Nox's POV:
"Please! *Huff**Wheeze*" My recently schooled son muttered.
Welcome back my anonymous mind stalkers. If you are wondering what I am up to, well, I caught my meat-headed boy eating my plant fertilizer, and I guess it must have expired or something cause he then told me I was terrible at cultivating my garden while in his crazed delirium. So, I decided to push my original plans for today back a smidge, rolled up my sleeves, and took him for a quick jog to help him digest the expired soil. Hence why he is a little winded right now. He's really out of shape huh. Anyways, after collecting the even richer fertilizer he farted out along the way, I decided to call it a day, and am now on my way to give him a treat.
"Boss! *Cough*"
"Oh, stop being overdramatic! We're here!" I said as I stepped in front of the flower shaped inferno.
"*Huff* What?!"
"Welcome to my forge!"
"What forge? *Huff*"
"This one!" I said as I poked my blue candle finger into the flames, parting the fire wall to reveal the weapon's shop hidden within.
I then threw Meathead inside before teleporting behind the counter while doing a quick costume swap to look more like a blacksmith.
"So, what can I do you for my boy!" I said, right before doing another teleporting costume change.
My secret weapons shop is located in an isolated space whose interior energy flow has very little effect on the garden outside, hence, I am free to teleport around the shop while roleplaying as my own customers.
*Pop*
"Hey, do you have an armor in a bigger size!" I said, from inside a chest plate built for someone twice my size.
*Pop*
"HEY! THESE PRICES ARE TOO UNREASONABLE! GIVE ME A DISCOUNT!" I demanded as a customer.
*Pop*
"OVER MY DEAD BODY! NOW GET LOST!" I said as a blacksmith.
*Pop*
"Hehe! Look! I got a big penis!" I said, with a sword sheath poking out of my pants.
*Pop*
"Are you a boy, or are you a girl?" My professor-character asked.
*Pop*
"I used to be an adventurer like you! Until I took an arrow in the knee!" I said to Meathead while wearing a bucket on my head.
*Pop*
"Hm? I wonder how many knees I can take out with this?" I pondered while appraising a bow.
*Pop*
"Boss?"
"Hm? Oh right!"
After doing a bit of larping to make up for the fact I didn't have the time to make some golems to work as my Non-Profit Clerks/Customers or NPC for short, I remembered what I was here for. So, I then got back to my blacksmith outfit behind the counter.
"Now! What can I do you for? A sword? a spear? bow and arrow!" I asked before hopping over the counter to answer my own question.
"My boy needs a weapon and some armor!" I said to myself.
I then got back into my blacksmith outfit and addressed Meathead.
"Hm? Okay! So, what's yer style boy!"
"Huh? What?"
"What are ya, a Meathead?! I'm askin what weapon ya want me to make! Or are ya one of them brawlers who like to feel somebody's face on yer fists?"
"Uh? Oh! Well, I guess a sword would be nice but-!"
"Great! So, yer a sword guy, huh! Lucky you, we got tons of weapons for ya generic sword-folk! Now come with me!" I said, as I dragged him into the back to pick a sword.
"Boss? What's that?" Meathead asked upon seeing my makeshift sword submarine.
"This here is my latest shipment of them their swords! Now, go find a sword ya like and bring em here!"
"Uh? Okay!" Meathead said, as he shakily limped over to my former landwhale.
"Oh! Them there be legendary swords so be careful of papercuts!" I warned just as I saw Meathead grab a pokey-stick by the razor.
"Huh? What did you say?"
*Splurt*
"Ouch! Ugh! Shit! Hey, boss?! My fingers?" Meathead said, asking for help after slicing off his opposable thumbs and bleeding on my shipment.
*Sigh*
Letting out a sigh, I picked up the cleanly cut fingers off the ground and reattached them to his hand using my flames of control, because it is easier to do it this way now that my nascent boy has upped his resistances.
"Sweet! Thanks for fixin my fingers! So, are these really legendary swords?" Meathead asked me.
"Hmph! Them there are just a bunch of replicas of real swords! But their functionally legendary grade, yes!"
"All of them?"
"Yes, all of 'em!"
Looking at my stolen collection of replicas, my Meatheaded boy got stars in his red glow-in-the-dark eyes.
"C-Can I really have these?"
"Just pick one of em already!"
"You really mean it?!"
"Ya got wax in yer ears boy?" I said as I got out my Q-tip shaped pain stick.
Seeing my threats to clear out his ears, my boy finally got his ass in gear and started dismantling my shipment of fake swords for materials. Meanwhile, I went to the forge off to the side to get things ready. Eventually, he seemed to have picked something out. It was a brown wooden broadsword with a mistletoe cross-guard with fiery ruby berries glowing between the leaves.
"The 'Lævateinn Sword'! Ya sure picked a nice replica!"
"Huh? Leva-what?"
"The Lævateinn! Accordin to legend, it was carved by a god of mischief to do two things, murder-prank a god of immortality, and kill birds for some reason! Of course, this is just a copy of the original, but it's been Nox approved for all your bird murdering needs! Hm?" I explained, thinking back to all the fried murder chickens I left behind a while back.
"Hey, boss? What's that sword?" Meathead suddenly asked.
Snapping out of my thoughts to maybe go see if maybe Rudedolts family treasure hoard might still be free for the stealing, I turned to look at the cracked black sword with a glowing rainbow edge framed on my wall.
"Hm? Oh, that's just the desecrated remains of a divine grade weapon I recently murdered! Anyways, your swo-!"
"DIVINE GRADE!?" Meathead suddenly shouted in my ear, after dropping his chosen pointy stick tip first into my flooring.
"No! The Lævateinn sword replica is just legendary grade!" I said as I pulled out the mistletoe sword embedded the new hole in the ground.
"No, not that one! The sword on the wall! Is it really divine grade? You're not pulling my leg?!"
"Yeah, that what I said ain't it!"
"H-Hey, boss? Any chance I could maybe get that sword instead?" Meathead said, already trying to cheat on his new weapon before it's even finished.
"Hm? No! That's a pre-order made for somebody else!" I said, hoping that knowing it's not single would dissuade him from committing adultery.
"I didn't thi-! WAIT?! YOU'RE GIVING IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE? WHO? SENIOR ALEX?!"
"No!" I said, as I chucked the sword in my furnace.
"SHINJI! HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A SWORD?!"
"Not him either!" I said as I slowly turned the dialed to up the heat.
"It can't be Aiko!"
"Yup! It's not her!" I said, letting go of the temperature dial the moment the red berries in the hilt turned white from the heat.
"Then who?"
"The greatest King to be, in history!" I said as I grabbed my tongs.
"Is that another one of my seniors?"
"No! Your Crybaby bro is your only senior!" I said as I placed the preheated wooden-fire sword on the anti-gravitational sword stand to keep it from melting its way underground while I go rummage around for the specific things I need to proceed.
"Can I at least hold it for a bit?"
"No!"
"Please!"
"No!"
"Why not?!"
*Sigh*
"Because for one, I still haven't finished reforging it after it literally turned to dust, so if I take it off the magnetic metal fusion wall stand mold before its form has fully settled, it'll break apart. Secondly, before I murdered it, it was a living divine sword trying to kill me for defying the god he worked for, and there is a teeny-tiny chance its original ego might suddenly revive randomly to take revenge on me and anyone of relation! So, unless you want to suddenly get impaled by so many tentacles it would make a succubus blush, then the answer is no! You cannot have Excalibird 2.0, Meathead!" I explained.
"For real?"
"Yes! So stop asking!"
"Where did you even find this thing?"
"I found em atop this giant turd pole called spirit sword mountain!" I said, as I went over to my jar shelf.
"Wait?! What?"
"It's actually where I got them there swords ya cut your fingers off on!" I muttered as I searched my shelf for my jar of 'Golden Freyr Salve'.
"SPIRIT SWORD MOUNTAIN?!" Meathead exclaimed, obviously shocked someone would refer to a cactus like lava tube as a mountain
"Yeah, I thought the name was misleading too! There was only one spirit and it looked more like a pillar-shaped than mountain-shaped! The sword part was accurate though!" I said, after placing down the jar and began searching through my sharpening tool-drawer for my collection of 'Norn Strings'.
"IT REALLY EXISTS?! AND YOU WENT THERE?! WHEN? HOW? WHERE? WHY?" Meathead shouted, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me until I got a bobblehead.
"Yes. Yes. While you were in prison. Archaic divine magic rock. Some island hidden by a mist-barrier north of the 2nd continent. Rock thief accidentally activated my magic rock. Now, back to your sword!" I said, sitting back down on my blacksmithing chair, turning the dial on the armrest to switch out the various anvils I had until I gotten to the 'Norn Bone Loom'.
"Tell me more! I've always wanted to go there!"
"Why? It's just an empty island in the middle of nowhere!" I said, as I began tying the string of fate, the string of death, and the string of fire to my loom made from dead demi-god remains.
"Come on!"
*Sigh*
Seeing the puppy-eyes he was giving me, I only had one thing to say.
"No!" I said, as I put on my reinforced blacksmithing gloves.
"Please!"
*Bonk*
"AAAAAAHHH!"
"No means no mister!" I said, after hitting him in his puppy-eyed face with my black Q-tip of motherly love. Also pain.
Having effectively upped his volume while silencing his begging, I sat down to begin my work starting with the salve made of supercharged fertilizer. Using a sterilized silver butter knife, I carefully began smearing the glowing yellow salve onto the sizzling hot sword's wooden blade, resulting in the wood growing rapidly. By the time all the salve had evaporated and the wood stopped growing, the sword had become a club, and the berries had turned from white to green. I then put on some sunglasses as I began to shred it into pieces by rubbing it up against the Norn string of death, removing the instant death bark covering its exterior.
"Ugh! I just wanted to hear a story! You didn't have to hit me with the stick! What's that club you're shaving?" Meathead asked, apparently not having paid attention to me upgrading the replica he picked out into a real weapon.
"It's your sword Meathead!" I said, as I finished shaving off the outer layer, revealing the blazing white plasma stick underneath flashbanging the entire room.
"AAH! MY EYES!" Meathead screamed, before blindly stumbling into the room where I stored my sword hilts.
"Serves you right for looking at other swords!" I said, as I shaved off the energy bark until I reached the center.
Within the center of the blade were that large yellow energy toothpick full of that pesky divine energy contaminant designed to influence the sword's wielder in accordance with fate. I then ripped off the barriers from the hilt, wrapped the toothpick in the Norn string of fate to keep the divine energy from scattering or doing something shady while I'm not looking, and then I threw it into the recycling bin with the rest of the toothpick swords. I then grabbed the fire-resistant broom to sweep together the remains of the blade. I then threw my own version of the toothpick that was black in the center with a blue rim. The moment it made contact with the pile it lit ablaze in my fires of control before reforming into a blade. The previous brown wood had turned pitch black with tiny little holes in the outer layer dotting the blade like stars in the night, allowing the plasma wood beneath to shine through.
"Hm? Guess that's a good blade! Guess next is picking a good hilt!"
"Ugh! Boss! Are you there? I think I'm blind?" Meathead said, stumbling around my hilt storage room with a cyclops starfish guard latching on to his eyes.
"I see you've already picked out a good sword hilt!"
*Pop*
"Huh? I can see again!" Meathead said after I pulled the starfish off his face.
"This thing will make sure you never drop your weapon by accident!" I said.
"Boss?"
I then began adding some Helioglyphs on to the eyeball of the starfish. I then covered my hand holding the dark green berries in the fires of control to crack open the harder than steel shell holding in the compressed energy rich berry juice. I then reshaped it into a handgrip before drying it, resulting in a soft fleshy rubbery layer around a solid center. I then stabbed the base of the blade into the slit pupil of the starfish, attaching it. I also, jammed the hilt into the other side of the starfish, hilting the sword. Now when you grab on to this sword, the starfish will stretch around your hand to hold it in place, preventing anyone from knocking it out of your hand. I then quickly just slapped on the enchantments I already had in mind using spirit magic.
"And it's done! Here you go Meathead! Your very own personalized mythical grade sword!" I said as I threw the upgraded weapon I just reforged at my disciple.
"Whoa! ARE YOU CRAZY?! DON'T JUST SUDDENLY THROW A-! Wait, did you say mythical grade?" Meathead shouted before turning to the mythical grade starfish sword that just nicked his cheek before impaling the wall behind him.
"Oh, that reminds me! It needs a sheath!" I said, recalling I had completely forgotten to make a sheath.
I then went over to the sheath material section a few rows down from the hilt area of the storage room, while dragging along the dazed Meathead staring at the fading red sun tattoo on the flat of its blade, indicating that the tiny amount of blood it tasted from nicking his cheek was enough to bind it.
He then picked out the leather he wanted to use for his sword sheath by tripping over a rolled-up Tartarus Moth Wing on the ground because he was busy having a staring contest with his sword. The neat part about Tartarus Moth Wing's is that they are just a tiny bit alive. By adding a few Helioglyphs onto the sheath made from it, you can brainwash it with a curse to cling tightly to the blade inside it. Meaning, once sheathed, only Meathead can unsheathe the blade. Also, the sheathing process works in a way where the wings will furl around the blade when you slap the sword on it and unfurl when you grab the hilt.
The sheath doesn't even need a rope or belt or anything to be carried around cause it comes with sticky glands to let you just slap it on whatever like a sticker. Hence why I just slapped it on Meatheads back and then threw him out of my weapons shop.
"Hey!"
*Thud*
"Meathead! I have a mission for you! On my way back from turd sword pole island, I had to pass up on some free stolen treasures! I'm sending you to see if it's still not been claimed and if so! Throw them in this spatial ring and return! Got that! Good! *Whistle*" I said, throwing a spatial ring at him before whistling for Rudedolt my pet sky horse, slash crow.
"What?"
*Screech*
"Wha-! AAAAHHH!"
I then waved goodbye as the red beaked crow swooped down, grabbed meathead and bolted of towards my lost treasures which I don't have the time to collect.
I then closed the gates to the pocket-space fire flower so I could continue the tedious work of removing the rest of the divine toothpicks of fate within my remaining legendary weapon replicas.
*Sigh*
"This is gonna take forever! Out of all the me-es, why did I have to end up with this job? Wonder what the rest of me is up to?" I said as I rolled up my sleeves and headed towards the forge.