Kakashi looked at the very weird creature.
A duck. A talking duck. And not just talking but flirting with him. Howard the Duck, as the sign on his cage read, had been throwing pickup lines at him for the past ten minutes, oblivious to the fact that "Carina" was a shinobi in disguise.
Kakashi's masked face stayed neutral, but inside, he was deeply creeped out.
'A duck. Flirting with me. A fucking duck.' He'd faced tailed beasts, rogue ninja, and alien goddess, but this was a new kind of weird.
Kakashi's eyes twitched as the duck send out another pickup line at him. 'I need to get out of here before this gets weirder. I should transform back to my original form before the duck tries to flirt with me with something weird.'
Kakashi then noticed the dog, Cosmos. She looked physically fine but he could feel that she was mentally tired.
'Don't worry, I would get you out of here and if you don't have a place to go to, I would welcome you to my pack.' Kakashi promised to himself.
He kept moving as he tried to track every camera and transform back to himself when he was in the camera's blind spot.
With a loud *POOF*, a cloud of white smoke exploded around him. The Carina disguise vanished, and Kakashi Hatake stood in her place, one hand in his pocket, his mask and headband back in place.
Across the room, Howard the Duck jumped, his feathers flaring like he'd been electrocuted. "QUACK—WHAT THE—?! Did I just flirt with a man?!"
He pointed an accusing wing at Kakashi, his cigar nearly falling from his beak. "Hey! Where'd the pink lady go?! And who are you? You some kinda space magician?!"
Kakashi looked at him, "You talk a lot for a duck. And you're… unusually hormonal for a bird."
Howard squawked, clearly offended. "Excuse me?! You turn a lady into a fog machine, and I'm the weird one?!" He started pacing in his cage, wings flapping.
"I can't believe this. I spent ten minutes flirting with a man who's so ugly he hides his face with a mask! That's it, I'm done dating outside my species. Never again. Last time it was a Skrull, now this!"
Kakashi raised an eyebrow, his tone dry. "You're unusually loud for a bird."
Howard planted his wings on his hips, puffing out his chest. "Yeah, and you're unusually calm for someone who's seen a beautiful, handsome duck like me! What's with the mask, huh? Hiding acne? Identity crisis? Maybe both?"
Kakashi said, "You remind me of someone… if he was smaller, angrier, and… feathered."
Howard gasped, clutching his chest like he'd been stabbed. "Listen here, Whatever-your-name-is, I may be in a cage, but I've got more charm than you've got visible face!"
In the background, Cosmo sighed loudly, burying her face under her paws. Her eyes flicked to Kakashi with a spark of curiosity.
Howard spun toward her, pointing. "Don't sigh at me, dog! You saw that, right?! Dude just poofed in like a puff pastry! I thought I was crazy, but this guy just proved the universe runs on caffeine and alcohol!"
He turned back to Kakashi, trying to sound brave despite his trembling feathers. "So… what are you gonna do now, huh?"
Kakashi sighed and pointed at Cosmo. "I'm here to rescue her."
Cosmo perked up slightly, her ears twitching, but she stayed silent, watching him. Howard, on the other hand, lost it.
"Wait, wait, wait—her?!" Howard squawked, pressing his beak against the glass. "You're rescuing her?! What about me?!" He ran up to the edge of his cage, wings flapping wildly. "Cosmo, my favorite canine, my emotional support dog, my four-legged hope, tell him to save me too! I'm adorable! I come with jokes! And very little alcoholism, but mostly jokes!"
Cosmo sighed again, deeper this time, clearly regretting her life choices.
Kakashi's expression didn't change. "Sorry. I'm here for the dog."
Howard squawked louder, throwing himself against the glass. "Oh, COME ON! Who leaves behind a handsome, slightly chubby, alcoholic duck?!"
Kakashi just stared, unimpressed. "You talk too much."
To Kakashi's surprise, a voice echoed in his head, soft but clear: 'If you are really here to rescue me, I thank you. But could you also take him? He's annoying, but he's kept me company for years.'
Kakashi blinked, startled by the telepathic message. He glanced at Cosmo, who met his gaze with tired, hopeful eyes. He gave her a small nod, filing the request away for later. 'A talking duck and a telepathic dog. This place keeps getting weirder.',
He turned his attention to the room. The magical barriers were close....too close. Cameras were just out of range, but one wrong step would trigger alarms. He needed a distraction, and he'd already planned for it.
Before infiltrating, he'd placed explosive tags around the museum's outer walls, dozens of them, scattered in random spots.
Kakashi made a single handsign with his hand as he muttered under his breath, "Katsu."
The museum shook as if hit by an earthquake. A series of loud booms echoed from outside, rattling the glass cases. Dust fell from the ceiling. Alarms screamed to life. Howard yelped, his cigar flying from his beak. "WHAT THE DUCK?!"
------Author Notes---------
Do check out my new novel.
Naruto: The Eraserhead of Suna.
Thankyou Matthew Gonzales and Thomas Hendrix for supporting me!
Y'all can now read the next 15 chapters of the fanfic on my pat*reon.
Also you can also now read exclusive one shots on it.
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