Edmund's POV
Her small body frame shivered against the cool autumn breeze. Not even the double layered coats was enough to warm her up.
Unconsciously my hand was already making its way to hug her, providing the warmth her body badly needed. But I recoiled.
I have to hold myself back. I did not dare mess up.
Yet, I could not let go of my gaze. She was like a smoke that disappeared if I looked away.
"Was it me?" The words slipped out of my mouth.
She looked at me, eyes filled with confusion. I hesitated to clarify but I was desperate for an answer.
"There are times you look like you are afraid of me. And today is one of them."
Maisie shifted uncomfortably, pulling the collars that were already up and fidgeting with the buttons.
"Am I truly terrifying?" I gently prodded her.
"I don't know. I really don't know." She turned her head sideways, avoiding my gaze.
"There must be something I did that put the fear in you."
Her pace hastened, pausing only where the sun rays hit the paving blocks.
"I overheard…," she whispered when I caught up with her. "That you ordered the doctor to sedate me."
I let out a breath that I unknowingly held. That was it?
"The doctor did sedate you but it was not under my instruction."
Her eyes shook with disbelief and she took a step backward from me. It was a little too close to the busy road that I instinctively pulled her back in. She stayed frozen in her spot, this time further inside the pavement.
Immediately, I let go of her. "Sorry. I- I did not mean to frighten you. You were too close to the road and I…" My voice trailed. Unwanted images of her body flying due to my car colliding with her came flooding. My breathing turned rapid and it was horrendous!
But I fought the overwhelming feelings and the dizziness. I had to. I need to clear things up with her. Otherwise, my relationship with her would be gone forever.
"I believe it was a medical procedure because your conditions worsened at the time. If it makes you feel any better, we could go and ask for some clarification."
She nodded her head but there was uncertainty. I wanted to explain more. I wanted to tell her that it was just a misunderstanding. But I knew the more I talked, the more it sounded like an excuse.
* * * * *
Maisie did not want to meet with the doctor for confirmation. She only requested to go back home.
"Are all these the reasons why I fainted?" She asked, reading a piece of paper from the pile on the dining table.
Papers detailing our marriage since day one were everywhere. Every piece of information that I know about her, incidents that had happened to her, I wrote it all down.
"It's only an assumption for now."
"I read all of this and then fainted?" Her fingers flipped through the pages.
"In a way, yes." She looked at me when I pushed the paper she was holding down. "Maybe we can look at this after you- I mean, we take our rest?"
She bit her bottom lip. Her eyes lingered on the words 'First Memory Loss'. She nodded her head even when her hands reluctantly let go of the paper.
"You mentioned that my first memory loss was approaching."
"I did."
"When was it again…?"
I closed my eyes. Not because I did not remember but because I could remember that day vividly. "It was on the fifth of November."
"Was it bad?"
I took a deep breath and forced a smile. "You were fine. Not as disoriented as the third time." If only you knew how much I suffered the first time…
"Was I becoming progressively worse at every memory loss…?"
"If I have to be honest, yes."
She nodded her head and remained silent.
I wanted to elaborate more considering I was running out of time. But I dared not. I could not make the same mistake twice. As anxious as I was about the uncertain future that it might bring, her health comes first.
"Go to sleep," I requested, placing her favourite fleece on top of the already thick blanket.
"Will you?"
"In due time, yes," I answered as truthful as I could. I was too apprehensive to even take my gaze off her, let alone fall asleep.
"Why? I thought you said we were going to take a rest?"
"Yes, we are -"
"Bullshit." She interjected, sitting upright on the bed. "You think you sitting there, looking at me is considered resting?" Her whispers turned into an offensive hiss. "What am I, your prisoner?"
My mouth agape from the misunderstanding.
"I didn't mean to. I'll get out of the room if it helps." I never meant for her to be aggravated. Once again, it was my selfishness that affected her.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"
She pulled the blanket, turned around and huffed.
"Maisie… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"If you are, then you should stop playing my caregiver!"
I thought I could not be even more surprised by her statement. I was not at all feeling burdened to look after her. In fact, I love that I could give her my all.
"I'm not - Look. I'm sorry. I was just-"
"Shut up and sleep next to me."
I stood there, speechless.