I come out of his room, now determined to know everything about Nero.
Then I hear him calling my name. But I need to get it and ask him what really happened.
When I return with the box Nero's face lightens up with ambiguity.
"Um... that..." He struggles with his words.
I unlock it spreading the contents over the bed. A tender nostalgia grips him when he touches those photos of him.
When I hold up a picture and look up at his face finding the similarities, a sudden recognition which I thought was lost forever, shoots through the bundle of my neurons.
Nero!
The feeling of knowing him before... Now I know. That day of Morana's life when she was abandoned by her parents-when the orphanage lady took her in-that was also the day Nero got officially adopted by Morgasson Knight.
Back then I didn't know all of this. I only saw that boy leaving. Those eyes... yes those frozen green lake like eyes... After all these years... That young boy has changed a lot. But those eyes! How could I be so naive to take this long to recognise him?
Cause that was your first day and for him, his last-the ending of his sufferings. That's right. Even Nero was adopted... But no one took me... I was that unfortunate soul.
"Are you alright?" He touches my shoulder.
"Ah yes... Some needless thoughts." I pull myself away from the reminiscence and focus on the present. "This letter here... I assume the hand writing belonged to your mother?"
He takes that from my hand. "He'd often beat mother... and she remained true to him till the end. I was her anchor... But she suffered enough, to think about herself for once." His voice breaks at the end.
I squeeze his hand hard. His heavy words start to sink into my skin.
"I went out of play. By the time I came back... she already hanged herself."
I try to comfort him but I just can't find any words... Something that'd make him feel okay. Or atleast a way I'd find to feel how he's feeling. But it's so hard. Who should I feel sorry for? Me? Or Nero?
"I know what you are thinking Loretta. You don't have to feel sorry for me. It's been 17years... pretty long. I got very little time with mother anyway."
"What about your father?"
"He threatened me to not ever try to find him. But to be honest I already told myself that he died for me-that day. Let alone trying to find him..." He holds my face in between his palms bringing himself closer to me. "Thank you Loretta."
"For what?"
"For reaching your hand out to me. Being a companion... I could never ask in my existence... Listening to me..."
"What are you saying? I could never abandon you. No. I'm sticking with you till you beg me to let go." I bare my teeth smiling sheepishly.
"I have spent the longest of my time with your family." Then he shakes his head correcting himself, "No, they're not just your family now. I have come to realize that they're my family too. Nicer... better people... I could ever ask for."
They're not my family either, I think. But I also have come to realize them as my family somehow. Nero and I are similar in more than one way.
"Even though we have spent our childhood together," he says, "I have never gotten you like this... I always thought I did, but I could never reach you-your mind." He lowers his gaze with a faint smile. "Now it's as if someone fulfilled that desire-for which I feel fortunate."
"Then I am fortunate too." My tongue slips again.
"Why?" He blinks.
I got another chance to see you again.
But instead I say, "I got such amazing people as my friends and family."
Is this what Arkan wanted to teach me? The value of life?
••••
"Guys get up!" I yell at the the door. The three of them shared the same room last night.
After having dinner and taking a bet of nonstop drinking without getting drunk I literally had to haul them out of the restaurant. And they huddled together in one room. And which room is that? Mine of course! On my bed. I had to take the couch. Like a boys night sleepover.
"It's 10a.m.! Can't believe you guys... Getting up this late-to do what? Yell at three kids on a vacation!"
They groan but open their eyes reluctantly.
"Can I go for another ten minutes?" Levi lifts his fingers.
"No!" I scowl. "All three of you are getting up this instant or I'm getting a bucket of water."
Aiden sits up quickly. "Huh... scary!"
"She can be... scary," Levi mimics Aiden.
"We have a lot to do today. Lake Toya, hot springs, picnic, boating, shopping... Aren't you guys excited?"
Levi hops down the bed. The others follow suit even though they look a bit less energetic.
"I'm up already. Wait... did you sleep on the couch last night?"
"Thanks to your drinking game."
"I smell something delicious..." Aiden sniffs the air.
"I made breakfast."
Right now they all look like little boys who I have authority over.
My photo rings.
"Must be Myria," Levi says, "You two... come here."
"Levi, you're suddenly so energetic," Aiden laughs.
"And why are you noticing me this much?" Levi snaps.
I pick up the phone ignoring them.
"Hi Lori darling... How are you there-enjoying yourself?"
"I can say that."
"Ask her how are those boys. I bet she's having the time of her life."
That's definitely Nova.
"Um... you guys are having fun too, right?" I tease back. "Without us... Some special times-only the two of you."
Nova laughs on the other side. "How do you feel really? Are they giving you trouble?"
I turn my head to the three of them. "Nah, I'm all good. We'll be back soon. Try not to miss us."
"Sure."
I join them them at the table. They didn't start without me.
"Loretta this is so..." Nero says, "I didn't know you could make something this good."
There are a lot of things you guys don't know. And I don't plan to tell either.
"What did Myria say?" Asked Aiden.
"You know... stuffs. How are we doing and that..."
"Without her initiative," Levi points his fork at Nero, "we wouldn't be able to get to you."
Did he have to say it like that..?
I part my lips to speak but he goes on, "She's good at finding miserable people."
He locks his eyes with me and I realize his indication.
"I think we all owe her," Aiden adds.
Now it's my turn to feel awkward. All three of them are staring at me.
"True," Nero says in a deep voice.
I look up at them. "Then I would like to ask something from you all as well."
They eagerly tilt their heads.
"No matter what happens," I put my hand on the table. "We will remain like this-like a family."
They put their hands on mine. "We will not break this promise, Loretta."
How could I... feel so attached to them in such a short time?
••••
It took us an hour to reach Lake Toya. After we finished breakfast we all have come here.
Nero is standing few feet away from here. Aiden's gone to buy... I don't know-he didn't tell me.
"What are you thinking?" Levi asks reaching for my hand.
"Right now, my mind is empty," I answer, "Maybe this place is responsible for it?"
"Your mind can never be empty. You're pretending that it's empty."
"Am I? Look at the lake Levi. So peaceful... If I'm pretending for a day to be the lake, is it bad?" I ask not moving my eyes away from the blue lake.
"Never. But for me... no matter how much I try... I can never read into your thoughts." He gazes at the lake too.
I give a wry smile. "Are you still trying?" Then I wink at him. "Don't stress out your head Mr. Fawcett. I don't like seeing you like this."
He clears his throat.
I surely have caught him off guard addressing him by his surname.
I detect a stroke of carmine at the side of his cheeks. "Then what do you suggest I do?"
"I learnt... being born as a human-it's a curse Levi. A never ending cycle of miseries. Complications are born out of our blood, our heart. As we continue to live, they grow as part of us too."
I pause for a moment to look at the sky. His face looks like he's trying to find a meaning out of my words.
"Your words..."
"Don't worry. I know what you're probably thinking..."
"How?" He gapes in surprise.
"Just because I did a mistake in the past doesn't mean I'll repeat it. We need to be true to ourselves more Levi... Know what we really want and to find what we desire...and whether they're true or just an illusion..."
I chose it back then... But it didn't choose me back. Maybe that's why...
"Good to be reassured..." He grabs my hand all of a sudden. "Boating?"
"What about those two?" I turn my head to find Nero with his camera, taking pictures. "Aiden's not back yet. Where did he go anyway?"
He scrunches his nose. "Missing him already?"
"What? We are supposed to have fun together. We're in Hokkaido!"
"Yeah... and he's preparing a surprise... said so," Levi replies looking annoyed. "Can't I be a little selfish for one day?"
"Fine I'm joining you."
Nero's eyes catches us as we're about to leave. I wave at him yelling, "We're going for a boat ride Nero. Let Aiden know when he comes back."
"Have fun," he yells back. "I..."
But I see a flat hurtful smile plastered over his face.
"What?" I ask not able to hear him fully.
"Nothing."
What's that gloomy expression? Nero are you alright?
••••
When we come back we face a scowling Aiden. "So the trickster grabbed the golden opportunity. And here I was, preparing the thing alone."
"Err... Aiden, I was looking for you. Then Levi suggested we go to the lake."
Levi winks at Aiden. "We should go again together if you're that upset about us enjoying the cool breeze by ourselves."
Now it's his turn to look embarrassed. "It's... not about that. Anyway that Nero..." He frustratingly points at him. "When I asked him where you were gone he zoned out looking at the sky ignoring me completely as if he's deaf!"
"I was in a deep contemplation," Nero grimaces.
"Okay guys can we go to that spot now?"
"Ah yes," Aiden says apologetically. "We're here to enjoy ourselves. So let's just do that. Follow me."
Even though he says that he pulls me ahead of them. We reach the chosen spot. A long mat spread widely on the thick coat of soft green-on it baskets of food, fruits and two bottles of wine.
"A picnic... Mm... that's cute. I... that really surprised me."
Aiden scratches the back of his head acting indifferent but the faint red of s hidden blush doesn't miss my eyes. "I... really wanted to do something different. I made some sandwiches."
"Then I must try it," I say sitting on the mat.
Aiden opens the basket.
"When did you arrange things and so quickly..?"
"I didn't really look at the time when I was doing it," he smiles nonchalantly.
"You can be pretty dedicated," I tease him.
But his next words are another teasing poke at me.
"Not for everyone." He pours wine in the glasses.
Few seconds of silence passes and I get the feeling that he has something on his mind.
"Aiden, what are you thinking?"
"You read me so well Loretta."
"Well it takes close inspection and some time..."