vampire. With a sigh, I rubbed my eyes and sat on the edge of my bed, pressing my palms into my face.
"Breakfast ready!" my mom yelled from downstairs.
I heard my brother shoot up on the other side of the wall and race down the stairs. I laughed softly to myself. He was such a dork—the kind of gamer kid who got picked on for good grades but never actually did the work. Book-smart in theory.
I decided to eat this morning.
"God, I'm tired," I said as I walked into the kitchen.
"Maybe you should start going to bed earlier," my mom replied, glancing over her shoulder.
"I never thought of that," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
I grabbed a plate and sat beside my brother, dishing up food. He grabbed another pancake and dropped it onto my plate.
"You need it," he said, glancing at me.
"Well, thanks for thinking about me," I muttered, rolling my eyes.
"So, who were you playing with last night?" I asked, thinking of how loud he'd been when I got home.
"Oh, you know. Some of the football team," he said, shoving a forkful of pancake into his mouth.
"Oh… nice," I said, giving him a look as he scarfed down more food.
"Like who?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Oh, you know—Max, Jackson, and Kyle."
I almost choked.
Of all people—Kyle?
I shouldn't have been surprised. Jackson and Kyle were on the football team together and practically inseparable. Amy just had to fall for a football kid.
"You alright?" my brother asked, frowning.
"Yup. I'm great," I said, standing abruptly. I shoved my plate toward him and headed upstairs, locking my door behind me.
I pulled on my jeans and hoodie, then grabbed my phone.
Where are we meeting? I texted the group chat.
Hours later, we met up at the local mall. Even surrounded by people, my thoughts kept drifting back to him. To Smith. He lingered everywhere.
"Hey," Jackson said suddenly, snapping me out of it. "One of my buddies is throwing a party tonight. There'll be drinks. You in?"
Honestly, a little alcohol didn't sound terrible.
"I'm down," I said, checking the time before smirking at Amy.
She sighed dramatically. "Fine."
After shopping, we piled into Jackson's car. He had the nicest one—thanks to his dad's money—but I wasn't complaining. None of us really knew where we were going. Just that there would be drinks and no parents home.
Sure, if we got caught, scholarships would probably vanish—but you only live once, right?
The house was already pulsing with music when we pulled up, lights flashing through the windows.
"They really went all out," I said as we got out.
Dominic opened my door like I was royalty, and Jackson did the same for Amy. Lilly rolled her eyes from the backseat.
Inside, Jackson and Amy drifted toward the football team. Lilly joined another group with Dominic. Suddenly, I was alone.
I felt eyes on me.
I headed for the kitchen and poured myself a strong drink. Maybe—just maybe—I could get a break from thinking about Smith. I slipped down a dark hallway and sank to the floor, resting against the wall.
"Loud, isn't it?"
I jumped as a silhouette appeared beside me.
"Y-yeah," I said. "I'm not really a party person. My friends talked me into it."
"I get that," he said, sitting down next to me. "This isn't really my thing either. My friends just wanted me to throw one since my parents are gone."
His voice was calm. Deep. Familiar in a way that made my chest loosen.
I took another sip of my drink and glanced toward him.
"So," I said, "are we going to sit here playing the guessing game, or…?"
"Yup," he said, chuckling. "That's exactly what we're doing."
He reminded me of Smith—but somehow, it didn't hurt. Talking to him felt… soothing. I placed my hand on the floor near his. It had been a long time since I'd felt this calm.
"What color are your eyes?" I asked.
"Blue," he said softly. "What about you?"
"Brown. My hair's brown too—well, mostly. I dyed it."
"I'm sure you're pretty," he said, gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
My face burned.
"Hey, don't get embarrassed," he laughed, lifting my chin slightly. "I promise—you're pretty."
I hadn't felt this happy in months.
"How do you know?" I whispered, leaning closer.
A knock echoed through the house.
"Cops," we said at the same time.
We bolted, ducking into a closet just as footsteps passed by. When the light flicked on, I froze.
"It's you," I hissed.
He clamped a hand over my mouth and shut the light off again.
"This couldn't get any worse," he whispered.
"Oh, it definitely could," I muttered. "Being stuck in a closet with you isn't exactly ideal."
"Trust me," he said quietly. "The feeling's mutual."
And yet…
For some reason, I didn't hate him as much as I had yesterday.
Sitting in that hallway, talking to him—I'd felt alive.
I hadn't felt that way since Smith died.