The feeling was so cold in first few seconds I didn't even know what's happened.
MOVE, DAMMIT! MOVEE.
Huh? Somebody spoke to me, who was that? Sense of calmness and sleepy feeling overwhelmed and I drifted into deep sleep.
MOVE YOURSELF DAMMIT! YOU IDIOT MOVE!!!!
A strong pain woke me up I wanted to scream and I did but nothing came out, my spinal cord was damaged with Layrax being distorted what I did manage was to spill the blood as I opened my mouth.
YOU DON'T NEED TO DIE NOW AT LEAST, not yet... please just move...please move you have to live for your parents...please.
Don't abondand them and let them suffer.
That voice? It's crying why though it's me who is dying not him.
Time started to slow down for me and I finally made a sense of situation to myself. I was dying, I lost my sense of self in the impact from the train.
My eyelids started to feel so heavy and so cold that I didn't even know what to do.
Please, you have to move for them.....for them.....move DAMM YOU IDIOT.
Following the voice in my head I tried my best to move my body but all those internal shouts only managed to twitch my finger a little.
But I didn't give up the and kept trying, it felt like trying to move something agianst an unmovable force where everything is against you. But that something is your own body.
I move my body a little while overcoming a nonsensically fear at that time I might broke my body further but nobody came to help me.
Not one person.
They were too busy clicking photos, recording videos, capturing the perfect scene for their Snapchat instead of rushing me to a hospital.
That was when I realized—
No one was coming to help me.
I knew myself it's not a place where someone has to scarfice themselves to save me so why not just anyone jumped down to at least try to stop my bleeding or give me comfort?
I tried to move my head a little but even that was rejected by my broken body. I was not even driven in fear and pain, both of them were nearly stopped the only driving force that even kept me alive till now.
So, all I could do was curse at them while feeling how utterly powerless I was. I couldn't even save myself.
I was bleeding out too fast.
Too much.
And the world felt like it was slowly slipping through my grasp
As the end approached, time slowed down even more.
The last surge of adrenaline hit me, and my life began flashing before my eyes—my parents' smiles, the happy moments, the regrets.
And weirdly, even my boss's scoldings came to mind and oddly enough I was enjoying it.
Maybe I'd finally gone insane, laughing at memories that didn't matter anymore.
Ha.....ha...a..! So this is the Bystander Effect! I became a perfect textbook example.
With my remaining strength, I turned my head.
There he was the person who dragged me into this death.
A man who killed me while killing himself.
My death… was it common? Uncommon?
Does it matter?
All I knew was that fate played a cruel joke on me.
I died just trying to go home with just a little more comfort.
My story went out like these rush hours were ongoing, and people were gathering up like flies waiting for a train to arrive so everyone could enjoy the comfort called home with some suffering as everyday thing.
And within that mess, I played my own stupid little game trying to push forward to get a spot in front,and secure a seat. Just a tiny bit of comfort in an exhausting life.
Its quite efgicent as well, most people can't even make it into rush trains if they didn't do shit like these.
But the fate had some others plans for me.
A random man jumped at me.
Tackling me which pushed both of us onto the tracks in front of the moving train.
It wasn't going fast, but even a slow train can kill you when there's barely any space beneath it.
So naturally my only thought was:
"Why me? Out of everyone?"
So trying to explain the unexplainable, I came up with an answer:
A young adulr barely eighteen is the perfect target for any suicidal person to choose.
Who would pick an elderly person when a young one has whole life ahead of them to take away?
Or maybe that's just my way of justifying my own death.
We all do that, right?
Find excuses to justify death.
…Don't we?
Yeah… it's not relatable, is it?
My body was a mess—literally.
Not metaphorically.
Bones, blood, everything out of order.
I can even be made into a jigsaw puzzle if you want.
The calmness and sleepy feeling take over back again and it felt like water flowing… except the "water" was my blood leaking out.
Suddenly I started to felt the voices of the onlookers faded.
The world darkened at the edges of eye.
The pain disappeared, replaced with a strange peace.
forced my eyes open one last time and saw
Myself.
Like I was floating outside my own body.
A third-person view.
Then darkness swallowed everything.
Authorities arrived.
They declared me dead.
But I was right there.
Awake.
Watching.
Screaming silently.
Author Note:-
if you're wondering what kind of sequence this whole dying thing followed, it's actually kinda simple.
It went something like this:
Train impact → concussion → blackout → pain kicking in → waking up half-broken → senses going dull because the brain is trying to keep body alive → adrenaline boost → time slowing like a damn slow motion scene → blood leaking out → flashbacks → body shutting things down one by one → no chance to survive → acceptance → and then... dead.
Kinda funny isn't it tried my best to give realism in it.