It was a new moon night. No stars to gaze at. No moon to behold. The air was still. Still in a creepy and skin crawling way. This is how I remember it. It was late at night, I was pretending to be asleep but really I was listening to my father talk to his friend who had been babysitting me, since my father had to go somewhere.
I remember my dear father say that my eyes and my smile reminded him of my mother. In that moment I realised I knew nothing about my mother.
This happened in my previous life when I was about three and continues to be one of my first memory. My mother had died when I was about eight months old. Naturally I had no memory of her. Just like any other kid I was too busy in my own joyous world to notice before. All I had to remember her was just a little picture. I remember once tried asking my father about her but when I did he looked so sad that I couldn't help but change the subject. Sadly life never gave me the chance to ask him a second time.
As I grew up I felt this deep sorrow whenever I thought a single picture was all I knew about the woman who brought me into this world.
I sighed and gazed out of the window, the night was the same as that day, dark and lonely. And thinking of that day brought back the emptiness I had felt back then.
I had been struggling to sleep ever since the terrifying nightmare I had seen the previous night. And now I was up staring at the nothingness of a night without something to light it. The city was asleep, the night was dark, the house was eeriely quite. My bedroom light was off so nobody knows that I was awake. In that moment, I was truly alone with nothing but my thoughts to surround me.
I am truly grateful that I got to know my mother in this life though even now sometimes I wonder what she might have been like. I wonder about the mother I never got to meet, the father I never got to thank, the students I never got to see as adults, the friends I never got to say good by to, the teacher I never got to pay back, the life I never got to continue.
***************
It was morning like usual, we were all having breakfast. Mummy had to leave in order to visit her brother who just had a little baby. She was beaming with excitement all morning eager to meet her little nephew. My mother is the oldest of five siblings. And her youngest brother had a son. His second child.
In the afternoon I was sitting with my father, just talking. I had resolved to know as much as I could about this family. So I asked my father the question I had been practising in the mirror.
"So Papa, what was mummy like when she was young?"
"Well, you know we had an arranged marrige. So after we got married she was just like what she is now. But your mother had faced a lot of struggles as a young girl."
"Tell me more."
"When your mother was young her family's financial condition wasn't exactly good. Your grandfather was the only one who was earning, while your grandmother was a stay at home wife. Your grandfather had five children and a wife to feed. However, after his pay was cut half he was unable to do so. Your grandmother wasn't getting a decent job as she didn't had a degree. Your mother was thirteen when she stepped up. She would return from her school at two and then she would teach tutions till eight. Then she studied and helped her siblings with homework. On weekends she would teach from seven in the morning to seven in the evening. At that time she barely got enough sleep but she always made sure that her family was happy. That is what shaped her into the brave and caring woman she is."
"That's just so inspiring!"
"When I got to know about this I was delighted to be the man who married her. And obviously both your grandparents agreed."
It is so ironic that the brightest and kindest people hide the greatest struggles. When a woman stands her struggles are right behind her, the chances she took, the struggles she made for her family can never be unseen. Not like men don't care about their family. But a woman is quite the domestic creature.
While a man goes for a job to earn a woman not only goes for one as well but she always makes sure to feed the younger ones. That is the beauty of nature no human can survive without truly caring about someone and that's what makes them human.
The next evening when Mummy was back I saw her happily playing hide and seek with Chandresh as I went to the house in front of mine to help Vaishnavi with her studies.
I looked at her looking so happy, loving a stranger's child like her own. Her smile so bright that it seemed to light up the whole world but this time I saw my mother for who she was. She was a lady who sacrificed her childhood so that her siblings could have one and now she is sacrificing her adulthood for us. Someone so pure and so carring that even the angles seems cruel in front of her. Someone so loving that her love seems endless. Someone so kind that it seems unreal. That is who my mother is someone so strong that she would shatter the whole world for her family.
I looked at her eyes, they were so welcoming. I am glad I am getting a chance to know such an incredible lady. For me she is not just someone who cares about me but someone I wanna be like when I grow up. My mother is one of the reason I don't regret this chance.