Dokja slowly raised his head at the words. Yu Junghyeok's face was still expressionless, but there was something in his gaze that set Dokja's chest on fire.
"They say it a lot. Your story."
Dokja covered his eyes with both hands.
He wanted to say that he was smiling, but there was no denying the wetness in his eyes and the rasp in his throat.
Yu Junghyeok mercifully refrained from addressing it, only sipping his tea instead.
"Let's go back to Earth, Kim Dokja."
Ah fuck.
He couldn't stop his tears after all.
Caressing the hair of the sleeping protagonist, Dokja felt his lips forming a sardonic smile.
Ah, he hated this man.
He hated how this man seemingly brought the apocalypse into his life when Dokja had finally started to be happy.
He hated how this man suddenly erased his own Yu Junghyeok from existence and replaced him.
He hated how this man refused to regress and risked his life to see the conclusion in this worldline together with him, just as what Kim Dokja dearly wished.
He hated how this man constantly reminded him of the love he had lost.
He hated how this man had managed to make him fall so easily, betraying the one he should devote his love to.
He hated how this man had forced him to move on.
He hated this man.
He hated him.
He hated him.
Kim Dokja left to face a possible death after kissing the forehead of the unconscious protagonist, slipping a newly-made pocket watch into the limp hand of the Regressor.
Kim Dokja stared at the 1863rd Yu Junghyeok, who was standing in front of him with a blank gaze.
He had questioned it multiple times, but seeing this Yu Junghyeok deepened his suspicion.
They all had the same face.
That was a given, because Ways of Survival revolved around one man, but still. Why did they all have the same face as his Junghyeok?
Was his Junghyeok also a part of Regressor Yu Junghyeok's numerous lives? Did that mean his past life was a part of the novel? How could that be?
They were so similar…
But they were different people…
Different…
Different…
Dokja blinked.
Where was the line that separated reality from the novel?
Had his reality been mingled with the novel since the very start?
Were they currently just separated by the worldlines?
Was his Junghyeok, somewhere in this vast universe, still alive? Still searching for him, like how he was desperately doing?
Would he ever get the chance to meet him again if that was the case, then?
Would it be alright for him to keep hoping?
Stepping forward, he caressed 1863rd Yu Junghyeok's scarred cheek.
Would his Junghyeok look like this too without him? Lost and angry? Devoid of any human feelings?
Broken?
"Rest," he whispered. "I will finish your story."
"Yu Junghyeok," Kim Dokja called out.
The man in question did not answer, still staring expressionlessly at the portal where Anna Croft had just vanished into.
So Kim Dokja called out again, his voice a little trembling, "Please, at least listen to what I have to say. You used to call me your companion, once upon a time, didn't you?"
Yu Junghyeok shifted his gaze towards him and slowly unsheathed his sword.
"That was in the past."
The icy-cold rage beneath his tone wasn't something Dokja could readily unpack. The tips of his fingers quivered slightly, and it took everything in him to not step back in fear. (In guilt.)
[Exclusive skill, 'Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint' has been activated!]
Instead, Kim Dokja took yet another step into the curse of omniscience.
[Your degree of understanding on the applicable individual is lacking!]
Unfortunately, Yu Junghyeok's inner thoughts blocked his spying attempt, as if to declare that the person in front of his eyes was no longer the same man that he knew all this time.
"I can already guess what you want to talk to me about. It's probably about that book of yours."
At that, Kim Dokja's faint trembling stopped. Instead, a nauseating feeling of shame climbed up into his chest, blocking any words from leaving his throat.
"Through that book, you peeked into my life, and used me as your entertainment. Is there anything else I should know?"
Kim Dokja couldn't say any excuses. Because those were all truths. What he did was indeed no different from what other Constellations had been doing. And worse, he had been doing it far before their worlds collided.
"I…"
He knew that. He definitely did. But…
But, was the sense of betrayal everything Yu Junghyeok felt?
[Your degree of understanding on the applicable individual is increasing gradually bit by bit.]
Yu Junghyeok was waiting silently as if he was a judge looking for yet-undisclosed opportunities to frame Kim Dokja even further. Too bad for him, because the man in question completely had no idea of what to say.
Instead of thoughts, emotions came from Yu Junghyeok through 'Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint' in waves, crashing through Kim Dokja's body and destroying everything in its way.
Anger. Betrayal. Heartbreak.
The words Kim Dokja wanted to say died and were buried under the violent waves of emotions.
Yu Junghyeok raised his blade.
['Fruit of Good and Evil' is influencing your emotions!]
['The Fourth Wall' is shaking violently!]
The moment Kim Dokja saw the blade flying right in front of his nose, a guilty conscience, as well as a sense of unfairness, welled up inside his heart.
['Fruit of Good and Evil' is dragging out your dark emotions to the fore!]
He knew he was in the wrong, but must Yu Junghyeok discard everything else and just blindly charge at him as if he had committed the greatest sin ever existed?
He did his best in his own way. After those scenarios got underway, Kim Dokja really tried his best. In his own way, he did his best to put what he read to practice.
Even after losing the one thing that he held dear, even after trying so hard to bury the enormous hole in his chest and dedicate every strand of his being to push forward, even after he had gone halfway insane over the loss of his lover, almost convinced that it was all just a sick delusion his twisted brain came up with to fill in his pathetic life, even after he was forced to put behind the memories of the only times he was truly happy in favor of helping his companions, to help 'Yu Junghyeok', Kim Dokja had never protested.
He had silently endured all of it.
Never did he trouble Yu Junghyeok with the disappearance of his lover, nor did he even ask for assistance. Never did he lash out about how unfair it was for Yu Junghyeok to suddenly barge into his life, taking away the person he loved most and leaving him so, so painfully alone.
Never once did he think about hurting Yu Junghyeok or any of his other companions. All he ever thought about was these scenarios—what should he do to minimize the harm? What should he do so that they could safely reach the true end of everything?
That was all he did. Nothing more. Yet…
Just what made things go so wrong?
"Why are you standing around dazed like that, you dumbass?!"
A voice that he vaguely recognized as Han Suyeong rang beside him, but Kim Dokja just dazedly stared at her with a hollow look, still deep inside his wrecked mind.
With a glance that Dokja did not know how to translate, Han Suyeong pursed her lips and shoved him aside, facing Yu Junghyeok and started to take over the fight.
Dokja didn't know what Han Suyeong and Yu Junghyeok argued about. He just stood there like a lost child, trying to gather himself and silence his muddled mind. However, it proved to be a difficult task.
"All Kim Dokja did was read a novel! A stupidly long and boring novel!" Han Suyeong's loud exclamation suddenly reached his ears, each word trembling with anger.
['Fruit of Good and Evil' is influencing your emotions!]
Ah…
But actually, that wasn't all what Kim Dokja did, was it?
['Fruit of Good and Evil' is distorting your dark emotions!]
The unfairness that previously welled up in his chest was suddenly replaced by waves of guilt.
Kim Dokja did not only read the novel.
"What are you so pissed off about? About Kim Dokja approaching you while knowing everything about you? But aren't you the same? Just like him, you got info for yourself and have deceived everyone else until now, haven't you?" Han Suyeong yelled at the frowning Yu Junghyeok.
No. Han Suyeong was wrong.
"Of course, I know you were being sincere. I know that you did those things to save people, to reach an even better world… But what about Kim Dokja, then?"
Dokja wanted to tell her that she was wrong. He did want the best ending for all of them, but he was not that innocent. He was not that sincere.
Dokja also used the novel to approach a certain man with the same name as the protagonist.
He then abandoned the protagonist and fell in love with that other Yu Junghyeok, leaving the sanctuary the novel had granted him for years to chase his own happiness.
Then he also abandoned that Yu Junghyeok in favor of the protagonist, selfishly moving on and falling in love with another man with the same name, whilst also manipulating said man to not abandon the world where his lost love once existed.
And even then, he almost went to abandon that protagonist's worldline to save yet another man with the same name.
He wanted to say how disgusting he was.
But his voice wouldn't come out and his body didn't listen.
"Tell me, just which idiot would throw his life away because a character from a story is about to die?!"
Kim Dokja's mind was blank.
Han Suyeong talked as if he had some redeeming qualities, as if his actions were justified, but frankly, he didn't know anymore. What was the use of throwing away his life for someone if he ended up abandoning them?
['Fruit of Good and Evil' is influencing your emotions!]
Kim Dokja continued to stand on the sideline as his emotions were trashed all over by the wretched fruit. It swayed violently, pulling all kinds of dark thoughts to the forefront of his brain. Yet he felt like dissociating from his body, too numb to feel all the clashing emotions.
There was so much he wanted to say, but why couldn't he?
Why couldn't he even fight alongside Han Suyeong?
Said woman crashed in front of him, and only then did Kim Dokja manage to stumble beside her.
And he still had no idea what to say.
"You suck at telling your own story, that's why," she answered through her bleeding mouth.
That might be true. He was only a reader, after all, not an author.
"Kim Dokja. I know the end you've been wishing for."
Did she really?
She formed a smile as playful as ever. As if to wipe the blood on his cheek, she rubbed Dokja's face while murmuring, "What a pitiful guy you are…"
No. He wasn't pitiful. He was just pathetic.
When Han Suyeong's hand slumped lifelessly, Dokja was slammed back into reality.
He called Han Suyeong over and over again, but she didn't wake up.
What he heard was Yu Junghyeok's voice instead.
"Stand up, Kim Dokja."
Whichever version of Yu Junghyeok it was, Kim Dokja was always the only person who knew him best. And within that voice, Kim Dokja couldn't sense any guilt, no shaken emotions.
It was at that moment something inside Kim Dokja snapped.
There are some Stories that are simply too big and are difficult to read properly. If your mind isn't centered right, you will end up getting swept away by the Story, instead. That was one thing his Great Master Yu Hoseong had told him.
Kim Dokja was well aware of the danger. The greater the Story, the larger the burden he had to carry.
That was why he sought to make companions, to work together to create history, to create their own Stories. All for the sake of reaching a different conclusion than that of Yu Junghyeok's from the original storyline. That wish was what brought him this far.
And the end result of that wish was this.
He had forsaken his love, his happiness, his hope. He had buried the yearning he kept for his lost half, and had tainted his love just to continue this story.
He had understood that he would probably never meet his own Junghyeok again. He had started to believe that his own Junghyeok was a sacrifice for this story to happen. He had heartbreakingly accepted that he had lost him forever.
But the one he did all of that for had now trampled all over his efforts.
Did he need to keep reading this story, then?
[Giant Story, 'Demon Realm's Spring', has begun its storytelling.]
Even though it broke his heart to vision a future without his other half, Dokja had genuinely imagined the final goal where every one of their companions would be there together. He truly believed that such a story was definitely achievable.
[Giant Story, 'Torch That Swallowed the Myth', has begun its storytelling.]
However, if that was impossible, then…
If all the histories that he had created so far were completely useless, then…
If the loss of his own Junghyeok and the breaking of his heart were for naught, then…
['Demon King Transformation' has been activated.]
Then, the end he'd been dreaming about no longer held any meaning.
[I shall kill you, Yu Junghyeok.]
With that, both of them let go of any restraints they had been holding, charging towards each other with the intention to kill.
Or that was what Kim Dokja believed, because even as fierce as Yu Junghyeok was attacking, he did not exactly exude any thirst for blood. He fought as if he was desperately standing his ground, wanting for justification, wanting to seek answers, wanting to be heard.
Yet it was unfortunate that Kim Dokja was so lost in rage to see his desperation.
Yu Junghyeok didn't bother to ask, and Kim Dokja didn't bother to reply.
Their identical stories fiercely told their narrations one after another, clashing so horribly yet strangely slotting back together like puzzle pieces, filling the blanks in each other's narrations.
⸢None of those existed within the pages of the 'Ways of Survival'.⸥
The times they had lived through didn't match up with any of the pages Kim Dokja read in the past.
That was terrifyingly bizarre.
['Angel Transformation' is activating!]
Yu Junghyeok's stories were told differently than Kim Dokja's despite having the same titles. There were some emotions present within them that Dokja did not dare to look too closely, lest he lost his stance.
"Come at me with everything you've got, Yu Junghyeok! Because I'll do the same, too," he spat out those words instead as his status continued to rise.
Yu Junghyeok's eyes shone with a strange light at those words, and their statuses rose to their highest before they collided.
[2nd Stage of the 'Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint' is still in activation.]
His blade moved so fast that Dokja's eyes couldn't even follow it.
Then when their blades met, Yu Junghyeok started to tell his story.
⸢You…⸥
Dokja tried to guess which words would follow that, which was an easy thing to do. Without a doubt, Yu Junghyeok would blame him. Just as Han Suyeong had said, he was that kind of a person, after all.
But…
⸢Why did you choose to remain in that particular turn?⸥
At that, Kim Dokja's entire body froze.
The memories of his time in the 1863rd worldline surged through his chaotic mind and flashed vividly in front of his eyes. Faint cracking noises were echoing from the Unbreakable Faith.
Back then, Dokja thought it was the best choice available. He thought that after witnessing the end of the 1863rd turn, he would be able to return to the 3rd turn safely.
That was why he tried to find the story where everyone could be happy.
But what if Yu Junghyeok of the 1863rd turn didn't help him out back then?
What if Han Suyeong of the 1863rd turn wanted to kill him?
Would he have been able to return to this world unscathed?
Even though he thought that he knew the scenarios better than anyone, could it be that Dokja just got lucky enough to survive until now?
⸢Your companions are here.⸥
Yu Junghyeok's first sword slash sliced apart his shoulder.
⸢Your own world-line is here.⸥
The second strike split open his elbow.
⸢You told people to live their lives in this world.⸥
The third strike punctured a hole in one of his wings.
It hurt like hell. But what was even more painful than that, however, was the rage and disappointment contained within Yu Junghyeok's voice.
In front of him was the Yu Junghyeok who gave up on the path of regression and decided to live out his 3rd turn because of him. In front of him was the Yu Junghyeok who loved this world more than anyone, and wanted to protect it because of that.
⸢But then, you…⸥
Ah…
So that was it.
In front of him was Yu Junghyeok who wanted his feelings to be answered.
Kim Dokja couldn't bring himself to return Yu Junghyeok's attacks.
There were more sounds of breaking, and distantly Dokja wondered if it was his heart.
⸢Answer me, Kim Dokja.⸥
He couldn't.
What would he answer with, anyway?
It was true that Kim Dokja had trampled all over Yu Junghyeok's emotions by choosing to stay in the 1863rd timeline. It was true that Kim Dokja had set aside his efforts and sacrifices to complete another world's ending.
And before that, Kim Dokja had set aside his goal to find out what happened to his own Junghyeok by choosing to pursue the ending of this world with the person in front of him. He had abandoned his hope and love.
He had betrayed them all. He had abandoned them all.
⸢Answer me.⸥
Yu Junghyeok still hadn't ceased his attacks, still desperately pouring all of his emotions, knowing far too well that Kim Dokja was reading him.
Just like how Kim Dokja observed him past this 'wall', he too was ceaselessly writing something just beyond it, hoping that someone would get to read it sooner or later.
Unfortunately, Kim Dokja couldn't reply. Because if he did, then…
['The Fourth Wall' is getting thicker.]
Then, you'd end up becoming a mere character of the story.
['The Fourth Wall' is getting even thicker.]
Because… you definitely couldn't become a mere character.
If Yu Junghyeok was to be a mere character, then Kim Dokja would be able to justify his actions. Kim Dokja would be able to withdraw his guilt.
⸢Is that so.⸥
Yu Junghyeok's words floated above the 'wall'.
⸢So, that is your choice.⸥
['The Fourth Wall' is getting even thicker.]
Kim Dokja did not wish to be forgiven.
⸢Even during this regression, I didn't have any companions, then.⸥
Yu Junghyeok's words were like a sword that delivered the final blow to both of their hearts. They shattered like glass, scattered all over like sand in a desert. But Kim Dokja could do nothing except stay silent. If he were to say something, anything, as a reply, it was possible that Yu Junghyeok would have forgiven him. Maybe, a miracle might happen and Yu Junghyeok would accept him, even.
But they couldn't go back.
Yu Junghyeok had killed Han Suyeong, and Kim Dokja had once abandoned this worldline. Whatever they would do, they couldn't go back to being companions.
['The Fourth Wall' is getting even thicker.]
They collided for the last time, creating an enormous impact that destroyed their surroundings.
Kim Dokja was the first to stand back up. He staggered towards Yu Junghyeok, who was laying on the ground with injuries all over his body, not offering any resistance as Kim Dokja pointed his sword at him. Instead, a flash of something akin to want flickered in his eyes.
Kim Dokja's hand trembled.
⸢Kim Dokja had learned how to live from this man.⸥
This man was his father; his brother; and his oldest friend.
['The Fourth Wall' has increased its thickness.]
For a long time, Kim Dokja had been looking at him through this thick, thick wall. He was saved by him many times, and while looking at his story, he managed to survive, long enough to be given a chance to taste genuine happiness.
The Unbreakable Faith slowly clattered back on the ground.
He couldn't kill this man. Nor could he beg for his forgiveness, either.
Kim Dokja had never learned to be that cowardly. On the contrary, he was taught to pay the price for the things he had done. Multiple times.
They were still staring at each other.
⸢I'm right here, in this place.⸥
Why are you staring at another person?
⸢Even then, you only chose to read and nothing else.⸥
Why are you denying me?
Because that is our way of living. You acted, and I read you doing it, Kim Dokja did not answer.
It was always like this.
Kim Dokja refused to acknowledge the other meaning of Yu Junghyeok's words.
They couldn't be together. They were not meant to be.
They had their own roles, their own places, and Kim Dokja knew his place was not at this Yu Junghyeok's side.
⸢If you're unwilling, then I shall do it myself.⸥
Yu Junghyeok slowly got back up and grasped his blade tightly.
Dokja thought he could hear the sound of a story coming to an end. If this place was the endpoint for all the stories, and if he was destined to die right here, then wouldn't it be fine for him to at least say one thing?
So he dropped everything and said in a quiet voice, "Hey, Yu Junghyeok."
Yu Junghyeok stopped.
"You probably know this already, but I'm not a prophet. No, I'm as far as it can get from such a being."
Ever since they got into a tussle back on the Dongho Bridge, Dokja had never even once introduced himself properly. He was too caught up with the disappearance of his lover and everything was all a mess ever since then. To this Yu Junghyeok, Kim Dokja was the prophet, a man with a mysterious background.
"I'm not the 'Demon King of Salvation'."
[Story, 'Demon King of Salvation', has stopped its storytelling.]
"I'm also not the 'King of a Kingless World'."
[Story, 'King of a Kingless World', has stopped its storytelling.]
One by one, his Stories stopped their storytelling. Excluding himself, everything else became dead still.
"My name is Kim Dokja."
The wings on his back disappeared, and the muscles shrunk back too. He looked rather similar to his appearance before the apocalypse. His plain, average, pathetic self.
Then he recalled the silly words he said out of nervousness back on his first date with the pro-gamer Yu Junghyeok.
"Twenty-eight… No, wait. I was twenty-eight, and I was an employee of a game company. My hobby was reading web novels…"
Inwardly, he chuckled. Who would introduce themselves to their date after knowing each other for two years anyway? He was such a trainwreck back then. Not that he was that much better now.
Despite the irony of doing this again in front of another Yu Junghyeok, Dokja told his own story as if he was talking to someone he met for the first time.
"It's pathetic, right? Well, this is who I am… Yu Junghyeok, who are you?"
To Kim Dokja, this Yu Junghyeok was someone he 'knew' since a very long time ago. To be more specific, he was someone he read about all by himself.
That was why he had never heard about Yu Junghyeok's story in his own words.
Then Yu Junghyeok finally opened his mouth, "I am Yu Junghyeok."
His blade slowly moved and cut Kim Dokja down.
"Yu Junghyeok, a former Regressor."
Dokja was lying in pitch-black darkness by the time he regained his consciousness.
Did he die?
Did Yu Junghyeok kill him?
With jumbled thoughts swirling around his mind, he slowly stood back up. He was in complete darkness, but just as when he felt lost, a bright light from a lantern lit up in front of his eyes.
⸢(Dokja-ssi, so this was where you've been all this time.)⸥
Dokja doubted his ears. 'Is that you, Yu Sangah-ssi?'
Yu Sangah's familiar face approached, full of worry.
⸢(Are you alright?)⸥
Dokja wasn't quite sure. 'Where am I…?'
⸢(You're inside the Library.)⸥
Ah. Most likely, he got sucked inside [The Fourth Wall] when he blacked out again.
'By the way, is it always this dark inside?'
⸢(No, it's just that the Library is in a state of chaos at the moment. The aftershocks of the battle this time killed off all the lanterns inside, and all the bookshelves have fallen down. Everyone is doing their best trying to restore everything right now.)⸥
Shame creeped into Dokja's chest. Ah, so Yu Sangah had witnessed his and Yu Junghyeok's embarrassing fight. 'My apologies. I have created a lot of trouble for you'.
Yu Sangah grinned softly and shook her head.
⸢(No, not at all.)⸥
Still, he was particularly guilty and ashamed. 'Is there anything I can do to help…?'
⸢(Oh, no. It's fine. You should lay here and rest. I'll sit here and take a short break, as well.)⸥
Dokja's shame only climbed up at her words. He tried his best not to flinch when she sat down next to him.
⸢(You really did well.)⸥
'…In regards to?'
⸢(When you said those things.)⸥
Dokja didn't need a lot of time to figure out what she meant by those words. That proved the fact that she had indeed witnessed everything from behind the [Fourth Wall].
⸢(A proper relationship starts from the act of introducing oneself first, doesn't it? It's possible that you two might become real friends this time.)⸥
Dokja was skeptical. '…That would be great if such a thing was possible, but…'
He did not dare to expect much. Honestly, Yu Junghyeok's anger getting soothed was already a big relief, but any more than that was unthinkable. No matter what he said, it'd be quite impossible to soften the sense of betrayal Yu Junghyeok must have felt.
And he only knew half of the story.
Trying to steer the topic away, Dokja stared around. Books were discarded on the floor, rolling around everywhere. Without thinking too much about it, he picked one up.
『Kim Dokja, Records from 15 years old, Volume #25』
He sneakily closed the book and chucked the damn thing deep into the darkness.
⸢(Uhm, excuse me, Dokja-ssi?)⸥
'Yes?'
⸢(Actually, well, I read that book. Just a little bit.)⸥
'…How much did you read?'
⸢(…Almost the whole book, if I'm honest. I find these more interesting than the 'Ways of Survival', you see… I'm sorry.)⸥
This time, Dokja's face reddened from a different kind of embarrassment, but there was little that could be done when she had already read it. If only the 'Library' came with a feature of an instant grave, he would definitely jump into it.
'It's fine. I do feel a bit ashamed, but still,' he managed through pursed lips.
Dokja did think that, with Yu Sangah being a part of the 'Library', such memories would end up getting exposed anyway. Every book contained inside this space, they were all his memories.
Yu Sangah's expression was hard to see in the darkness, but Dokja could feel the waves of guilt from her direction, so he picked up a book from the floor, as casually as he could manage, and opened it.
Kim Dokja, 15 years old. 18 years old. 23. 28…
Dokja slowly flipped through the pages.
Kim Dokja, who didn't have a father.
Kim Dokja, who didn't have any friends.
Kim Dokja, who lost his mother.
It was a life that always lacked something, or a life where something kept disappearing from it.
⸢A lone existence is a being that doesn't exist. Kim Dokja was always alone. He was the only child (dokja/獨子), and that was why 'Kim Dokja' didn't exist.⸥
What sorrowfully reasonable words those were.
⸢However, there was a sole moment where that 'Kim Dokja' did exist; that was when the dokja (only child/獨子) became the dokja (reader/讀者).⸥
Dokja felt his lips curled wryly.
⸢At last. He'd come to life only when reading the 'Way of Survival'.⸥
Sensing Yu Sangah's gaze, Dokja consciously sat up straighter. He wasn't sure why, but it felt like other Librarians were also looking at him.
Carefully, Dokja shifted his gaze away and mentally checked the secret place deep under his consciousness, a hidden room where he kept all the memories about his own Junghyeok sealed tight. It didn't seem like any of his Librarians were aware that some of his memories were missing.
Good.
Yu Sangah tried to distract him by talking about what they would have become if the world did not fall into the scenarios. She told him about her imagination, how they would still be friends, getting old together in a peaceful and mundane world.
Dokja smiled slightly.
That could be true. But it wasn't the only thing that could happen.
If the scenarios didn't start, Dokja would still be in a happy relationship with Junghyeok. He would have met his little sister Mia and went to the picnic they had arranged for her. Maybe Dokja would be brave enough to let their friends know about their relationship.
Maybe Junghyeok would have succeeded in convincing Dokja to move in together, living a blissful domestic life. That had been his not-so-hidden agenda ever since they started dating, after all. Dokja kind of regretted that he was too shy to accept Junghyeok's invitation back then.
Maybe, years later, Junghyeok would even propose. Dokja had always thought that Junghyeok was the type of person who was into marriage.
Thinking of that now only emphasized how big a chance in happiness he had lost.
So instead, Dokja smiled and said, 'I don't think I'd have gotten married. I couldn't even take care of myself properly back then.'
When Dokja opened his eyes, a few days had passed since his fight with Yu Junghyeok and Han Suyeong was sitting beside him, waiting for him to come back to the world of the living.
His confusion and shock over her survival was soon replaced by a numb feeling once he saw the date on his phone, however. He just followed Han Suyeong's attempt to lighten the mood by joking about the possibility of him receiving a new constellation modifier after eating the 'Fruit of Good and Evil'.
"Should I make one up for you, then?" Han Suyeong said mockingly, twisting her face as if she was really thinking hard to give Dokja a new modifier.
"Mm… What will sound nice on you, I wonder. How about 'I Pass Out Too Often-Man'? Or 'Miraculous Piehole'—eh? H-hey, are you… crying?"
Dokja's tear-filled face was reflected in her widened eyes. Ah, he did not realize he was crying.
Actually, Dokja wanted to ask her, an author. As she was a writer, maybe she'd be able to tell him straight.
Tell him that he did good until now—whether he made the wrong choices or not, whether he would get to see the desired conclusion when he reached the end of this story or not.
Tell him that he did good enduring everything.
"Hey, why are you crying like that? I get it, okay? I get it, so stop. There, there," Han Suyeong frantically said, looking horrified.
It was the first time Dokja had seen Han Suyeong so flustered, as if she had no idea how to console a crying child, not sure if she wanted to pat his head or his shoulder. Dokja kind of wanted to laugh. Then she began rummaging through her pockets. Next thing he knew, something sweet and slightly sour entered his mouth.
"Why are you crying on a nice day like this? I mean, it's even snowing, too… I promise to think up a nice Modifier later, okay?" said Han Suyeong, before avoiding Dokja's gaze to stare into the snowy city outside.
Dokja swallowed back the weary laugh and instead smiled slightly, sucking the sour lemon candy.
Nothing important, really.
That day was the 15th of February. And Dokja just remembered his boyfriend had promised to spend this day together, once upon a time.
His mind was shaken again when he felt the familiar status approaching him, along with a painfully familiar silhouette of the one he loved most.
Ah. They did all indeed possess the same face.
By this point, Dokja had come to a conclusion he was afraid to embrace.
How ridiculous your life is, Kim Dokja.
His mind flickered shut as he felt the Secretive Plotter lift his dying body.
Kim Dokja stared out of the subway window to the retreating backs of Kim Dokja's Company.
⸢Will th is re ally be o kay?⸥
He smiled at [Fourth Wall]'s message.
This was his atonement. He couldn't save any other Yu Junghyeoks, but at least, he had the chance to give this one a proper ending.
"This was the only way."
⸢All the worlds were dreams that were given life in this place.⸥
⸢He was now the 'Oldest Dream'.⸥
⸢Kim Dokja was scared.⸥
⸢If he doesn't watch, the world will come to a stop.⸥
⸢This was the weight the 'Oldest Dream' had to bear.⸥
It was just a sliver of responsibility, an innocent wish to see a story closer.
How ironic was that?
Kim Dokja was floating in the Bulgwang station like a ghost, knowing far too well about what would happen to the clueless people around him.
His gaze instantly locked to the one he knew so intimately, to the one he loved most.
Yu Junghyeok was staring outside the subway window, a faraway look on his face.
To other people, Yu Junghyeok's gaze would appear disinterested. If Kim Dokja didn't know better, he would think that Yu Junghyeok was very nonchalant about the apocalypse that would soon happen.
But Kim Dokja wasn't other people. He knew Yu Junghyeok thoroughly, enough to see the faint excitement among the deep contemplation beneath the stoic gaze, as if this fool was excited and full of hope about something despite another distress.
Was it an early regression, then?
It was the only explanation why this Yu Junghyeok was still somewhat relaxed and carefree, still full of hope.
It somehow reminded him of his lost love, once upon a time.
Still, Kim Dokja couldn't stop the wave of affection and admiration towards the man. He was trembling just thinking about the scenario that was about to begin in a couple of minutes, but Yu Junghyeok was so calm and collected despite having gone through it a few times.
…You're really an amazing guy, aren't you.
Kim Dokja started to speculate which regression this was. If it was the original third regression, then Yu Junghyeok would start it by killing everyone in this subway car. But he was too relaxed. Maybe it was the 2nd turn? Or any other turn after the one that ended rather peacefully? Where Yu Junghyeok's mind was still pacified, probably? Maybe the 1000th?
As Kim Dokja was busy thinking, the mad bomber Choi Hangyu had begun his action.
Kim Dokja watched in confusion when Yu Junghyeok remained frozen in his place instead of starting his murder spree.
What happened?
Yu Junghyeok's face, which he thought was calmness personified, was actually ashen white with fear and anxiety.
What is he doing?
Something cold creeped along Dokja's metaphorical spine when the train car's light flickered shut and a dokkaebi—Bihyeong, that idiot—appeared with the first Main Scenario.
Yu Junghyeok hadn't done anything. He was still frozen in shock.
There had to be something very wrong here. There was no way Yu Junghyeok didn't know what to do.
Unless… It was the only turn where he didn't have any memories of a past life.
Dokja watched with bated breath when Yu Junghyeok showed no sign of movement. If it continued like this, Yu Junghyeok could end up getting hurt from the explosion. Was he really supposed to just watch Yu Junghyeok die before he even completed the first scenario? What would happen to the rest of the regressions?
His body moved before his mind finished the thought.
⸢Kim Dok ja⸥
Kim Dokja removed his hand from Choi Hangyu's neck. '…I know already, so don't worry.'
He mustn't change the story.
He was only a reader.
Still, when Yu Junghyeok picked up a wrench and activated his initial attribute to defeat the terrorist, Kim Dokja couldn't help but wonder where was his sponsor right now.
Yu Junghyeok was supposed to form his contract nearing the end of his first life.
'Does Yu Junghyeok's sponsor exist in this world?'
⸢He ex ists⸥
The 'Oldest Dream' existed in this world.
The being that became the 'Oldest Dream' much earlier than him—the younger version of Kim Dokja, or something that was presumably his 'younger version', definitely existed. He was the sole existence that allowed Yu Junghyeok to regress, starting the entire story in the first place.
But his lack of presence had been bothering Kim Dokja.
He had inherited the [Final Wall] and could sense everything in this world's
Yet the 'Oldest Dream' was absent.
Except if…
Huh.
Someone had said that Kim Dokja was an expert in denial, once, but he was never oblivious.
Was that his own Junghyeok?
All Yu Junghyeoks he had met had called him a fool, but none of them actually doubted his intelligence. Kim Dokja was naturally talented in reading between the lines and drawing conclusions.
He was now the 'Oldest Dream'.
Whatever fuckery would happen in the future, the most important thing at that moment was he currently possessed the power to interfere with this worldline.
With a spark of plausibility, Kim Dokja activated a Deux ex Machina to shield Yu Junghyeok from the debris of the mad bomber's explosion.
His fingers were tingling from the impact of a sudden plausibility storm, but the pain was worth it to see Yu Junghyeok standing unharmed without serious injuries.
For a moment, their eyes met. For a moment, the world seemed like it came to a standstill. A wave of hot emotions surged through Kim Dokja's being as he properly looked at this Yu Junghyeok's face. There was innocence and genuine wonder beneath that bewildered expression, something that Kim Dokja had known to be missing in other Yu Junghyeoks he had met.
Yu Junghyeok shakily whispered, "…Who?"
Kim Dokja longed.
He had been ignoring the [Fourth Wall]'s warning when he slipped into the
If Yu Junghyeok couldn't get the Oldest Dream, then he shouldn't be contracted to anyone.
However, when Yu Junghyeok ran into the next cabin and questioned Lee Hyeonseong and Kim Namwun, his blood went cold.
Yu Junghyeok was searching for a man with a certain description.
His description.
What was the meaning of this? What?!
Dokja tried to coax him with some indirect messages, but Yu Junghyeok ignored them all, still frantically searching for a certain man.
Dutifully, Kim Dokja guided Yu Junghyeok and his companions through the scenarios, ensuring none of them suffered from big casualties.
The longer he watched, the higher his suspicion became.
This Yu Junghyeok wasn't like any other Yu Junghyeoks written in the Ways of Survival. Even many of his little mannerisms were different from Yu Junghyeok he was used to back in the 1864th worldline.
If anything, he resembled the one Yu Junghyeok he had lost on that fateful day.
Even after he essentially ascended into godhood, it seemed like the universe was still hellbent on fucking with Kim Dokja's life.
His suspicion was proved true once and for all when Yu Junghyeok used Han Donghun's skill to call a number.
His fellow constellations wouldn't be able to look at what Yu Junghyeok was doing with his phone, as all the information about 'Kim Dokja' was strangely censored and erased from this worldline, but the man in question could see it clearly.
Yu Junghyeok was calling his old number.
Plausibility sparked around him as he lay on the subway car floor. He ignored [Fourth Wall]'s warning as he curled into himself, shaking and crying over the realization that he was really seeing the worldline he had lost.
There was nothing he wanted more than to incarnate into that worldline and hold the one he had lost with his own hands, but the universe was cruel. Reality was cruel. Even though he was omniscient, he wasn't omnipotent.
Why was that when he had a genuine wish, it was always something that he couldn't get?
Plausibility sparked brighter, along with his growing desire.
The pain reminded him that he no longer belonged to that worldline. His new status wouldn't allow him to leave this subway train anymore. Not until his infinite journey ended. Not until all of his sins were atoned.
Among his agony, an old guilt reappeared. He had found his own Yu Junghyeok again, but he had also betrayed him.
His Junghyeok was right there, trying his best to survive and was searching day and night for him with desperation. Yet, what had he done? He went and stayed at the 1864th worldline, meeting and falling in love with another man with the same face as his past lover, sacrificing everything for that worldline, even leaving almost half of himself to stay there, unaware that he had abandoned his most loved one.
Maybe it would be slightly better if he knew which one of the two worldlines he loved more, but he didn't.
The [Fourth Wall] was uncharacteristically silent, watching over him muttering apologies until he fell asleep in exhaustion.
Ever since realizing the true identity of this worldline, Kim Dokja ceased all restraint when helping Yu Junghyeok.
For once in his life, he wanted to give this Yu Junghyeok, whom he loved and who had loved him back, a proper conclusion and a happy ending.
When Yu Junghyeok finally asked about 'Kim Dokja', he could only fight the wave of pain in his chest as he sent an indirect message.
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', informs that in this world, there is no incarnation with that name.]
If he couldn't go back to Yu Junghyeok, then it was better to make him stop hoping.
When Yu Junghyeok told him about his past, finally asking to be his incarnation, Kim Dokja felt like his heart was crushed to pieces.
Ah, he knew.
Yu Junghyeok had realized who he was.
Since when, Dokja didn't know. He kind of expected it, somehow. He was never the best at pretending in front of Yu Junghyeok, ever since they first met.
"Does the secret of this world lie beyond the wall, where you are?"
Kim Dokja was a uselessly selfless person, who cared about his loved ones' wellbeing more than his own happiness, so he pleaded. Please, no.
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', asks you if you're not happy currently.]
"I am happy," Yu Junghyeok replied without a shred of hesitation. "And that's why I'm even more curious about what lies beyond the wall."
Please don't go over here. Please don't. Please.
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', is…]
"I'm curious about the reason behind all the goodwill you've shown me. I'm also curious about the meaning of my life, where I was born, and why I had to come here. If I had one more chance…"
Kim Dokja heard the underlying meaning of those words. He didn't have to be told explicitly to understand that he was included in that wish. He was the source of Yu Junghyeok's existence, wasn't he? And Yu Junghyeok knew that.
Why was he going this far for someone like him?
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', says that wish can't be granted.]
"Why not?"
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', says that it is a truly arduous path, that's why.]
But Kim Dokja was also a liar. A pretender.
Kim Dokja was also a selfish person.
Kim Dokja also wanted to be happy.
I want to go back to you. I miss you. I wanna be with you.
Yu Junghyeok furrowed his brows, thinking. "An arduous path?"
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', says that if you wish to cross the [Wall], you must 'regress' first.]
"Regress?"
Kim Dokja was going to doom the one he loved most with the cruelest of fate.
⸢1 8 6 4⸥
Sparks of plausibility stung his limbs as he sent the forbidden number. The storm was so bad it burned his skin and flesh, but all of his nerves were numb, too used to the abuse.
"1864? What's that supposed to mean?"
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', says that is the number of times you must regress before you can witness the conclusion.]
Ah… Kim Dokja blinked.
[Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation', says that even if you manage to live through all those regression turns, the odds of you successfully seeing the conclusion will be extremely low.]
Even if this Yu Junghyeok did reach the 1864th turn, there was no guarantee that he'd meet 'Kim Dokja' in possession of the [Fourth Wall].
⸢Th ere i s⸥
Dokja's eyes widened at [Fourth Wall]'s message. Hadn't this one been trying its best to keep him from interfering too much with this worldline?
⸢Er ase the me mo ries of th is t u r n⸥
Goosebumps broke out all over Kim Dokja's skin.
⸢Kim Dokja thought, 'What if I give Yu Junghyeok the fragmented memories similar to the 'original' and send him to the next turn?'⸥
If so, the worldline would think of this Yu Junghyeok as the 'original' Yu Junghyeok.
He'd be incorporated back into the original's world-line, and live through the first and the second regression turns without any memories from this life.
⸢However, Yu Junghyeok would become miserable once more.⸥
⸢Why are y ou de ci ding th at?⸥
Kim Dokja laughed, the sound twisted and sour.
If this Yu Junghyeok was going to end up as the one in the 1864th worldline, then that would mean he had fallen in love with the same person, hadn't he?
Like a man losing his sanity, Kim Dokja continued to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of it all.
All these times, he was despairing over a useless guilt.
He had never betrayed Yu Junghyeok, after all. He was just falling in love with the same person all over again.
The laugh turned into choked sobs after a while. He was freed from one guilt. But at what cost?
"I don't care even if the odds are low," Yu Junghyeok firmly said, breaking Kim Dokja out of his maddening reverie.
Ah…
Kim Dokja chuckled in bitterness. What a fool.
He didn't know if it was the universe or himself who was crueler. His entire existence seemed to be a joke for the universe.
Except he knew that it was all his fault. No one forced him to make these decisions. No one forced him to grant this ridiculous wish of Yu Junghyeok. There was literally no one who would punish him if he didn't start this tragedy all over again.
But Kim Dokja was a selfish man, wasn't he?
He might reason it as his inability to deny Yu Junghyeok from anything. But he knew the ugly truth.
Despite dooming the person he loved most with the cruelest of fate, Kim Dokja still wanted to be saved.
He still wanted to have that tiny light of comfort that they would probably meet again in the far future.
[Incarnation, 'Yu Junghyeok', has accepted your offer.]
The Story began its storytelling, and the starlights seemed to extend even further.
Kim Dokja felt a part of him extending to envelop Yu Junghyeok's body.
Ah. He missed him so badly.
[Your Incarnation is waiting for you to say something.]
There was no use for staying silent, was there? He knew that Yu Junghyeok knew who he really was.
So Kim Dokja used his true voice for the first time in a long while.
[Yu Junghyeok.]
It had truly been a while. An incredible storm of plausibility raged on around him, as if telling how big of a tragedy he was about to cause.
No need to remind him, really. He knew it best.
Yu Junghyeok opened his eyes wide and looked up at the sky. From where Dokja saw him through the screen, it looked like Junghyeok was staring straight into his eyes.
"Was that your real voice?"
[That's right.]
"…I can hear it surprisingly well."
A faint crease spread over the old man Yu Junghyeok's expression.
If there was some doubt left in him that the Demon King of Salvation was Kim Dokja himself, it was surely obliterated by now.
Dokja pretended to not see that, lest his composure break.
[I can send you back. However, if that happens, I won't be able to help you from the next turn onwards.]
The only way to make him reject the offer was to tell him the truth. Even though Kim Dokja knew there was no use.
They were both stubborn, but Kim Dokja was weak to Yu Junghyeok. Always.
[You'll have to use nothing but your own powers to break past the scenarios. Those scenarios will be far worse than you can ever imagine, and… And, you might end up encountering something you didn't want to at the conclusion you'd eventually reach.]
The despair of 'Yu Junghyeok' was unimaginable.
Even after reading his story for over ten years, Kim Dokja only knew the surface of the sorrow Yu Junghyeok had felt.
[And if you do choose 'regression', then… You will lose the majority of your memories as you cross over.]
This… would surely make him rethink his decision.
Kim Dokja didn't know why he was still trying to change Yu Junghyeok's decision when they both knew it was impossible. Inevitable. It was as though the will to chase Kim Dokja was written in the core of Yu Junghyeok's being, and would remain unchanging no matter what world or life he was in.
Kim Dokja wondered what he had done to deserve such a devotion.
[Only the tiniest fragmented memories from the scenarios will remain in you.]
Yu Junghyeok sucked a sharp breath.
[Meaning, everything precious to you will disappear. Lee Seolhwa you remember, Lee Hyeonseong, Lee Jihye, all of them will…]
"Just because I will forget about them doesn't mean they'll suddenly stop existing."
Kim Dokja shut his mouth.
"They definitely continue to live in this world."
Like branding a seal, those words slammed into a part of Kim Dokja's head and burrowed deep inside. It felt as if a gigantic hand of fate was pouncing upon him.
Ah, fate truly was cruel.
⸢At that moment, Kim Dokja realized that this was the true completion of the 0th turn.⸥
The reason why there was no trace of the 'Oldest Dream' in the 0th turn, the reason why, despite that fact, Yu Junghyeok still managed to cross over to the first and then, to the second regression turns…
Kim Dokja had always known.
[…You dumb bastard.]
Shaking, Kim Dokja gathered his hands and used the power to manipulate the dream.
The storm of plausibility's aftermath caused his whole arms to tremble in pain as if it was getting electrocuted, twisted and torn off from his body. Yet, what was that pain compared to what Yu Junghyeok would go through?
He recalled all of Yu Junghyeok's regression turns that he knew and read. He gathered all the lives Yu Junghyeok had led, as well as the Stories he knew, and created a certain Stigma.
This Stigma was the motive power of this world, as well as the source of all of Yu Junghyeok's tragedies.
[Stigma, 'Regression', has been generated!]
Yu Junghyeok stared at the system message with satisfaction.
As his incarnation accepted the stigma, Kim Dokja curled up in a fetal position, feeling the bolts of physical pain and waves of emotion crashing through his trembling body.
He was truly a despicable being.
[You have agreed to the use of Stigma, 'Regression Lv.1'.]
[Stigma, 'Regression Lv.1', is getting ready to activate.]
"You said earlier that I'll lose my memories."
[…I did.]
"Will I lose everything related to you, too?"
Kim Dokja would remain as the only one who remembered their entire story.
"Even all that convenient information you told me, too?"
[…Yes.]
"I see."
All of Yu Junghyeok's memories that couldn't be recorded anywhere would be lost forever. And then, after an eternity, when Kim Dokja had fused into his new role as the 'Oldest Dream', the last memories of them would be lost forever as well.
In that case, where would all those memories go?
[If you regret it, then it's not too late to…]
"You also said you won't help me from the next regression turn onwards."
[I can't help you.]
Kim Dokja was certain that he wouldn't have the power to interfere with the 'closed worldlines' like he had done with this one. Even just interfering with a single turn had caused him to lose so much plausibility.
He was now visibly younger than how he had been when he first found this worldline. His coat and shoes had been a few sizes too big for a while.
If he continued to recklessly challenge his own role, he didn't know what would happen to him. To other worldlines. To the people he had left behind. To Yu Junghyeok.
All beings in the universe had to follow a certain role, even the gods. And Kim Dokja's role from here onwards was to only be a reader. A watcher. A dreamer.
"It's fine to help, however," Yu Junghyeok said, a faint light of hope—of plea—was flickering in his eyes.
[Even if I want to, I can't.]
"I heard that the scenarios exist not just for the Incarnations, but Constellations as well. Maybe it was the same story for you."
Kim Dokja couldn't say anything.
These were utterances of someone who didn't know anything. In every sense of the word, he was the 0th turn's dumbass continuously babbling on while having no clue about his own future.
He had no clue of all the sins Kim Dokja had committed, all the tears he had shed, all the lives he had sacrificed, all the tragedies he had caused.
He would become the 'Secretive Plotter' someday, the King of Outer Gods and Master of N'Gai's Forest, and…
And at the same time, also become the 1864th turn's Yu Junghyeok that he knew; his Life and Death Companion.
He would grow to resent Kim Dokja, all forms of him, and eventually reach the truth of this world.
Along with the words that hadn't been said yet, Yu Junghyeok's ears began disappearing.
"Tell me, you fool. If I continue to regress, will I ever get to meet you again?"
[Stigma, 'Regression Lv.1', is activating!]
Yu Junghyeok reached his hand towards the night sky as his body began to disappear.
Kim Dokja was certainly crying, shaking so badly and all choked up with his uneven breathing. His hand was desperately touching the screen where Yu Junghyeok was standing, looking at him so tenderly as if he was personally wiping Kim Dokja's tears.
Kim Dokja yearned.
"Demon King of Salvation."
All of the raw feelings, the devotion, the affection, the vow, all of them were laid bare on Yu Junghyeok's face as his body rapidly deteriorated into silver sparkles.
What a strange and mystifying expression.
"I shall pray that you may continue to exist somewhere, too."
Wait for me. I'll go to where you are.
Both of them heard the unspoken words.
It was always empty inside the subway car, and he slowly lost count of how many millenia it had been.
Somewhere among the darkness, Kim Dokja heard a knock.