Rowena rubbed her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"What… in the world…"
"-are we viewing right now?…"
"-are we reading right now…?"
"-And where can I get more of this?!?!"
An esteemed and cultured reader added at the same time from his comfortable seat in the Audience, complementing and completing Rowena's utterance.
On the CCTV screen, one can see action replays of the Dark Rizzards getting spanked by their own leader, one by one, into the Icy Tunnel…!
Sally sucked in a breath as she surveyed the diabolically deviant display.
These were clearly… no ordinary bad guys.
But believe it or not, the cold reality wafted towards them like a wintry breeze - the Dark Rizzards were coming!
___
In slow motion, we can see the DRSABCDs, who had now donned their Dark Rizzard masks, jogging down the tunnel towards Tristen.
"Hah!"
"Hyah!!!"
The first Dark Rizzard tried to engage Tristen utilizing his 'forward jogging momentum', but a punch to the mask quickly took him down.
The second Dark Rizzard tried to tackle Tristen, but he was also dispatched by a kick which knocked him out.
The third Dark Rizzard tried to use the gained time to catch Tristen with a blow from his girthy weapon,
but suddenly,
*Zing!*
An ice bullet struck him in the head - Rowena of course was using her Anti-Rizz rifle to great effect and picking them off one by one!
And of course, Sally, her eyes glowing with FL power, was freezing them with blasts of her innate Ice Queen magic.
And so the battle began.
Tristen was pushing back the wave of Dark Rizzards with textbook moves from his Anti-Rizz Martial Arts Manual, downing DRSABCDs centre, centre and centre (there wasn't room for left and right since the Tunnel was kind of narrow) countering their attacks with his ice blades, and immobilizing them with strikes, locks, and judicious jabs, whilst Rowena scoped, sniped and head-shotted Dark Rizzard after Dark Rizzard with her Ice Bullets, and Sally transformed them all into Icypoles with the sheer Radiance from her Divine Ice Queen Aura.
The air was fast-filled with a foggy, thick mist of thick, misty fog from the cumulative salvo and onslaught, a literal hailstorm of bullets whirr(l)ing, magic swirling, and Dark Rizzards twirling, alongside Tristen doing his best impression of a human wall keeping them in place to receive Just-ice - this time without the é.
*jogging*
*Ergh!*
*Aargh!!!*
*Pew-pew!!!!*
*Whoosh!*
"Kerinkle!!!"
*Tinkle!!!!"
"Whump!!!*
Before long, no more sounds of jogging, the usual beloved ejaculatory cries and combat could be heard, only the panting of the ARSES as they decimated the DRSABCDs using their skilled strategy and flawless teamwork…
*As the icy dust settles*
*the last shadowy figure slumps motionless*
"D-did we get them all?!"
"I-I think so?!?!"
The audience couldn't look away…
Sally and the ARSES weren't actually 'arses', and so they hadn't aimed to kill but rather, to knock them out - after all, Rowena had insisted that they pay for the puffer jackets and other items they had stolen and if they were dead, it would be letting them off easy and the Anti-Rizz Realm would lose out.
As the icy dust settles, Rowena strides forward with a grim expression, deducting the money from the motionless Dark Rizzards' stolen purchases from their wallets using a wireless card reader.
*Bleep*
*Bleep*
*Bleep*
"$XXX has been debited from the account.
$XXX has been debited from the account.
"Thanks for shopping at the Central Convenience Store!!!"
"You have received XXX membership points!"
The first time was a warning - but if they shoplifted again - they would be permanently banned from the 7-Evans Convenience Store Chain - and their membership revoked!!!
___
*Amidst the celebratory victory music...*
Well, that's that… ?!?!
And yet… of course, knowing Author, dealing with things this easily was too good to be true!!!
Suddenly, just as Rowena was checking out the total balance of her figures, a figure arose from the shadows, knocking her off-balance, and then out!!!!!!
___
*as the icy dust settles*
"Is that it?"
"That's the showdown?"
Tristen panted. At the same time, he couldn't help but feel a bit bummed out, and not just because he was the leader of the ARSES. He had been hoping to have another bout with someone good at fighting and experience the thrill of winning after a hard-fought battle. He had won, but wasn't this a little bit too... easy?!
And so, as you do, He turned back at the crucial moment to look back at Sally - of course at *exactly* the time that a cloaked Dark Rizzard suddenly arose as if from the dead!!!
"B-behind you!" Sally gasped and cried out a warning, but inwardly, she knew that she had already fallen into the cliché!
It was too late!
"Huh?!" Tristen predictably took a moment, as always just a moment too long!!! just as he was clouted over the head with what appeared to be a long rubber arm…!!!
"Oh, you sweet summer children!" In the audience, several members gasped, and some of the more sensitive ladies even felt tears springing to their eyes - t-this wasn't how things were meant to go…?!?!
"Technically, the ARSES would be born in winter I imagine?!" Pep-Z Guy, the king of saying unpopular but probably true things commented reflexively, but even his face was pale, in the shock of the reversal, seemingly at the cusp of success...
Sally's eyes widened even as she cried out Tristen and Rowena's names as per the script.
"Tristen~!!!"
"Rowena~!!!"
___
"…Sally~!!!"